How Can I Make the Most of Baby Time and Study Time?

Hi C.,
That's a beautiful name, first of all. I had 2 small children when I decided to go back to school to earn my degrees. I waited until my youngest was 2 before (he's bi-racial as well) I went back. I set aside time to study when he was napping or was in nursery school (day care), as far as his father, we spent time together after the kids went to bed which was usually around 7;30pm. this way we had the whole evening to ourselves. I suggest studying when the baby is sleeping and when you put the baby down for the night spend time with your husband. It works. As far as bi-racial advice, we had it hard, my son's family didn't like me and caused all kinds of problems with me and my family, telling my then husband that my son wasn't his (he looks just like him), my son got teased in school but he handled it well. Kids can be so cruel, the constantly called him an oreo cookie because his father is african american and they thought I was caucasion (I'm Native American Indian). My son told the kids he's not an oreo cookie cuz his mom isn't white she's indian, he said I'm a fig newton...I was so proud of him for standing up for himself without violence. You have to make sure they know about both cultures, my son knows about his native side as well as his african american side and turned out to be a beautiful yound man who is now married with his first bi-racial baby on the way. Involve your baby in Cinco de mayo, if your husband speaks spanish, have him teach your baby, if you speak german/polish teach him/her your language as well. My son spoke 3 languages, spanish, american indian and english by the time he was 3 yrs old.

Hi C.!

I am 1/2 Mexican and 1/2 Polish and I loved growing up with this heritage. I have learned so much from my Fathers side (he was born and raised until 7 years old in the mountains in Mexico). I also have learned a lot from my Mothers side. She was born here, but her family is from Poland. My parents made sure we learned much from both of our heritages. I love the food from both and I am proud to be Polish/Mexican. The good thing is that my Mother and Father shared the Catholic faith and raised us children as Catholics. It is very interesting to me that my Father had 14 brothers and sisters and my Mother had 12. They grew up in the same neighborhood. I love hearing the stories of how they met and dated!! Good Luck with your baby and remember to enjoy this time..live in the moment!!! No matter how busy you get with school and life.. slow down, take a deep breathe and thank God for that precious life growing in your belly. It is the most rewarding and fullfilling experience being a Mom. Times WILL be busy, but it is very important to slow down enjoy yourself!! Best Wishes ~Marci

I am a Mother of 2 young children. we are an international family with citizenships in 2 countries (Japan and US). I work part-time, taking my daughter to work with me, and am also a part-time student.

I think that you are wise to consider how to balance all your responsibilities. I found that it was hard to let go of my expectations after I had a child. Everything takes longer and sometimes doesn't get done as well as before children. This can be a place of stress for Moms. Give yourself a break, both figuratively and literally. Allow yourself to go slower through tasks, don't worry about not doing everything perfectly and take breaks for yourself, even if it is just sitting down for a cup of tea by yourself for a while. It sometimes happens that you end up plowing through everything without a break, but those breaks for yourself are important. You will rarely be alone after the child comes, take it where you can.

About biracial families: Any stresses you had before a child will probably get worse after a child. Suddenly, everyone begins to give you advice and, sometimes, tell you that you are wrong. When I lived in Japan, my family always scolded me (in a very Japanese way) for taking my 13 month-old baby out after dark. Once my son started school, I can't tell you how many ways I "did it wrong" due to cultural expectations. I really had to learn to not feel hurt by making cultural mistakes. I had to "give myself a break" big time when it came to the differing cultures. I also had to be very forgiving toward my husband's family.

Definitely embrace both cultures. Celebrate holidays from both, food from both, and, if you can, language from both. It helps if each parent communicates with the child in their native language. This is the really fun part of a biracial family.

There is so much to these topics that I couldn't possibly begin to touch upon much of it, but I am sure you will find your own path once the baby comes. Nothing changes you like a baby.

I recommend getting a good baby carrier, like a Moby Wrap. I was able to carry my daughter everywhere I went and have my hands free to clean the house, do work on the computer, and visit with friends! For the first few months it was also a great way to get her to fall asleep. After she would fall asleep I learned to slip her out and into the crib, or I would let her nap there so I could just feel her little breath on my chest. If you husband is Mexican American, you could look into the traditional carriers of Mexico called the rebozos. These are shawls the women wear and also use for carrying their babies. Many of these carriers are not sold at traditional baby stores, but you may find a store in your area that sells some of these.

