Inter-racial Couples with Children...Why People Are So Amazed?

If it is any consolation, it is not just interracial couples that get this. I get the same thing because my husband is tall and very fit (cross fit instructor and marathon runner), and I am short and fat. We get some of those same things happening to us. And the kid thing, I so understand. My first son had the blondest fluffiest hair that just puffed up, and the bluest eyes, and every where I went total strangers would come up and touch my child's head! I was shocked every time, I would never touch a strangers child! There are a lot of just plain rude people in this world.

I am white and my husband is Filipino. We have 2 kids. My kids look more like my husband. They both have dark brown hair, almost black eyes, and beautiful tan colored skin and they get really dark in the summer. We have had no comments at all with "us", but I have had people ask me if my daughter was mine or if she was adopted. It did bother me, but it has only happened maybe 2 or 3 times.

Hi, we are friends with interracial couples. They ALL have had rude experiences as have I when I am babysitting them with my Irish looking child. I am not going to pretend I am better than I am. I get rude because I don't want people making kids feel bad. People tried touching my daughter's red hair. She was scared of strangers and I frankly began putting the canopy up on the car seat and stroller and using my husband and myself as walls. I don't think it is right at all and I told them No touching, please firmly.
That is not rude to me as I was doing what was best for my child.

You know in the Hispanic culture, if you see a beautiful child/person and admire them, you are supposed to touch them so they do not get the "ojo".. "evil eye".. Like if your child has amazing curly hair and I said, wow, I love his hair. I would need to touch it to keep the "ojo" away.. There are so many stories in our family that have proven the "Ojo" tale and belief, we dare not skip the touch..

I know it sounds ridiculous even typing it, but it is the way I was brought up.. Even our poor daughter does this..

I catch myself doing this all of the time out of habit. I try to touch the childs leg, but it has been so ingrained, I many times explain the deal to people so they do not freak out..

Hi S.,

People may have an odd interpretation of what I am about to say...but I know and have in my own family many bi-racial children and adults, and they are not all "gorgeous" -- no more than the rest of us are beautiful in our own way. Of course, your children and many bi-riacial children are beautiful. BUT, no more than black children, white children, etc. In a weird way I almost think that to FIRST think that a biracial child must be physically attractive is essentially a stereotype unto itself, and therefore not very different than a negative stereotype, even though is it positive. To me, not all stereotypes are negative, but they can be just as damaging because you can fail to neglect the fact that that the person is a human being -- and it is really what is in their hearts that makes him or her "gorgeous." They are not beautiful works of art, so to speak, to be stared, ogled, and touched. They are human beings! They deserve their right to personal space like the rest of us. I am in total agreement - I don't let anyone who I don't know touch my child. Who thinks to just up and touch a stranger's kid? Some folks just don't think.

I am coming from this angle because I have had friends in the past who neither were conventional beauties, or they did not appear to be stereotypically biracial (they appeared to look, say, all black or all Asian) and they have said to me they almost don't feel validated by others because they seem not the be what some people expect a "biracial" person to look like.

My little brother is adopted... he's Korean and we are all white.

As a baby, people would ask, "is he real?", "does he like american food?", "can he speak english?"... this was all when he was an infant!?

Really, some people are just clearly idiots and there is nothing you can do to prevent that. I think some may just be in awe and maybe really love your children's skin tone or hair texture, (much like they would want to touch a girls hair if she had big poofy red ringlets) but they really don't know how to pay a compliment without fumbling over themselves.

Regarding them asking how your marriage works, I think maybe they are trying to show support and in their weird attempts to not look racist... they end up looking a little racist anyways.

I get that so often with my daughter! I'm white - I mean "glow in the dark" white and my husband is dark Mexican (often mistaken for Indian). My daughter is absolutely the most beautiful tone. She has my curly hair with a mix of blond and dark brown. She is gorgeous and I am absolutely blessed to have her. When she was a baby, I had shirts made for her that read, "Please don't touch! My Mommy BITES!"

Honestly, we never feel interracial. I don't look at other people enough to realize if they are staring or not. My biggest challenges are the Hispanic women my brother-in-laws date. For some reason, these women overtly act rude toward me because I am white and I stay home with my daughter. They assume the home I bought before I was married was my husband's and I am a leech when at one point I was his boss. My mom-in-law has had to set a few of them straight several times. I am VERY blessed to have the best MIL in the world!!! So that is where my frustration lies... people who try or have entered our personal lives with their judgment. I try to ignore it to my best abilities.

We all have our challenges whether it be with this sort of thing or another. Find your balance and just be happy! I'm sure your family is amazing! :)

First off I wanted to say when I read that you're black/mexican and your DH is swedish I immediately thought "WOW! Your children must be gorgeous!"

o.k. now - I'm not in an interracial marriage and cannot really comment on that issue. We have 2 couple friends that are in interracial marriages with children and they've never commented to us that they get that reaction. The one couple we are good friends with = the husband is japanese and the wife is black/mexican.

I'm sorry you have to endure that sort of behavior from such ignorant ppl. It's really sad and I feel sorry for those that react in such an atrocious manner!!!

Peace & blessings!

Don't take offense where no offense is intended.

My dad was in the occupation army in Japan after WW11 and during the Korean War. I was 1 to 3.5 years old when we were there. I was platinum blonde with naturally curly hair. At that time, the Japanese had jet black hair and it was very straight. I have seen lots of pictures where we were at various places, (zoo, shrines, train, etc)and I was looking at the various sights and the Japanese, especially the children, were looking at me and wanting to touch my hair. My mother never took offense and let them look and occasionally touch. No one was hurt. It was just good people to people interaction.

Good luck to you and yours.

