Anybody Not Get Along with Their Parents or Their Inlaws?

I don't get along with my mother and haven't since I was about 11 or 12. My husband thinks she might be bi-polar, seriously there is something wrong but she is very "woe is me and the world is out to get me". It's always me, me, me. Lots of arguing between us and I just don't want to spend time with her but do the same as you about the kids. I want my child to know her even though we don't get along. My father died 16 years ago and we had the best relationship, I miss him greatly everyday.
My in-laws are fabulous. Including my SILs and their families. We definetly don't see eye to eye on some things but we get along great. I love going to see them and I love for them to visit as well.

I can't help but wonder what is so bad about all these people that you can't stand to be around them... it seems odd to me that so many people don't meet your standards. I don't mean to sound harsh, but I do wonder. I know that I don't know anything about any of them, so I can't really comment.

I have never dated or been with a man whose parents I couldn't stand to be around. Or siblings. I don't always see eye to eye with them completely, but never to the point that I can't stand being around them.

My son's grandmother (the mother of my son's father, who I dated for 15 years) got along, and *still* get along famously.

My fiance's parents and I are just really getting to know one another well, but so far, I enjoy their company and have no problems with them, whatsoever.

My parents and I have a terrific relationship. They are some of my closest friends, really.

I also have close relationships with many of my extended family, cousins, aunts, etc.

So, I guess I just can't relate to having basically NO family that you get along with. I feel bad for you that that's your situation, because I know how much it means to me to have these people in my life. I'm interested to see if lots of other folks deal with what you are.

Best wishes to you for a joyous holiday season, in spite of your families.

Lee may have a point, but she may not as well. Some people have a hard time getting along with others and don't realize that they themselves are at fault. Other people really do have yucky parents and inlaws.

My inlaws are almost completely noncaring about us -always have been. They have never been warm - very, very distant as if they couldn't care less about us. They have always been like this and I found it easier to just be polite once a year and do the small talk and that's fine with both of us.

My parents - ugh! My parents are divorced. I used to think my dad was all at fault for the divorce, and now I see that my mom is very much at fault too. My dad can't seem to stand little kids longer than 10 minutes, but I can get along with him okay once a year or so, as long as a bunch of kids aren't screaming and running through the house. My mom is increasingly driving my crazy and after soul searching and prayer, I know that it is not my fault and she is messed up. I try to be polite to her but she reads crazy things into everything I say and do and thinks that I am a super mean person, so it is hard to not avoid her.
Plus I don't have my husband around right now because he is deployed. Just cling to your good friends. Some people are so nice to me that they feel like my family.

That's soo sad. I, on the other hand, have the opposite situation. My husband is from Mexico, so he's parents/family is obviously out of the country, in which my children dont get to see or experience their grandparents on that side. My real dad, whom i just started to talk to about 2 years ago, just passed away before Thanksgiving, so I'll never get to meet him, nor will my children. My brother (well I found out I have 2 half brothers and 2 half sisters.. one in Germany) the one I grew up with passed away 2 years ago, so my kids dont have an uncle anymore. Then there's my mom, who took off about 2 years ago this upcoming March. I think it had to do with my brothers death and the fact that she may have contributed to it. Soo there is really no family that we have. We haven't been to my grandparents house in over a year. When I say we I mean my husand, myself and our kids b/c my uncle is an alcoholic and started a physical fight with my husband last new years day! So all in all my husband and I have come to agree that life is too short. I've thought about getting in touch with my mom since she's been away for almost two years. We're going to attempt this new years to go to my grandparents house for the holiday, knowing my uncle will be there (supposedly he's in a rehab facility). My husband said it the time of year for forgiveness and for families to get back together. I agree. I'm sick of my family being so apart when we were so close for so long before my grandparents got sick. I want my kids to know these people and have a relationship with them. So all in all I understand your situation, as it happened to me about a year ago with just family and drama and arguements!! I hope you stay strong and keep your head up, and in the end be the bigger person and be happy and grateful, truely for what you have! Because someone like me.. i don't have that luxury or having the family to put up with or I will never see my brother again or ever meet my father and honestly I dont know what will happen with my mom either! Good luck to you and God Bless :)

i'm so sorry you're in this situation. i adore my family and my in-laws (although the adoration gets strained with too much proximity<G>) so it's hard for me to relate.
i admire your stance to take the high road and allow your son to have a relationship with them.
khairete
S.

I think I see what Lee P. is saying...
I mean, given the choice, I prefer my own family over all of my in-laws--especially my Ogre-in-Law. But really, my FIL is a good guy, my SIL & her hubby & kids are basically cool.......
Even not caring for my MIL, I can't imagine my son seeing her only twice per year.
Sure, it's a pain stepping and fetching to get everywhere on Christmas Day, but we do it b/c we know it's appreciated...and we DO want to spend time with both families!
If there are major issues between you & your parents, maybe talking to someone about it could help?
Happy Holidays!