I will give you the advice one of my female professors gave to me and my classmates many years ago when I was attending college with a 4-year-old at home. It's not always the Quantity of time that you spend with your loved ones as much as it is the Quality of time that you spend with your loved ones. Since you will have an infant, there will of course be large demands on your time that you will not be able to "shift" to another time slot. But, you can delegate some of those demands to others who more than likely will be more than happy to help you out with caring for your new child (grandparents in particular can be a great help). I suggest discussing your concerns with family members and see if they "offer to help." As far as your cultural/racial differences, as with most things in life, tolerance and love will usually serve you well. Perhaps you could have a family dinner with both sides of your families at once and tell them how you would like to raise your child with the "best of both worlds" and ask them for suggestions on incorporating each of their cultures and customs. This is coming from a grandmother of three biracial grandchildren. Their father is Macaw Indian and Mexican and their mother is primarily white "hillbilly" stock with her father being from West Virginia background and her biological mother (I am her stepmother who raised her from age 12) being from Kentucky. My husband and I absolutely love their grandfather on their father's side who is Mexican and his wife who is black. We all get along absolutely wonderfully. I hope this advice gives you some help or ideas on how to handle what can be a difficult situation but can be made much easier if family will all pitch in and help for the good of all concerned, especially that beautiful child to come.

First of all congrats on your baby to be and going to school. It's a great accomplishment. Newborns usually sleep quite a bit, so maybe you can get some work done during that time. If you have assignments to read, read them aloud to your baby, they love to hear your voice. As your baby gets older she/he will hopefully settle into a napping routine during which you can work and rest (don't forget to rest!) I think it's better to go to bed when you're tired than to struggle and do bad work. You can wake up early in the a.m. before baby and get stuff done then too. I guess it depends if you're an early bird or night owl. Before baby can walk and get into everything, you should be able to get work done with baby awake and in the same room. I thrive on daily lists. I do most of my cleaning on Mon, laundry on Sun, grocery shop once a week on Thurs, etc. It keeps me organized and makes me feel like I accomplish stuff. If my floors are kinda dirty on Sat, I know that it's ok to just let it slide until Mon (cleaning day) Find a system that works for you. Most of it you'll have to just make up as you go along. I've been a mom for almost 6yrs now and my rountine still changes up every 6mo or so. Hopefully your husband will understand that he might not get as much attention as he is used to for awhile (same goes to you too :) As long as you keep the loving bond between you and your husband, then everything will work out fine. Focus on what's important and do fun stuff to relieve the stress!!!!!

Hi!! Congrats on becoming a mother it is the most awesome and challenging job you will ever have!! I am also a full time student with 2 children. My youngest is almost 2 and my oldest is 6. I went back when my daughter was 7months old and it is rough I can't lie. I have also posted for advice on the same subject. I am finding that it is easier to study after my kids go to bed, with a newborn they sleep a lot so take time for yourself during one nap and take time for studying between another nap. Establishing a schedule for your baby is important. My husband and I have a routine of bedtime, dinner times, and naptimes. Even when the kids were little babies it was just easier for us to be able to get things done. Once school is in the mix some things aren't as important, that is what other moms have taught me, if the house is not perfect it is ok, if the laundry is not done it is ok. Enjoy being a mommy kids grow up way to fast before you know it they are turning one then 2 and so on. You can do it, I know that some days I feel like it is very overwhelming but then I look into my kids eyes and know that I am bettering myself for them and it is not that overwhelming anymore. :)

You will be exhausted. Plan for it, and know that you will need a great deal of support to meet the requirements of upper level education (even just in terms of attention to it) and you will have to be committed to accomplish so much.

Be gentle with yourself and give yourself a lot of time. It will be hard, and rewarding. Remember to focus on your goals, even if it means disappointing other demands for your time and energy. Remind your husband about your goals, if he is the source of some of the demands from time to time (and understand, he's working hard, too)...

Appreciate what you can do, and appreciate what others do for you. You'll make it through -- or realize this is not the time, and you can resume when it is. No deadlines...

Find the time of day that works best for you. I'm a morning person, so I would try to do most of my work in the morning. Sometimes that means 5AM wake up before the baby and study then. If you're a night person, focus study time then. It will be work to finish college, but it will open up so many more opportunities. I know having a baby is busy, but if you plan on more children, and as they get older, it gets busier with their activities as well. Don't put off your education. Get help from your husband or friends when you have a heavy class load.