Ha! I always get asked if my boys are mine! Then, when I stare at them and say, Yes, I birthed them, they ask "what is your husband?" To which I usually reply "human"
I am a bit confused about what you mean when you say people try and touch your children though....
I have been told to stop speaking spanish to my children, that they need to learn English. I have been looked at funny when I speak spanish (I am american my husband is mexican and I am a certified translator). I have been told, once, by a woman that I was ruining my blood line. My husband and I have the same thing when we go to the store!! YES, we are together, YES we are paying for it TOGETHER!
I have to assume that something has happened to you recently to make you post this. I get pissed, I get upset, and then I realize that it does me no good. They are not going to change nor am I. If the comments are made around my children I will let them know that there are ignorant people in this world and to ignore them as I glare at the stupid person that spoke up.
So, I guess my answer to you is YES, I go through this nonsense A LOT. Its always sad to hear that other people are hearing it too....makes me shake my head at the rest of the world. Hang in there mama...
L.

I gotta tell you, every interracial child I have seen has been do-a-double-take-gorgeous (I grew up overseas where there were LOTS of interracial marriages and I have lots of truly beautiful friends). Just thinking about your kids' combination of black/Mexican/Swedish makes me think they are probably quite striking. So that could explain the staring. But the touching? That would annoy me, too. In fact, I kinda know how your kids must feel. I grew up in Asia at a time when there were not too many caucasians there. I had white-blond hair and blue eyes. Strangers on the street would run up to me and feel my hair and say things like "she looks like a doll". They'd also say other things that made me cringe. Of course, they thought I didn't speak the language and didn't understand. They probably would have been mortified if they'd known I was fluent in their language. I got plenty of unwanted attention...and I eventually got used to it. Anyway, I think there are a handful of people who are quite ignorant and small-minded and, unfortunately, you're running into them a lot. Also, I think maybe some of them aren't necessarily judging you on your relationship, but are truly interested in what combination made your gorgeous kids. It certainly interests me when I see a striking individual - and I might even ask, "what's your background?" This world is full of interesting people from interesting places and interesting life stories (don't even get me started on my own family, but trust me, it's interesting) - you are one of them (you gotta admit, you don't see black + Mexican + Swedish too often, that is downright COOL!) and people are interested. Embrace it and enjoy the attention, and ignore the idiots who pass judgement.

My blonde haired blue eyed boy is married to a beautiful Filipino girl... I just love her to bits! And my granddaughter is so freakin gorgeous I can hardly stand it. She's one of those kids that you just want to pinch her cheeks and people often ask if they can..... it drives my DIL crazy. I find it interesting and I really believe that it's the generation gap because I nor my friends were against people touching or asking if they could hold our baby... it was the biggest compliment you would get "Oh, can I hold him?" Now days no one wants their baby touched...... I almost think that is the rude thing! I went to parade my granddaughter around one day and my DIL said "make sure you don't let anyone touch her".... that was actually the first time I had ever heard of such a thing. I also find it odd that pregnant girls dont like other women touching their big ol' belly full of baby... In my day EVERYone touched your tummy in the grocery store, at the post office... etc. That also was a compliment.
TImes have changed, people are self centered and paranoid. That's the way I see it.
My kids were cute, not biracial, people wanted to touch them all the time.
It never bothered me, it never got out of hand, no lepers tried to leave a finger on them or anything like that... haha.
I just think the generation that is having children now and in the last decade is living by a different set of rules than those of us that had kids in the 80's and earlier.
And SOME people are just not good at expressing themselves. One of my good friends had a child that looked exactly like her husband and nothing like her and she would get asked if he was hers or if he was adopted... SOME people are just weird like that, mostly because they just don't know what else to say.... I don't think we should be so h*** o* people like that, there are many, many people on this earth that are not "right" in the head and a tad goofy.
We all need to chill ;) and be proud that are children are catching someones eye, it doesnt mean something is wrong, it means that something is right.

Hi S.
I understand what you are saying.My husband is black and I am white.We live in Ireland where interracial marriages are very uncommon.
At first I found it very strange to stand out as much as we did as I am quite a private person.
I try not to focus on my son's looks and want to teach him the importance of having a strong intellligent mind. He is going to need it growing up in Ireland.
I think it will take at least another generation here to totally accept interracial marriages.
Yes I agree with you again on the love issue, our love runs as deep as the ocean and I feel very blessed to be married to my soulmate.
B.

People have said the same to me about my boys. I identify as "white" but I have brown hair and hazel eyes, my husband is dirty blonde with blue eyes. I am a "mutt" I like to say (Mexican, German, French, Spanish.) When I was out with my sons I had people ask my friend if my sons were hers. (She has blue eyes.) People touch my kids as well... that is also not unique to your kids. Just letting you know :)

Being honest with myself I could easily be someone that has pissed you off. I strongly feel like mixed babies are SO much prettier and exotic looking.. or at least the potential is there. My cousin, for instance, has shocking green eyes and thick curly black hair with an olive complexion.. she's been an attention getter since birth.

Speaking for myself I wouldn't mean any harm -- if I told you your kids are gorgeous and asked about your ethnicity or your husbands. It wouldn't even occur to me that it was offensive to ask. I probably wouldn't directly ask but I might say .. if your daughter had a natural tan and blue eyes.. "Where did she get those shocking blue eyes from?" It's small talk, and a compliment. I would expect an answer like - "Her grandma has those pretty blues, I always wanted them myself.. " just small talk. Graciously accept the compliment or blow me off.. whatever makes your day.

I guess I would pick my battles when it comes to what pisses me off. Well intentioned people telling me I have pretty kids because they are an uncommon mix of features -- pretty low on the radar. There will be plenty of a-holes that deserve being annoyed at, save your energy for them. :)

** Thank you Laurie for mentioning the evil eye! I almost did but OP said she was Black/Mexican so I assumed she knew this tradition. I believe the Greek also have a belief like this as well? But I know that its considered RUDE in my family to compliment a baby and not touch the baby. We have a lady that cleans for us twice a month, she has for the last 2 years... I was breastfeeding and she made sure to touch my one week old. haha.

