How Long Is TOO Long to Hold It?!

Hi
Have you tried little rewards for using the potty. I gave my some one m&m for peeing, and 2 for poop. He liked the immediate reward, and went a lot, just to get the candy. Once he gets the idea, slowly back off with the candy.
Good luck

I don't know how long either, but can't imagine holding it that long, plus I would think that that could give him an infection.

Sorry I'm late to respond.

I potty trained my son by making him sit on the potty first thing in the morning, you can't hold that morning pee forever, and he just wasn't allowed to get off until he went. Move the little potty in the tv room and let him watch tv, sometimes they'll forget to hold it and finally pee.

You mentioned that he will pee in the sprinklers and the tub, so he knows how to do it, throw some cereal in the potty and tell him to see if he can hit them with his pee, for some reason boys are all about peeing on something, I bet if you told him to pee on the tree he would do it in a second. Though I seen that on the nanny show where they couldn't get their son to pee in the potty so they always took him outside and let him pee on things. Like he was a dog. Please don't teach him that. That's why I'm telling you to throw cereal in the potty and tell him to shoot them, if he shoots all 6 then he gets a treat. Once this gets old to him he'll know to just go to the bathroom and do his job and be done. Another thing No more diapers or pull-ups, they are the same thing to a kid, and you are confusing him. His almost 4, kids get very controlling at 3 1/2, so you should have pushed this at 3 and no later. Once they realize you won't give in they usually do and everything falls into place. Be mean and tough, show him who the boss is, and make him clean up the messes. He'll stop making them a whole lot faster if he has to touch or smell something iky. Best of luck to you. J.

When my son was three he wanted to wear underwear because all the other kids in his day care were wearing them. He' be in day care about 11 to 12 hours and would hold it all day. No accidents either. When we got home he'd ask for a diaper and then go. Finally I told him we only had 4 diapers left, then 3, then 2, etc. On the 5th day he wanted his diaper, cried and had a hissy fit (technical term there)and finally went in the toilet. He was pretty good after that. He learned to urinate in the toilet first because he was with a slightly older cousin and they urinated in the toilet together. By the way, we tried bribes of candy, toys, surprises and privledges and weren't successful. Eventually something will work. Even now at 12 years my son will hold his bowel movements and sometimes urine until her gets home from school. He doesn't like public toilets.

Hi A.,

My son is a holder too. First the poop, our pediatrician (who is also a gi specialist) told us it is not uncommon for boys to hold their poop. My son, if left to his own, would probably hold his poop for a week. Contrary to what another person said, it is entirely possible to hold your poop for a very long time. It gets hard & impacted, which leads to very unpleasant things. Like enemas. The key for not getting constipated is to be sure they go often. Easier said then done, I know.

Pee -- my son can also hold it for an unbelievable amount of time. Sometimes I think he is part camel. What worked/works for us is rewards. If your son responds to sticker charts (my doesn't), try one of those. Someone else mentioned m&ms. Those worked for us. We found that the more he went, the more comfortable he got. Is he standing or sitting? That could make a difference. We started sitting and went to standing. I'm wondering if your older son could be a role model here?

We still need to do rewards with pooping, especially when we travel. I was just talking to another mom yesterday whose son is 8, and he also still will hold it given a chance. Please don't believe what the other woman said about this being the parents -- this isn't your fault!

Feel free to send me an e-mail if you like!

A.

Here's a link about the dangers of not voiding (holding in urine):
http://www.childadvocate.org/1b_medicalrisks.htm
http://www.drspock.com/article/0,1510,5357,00.html
http://pediatricadvice.net/2007/03/not-urinating.html
http://www.aafp.org/afp/990415ap/990415b.html

Also, holding in stool can not be good either.

Sorry I don't have any magic answers for you... but wow, I can't imagine how that must feel to hold in urine for so long. I'm sure you take him to the toilet frequently...to encourage him, and tried all kinds of things.

I'm surprised the Pediatrician cannot figure something out or at least have him examined etc.

Good luck,
Susan

Someone was just telling me that to get your kid to pee a lot when they are potty training, you give 'em salty snacks and sugary drinks all day. I think- I wasn't paying that close of attention because my daughter is only 14 months at this point. But maybe that will help you get him going... at least #1.

Hi. I just checked out this great book from the library, Potty Train Your Child in Just One Day by Teri Crane. I have not finished the book but will soon and am hoping to try with my son within the next month or so(he's 2.5 years). Basically, the premise is to make learning how to go potty fun and rewarding. The book also says once mommy and child are ready to set aside a full day where your child along with you "learns" about going potty and is told that when they go potty you will celebrate with a party. Just a suggestion. Maybe cause of his age you could have him help you plan the party too! It might take some of the stress away. Good luck!
-M.