Hi C.:
Being a full time student and having a baby is very difficult and trying to balance your husband and taking care of a home/etc. Its not easy. I have done this. When I got pregnant with my first child I stopped attending college and didnt go back until after my 3rd child and it was very stressful and hard work. Its all about what do you want - if you want your degree bad enough you will make the sacrifices to make it work. Keep in mind though you have to maintain and balance your life with your husband too. This can get stressful for him and put a strain on your marriage so you need to continue to talk about your goals and how you can work together to accomplish your needs. Let go of some things because you wont be able to keep up with everything. Is your husband supportive with school. What I know today there are things I would have done differently. What is your degree in? What is the job market? Are you truly going to benefit from your degree/ this will put a strain on your marriage when you have financial issues - babies are expensive and it doesnt let up but down the road a degree can help in some ways not always. I do have a degree; it helped with my career somewhat but what I know about network marketing that is what I would have done years back if I only knew about it - you can balance your life/make an income and work from home...I have an online travel store and this is a great tax write off at the end of the year too. You can do this part time. Its all what you really want to do. What is in your heart; follow your dreams and do what you want and be passionate about what you want to do...Best to you and your husband.
L.

It's tough, but you really have to make sure you set up your schedule and discuss it with your support people (husband/partner, anyone who will be helping to watch the baby) beforehand. My husband and I had the idea that it would be no big deal to have him come home and take over with the baby in the evenings while I did work. But it was tough for both of us. My biggest advice is to leave the house or set aside a room that can only be entered for emergencies during study time because it is easy to be distracted.

The first 5 mos or so are not too bad b/c the baby sleeps a lot and just lays there to play. I got a book holder for my side table so I could read while nursing or rocking my baby, which helped too. Good luck - in the end, you're doing a good thing for yourself and your baby!

Are you sure you're going to be able to resume classes after one month? 3 months might be more realistic. I am taking online courses right now and I have a 5 month old. I have to have childcare in order to get anything done.
That first month is tough, I wouldn't put anymore strains on yourself other than taking care of you and your baby. Sleep deprivation and hormones will make it hard.
I'm not trying to be negative, I just hate to see someone burn themselves out.

Kudos to you for wanting to finish your degree!! I started college 11 years ago and I'm in the process of finishing right now. I will be done in Sept. Yea! As for balancing husband, kids, and school, it's tough. I have a husband, two kids (4yo, 2yo), and school and it can be very taxing at times. I attend night classes 3 days a week so that I'm with my kids during the day and my husband is home with them at night. Keeps costs down that way. I get lots of time with my kids, but my time with my husband isn't what it should be. We now have to carve out special time just for us. This weekend we are attending a marriage conference in Richland. We have a great relationship, but it's always good to learn new ways of keeping the fire going. Since your baby will be so little when you start school in the fall, it will be tougher b/c your bundle will need more of your time. If you can steal away from your classes during the day to get in some cuddle time with your baby, it will be awesome for both of you. When you are home, you'll want to study/rest while the baby is napping which will be a lot at first. If you are planning to breast feed, make sure that you have a really good pump. However if bottle feeding is the route you choose, be proud of it. Don't let anyone look down on you b/c you've made that choice. I wish you lots of luck with your new baby and finishing school. Make sure to stay in touch with your husband physically and emotionally after the baby. He'll be a much more pleasant and helpful husband if you do.

Set it up with the person who will be watching your newborn (congrats!) if they would have a problem watching for an hour or two after classes are done for the day. Then budget your time on the projects, papers, and studying. Sleep deprivation may come into play, just be sure to get your sleep and a little exercise each day to help you with the stress. Good luck!!

Congratulations on your first baby!! Your life is going to change soo much! You don't realize how much love you really do have until you have a baby:-) Hopefully you're husband will help you alot especially while you are in school. One good thing is that you will have a month after the baby is born to get the baby in a good schedule before school starts. Just dont forget to give your husband alone time. Alot of women who have babies get so caught up on everything and their husbands are left in the dust. If you have family or good friends around, make sure you still go out with your husband alone after the baby is born. He will be more helpful, love you even more for it and become an even better daddy. One big thing for us was, my kids never slept with us. They would sleep in a bassinet by my bed for the first 1-2 weeks, then I moved them to their crib. I have friends whose kids slept with them and the husband would end up on the couch, etc or they are 7 or 8 now and have problems with them sleeping in their own rooms now. In my opinoin your bed is for you and your husband....need I say more? LOL

Every baby is different, but depending on her/his schedule, you should be able to do homework, cleaning, etc. while he/she is sleeping. I know for me, my son slept from 9-12 and then from 1-3/4 every day so i got alot accomplished then. But the first month when you are working on the baby's schedule, take that time that he sleeps to rest for yourself. Dont overload yourself. Don't be afraid to ask for help. It will be hard, but it will be so worth it. There is nothing like being a mommy:-) You will be pushed to so many different limits, but just do the best you can. Your mommy instincts will kick in and you will be amazed what you can do!! Have fun and good luck!