I agree with Theresa. Interracial children and adults are often very pretty/handsome due to the mixture of backgrounds. People seem to naturally marvel at a beautiful child. Take it for the positive and not the negative. You honestly shouldn't worry about what others think. But I know that that may be easier said than done. I bet your girls are gorgeous. :)
Not sure why people think it is ok to touch your little one without asking first, but for some reason they do... It invades my space too and our child is very much Scandanavian, so no real mixing here. Typically, my Mamabear glare takes care of those unwanted curious people. :)
Hope this response helps. Please don't be offended. I myself have found myself noticing interracial children and admiring how beautiful they are... Although, I choose to respect their space, unlike some people out there...

Hey girl! Well I hear you! I am white, my husband is black and our kids are gorgeous:) You know when we first got married we noticed people looking at us. One day we walked out of Wal-Mart and said "that's it!!" We were through caring. We made an out loud declaration that all people opinions, good and bad, were theirs to have and keep. Overall, I think the vast majority of society is fine with it but there will always be a few nay sayers, and you know what, whatever!! I always laugh because I married an Amercian man who grew up like 10 minutes from me and people think it's weird. Last I checked it was still ok to marry cross humanly!! I used to get touchy when people called my kids mixed etc..because they aren't anymore mixed than anyone else's kids, they have 23 chromosomes from their mom and 23 from their dad but I finally just let it go bc that is the terminology that people used to identify so that is just what it is, just terminology. But in my mind and heart they aren't anything, no label, just beautiful boys, that's it. My husband and I just make light of it and enjoy our lives and just assume anyone looking is just awestruck and move on:D I mean my three year old did just get cast in a movie so I guess we aren't too out of our minds with that philosophy!! Take care girl, I know it is crazy to think in our world today anybody has time to think that h*** o* someone else's life, and really if you look around hollywood here lately, exotic kids are in!!! Have a great one and keep lovin' those girls!!

kids from interracial couples are gorgeous. you should take it as a compliment. i have never seen a not goodlooking child from interracial couples. they're beautiful. would i want to touch them?
funny.
no. but i always look at them. they're beautiful.

you live in Plano TX. It's old money and old thinking. If you you don't care that your an interacial couple why should you care about what anyone else thinks? Everyone stares at my kids too but mine are loud! Hahaha. At least people are staring at your kids because they are beautiful and not because the have a disfigurement. Feel proud and not judged! And if your not comfortable with people touching your kids then tell them or when you see them coming move your child to the other side of you or behind you away from that person. I wouldn't want people to touch my kids either but sometimes it just happens. I have one word for that "sanitizer"! And if someone has the nerve to ask what race you or your husband are and it bothers you then start making up something funny like say he's something completely different then what he is! You can both laugh about it later. If your kids are as beautiful as you say you should put them in modeling if they aren't already!

So we live next to my SO’s brother. I’m Asian, SO is Caucasian. One evening, while I was in class they took our DD for a walk (she was holding both their hands in the between them) when a neighbor on a bike rode by and stopped and said “wow, that’s so awesome that you two have a little girl.” The “boys” as I like to refer to them were confused at first and then “duh” they realized the neighbor thought they were a couple. My SO replied by saying “oh, no, her Mom is Asian.” Well, of course it was obvious that my DD has some Asian in her and the neighbor was like “oh, that’s even better” and wasn’t clear to the neighbor what the “boys” were trying to clarify. By then the “boys” were both trying to explain that they were not together… and the neighbor was quite embarrassed.

I chuckled when they told me what happened. Well, actually I laughed so hard I had tears rolling. I guess my point is – it’s not just race, it can be any manner of something people are not used to seeing. Yes, theirs was a positive response but still it was embarrassing for them and for the neighbor. However, even if they were a gay couple with an adopted child - I'm sure they would receive more attention. In fact, sometimes when we all go somewhere together and my daughter walks between them as I follow I can tell people are looking. Would you look too? Would it bother me? Not in the least - when you think about all the things to get upset over these days, this is the least of my worries. Now if people come up to touch her... yes, I would have a problem with that.

Hmmm, I think they might mean it as a compliment. Just sayin...
:)

No one has ever said to me or the hubs, how do you d it? But many people make comments, because lets be honest inter-racial kids for the most part are GORGEOUS!!!! I think it's natural curiosity to try to figure out the combination of races.I see a beautiful mixed child I am always trying to figure out the race mix, I don't think I am doing it for any other reason than natural curiosity and admiration of the outcome, the child. I never took it as anything but curiousity and complimentary. That being said I live in NYC we ARE the melting pot!! Let it roll. The touchers I would just say "sorry but I would prefer you not to touch my toddler, germs you know..." I don't know Texas at all maybe it's just your area and once you hit a more metro area I'm sure it won't be that way.

It may just be the area of the country that you live in. I was raised in Southern California and now live in Nevada and, from what I have seen, I don't think it is as much of an issue out here in the west coast.

And I'm sure you know this already, but just remember to focus on the people who appear to be more accepting and turn a blind eye to the ones who are not. Sometimes you can have 100 very nice interactions with people but it only takes that 1 bad encounter to cancel out the positive ones out and shift your focus from what's right to what's wrong. Also, keep in mind that if you, your husband and children are particularly attractive people, people are going to look at you, not because they are racist but because how can you not look at beauty when you see it.

Just a few different perspectives to consider . . .

i totally understand you...my husband has a black/white daughter, hes white, mom is black and daughter is BEAUTIFUL i love the black/white mix complexion.

kinda goes with a big age difference, my husband is old enough to be my dad, his daughter is about my age, but we have good relationship, my daughter is younger than step daughter's oldest (whom she had at 15) i get "you just married him for life insurance" kind of comments...irritates me too

BUT i know why i married him and he married me.

keep it up S. and jen! live to be happy for YOU not people in the stores that are so miserable they are trying to throw baggage off onto you !!

