Is This normal...or Did I Create a Monster??!!!

I guess I'm wondering how if you're a single mom without a husband you can be a stay at home mom?
And yes, I think that allowing her to sleep with you is an issue, as well as not going to sleep by herself. I think kids should stay in their cribs until 2-3 and then move to their own bed. She is not learning to be independent and self-sufficient which is an important character quality both when she gets in school and later in her career and relationships.

I don't think you have created a monster. The whining is normal at her age. My daughter whined a lot at that age and she was far from spoiled. She's learning her boundaries and you just need to be consistant. If you want her sleeping in her own bed then make her every time. The eating habits changing is normal too. Don't worry, as long as she seems healthy she'll eat when she needs to. My daughter also became very picky, and that may last for a while. Her appetite will come back though.
As far as discipline, I think she's old enough for you to start time-outs with her. She won't understand at first but if you keep at it for a couple of weeks she'll catch on. One minute in a chair for every year of age. Then explain why she got a time-out. I know it may seem silly because you don't think they will "get it", but they absorb a lot more than they put on. What ever they don't get right away will come to them sooner than later. Hope this helps.

You are going to make mistakes. I am going to make mistakes and my friends are going to make mistakes. As long as you are doing what you feel is right at the time, then you are doing ok. Everyone and every child is different. We all have different ideas on what is best. Believe me, I had some when I saw moms walking down the mall with screaming babies. Then, I had my own. My ideas changed. Heck, my ideas changed after my second child. Do what you think is best for you and your little girl and tell your friend to shut up and mind her own business. You have a toddler. They are not perfect little angels except when they are fast asleep. Everything you are saying is perfectly normal. So unless your friend has a child that is some freak of godly nature and is perfect, then she should shut up! But that's just me. Enjoy the moments. They will not last long!

I think your friend is wrong and should stick to raising her own kids , if she has any.

Her not letting you out of her sight is separation anxiety.And a year and two years is when it shows up, so she's right on target there. If you want her in her own bed all the time then keep taking her back to her room when she gets up or put a gate in front of her door ( what I did because I had these horrible visions of mine coming out of their rooms and getting into something they weren't supposed to and getting hurt or something.), if co sleeping is what works best for you then do that too. Maybe have her pick out her own special sheets or stufty to sleep with only if she's in her own bed. The eating thing is definitely normal. I used to keep a bowl of cherios or goldfish in my daughters play area and she would eat from it off and on while she was playing. She's now seven and eats EVERYTHING.

I have to agree, it's her age and it goes with being out of the sight of mom. It's normal for boys and girls. All I think you need to do is assure her you are there. I recall a teacher telling me to sit on the floor and look at everything at my childs level. i did I forgot how life being so small can see so big. A parent leaving a room can seem scary. The easting again her age become creative to make sure she gets fruits and veggies, ex: fruit smoothies and sometimes pop a veggie in (no one ever knows) they taste good and are healthy too. As far as the paci maybe cut the time down to nights or naps only. I did the breaking the bottle and paci habit with my kids by having them put them into a envelope and send them to children that needed them, it worked. As far as sleeping my kids to this day off and on sleep in my bed...I look at it like this most nights they don't they are growing out of it, however I know by the time they are tweens they will start becoming too cool to be with me. My husband has worked around the clock and now works nights if it comforts someone what the heck. I would try for her rest and yours get her most nights to sleep in her bed if you can. I'd agree that getting her some special sheets is a good idea it did help our children.

I agree with everyone else that she sure seems like a normal 17-month-old to me.

As far as being spoiled, I have to agree with Sally who said you'll have to do your own soul-searching about that. If you decide that she does, indeed, need more discipline, do it now, because the behaviors that take a few punishments now to relearn, will take MONTHS to correct at 3.

My advise would be to read some of the parenting books by Dr. Sears, or even their website. The Sear's believe/teach attachment parenting, which sounds like something that would be inline with what you are already doing, but may be able to help you with more specific questions/issues you may have with your daughter (ie. eating, sleeping, discipline).

I personally have practiced attachment parenting, and while others may see it as smothering or spoiling, my older children are now very independent and confident. I believe it is because I was there for them when they needed me when they were younger.