I don't know what other people have suggested but what worked for our 2 very stubborn boys was spending 3 days in the house doing nothing but going on the toilet every 15 minutes. I would set them on the toilet; wait a minute or two and then let them get off. I would set a timer and when it went off they were back on the toilet. In addition to m&ms for peeing in the toilet I think that having to constantly leave whatever fun they were having over and over again finally convinced them that it would be to their benefit to potty train. Also a long term incentive worked well too.

I would make sure he is drinking a lot of water. Even if you just hand him a cup full every 20-30 minutes or so and say here you go, take a couple sips for mommy. Because its hot or hes been playing or what ever. I mean if you are getting enough fluid in him, how could he possibly hold it that long. I hope it helps. Looking forward to seeing what comes of this! Good luck!

I don't know for sure how long is too long, but my son has reflux in his kidney tract that can cause infections in the kidneys and if he gets recurring infections then it can cause permanent damage to his kidneys. I know this isn't the same situation, but holding your urine in can cause urine to be pushed up into the kidneys because of the bladder being too full. I don't mean to stress you out about it, but being informed can't hurt. Does he seemed stressed out about going? It seems he is holding it in as long as possible. COuld there be something that is stressing him out about it? I myself has a 3 year old boy that isn't potty trained yet, but I have to remind myself that I can't push him into doing something that he doesn't want to do or is not ready to do. It definately is tricky business, but they get it eventually. I am trying to be positive and supportive with his temperment. Any suggestions here on our end is appreciated. good luck to you and your son.

This is what I learned when I had kidney failure about five years ago. An adult should be voiding the bladder about 6 times a day according to the urologist I saw. I have an unusually large bladder (doc's words)and could go all day before I felt I had to go. I had to train myself to go more often even if I felt I didn't have to go. I still don't go that often and don't know many who do, and I am not sure how many times a child should go either but maybe knowing how many times an adult is supposed to go will help. If I were you I would have him sit on the potty even if he says he doesn't have to go several times a day, and then he may actually go more often. Good luck!

I too had similar issues with my oldest. Had to resort to bribes -- paid her a "disney dollar" (printed fake money so when she had enough she could buy a ticket to DisneyLand.) Different kids require different incentives. My youngest was happy with stamping her hand w/ rubber stamp and ink.

Hi A. -
We were is a similar situation with our son. He could hold it forever it seemed, would sit on the toilet and then would go when I put a pull up on him at night. Finally we just bit the bullet and once the pull-ups ran out, we didn't buy any more. We flooded him with every drink imaginable so he couldn't hold it. Once we got him to go on the toilet one time for a couple of days in a row, magically he started going in there and doing his business for himself. As my husband travels a lot I was pretty much in this battle alone and thought he would never get there. Flash forward 5 months and he does everythingon the toilet and has only random oopsies (like when he sleeps for 12 or 13 hours at night). Hang in there, your little guy will get the hang of it!

My sone is 3 and has tried to hold it for many hours and still does but at almost 4 you have to think that he is doing it so you will give in. I would give up on pull ups all together and only do underwear. I have done that and it has helped. he still holds his poo for a couple of days. But it isd a start for my son,

It's obviously a control issue with him. It gives him a sense of power over his universe. As long as he's not having frequent accidents, and your doctor isn't alarmed, don't worry.

A.,
My daughter would hold her urine all day when I first started potty training her. I started giving her a half cup of water to drink every time she sat on the potty(she wasn't even peeing at first). I put her on the toilet every 30 minutes and had her drink until she just couldn't hold it any longer and finally peed. Once she got used to peeing she pooped too since she was already there. Another daughter waited for a pull-up at night to poop. I stopped the pull-ups and she started using the toilet. I know it is scary, but I was told once you start potty training then never go back to diapers(or pull-ups since they are just like diapers) That worked well for my youngest. I know you can get constipated holding poop too long, but if your son is drinking regularly he won't be able to hold urine for long.
M. T

I sounds like he is doing fine but may be his physio has been a bit slow to develop. Many kids, especially boys, go through this. A reward system can help but am sure you already tried this. I go for that long without using the bathroom as I do not like using public/office bathrooms. Could he find something about the bathroom unpleasant? What if putting the portable potty in front of the TV to test this out? What about lots of water and fruits so that the holding becomes almost impossible? Good luck!