:)

Hi S.! My kids are as white as can be and I have to keep telling people to keep their hands to themselves and not touch, so it's definitely not a skin color issue.
My sister is white and her ex husband is Native American. Their kids are gorgeous and had the same problem.
People just want to touch beautiful babies, regardless of color and the HEART of the issue is bad manners and lack of boundaries on the part of those people who feel they can touch whomever they choose. So, you do like everyone and politely and firmly tell them that it makes you uncomfortable.

I am trying VERY hard to not take offense at your statement that interracial couples have a stronger bond of love. Who are you to say that your struggles are more than mine and my husbands? Or that your love is stronger than ours? I hope you realize how insensitive that statement seems to a white girl who shares a deep bond of love with her white husband. Just because we share the same skin color doesn't mean we are can't love as deeply.

My husband and I have many friends who marry outside of their culture, skin color and age group. Believe it or not......the couples who get the most nasty comments are the ones who marry outside of their age group.
Don't let a few ignorant people spoil things for you.

EDIT!!!! I need to edit after seeing Laurie A's comment! I SO understand the cultural aspect of touching......I retract my bad manners comment for situations like that! :) My comment about boundaries and bad manners are reserved for people who don't fall under the cultural dimension!

OMG just yesterday a lady asked my white friend who is married to a black man (he wasn't there), "Why did you adopt those kids?" at the store. WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE???!!!

OK, but anyway. I'm sort of surprised so many people touch your kids. I never touch any kids, I think it's too much unless they're mine, or very close to the family. I can see how you wouldn't like that. But, to be fair, you sound a little too angry about people's perception of your kids. Everyone I know thinks multi-racial kids are extremely interesting and cute, and maybe we do double takes even if we think we're sly, because its an interesting human beauty thing. I know in my mind, I'm sort of looking thinking, "Wow, what pretty skin tone, what eye color? Can I see a resemblance to their mom?" to myself. I would hate to think people are totally mad at me if they see me looking. But I do think I'm pretty sly. I also look at kids dressed in groovy outfits, kids who are interesting looking, it's not just a race thing. The rudeness you and your husband receive from people is justifiably wrong and I don't blame you for being angry, but i think it's carrying over a little too much to other situations. And people who do have an issue with your kids mixed races are REALLY not worth your anger, and you wouldn't want your kids to think they get the best of you and get angry themselves at people. These people have the problem, not you, try to be happy about that.

My baby has a very large birthmark on her face. I get lots of stares, lots of double takes, strangers asking me what happened to her, did she get hurt, did she break her nose, etc. In a way it's none of their business, but I have chosen not to mind it. I happily explain to them what it is. I want to show the other kids (and her) it's nothing to feel weird about and not to get mad at people even if they're sort of clueless jerks. People are curious. What can you do.

I agree with everyone its probably the beauty thing. I can bet you if Tom Brady or Gisele Bundchen walked down the street, people would do a double take and they're not mixed, they're just pretty people! Take it as a compliment. It probably has less to do with race than you think.

And for those people who DO make insensitive comments or questions, try to take it in stride. I got a lot of innocent questions that were rather offensive growing up Asian in Nashville and you just gotta learn to shrug it off. I realized most people weren't trying to be offensive, they were, sadly, just ignorant.

by the sound of it your kids are absolutely gorgeous. I agree biracial kids are the most beautiful. If you were in houston this wouldnt be an issue white is the minority in houston. you have a bunch of dumb rednecks in your area and this is coming from a redneck. ignore the dumb redneck syndrome and take no offense to it. most of us dont mean to be insulting but the dumb rednecks dont have enough brains not to be. :)

I am I guess what you would consider dark skinned African American with dreadlocks and my child father is blonde with green eyes... I've never had anyone say anything rude to my face. We do get stares and smiles and I think it is because as a family we are so striking and cool looking like a Benneton ad! I guess you could say we are both good looking people too so that doesn't hurt!
I personally like being different and unique so this doesn't bother me. I did think of some snappy comeback if by chance someone did ask " is she yours?" and I would say sarcastically, "No- I'm the maid, nanny etc" or yes, isn't she gorgeous?" or " I can't believe someone would say that in this day and age!"...
My daughter loves to point me or her dad out to anyone on the playground and proudly say "thats my mom" or my "mom is chocolate and my dad's vanilla" or I'm like Obama!"
I too tend to look at other striking different couples, or mixed raced people etc. because I am an artist and I just like interesting looking people and it's always cool to see " one of us"! Also , i am in Southern california and you see all kind of exotic creatures walking around here!
I say if someone is rude you can totally be snarky back but if they are just plain ignorant politely take them to school and keep walking with your head held high!

S.

First of all, your pic is beautiful. I am one of those that take a second look and let me tell you why. You are unique, you are different and you stand out. Does it mean something is wrong with you, nope, just means that anything not "common" is part of human nature to be amazed. No different than someone being amazed at a handicapped person, a gay person or someone dressed like Hindu, etc. I am married to someone from a different background/culture than myself and even though we are the same color (with color only a big deal in America by the way) there were so many challenges we had to overcome. For someone like yourself, you are strong because it takes overcoming the stares, the stereotypes, judgment etc that comes with outsiders plus overcoming the different culture issues within the marriage AND just overcoming normal marital problems. So talk about something to be proud of, yes - you should be. Can you avoid people being amazed -no, because as long as we live in a world with people, there will always be biases, criticism, judgement, opinions, the whole shabang...that you cannot change.

My hubby and I are interracial and I am so glad you wrote the post~~ You are not alone-unfortunately. I get irritated with people CONSTANTLY trying to guess what race my kids are, trying to touch them, telling me they should model etc. and then acting all shocked when they hear what race my hubby is etc. Or we get followed in the store b/c they think we might steal something....and all that other nonsense. I wish people would understand that love is love is love. period. I don't care what race my hubby is- I love him for him. People are too shallow and judgemental. Just let the comments and stares roll off your back-- smile a big smile and say " YEP, thats right-- I AM ONE LUCKY WOMAN. I MARRIED THE BEST MAN IN THE WORLD" It usually catches them off guard especially when you are grinning ear to ear. :) Good luck.

