I had a beautiful and simple Mother's Day. The day always leaves time for me to reflect upon amazing motherly women in my life. I do not have a very close relationship with my own mom but I try to reach out. No one in my family mentioned doing anything so I called my mom to see if she had plans. None my siblings planned a day with her so I invited her to come to our home. We had a nice time together yesterday. We enjoyed dinner and spent time with our kids.
Just wondering what your relationship is like with your mom. I am always the one reaching out, calling to check in, spurring the family gatherings etc. I feel very sad at the lack of closeness but I try to understand that it is just how she is. My parents have been divorced for over 20 years and she lives alone. I am trying to be the kind of mom to my kids that I always yearned for. Someone to talk to openly about my hopes and dreams, about female issues, boyfriend stuff,marriage, sex etc. I love to see my kids confide in me,share their excitements,fears,struggles and snuggle,cuddle and smooch me...even in front of their friends.
Thanks for your input about your mother/daughter relationship
Thank you for your sweet responses. It is wonderful that so many of you are best friends with your mom. I just got home and saw an email reply from my mom. I sent her a message this morning thanking her for coming over on Mother's Day and invited to take her out to a movie and lunch later this month. She is excited to go out and thanked me for inviting her to dinner yesterday. She mentioned she didn't even hear from my brothers yesterday. It is a sign of the disconnect we all have with her. I will continue reaching out and enjoying the relationship we do have.
Thank you again fellow mamas..it gives me hope in developing long lasting strong bonds with my kiddos. Hopefully they will grow up and count me among their closest friends.
Non-existent. As in, I have not spoken to her since 1995. She is toxic. The universe made it up to me, though, and I have a wonderful MIL whom I talk to or see about every other day.
If you have to keep calling and showing her that you care do it..My Mom and I weren't close as in I couldnt call her up and tell her I was going out on a date or giddy stuff..nor did I ever call her about how to take care of my kids because she just didn't seem the type that would understand me..BUT I should have asked anyway I should have called her more..she loved us (all 5 of her kids) but since my Father passed away she was more involved with helping others (less fortunate) and sometimes that took place of us..I know she didn't mean for it to, it just did.. I love/d her and I wish she was here to call her...She loved talking to us, she just didn't call us often bc she had other things on her mind (again..she would never hurt on on purpose) it was just her way of dealing with life..she loved to help kids (less fortunate ones) ...I said all that to say this..even if you feel like its a 1 way street YOU will never regret what you are doing..Love her even when you don't feel like it...Im sure that she loves you. some people just don't know how to show it. Keep your head up
That's a loaded question. My relationship with my mom has been off and on. We were estranged for many years; got back together when my father became ill. After his death, I thought we had really repaired our relationship. In fact, I thought of her as my best friend and I was thrilled. Then, another mishap where she really hurt my feelings - basically let me know that although I considered us very close and like best friends, she did not. So, I didn't see her for a couple of months. Now I see her perhaps once a month but its strained. I just don't really have anything to say to her because the whole time I'm around her, I just remember that no matter how I feel, she doesn't feel the same. It's rough. I did go see her for Mother's Day because both of my sisters live far away, but again it was strained. We'll keep working on it, but I don't know that I will ever feel about her like I did before. Truly sad.
I don't speak to my mother at all. She has been awful my entire life and never wanted to be a mom. She moved out of the country six years ago. It is what it is and I am very fortunate to be a mom....that is my real chance. I had an awesome MIL who passed away eight years ago.
I have had rocky times during the years with my Mom, but for the most part we've always been close. Our relationship felt, many times, more like she was an older sister to me. Now that she's in her nineties, I try to keep close touch with her via phone. She lives too far for me to visit more than once a year, though I wish I could go see her every day. I make at least one call a week, just to say "hi" and see how she's doing. Because she's now in a care facility, I think it's even more important to keep tabs on her. I'm thankful that my sister and my two brothers live nearby and are able to go and check in on her regularly.
One thing I wanted to mention to you regarding your Mom. Please don't harshly judge your brothers or put them down for not having contacted your Mom. It sounds like there are things from the past that have led to them not communicating well with her... and let's admit it, guys usually don't do as good a job of keeping in touch as we gals do. Try to encourage your brothers in any way you can, but if they don't step up and do what you wish they would, you still keep in touch with them and keep on encouraging them, while you enjoy your relationship with your mother.