And remember, your daughter is still very young, she won't be sleeping with you at 18, 14, 10, etc. It's just for a little while, after all they grow up so fast.

Nope perfectly normal. It's just separation anxiety. Just keep letting her know you're there for her. There's a lot going on for them at that age.

Follow your gut. Tell everyone else to take a flying leap.

I think that its perfectly normal. My daughter did, and still does most of the stuff that you described, and she is 3. Some days, I can leave the house without a hitch, and others, ugh. Now, I ask her to take care of her baby sister, that idea has seemed to work so far. For the seperation anxiety, have you tried to play peek-a-boo with her? When you leave the room, just peek your head out and say do the boo. My daughter would just start laughing, and each time, wait longer in between the boos, and you can always reassure her that mommy is coming back, and keep on talking to her, at least if she cant see you, she can hear your voice.

For the eating, its the age. It's basically go with the flo with that one. They get so into playing and what they are doing, they forget to eat. If you still have concerns about her nutrition, there are children's vitamins, or talk to your pedi when she goes for the 18 month visit.

As for the sleeping, like the previous poster said, she isnt gonna being doing it when she is a teenager. Enjoy it while it lasts. Instead of using the gates,(my little girl can climb over it easily) I got those plastic child-proof doorknobs, and i have it on the inside of the room, so she cant get out. I'm actually looking forward for when the baby gets old enough for the 3 of us to bunker down together.

Unless your friend has a Phd in any type of psychology, I'd tell her thank you for your concern, but I am doing a fantastic job being a single mom.

Oh my goodness! As I was reading I thought you were talking of a... I don't know.. 5 or 6 year old!! But 17 MONTHS?? No you are certaily NOT spoiling her! she's still at the end of the separation axiety face,so it is very normal for her to act this way, soon she will start realizing she is her own little person, apart from you and she'll start wanting to do things on her own, saying NO and being stubborn...here cames the "terrible twos", she is going to let go of you (sort of speak), to start exploring the world on her own.NOW is when she is leanring that you are there when she needs you, that you always came back when you get out of her sight, that you'll answer if she need something...she is building that trust so later and a few month she can explore the world SAFETLY. Punishing her or disciplining her at this stage is ,in my opinion, teaching her she is doing something wrong by looking for reassurance.Yes, you do need to gently but firmly redirect her, set some boundaries, but those have more to do with safety, like a hot oven for example. Is ok that she hears NO when needed, but later don't be surprised when you hear it coming from her :-) Clingy??let her cling on to you... she'll grow up so fast, pretty soon you'll long for that. YOu are NOT creating a monster, she is a very healthy toddler.
They do make a huge turn right about this age in the food department...all of the sudden what she loved to eat she wont have any interest for... you'll find that she may want the same thing for three days and a row and then she will refuse it for a month, she may eat goldfish for breakfast and eggs for dinner...is all part of tasting boundaries and developing new taste for things, dont get too frustrated with the process, she wont starve, continue to offer the healthy choices you do and beleive me, she'll eat.
About the sleeping without you in the room? I did this with my first child, I actually layed down with him until he felt asleep( along with me sometimes) now he is 10 and perfectly independent boy...now, I didnt do that with the rest of them. I'd try to leave her with her favorite toy, blanket oand maybe the light on or a little light, and say good night give her kisses and hugs and then leave the room, if she cries come back and reassure her that you are right ouside and it's time for her to sleep now, if she cries again came back but don't talk to her this time and finaly you may let her cry for a little and she should fall sleep by then..this worked for me, but I never let them cry to the point of desperation though. And you know what? if you rather stay in the room until she falls sleep? then do it...you (again) are not spoiling her ( I tried all different approaches with my 4 boys and they are just fine)
Now, the paci...If you are trying to implement too many changes ,I would wait on the paci until she reaches the next milestone, so if at one point she is sleeping on her own and that is down,THEN take away the paci. You hear different opinions on the paci subject, some talk about the damage to the theeth and so forth, some drs think that no harm can be done as long as they are off of it by age 3. The more you wait the harder it gets to take it away, at least it was for me...I waited with my first until he was 3 and it was more dificult for me I have to say. It took him two days and a few tears to get over it though. If I were you I would wait like I said, until he reaches the next goal.
I am sorry, I didnt mean to write a book...hehe! Listen, you are doing great! and your little girl is very blessed to have a mother that cares and loves her so much that looks for advise to understand her and care for her even better everyday!!
I hope it helps!
A.
Oh! and BTW I never heard of a "single mother syndrome"

I went thru the same thing with my son. She will grow out of the clinginess eventually. Maybe it is single parent syndrome or maybe it's just being a mom with no other focus but your baby. As far as being a picky eater she'll grow out of that as well. She's not going to starve herself. She'll eventually eat. You know your baby and what's best for her. Don't worry about what everyone else says.