Molly

I am in an interracial marriage. I am white, my husband black. We have a beautiful toddler who gets a LOT of attention. People seem fascinated by her. I have never been offended by the attention. I appreciate it. I would much rather have the positive attention than the alternative. I remember when we got married there were some of my family members who were afraid that if we had children our children would be treated badly because of the race issue. I am happy and thankful to say that our experience has been quite the opposite. I am thankful to live in a time when biracial children are embraced and accepted. There was a time when that was definitely not the case.

I also think that some of the ignorant comments people make about your relationship is just that, ignorant. Amazingly, even in this day and age, some people don't have a lot of experience with other races or "mixed" races. When they are asking those questions, they may be really wanting to understand and gain a new perspective. We, as a couple, have discussed this subject many times. We have chosen to use these situations as opportunities to educate and bring more awareness. We don't get an attitude about it. If anything, we try to have a sense of humor about it. Lead by example. Rise above it.

I believe that most people have sincere intentions. Of course, the bigots are still out there. But for most people, I believe they really do mean well. I think some may even be trying to show that they are NOT prejudiced.

I mean this in the kindest way, but try not to be so uptight about it. It only stresses you out and makes you defensive. I believe those of us in interracial relationships have a great opportunity to teach and bring more awareness.

Hang in there and know that you are not alone!

I haven't yet read the other answers, or the "What Happened".
I'm answering this just from reading your original post.

I am so sorry that you have had to put up with stupidity,
even in today's times.

I will say, for what it's worth, the behavior you are describing
is at least partly (mostly, imo) because of WHERE you are.
There are some places where you would not be facing
any such behavior.
Los Angeles, San Francisco, New York, and parts of South America.
Not suggesting you should move. Just saying that (these kinds of) behavior are strongly associated with geography and culture.

Where you live, many people are still stuck
in a mindset left over from earlier times.

Even though you and your husband know you are just regular people,
there are people out there who will be surprised to see you together.
Pretty dumb, huh?

About the inappropriate approaches to your children . . .
this is in some ways a mixed blessing.
People are, I think, stunned at their beauty.
Children of parents who come from distant gene pools
are generally more beautiful than "regular" children.
Without going into a scientific lecture here,
I'll just refer you to genetic studies, especially hybrid vigor.

Thank you for sharing these observations with us.
I was grateful to have an opportunity to respond.

I know you said the touching is not welcome, but I don't think there has been a recorded case of a child catching some awful disease from being touched on the head or arm a stranger. Is it really that awful? I do understand because I always feel a lil uncomfortable when someone touches my toddler but usually if it's her hand I will just sanitize. I would rather put up with it at the moment than hurt someone's feelings by being rude after they were being so nice as to compliment my child. That's just me I know we're all different. But I try to imagine that person's feelings if I were to be rude just like you'd like people to consider your feelings when they stare. I know no one has a right to touch your kids I'm just saying maybe try to see it from another point of view.
I don't know how it is where you live but I am not shocked when I see interracial couples and their children. Nor do I think they are more adorable than any other kids at all. My kids are half white and half mexican and get plenty of compliments and I am happy to accept them. Imagine how the mom with a disabled child feels when people stare. Now the interracial couple thing I can understand that would annoy me also. It's nothing new so why would people stare. One thing I have to add is I glanced at your profile and saw that you felt the need to include you were an 'interracial couple' in parenthesis. Why do you mention it if it's not so important? If it doesn't matter I don't think there's a need inform everyone.

Oh my!!! My daughter and I (yes, we're both tan, dark almond eyes, beautiful thick hair) saw a lady with a beautiful child that looked as though she could have also been my own......anyway, as she approached us, I am totally guilty of gently tickling her and saying "She's adorable" The mother smiled and thanked me......

Thank you for posting this, as I never really thought about the offense one could take from touching their child. It's definitely more unacceptable in our culture to have such an interaction with complete strangers (children).

Hopefully, I'll see her around to apologize....lol!

Note to self: Don't touch the cute babies/children! :o)

I am a white single mom. My daughter is half black but i get the questions all the time: is she mixed with black, puerto rican, dominican, cuban etc. because she has an exotic look and her hair is not course. she has lighter hair and it super curly but her look can go many ways and she is yellow to her skin.

My dad is german, irish and scottish and my mom is all italian. Growing up no one believed my mom was my mom! i have fair skin and red hair lol. I have never had an issue with anyone asking about my situation as a mom with a biracial child. i just get the she is beautiful etc thing... all biracial are beautiful etc... comments.

My daughter is in 2nd grade this year and is at a new school. The school she is at is mostly white. A few of the kids in her class have asked her who is that white lady that dropped you off or are you adopted. She is strong and tells them that is my mom AND it's mind your own business lol. Or they will ask her why I am white and she is brown... The school she was at last year had every culture. Never had any questions. Guess it depends on how they are raised.

But as an adult i havent had really any issues. When she was younger i did have alot of black women want to stop and touch her hair or would comment on how cute she is or if her hair is straight they will ask how i get it so straight and fine with no chemicals or products etc...

Perhaps you are being too judgemental yourself on the reason people are looking at your children. Most interacial couples, the woman is the white one, not the man. When the man is white, in my opinion, their children tend to more exotic looking. So, maybe you should take the stares as a compliment and not be so quick to judge!

I am white and my hubby is african american, so people of course are curious. The best comment I got was from a little old lady who lived in a assisted living with my grandma, asked if my daughter was adopted and I said "no, she's all mine" and the lady said "Good For you!!!" Good luck, and just enjoy the chuckles that you and your hubby will have in the years to come!