at this point it is possible that the issue is behavioral. if the pediatrician has ruled out any medical issues-- you can take a behavioral approach. first of all- for a 4 year old, no pull ups- you and he are going to have to deal with cleaning up the mess in a non-shaming and non-blaming manner-- you need to take him to the bathroom- he doesn't "have" to go-- but treat him like you would if you were starting from scratch with potty training. after he realizes that it is not a big deal- not getting the negative attention for holding it- things may shift-- you can also seek therapy for any behavioral or control issues that may be occurring--

amyyou should have started training him at 3 yrs. for #2. it"s work but you need to take the time to train him in a routin.as far as holding his urine. he should not be holding for any hr.when he gets up in the morning you need to make sure he goes.everyone goes in the morning,even if he says no, i don"nt have to.also during thru out the day. take him by the hand an take him to the bathroom.you need to be on him consistanly , but you need to focus on this until he learns this. my son and i went thru the same thing with my grandson. we started to train him at 2 yrs. he did good at first but then he started to hold #2 and his pea.we work h*** o* him.every i would ask him, you need to pea, he"d say no. then i would take him to the bathroom an sure enough he would go. same with #2.we did have to take him to the doc. to see what he could give him for his constipating.everything we tried did not work.not even prune juice.so now he is doing good.it took months.but it was worth the time. he now tells me he has to go. he is 3 almost 4. so A., if your son says no, busy playing, take him to the b room. this is a 24 seven job. good luck rose

Try explaining to him that if he holds his pee for too long that he'll get a urinary tract infection & need to go to the doctor, & if he holds his poo-poo for too long it will get hard & not feel comfortable coming out. He is almost four, so it seems to me that you can reason with him at this point. Also make sure he gets his vegies so his poop comes without struggle. That is one reason a child will hold it, anticipating the discomfort. I also think you should not give him the option of peeing in a pull-up. If he needs it at night, don't put it on until after he is asleep. All three of my children went through similar things, although at a younger age. I would tell them that until they went potty we couldn't do X,Y or Z - playing a game, having goodies, going out to play, etc. I didn't make it a challenge, I would just say okay lets go potty and then we can have our treat or whatever. The important thing is to follow through so he knows you mean it. No yelling, forcing, etc. Stay calm & treat this as one of those things in life that we all do.

This will all work out! Again, he is old enough to be reasoned with! Good luck!

I know many people suggest extra liquids. I also suggest wet food. Like watermelon and popsicles. I have a couple other tips-NO PULL UPS. Stay home for 3 solid days, be prepared for doing lots of laundry, go to the potty every 1/2 hr. I actually put a potty in the family room and the backyard. And have a big ol' celebration everytime they void. We have a song-" p p in the potty, p p in the potty i'm big boy now" I know super dorky...Also, i bit of water in the bottom of the potty makes it easier to dump the p and poop. Good luck!

Hi A.,
I don't have a direct answer to your question, but I experience some of that with my little girl. She refuses to use a public restroom. She will hold it for hours!!!! She will sit on a public restroom for 1 second and say I'm done and jump off. I have tried to hold her there and talk her through it but it doesn't help. However, the other day we were in line at the store and she said she had to go, so I asked her to wait since she never goes anyway and she peed all over the floor and said "Oh No!" Today was our first successful potty on a public toilet, but I just kept telling her she had to go in that toilet because I would be really upset if she peepee's in her pants and after 2 attempts, she went. Hopefully that has broken the ice for her.

I say, just keep placing him on the toilet every hour and eventually he will catch on.

Best of luck.
C.

Hi A., firsat of all starting and stoping is never a good idea, all it does is confuse the child. The body works like a machine, I don't believe a child or anyone can hold urine for 18 hours, or poop for 30 hours, the body won't let you do that, it will automaticaly rid itself of waste. At almost 4 if he is a normal other wise healthy child there is no reason whay at almost 4 years old and not be potty trained, I raised 3 kids of my own and i have potty trained I don't know how many kids over the past 11 years in my daycare, and through my experiences i have learned that the failure in potty training is more about the parents than the child, the fact that the accidents don't bother you tells me a lot about your type of training, For example, I have a little girl in my day care who will be 3 in October, at home with her mom she has what her mom calls accidents, and she was wearing a pull up at night, well she is staying with me this who month of August while her mom is deployed, she has not wet her pants once, and she has been dry every morning sense August first, no pull ups at night, if she wets her pants at home and then she cries, her mom hugs her and says that's ok you had a accident, if she'soing to get hugs for weting on herself of course she is going to wet on her self, with me she gets hugs for staying dry, and she has been potty trained sense she turned 2, but when her mom came off of west-pac, she took a few steps backwards, but not with me, it's all in how you do it, waithing until he is almost 4 is crazy A., mine 3 were potty trained by 21, months, 19 months and 22 months. I wish you well. J.

Give your son lots and lots of water and cranberry juice all through out the day. Don't put him in diapers at nap time. If you take off the bed sheet(when he is not in the room and put a large trashbag on the matress. Cover it most of the way with a towel and then put the bed sheet back on. He won't know the bed is protected. If you give him so much water and cranberry juice he will have to go to the bathroom. They will also both keep his insides flushed clean. D.