Read "1,2,3 Magic" by Dr. Thomas Phelan. I think it will help you as your daughter gets older. Your daughter should not be whining all the time, yet, she's still very young.

When I first read this headline I thought of the kids I have known for whom I might, sadly, say this. However, they are definitely not 17 months old! When my son was that age he was in the height of separation anxiety (which is completely developmentally normal). We worked slowly with my son to get him through that phase and now it is a distant memory. As for sharing your bed, I don't think it has anything to do with spoiling, esp at her young age, but is rather a personal choice about co-sleeping. My husband and I co-slept with our son more or less until he was 2 1/2. We slowly transitioned him to his own room and he is now at 4 1/2 a great sleeper who likes going to bed at night. If you haven't already, a couple of great resources I have used are penelope leach's "Your baby and child: birth through age 5" and the "no-cry sleep solution" by elizabeth pantley. Best of luck to you!

You are doing everything right. You are responding to her needs and this will make her feel that you are always going to be there for her. She will eventually go to sleep on her own and you can work with her on the pacifier. Especially since you are a single mom it is important that she knows you can be her rock. Your level of discipline is also appropriate. Until you can communicate with her verbally those are the only means you have in teaching her. Keep up the good work.

Your daughter is absolutely fine. Your friend the amateur pop-psychologist is the problem, (in my opinion). Don't be a pushover - stand up for your child-rearing choices now, you'll have fewer regrets in 20 years.

If you have doubts about appropriate discipline for this age, try Dr. Sear's "The Discipline Book" - I think it's appropriate for very young ages.

Another excellent pick for when she's a tiny bit older is "Positive Discipline for Preschoolers." My son's school uses the Positive Discipline approach for all the children, ages 3-14 and it's excellent.

i think i'm only responding b/c i want to counter any nasty, lecturing responses you'll get. love mamasource, but some of these responding mamas get a little ugly! :)

you need to search your heart to see if what your friend said is right. if you think maybe there is a shred of truth to you making your daughter your main support person, then that definitely needs to stop. but if in your heart you know you are being the mother she needs, then go on the way you have been going.

i don't know if you are a christian, but there is a part in the Bible that says essentially if you don't discipline your children you hate them. strong words, but what it means is that children need discipline. they need the subconscious knowledge that someone else is controlling them and caring for them and that they are not in charge. it's security, even though sometimes they act like it's torture! :)

all that being said, 17 months is a hard age! and it kind of stays hard through 3-ish. so probably the most important thing right now is to recognize what could be a bad habit and nip it in the bud (like the pacifier - good job)!

:)

Oh yes, the screaming is normal... and she's only 1 1/2 for pete's sake! You discipline her fine, and if I don't want to fall asleep alone, why should my 2 kids? We as moms take this all so seriously, but really, what teen do you see sleeping with mom?? :)

Picky is just starting -- she knows more of what's going on around her and wants more control of her environment. My son just turned 2, and I not only let him have his paci (you don't see kids in school with them, so it'll go with time) I remember that he's not going to starve himself because he's picky, and I won't make food an argument.

Anyway, just because you're a single parent doesn't mean you aren't a parent like us all married or not... attachment parenting comes naturally for some of us:)

Your friend is right you do have single parent syndrome. While its not a big deal to you right now it will be when you get a new partner in your life. She is going to be so jealous because you have made her your support system. I have a friend that has a 9 year old son that still sleeps with her because she is single. She has been trying to get him out of her bed but is having a hard time because thats all he knows. We as parents have to be careful because we make them who they are. What you teach them is what they will do. You cant let them do things that you are going to want them to stop doing later on. Consistency is the key to raising a child! Good luck and God Bless You!