I just wanted to address the issue with the kids. I am a white woman married to a white man, so I can't speak for the interracial aspect.
My children are both blonde and blue-eyed and we always get people coming over to us telling us how cute they are and wanting to touch them and play with them. Do you think people just think they are really cute? Some people don't have much consideration for how it would make you feel to try and play with your kids when they are a total stranger, I myself just go with the flow and tell my kids to be nice and say hello and all that. I think people just want you to know how cute your kids are. I am sure they are beautiful kids too! I would just not worry about it and live your life.

As a bi-racial person...I grew up with this, too. Haha! It's because your children are so good-looking. Be proud and if anyone steps on your toes because of your differences...turn the tables and ask them the same idiotic questions.

Hi,
I'm sorry for any comments that have upset you. People are certainly very interesting, often for reasons beyond our understanding.
On a lighter note, I started giggling as I read your comments about your children because it reminded me of strangers commenting on and touching my daughter when she was a baby until she was about 5 years old. Both my husband and I are white and quite bland. My daughter is a gorgeous redhead. People stopped us in stores, asked us how that happened, and how we handled it. Amazing. I never really figured out where they were coming from, just thought "whatever".

My toddlers are mixed black and white. Most people probably don't bat an eye or I honestly don't notice. I'm tired! My kids keep me busy. My husband notices and points it out. There are 2 annoying responses - 1) people look at my children like they are dirty. Like they aren't dressed well or have snot running down thier face or something! While this is rude and ignorant, at least there's an honesty to it. Or 2) They overcompensate. Some people go overboard telling me how "pretty" my kids are and how mixed babies make the prettiest babies. There's a lot of implication there that I won't go into. But like I said, I honestly think it's an overcompensation for white liberal guilt. These well meaning people look at my kids with pity in thier eyes, all the while petting them for being so pretty. If they are brave enough they ask questions like "aren't you worried they're going to get picked on" or "what does your family say?" ALL kids get picked on. And my family loves my kids, just like yours! Ridiculous
To further complicate things, my husband and I are in our early 40s and have 18 yr old teenagers. His is a black boy and mine is a white girl. We've been together since they were 4 yrs old. When we go somewhere as a family people think the older brother and sister are together and the toddlers are thier kids. We get mostly confused looks when we are together.
I get a lot of "aren't you afraid your daughters going to date black men too?" I've actually had friends of mine insinuate that our teenagers would date each other! Never mind that they are brother and sister. If they were both one color or the other, would it be so hard to think of them as step brother and sister?
Some of this is innocent curiosity. Some of it is ignorance. Some of it is stereotypes and racial bias. But some of it is just plain hateful.
Here's the thing. If my parents had been a mixed race couple, someone would've gotten lynched. It just wouldn't have happened in 1950. Today we have come so far, not only is it ok to be mixed, but you can be President of the United States! SO, I have to think that my children will inherit an even more open society than we live in today. I'm not mad at all. I don't lose sleep over it. As long as people are respectful of my children I won't have to go all Dirty Harry on them. But oh, if they cross that line!

It sounds like you are being over sensitive, that most of these comments mean no harm, You made a choice, be proud of it, expecting people to walk on eggshells concerning the difference between you and your husband....unrealistic.

I would really try and just keep an sense of humor about it. This kind of behavior probably won't be ending any time soon. I find a lot of people are just rude and ignorant. My husband is white and I am white and hispanic but I look white. We have two children, 1 that has red hair and fair skinned (my husband and I are both brunettes) and our youngest actually got the darker the skin tone. We get people sizing us up and then ask where did he get that red hair, I tell people the milk man, then laugh and say no, he get's it from my dad (who looks like ronald mcdonald). I even have people ask seriously?? As if I'm lying. I know this isn't quite the same. Try to keep the sense of humor and move on, those people aren't worth the energy.

Just like Damara... My initial reaction was 'the kids must be gorgeous!' There was a woman that I used to work with, her being the 'average' run of the mill 'European American' (lol) and her husband being Jamaican-American. Most beautiful kids I'd ever seen! Her oldest son is 8yrs younger than I am and I told her that when he turned 18, look out, because I'll be looking for him (just kidding of course).

My reaction would be like, 'My goodness, your kids are beautiful!' But other than that... Just a standard greeting.

I'm sorry that you have to deal with unthinking people like this and I totally get where you are coming from. My hubby and I are both white, but out 3rd child was/is really dark (my dad is Italian) when he was born and I got weird comments and looks b/c I'm very light. I'm sure all the nurses thought I had an affair. =) I like to pretend that the problem is that people don't actually think through their actions and comments before hand and not that they are actually jerks. =) I'm with you about stopping people from touching your kids, it's definitely your job to protect you kids so way to go momma. I guess one of the lessons we have to learn is that people will judge you for something or other so if it's not this then it's some other silly thing, but who cares. It's easier said than done but you can't let what others think dictate what makes your life work. Good Luck to you and your family.

My husband is bi-racial, black and white, and I am white. When we were dating, we received many comments from many different people. When we had our kids, they came out looking very different. Our oldest looks bi-racial (beautiful "tanned" skin), our middle has shocking blond hair and blue eyes, and our youngest (only 8 weeks) is still a mystery. We get a lot of looks and comments like, "Are they all yours?" "Did you adopt one?" "Where did you get this one from? I want to raise one that looks just like him." And, my favorite, "It's so nice of you to watch someone else's child." (Said to my husband when he took both of our boys to the playground.)

I think genetics is just a mystery, and people are mostly genuinely curious. That being said, if people try to touch my children, or if they do touch them, I don't particularly mind because whatever they do to them, I do to that person. For example, if someone pulls my child onto their lap (and they are a stranger and didn't ask and my child looks uncomfortable), I go over and pull that person onto my lap. Helps them think of things in different ways.

I love to see their expressions when I do it, too!

it's not just about interracial, if it's of any consolation..I am caucasian, fair skin, dark brown thick straight hair and dark eyes, my son is fairer skin than me, blue eyes, very blond hair, he looks swedish..people tells me ALL THE TIME "how did this happen??" (his father has my colors too) and they can NEVER see that in the end he DOES look like me because they are sidetracked by his colors...boy does this bug me!!!