Well my mom used to be horrible to me when I was a kid. She's much better now, but that history still makes things a little awkward between us. My dad died several years ago, and the rest of my family is becoming increasingly distant. We used to have nearly 20 people at holiday dinners, now we struggle to get 8.

My in-laws are mostly ok, I like my brothers-in-law a lot. My FIL is sexist but keeps it mostly tuned down so we get along ok. My MIL is extremely passive-aggressive though. Very selfish, very "I won't call you but I'll complain if you take too long to call me". I used to just ignore it but lately it's been stressing out my husband, to the point where now I'm angry at her about it. She also caused major drama the day my son was born, that kept us from truly enjoying our first day together as a family, and I will never forgive her for that. So we act all polite but I'm not terribly fond of her and I'm pretty sure she feels the same way about me.

I have a MIL who hates me and a FIL (not together) who is disengaged, which upsets me because it hurts DH, but he's OK.

My parents sometimes drive me crazy (also not together) but I love them and can be around them. My Mom and I don't always see eye to eye, but we do well. I love my sister and brother and extended family - both on my side and my husband's. I adore both of my step-parents, especially my Bonus Mom.

I had a harder time with my parents, my sister, and my extended family when I was younger, but now that I am an adult and my cousins are adults, it's cool. I'd say I was in my 30s before that kicked in. And to be honest, some of the vicious racists just had to pass away before it became fun.

Sounds like you are doing your best to focus on what you like. Good luck and happy holidays!

I agree with you, D.. It's pretty unfair for people to be saying you must be the problem. Could be that just everyone around you is a jerk.

I'm totally in the same situation. Except, I have THREE sets of parents to deal with. Mine, my husband's and my husband's first wife's parents. I wouldn't ever want to come between my stepkids and their grandparents but they're seriously driving ME up a tree! Now, they've been totally cool to me since the beginning. Their daughter, my steps' mom, died of breast cancer so it could have been a total nightmare when I joined the family. But they're extremely volatile people who are constantly feuding with their immediate and extended family. So, I feel like I'm walking on eggshells ALL the time around them. I hate being fake and I feel like I have to be around them. Sometimes I think it may have been easier if they had chosen to hate me. I'm sure people without stepfamilies are baffled by all of this. But sometimes it feels like they try to do everything for everybody so that if there's ever a problem, then it has to be all YOUR fault because they've been nothing but awesome all the time. They make it impossible to say no to them. Even when you're actually saying no. They've also "adopted" my own daughter as their grandkid but I don't trust them with her. A few days ago my faux MIL just left her on the kitchen floor (with an un-gated set of stairs right around the corner) and I finally had to go get her when she started eating an aluminum candy wrapper (she's one). If my stepson hadn't seen her with it she could have choked. They're just trying too hard to pretend like everything's perfect and it's exhausting playing a role like everything is awesome and I'm the perfect stepmom. It's hard enough being a stepparent without the ridiculous expectations.

My husband's parents? My MIL cleans my whole house every time she comes here. The problem? She doesn't ask, doesn't read the tags on things before putting them in the washer (just throw it all in on hot regardless of color or fabric even if it's the handmade dress my SIL brought to me from Vietnam which has never been in a washing machine!) My FIL is condescending and LOUD and looks through my things. They sent my kids home with pets last time they took them. Without asking. So then I had to look like a jerk for getting rid of the pets they got which were the same type that I explicitly said they couldn't have the week before! Arrrrg!

My parents? My mom refuses to listen to anyone. She deliberately does things you ask her not to. She's an unmedicated bi-polar who uses my handicapped brother as a shield for her behavior and acts like she's just a genius saint for taking care of him (this is after she abandoned him for ten years when he still had most of his eyesight and hearing). She lives off of his SS disability checks and he doesn't even live with her! Oh, and my dad's savings even though he lost his job last winter and can't afford it.

My dad? I can't even go there. It's too much and too horrible to write here.

I don't hate any of these people per se, but having them in my life is giving me an ulcer. But it's probably just me.

I have learned a lot about my family since my life has been turned inside out, been through my second divorce, and have no money. The females in my family think it is the funniest thing to sit back and watch me struggle. I don't understand them at all because I have two children at home with me still and they are dealing with all the hardship also. I just finally figured out that they struggle to like themselves. I get along fine with my dad, brother, and even my brother-in-law. I live in a whole different state so it is a bunch easier for me to avoid all the drama, rumors, and backstabbing. I love all of them but can be in the same room for about an hour or two. My dad just got out of the hospital and I would love to go and see him. I will have to plan a trip to go and see him soon. I figured out that the holidays are not a good time to go and see them. I always had problems with my mothers-in-law trying to convince me that they knew SO much more about my husband then I did. I grew pretty close to my father-in-law. His girlfriend was one of my all-time favorites. I stay in touch with her still. I always encourage my kids to get to know family. They are the ones to make up their minds in the end. I love my own kids to the extreme and I do all I can to keep us close because I realize the importance of a strong family bond and I never had one growing up but I can always make the future better.