As time goes on, you may find your family will once again draw close. I know there have been years when my family was not as close as I would have liked us to be, but as we get older we find we are drawing closer all the time.
my mom is my rock and wish we lived near one another. it is hard to be far away, but we talk every other day in some way.
My mom and I have always been close even though she is close to 85 and has dementia. We talk just about every day. Enjoy your mom while she is here. This was a very hard Mother's Day for me since my mother-in-law just died. I loved her very much too, she was a wonderful lady who was like a second mom to me. This Mother's Day I appreciate and love my own mother even more because I don't know how much longer we have together:)
M.
My mom and I are rediculously close ... we talk almost every day unless she it on a job site and that can be for weeks sometimes months at a time. She lives in Ca and I in IL so we do not get to see eachother as we would like so we talk constantly instead. I do mean a few hours a day on average one day we talked for a total of 6hrs.
It's fair. She never calls but does email, comes over about 1 x week. I like and respect her very much there's no warmth. If I say something about my kids' behavior, it's just "this too will pass." So it's fine but I find myself hoping for more. Good question!
My mom & I are pretty close. She's an awesome lady!
Mine is frustrating - I love my Mom - but she constantly thinks there is something wrong with our relationship, and wants to know what we can do to have a "better" relationship. I am not quite sure what exactly she wants from me to be honest. Seems like she goes through phases where she needs me to boost her self esteem or something, and with 4 kids, I really do not have the energy to worry about her emotional well being.....that sounds bad, but I just don't really have it in me. My focus is on my kids.
I am very close with my mom. I think the age thing has a little to do with it...my dad and her had me at 21, a little over a year after they married. We live about 3 hours away, which we both kind of hate...especially now that she has 1 granddaughter and another on the way! But we talk all the time...she calls me a lot throughout the week during her lunch hour...we email constantly and text. I know I can talk to her about anything if I had to, but I just don't know if I could bring up the sex talk if I had to! She does tho! About a year ago she just called me up one day and started talking about sex! I love that she can be open and honest with me, but sometimes I cringe! Here's how close we have gotten...she came to visit one weekend, without my dad, and she asked if there was a 'sex' store somewhere near! Well, we live 10 minutes outside a college town, so we ended up shopping at the sex store together! It's a funny story! My hubby cracks up everytime he thinks about it!
In 31 years, we have never had a problem and we've always been very close. And hopefully, we always will be. I'm the same way with my dad...just no sex talk!
K.
Distant. We are very different personalities and do better in short, infrequent spurts. I offered to take her to brunch after church but she had already made plans with her husband to golf. So I guess if she wants to spend her mothers day mothering her husband instead of her children, then so be it. Does that sound bitter?
That being said, like you, I strive to be a better mom than her. I will never replace my relationships with my kids for a man. Not that I expected her to not have another relationship other than her kids, but we were completely replaced. Its been over 20 years and is a hard pill to swallow, especially since becoming a mother myself and knowing how strongly in love I am with my girls.
I am very close to my Mom and would be devestated if anything happened to her! Yep I saw her last night for Mother's Day. She is terrific!!!! :)
Good for you for reaching out. Even if you have to constantly do that, it is a good example for your children to follow. :)
I'm a little late to this posting game but I wanted to reply anyway. :-)
I lost my M. when I was in my early 20's. I never lived with her after I was 6 months old due to her mental illness but my dad was pretty lenient about me spending time with her when she wasn't in an institution. As I grew into an adult I so much wanted to take care of her-give her a nice home and good food (she never read directions when making food-it was interesting to say the least). Her last years were particularly difficult and sad and lonely. My sister who lived close to her rejected her :-(
When I found out she died it broke my heart because I hadn't been able to do any of the grandiose things I wanted to do for her. (I married a military man and I was only able to see her occasionally though I called her frequently) I do realize that the love I showed her and the time I did get to spend with her mattered more than the grandiose but it was my dream. It was really hard to lose her and I still miss her.
I'm glad that you are making the effort to reach out to your mom M. W. It sounds like she appreciates it. Keep it up, you won't regret it.
