To Move or Not to Move, This Is the Question...

Sometimes you have to do what is best for the sum of the family instead of the parts. Moving teaches kids to bounce. He is old enough to write his old friends. Your financial stability is just as important to your son as it is you, even if he may not be old enough to realize it right now. And with the extra curricular activities, assuming that these are things he enjoys, he will take them up at the new school right? Instantly putting him in circles with kids he has something in common with.

I agree with the other responses...your son is old enough to be included in the discussion, see what he has to say!

Well, I can speak from experience that moving around while still in school is VERY hard. My father was military and we moved from place to place. I changed schools 5 times throughout my life. Luckily, I'm a very outgoing person, so I had that advantage.
I have to be honest, moving like that gave me no sense of real stability. Plus, even though I made friends wherever I went, I still had the mentality of "don't get too attached" because I knew I was going to move sooner or later. It did damage, I'll admit it. Plus now, as an adult, I get fidgity.. I have to have change ALL the time. I can't stand for something to be the same for too long.
It's not a healthy feeling for a child.
I think you and your husband should do whatever you think is best for your family.
I just wanted to give you an opinion from a child who's been there.

Good luck!

I hear you loud and clear. My husband is in the military and although we have not moved yet, I know that if he makes it his career we have a lifetime of moves ahead of us. My husband grew up that way and in my opinion it made him very adaptable and able to get along with all kinds of people. He looks back on his childhood and is greatful for the experiences, but at the time I don't know that he would have said the same thing. I agree with the mom who said have a family meeting. Take what your son says into account, but make sure he understands that as parents you have to make the final decision based on what is best for the family. Honestly, from reading your post and taking into account that I don't know you or your family or your situation at all, I would say take the move. It sounds like it is important for your husbands career. If you don't move and then your husband can't find another job....then what. Kids are resiliant. He will get through it. He is lucky to have a mom that is so concerned about his needs.

I moved around alot as a kid due to other issues and as an adult I have also. I tell you I hated it. Losing my friends, havong to make new ones. I didn't know where I fit in each time I moved. Then all the things I left behind. My only wish was that my mom would have talked with me about moving before we did.
So I suggest on getting his input and telling him exactly what you said here. Maybe he will understand and be for moving for his own reasons. In any case that you decide I am sure the fact that this decision was not just throw on him without being discussed with him first will at least not make him an angry teen!
Good luck with your decision TO MOVE OR NOT TO MOVE!

To me, family comes first. Money isn't everything--if you guys are living just fine on one salary there where you are, I'd stay. I mean, if it came down to it, let's just say hypothetically your son came to you later on and said, "Mom, why did we move so much?" would your answer be, "Because we wanted to be able to afford to buy you a car."?

It's not necessarily about your son's happiness, per se, but his feeling of stability and security, something that you already know that he needs later on.

Boy, does this hit home with me. We moved around alot growing up and I went to eight different schools and four school districts within 12 years. All right here in the same town. It was very h*** o* me and I regretted my parents for this. I learned how to "not make friends", because all I was going to do was lose them, so what's the point. This kind of attitude has stuck with me up until today. And I still have a hard time making friends and I am in my forties. You are stuck between a rock and a hard spot. If you stay and change companies, who knows what that would be like? One thing about it is you do know what it would be like for your son if you moved. He only has a few more years. My vote would be to stay here for him. Hmm, but that would mess up the corporate ladder. Another idea, if you want to buy him a car in one year is: adjust your budget, cut out some current spending, and save it for the car. This is all a tough decision. I feel for you.

How far away is the move? Might it be feasible for your husband to go, take a small apartment in the new location, and allow your son to stay put and finish high school? If the job will provide a substantial pay increase, maybe that would also allow for the added expense of him having an apartment there and allowing you and your son to stay put where you are. Just a thought, hope it works out for you!

As a child I was moved around alot as well. It is very hard always being the new kid. I would have to say that your sons age is probably one of the hardest ages to try and readjust. I found that you will hang out with and talk to anyone who will talk to you as opposed to being alone. Trust me when I say that those are not always the kind of kids you want as friends for your children. That being said, as an adult, I appriciate all of the places I got to see and I believe it has made me into a very adaptable person. You have to make the right choice for your family but that shouldn't always be money. If you do decide to move try to find a group or activity that your son enjoys to get him off to a good start on meeting people. I hope this helped. Good luck with your decision.

You need to have a family meeting and each of you need to put all the pros and cons on the table. Your son is 15 years old let him be part of the decision process. The family is made up of all of you and every vote count. Giving your son leadership abilities and a voice would be priceless. ..and mom, everything will be ok, don't over stress yourself!

I just moved my 15 year old daughter from California to Texas, it has taken months to get her to make friends and get beyond the California dreaming stage. She stays in contact with her old friends and is making new ones here. The move was easy on me and my husband, but seeing her be so sad and lonely was tough! I cried often, and could only think if seeing her this sad is h*** o* me, what it must be like for her. It has been 6 months since we made the move and it has gotten easier in the last 3 weeks as she has finally started making some friends here and is starting to find her way. I guess If I had some advise to give it would be to make your decision, speak with him about his feelings on the choice and then let him make his way where ever it is that your family ends up, he to might someday have to make these choices for his family too and this could be a learning tool for him in his adult life. Best wishes to you and your family.

S.

Dear C., Thats a hard Question,on one hand you need to think of the money,an on the other ,,your son is being hurt with all the moves ,,he may start with drawning from everything,,an may become depressed ,,,,,Have you talked to your son an asked him what he wanted ,,,sometimes ,,,that would be the best to just ask the kid ,,,what is there input in this ,,,,because ,,it is there life ,,,you are worried about ,,,,im a single mom,,,an i try to get my kids input on things ,,that is effection on them,,, just be careful,,,from a mother to.

Hello, I just asked the same type of question! Wierd huh? But our move is mostly for my 13 year old dd. In your case, I would stay and not move until he graduates. It is only 3 years. Then you can move. I know that other said to ask your son. If I asked my dd, she would say "DON'T MOVE!!" No matter what our reasons were. I am sure your son would say the same. At this age, they just cant see all of the options clearly. Thanks for posting this! I learned alot from your other responses. I really didn't know how devistating it would be to move in the middle of high school. I dont want to do that to my dd. I would rather be poor and my kids happy than the other way around. Good luck!

C.,

I feel so bad for you and your son. As a child, I moved once and it was only a few blocks away...just a bigger house. I have to say, it does sound like you are in a tough situation especially with his age. If he were younger, it may still be okay but it sounds like he is doing well where he is at now and still has that chance to make some friends. My in-laws moved from Illinois to Texas with their 15yo. son about 5yrs. ago and to this day, he does not feel like he belongs. He has hated it and to be honest, hated them for moving him from "home" where he had friends and was looking forward to school and his future to hating where he is. Like I said, he will be 21 now and he still says he hates it and wants to go back to Illinois. They moved to better their family as well and he still does not get it nor does he care. He came to a highschool with people who had those lifetime friendships already since they were young and he was the "new guy". I would say, if there were any way to stay and get another job making/doing the same....do that for your sons sake. When you read your request, it sounds to me like you already know what you want to do....stay....for him. Sometimes, you just need to write it out and get some support, that is what this is all about. I wish you the very best in your decision. Good Luck!