I have both, 1 caucasian daughter, looks just like me from first marriage and 2 bi-racial children, 2nd marriage.

First, when I think children are cute, some people just can't keep their hands off. And all little children and babies are typically cute, then you throw in the bi-racial and they have that exotic and gorgeous and different in an unusual way and gets people thinking. I actually think it gets others thinking about a time in their own lives when they fell in love with s/o outside their race/culture and did not allow that relationship to continue b/c of the the taboos they were raised with.

I've had many people come up to all my children. My caucasian daughter has these gorgeous green eyes and wavy/curly blonde hair and people wanted to touch her hair. In line at stores was the norm.

My 2 asian/white children have beautiful golden brown, wavy hair. When I am out with them, without my husband, Asian people go goo goo ga ga over how beautiful they are and they would never guess they were half asian. But somewhere their look strikes a chord with them.

And if you think American touching behavior is inappropriate, try an Asian country. We were in South Korea last year at an amusement park with 100's of middle school children who had never seen children like mine. They stopped and touched and took pictures and posed for pictures with my kids. We were like rock stars in the park for the day. And then when I told them their dad is Korean, it just made them smile and touch even more.

So there are those occaisions where people are rude to us. I absolutely love your husband's response to the "Is this together?" question. It happens ALL the time to us too....like, no, we are just standing her together, holding hands, wanting separate receipts...

My worst story....we went to see a musician friend play the piano at a community center dance hall one night. The attendees were mainly old, retired caucasian people with permed hair. My husband took our daughter out to dance and I could clearly hear the old ladies from the table behind me say "Well, you certainly can see a lot more of those people around now, can't you?" Having been raised by a racist father myself, I knew exactly where and how this comment came from. She was taught to dislike others outside her race. What a sad and pathetic way to view the world and others around you. Must be lonely for her.

There was a time when I felt comfortable only living in communities where there was a relatively high number of interracial couples. Now I feel more like a role model and ambassador to interracial couples in the communities we live.

Unfortunately, there are those who still teach racial intolerance. Scary, but true. Scary, b/c I'm not sure how welcome we as a couple would be in, say, the south. I know how deep seated that hate is taught b/c I lived in Louisiana for a short time back in the 80's. It was the biggest culture shock of my life, having been raised in SoCA, then whisked off to small town Louisiana? I could tell a lot of stories about that time but won't for the sake of brevity here. In short, b/c of being platinum blonde caucasian looking, the white people had no qualms about telling their crude racial jokes, thinking I was one of them. And when I protested to hearing such nonsense, ugh...responses included it all.

P.S. - I just noticed where you live....I used to live in Plano too. My first daughter was born in Richardson. And one of the worst bigots I ever met was there in Shreveport. Biggest jerk and one of my bosses at the time. If you want to hear that story, let me know and I'll write you back...but fear this is getting too long already.

It is amazing the comments people make. I did not realize what inter-racial children were going through until I had my daughter.

Even though she is not inter-racial, she is a red head (the only one out of three children). Though I know it is not completely the same comparison to what you are going through, I am amazed at the daily comments we get. I hear, "How did that happen?" "She is so beautiful...and then they reach out" Whenever we are out, I get stories about other red heads.

Just yesterday, I went to Starbucks. A black woman approached me to tell me that my daughter was beautiful and that she too had a red head (like you, she married a caucasian man). I found it to be an interesting conversation because we both realized that we were doing exactly what we were complaining about. (She had shared that people always approach telling her that her daughter can't be hers because of the red hair).

Though I am grateful that people are attracted to my daughter, it is exhausting trying to answer, unanswerable questions. Clearly genetics were at play and they determined that her hair color was red.

Good luck to you. Most people think they are the only one asking about your children, I don't think they realize that you and your children deal with this on a daily basis. I always try to put a smile on my face as people pass my daughter and me. Even if they don't directly speak to us, if the people are passing as a group, I hear them comment amonst themselves. They don't know how exhausting it is to be so noticed all of the time.

It is just human nature to be curious and notice things that are different. It is not just the racial thing. People notice, stare and comment on anything unusual or outside their experience. We started our family late and so people would often ask if my children were my grandchildren. I did not take offense to this, although I did not especially like it. I believe that the majority of people that comment on your children, try to touch them, etc. are really trying to be nice and validating in there own clumsy way. I am sure that some people are trying to be rude and judgmental, or maybe they just aren't thinking, but not most of them. I am sorry that you have to put up with this, but you don't have to let it affect you or your children. Your positive attitude will go a long way toward making it easier for your kids.

Darn! I think Kelly S. removed her comment. I was curious as to how she could come up with a negative spin. Anyways, my kids are biracial, too, exactly half and half but maybe we live in a more diverse area? Perhaps your kids are stunning and that's why people do the double takes but the touching I don't like, either. I don't blame ya. I once had a cashier ask me if my husband is asian(he is) and I answered, "no, why do you ask?" That definitely killed the conversation.

Some people are just plain old ignorant!

Updated

Kelly S. Is one of those ignorant people!

Yes me and my sons' dad went through it too. I'm black and he's white and people would stare at us, make comments etc. Black guys would give him dirty looks but I would always tell him not to worry about it some people are just ignorant. Our youngest son, Ty, was pale with blue eyes when he was born and people would always ask if he was my baby. He's 1 1/2 now with hazel eyes but still very fair(his brother is more tan) and people still look at me weird when I have him with me. I understand and I hope that people soon realize bi-racial children are just as beautiful and normal as any other race of child. We love our kids and they're happy and healthy and I decided that was more important than other people and their judgemental ways. You'd think since it's almost 2011 people would be fine with interracial families but I guess we have to give them more time lol.

I would ask the touchers why are you touching my child? And for the people that double look or stare very loudly say I think my children are beautiful and I see that you feel the same way. Are just stick with the why don't you take a picture it will last longer.

I totally understand. I am white, and my husband is black. Our 15 month old son is very light skinned and has sandy curly hair. I don't get many people saying anything to me other than he is so cute. When my husband is out alone with our son, he gets lots of strange looks and the occassional mean person that makes a stupid comment.

My marraige is not an interracial one but I am always amazed when people who are in an interracial marriage talk about how they are treated in public. I just don't get it either becuse it is the year 2010 and some people act like they have been living in a bubble or somewhere in a cave for the last 20 years or so. It's like they have been beamed down from another planet where people exists that only look like them. How could any person especially young people be so closed minded and unaware of what is going on in society or around them. People need to pull their heads out of the sand or their "you know what" and get with the program.
I wonder if people who live in large metropolitian areas like New York, Chicago or even Las Vegas are more "with it." /sophisticated and have less of that " back woods" type of mentality.
Another thing is how do some people feel that they can just walk up to a stranger and ask them personal questions? It's if if they have no shame at all or any home training.
sorry, I can go on because this type of thing is a pet peve of mine. I'm not a fan of narrow minded individuals or people who seem to live in a bubble of non-reality.

I can't imagine commenting to a stranger like this...sorry that you have to put up with it. People should really learn to mind their own business. As for your kids-maybe they are just so exotic and beautiful that people can't help but looking at them. The same race families kids are probably just not as good looking and look like everyone else so nobody even notices them. Try to see it is a compliment. But-of course they shouldn't touch...who does that??!

Hi S.,
Sounds like you have gotten alot of great responses so I will keep mine short. I think we can always see the negative light that is given sometimes but how we respond can turn it around. I have been married for 26 yrs and have 3 older kids 25, 22 and 20 then a younger one that is 11...I know alot of people think that I am divorced and married again and my younger child is from my new marriage but I always say with the same dad, I never take it as offense I am proud to respond. So when people ask hold your head up high and be proud of you and your spouse, be proud of your children.
Also when you are in the store and the cashier ask if this is together, please understand that they ask almost everyone that...I get that question almost everytime I am in line! I also have a love for children so alot of times when I see children out I want to talk with them and just show them love. When people see your children take it as a compliment that they are acknowledging them and not a negative. Good Luck seeing the glass half full instead of half empty ;)

Put it down to ignorance. Most people are racist because they have been taught to be.

Here in my State (Hawaii), inter-racial couples and families...are a dime a dozen.
It is not unusual, nor a shock to anyone. We just grow up this way. There is so much, cultural and ethnic diversity here... that it is not... a big deal.

Myself... my Husband and I are inter-racial. My kids are bi-racial.
The actress Maggie Q, from the show Nikita... is from Hawaii... she is multi-racial.... and looks like MANY of the people here in Hawaii....my kids included. People here are not just "bi" racial... they are MULTI racial and multi-ethnic. There is no separateness. If you look at my kids... you can't even tell what they are... and it is no novelty nor unusual with the way they look. They are just... like MANY of the other people here in Hawaii.

But, if we go elsewhere in the world... people may stare at us or discriminate. Likewise, when there are Tourists here in Hawaii... and they walk around my city... I see them... staring at all the mixed-race couples/families/kids we have here... because, they are not used to it. They are not exposed to it... where they are from. They did not grow up that way. They... just do not know... about any other cultural norm. For us in Hawaii... this is the "norm." Multi-cultural and we are a big melting-pot.

Here... it is just so diverse and mixed-ethnicity/races/cultures... and everyone, is pretty much.... culturally acceptable. AND we know about each others cultures. It is not a skin color.... anomaly nor a big deal.
And besides... who can grumble about skin color here... when being at the beach makes everyone "tan" looking! Most everyone in Hawaii.... gets in the sun.

all the best,
Susan

I'm sorry that you are getting rude comments and reactions from people. I would never say rude things, but I will admit I may have been one of the "starers" in the past, only because interracial marriages are so unusual around here. I too look forward to the day when skin color doesn't matter, and when I see marriages where this is clearly the case, it makes me happy and gives me hope that we will get to that day someday.

One thing to keep in mind is that although things may not get any easier for you and you may have to deal with stares and comments for the rest of your life, you are paving the way for our children to be color-blind more and more with each generation. Thanks.

I'm so glad I'm not the only one! Sometimes I think people ask things not meaning it offensively in regards to me and my boyfriend (he's black and I'm white) and don't realize that it can be offensive seeming considering you would never ask it of people not in an interracial couple. That's where I think people who aren't in it just don't get it. Why would you ask people how they "work things out" or stare at them oddly when you see them together and think that its okay. and people do make weird looks. I think some people don't even realize that they do it sometimes because they view themselves as completely non-judgemental in that way, but it still throws them off and they almost looked shocked at first to see it. Then they catch themselves and brush it off. When me and my boyfriend first got together he used to get SO frustrated because people would always double take us and we didn't even have kids. Now, we have just pretty much blown it off because we can't let it get to us. We would just rather be happy together. At least now I can tell him it's not just us lol

I was visibly pregnant with son #3 soon after we brought son #2 home. Son #2 is obviously Asian. DH and I are obviously not. People would STARE at us too.

They'd look at son #1, then DH, then son #2, then DH, then my giant belly, then DH. They often looked at ME with anger.

I wondered WHAT they could be thinking. Maybe that I'd just had son #2 and DH was too stupid to know he wasn't biologically his??? I don't know, but it stopped after son #3 was born. I still don't know WHY those people gave us those looks.

Some people think they're opinions are golden and never "check" themselves. Some people are so sure of their opinions that they think they are entitled to be rude to others to express them. WHY??? Heck if I know.

I have not been to Plano, TX, so I don't want to make a judgement call on Plano, but interracial couples aren't a big deal everywhere. Just food for thought.