Four Year Old Son Not Sleeping in His Bed Through the Night

I created the same monster. It took a while, but I broke my daughter of the habit. It may cramp your bedtime routine for a while, but in the long run, it is worth it. My husband and I brought a small mattress into our room. Our daughter would fall asleep there and stayed on the mattress after a couple of night of putting her back on it in the middle of the night. After a week of her staying on the mattress, we slide it closer to the bedroom door. Each day we moved it a bit closer and a bit closer, until she was out in the hallway. We kept creeping the mattress closer to her room until it was finally in her room. She slept on that mattress on her bedroom floor for a year, then she decided to try her bed. The good news was, if she left her bed, she went to the mattress on the floor and not our bed. Just one idea! Good luck!

First of all, good for you. You're letting him know he can count on you, and that's HUGE.

Get this book: "No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers & Preschoolers" by E. Pantley. It has LOTS of ways to help your situation (which was my situation, BTW). PM me if you want specifics.

So much good luck to you.

Prepare yourself for Hell. I saw this same scenerio on the Nanny. You and your husband should make a pact to understand you will have a rough weekend with little sleep but you will support each other in doing this (do it on the weekend). Put him to bed, read the books, lights out, but do not lay down with him. Tell him that he has to stay in bed and fall asleep on his own, then leave the room. He will come out of his room, you take him back to his room, no books, just put him back in bed. He will come out of his room, he will cry, don't react, speak calmly and return him to his room - and you will keep doing this all night long. You and your husband should decide who is going to do it from say 8 to midnight, then midnight to another time, etc. And the next night - same thing (get a nap during the day!), it worked and after a couple of nights, the kids were sleeping in their beds. Good luck, mentally prepare yourself for a tough weekend. We did this with my daughter and it worked. By the time I had my son, I had learned my lesson and had him sleeping in his bed as an infant. I know it sounds harsh, but sleep is a so important to your health and your son's health. Maybe someone will have another idea.

I don't see this as a problem because it did this when i was young.My mom and dad bought me a big teddy bear to either lay in front of me or behind me( he will let you know whats more comfortable for him) to remind me of them. They would tell me that the teddy bear would keep me safe and let them know if some thing was wrong. I hope this helps and I will keep you in my prayers.

My 3 year old son doesn't have problems falling asleep in his room but has had trouble staying in there. We walked him back to his room countless times like the Nanny technique a few others have posted but after 2 months of that we realized we needed something else to help us out.

First, we got him a clock that changes colors so he know when he can come out of his room. It's yellow at night and at 6am it turns green. That way he has an indicator of when it's ok to get up. Secondly, we reward him when he stays in his room all night. Either a little treat after breakfast, his fav. tv show or a little toy, but we do it in the morning so it's fresh in his mind why he's getting the reward. He still comes in about once a week in the midddle of the night, and we just walk him back. He asks for his reward in the morning, and I tell him he didn't stay in his room all night, which is ok but no reward this time. He can try again tomorrow night. Good luck!

Hey girl
I sympathize. After having two girls that I thought I learned my lesson with by co-sleeping I swore I would not do that with my late in life son. But two days into his life my husband was like, just put him up here for a bit until he falls asleep. I also was nursing so it was just easier, and after having a baby, you will do anything for "easier". At the age of 3 I finally had enough. We would wake in the mornings and joke that "Last nights sleep was brought to you by the letter H". due to my son sleeping sideways and moving all night. I went through a week of crying, fits, sleeping next to him etc to get him in his own bed. and then a few months later he started what your child is doing. I finally asked one of my moms co-workers who is a child psycologist what I should do. And it returned me to that exhaustion state but it finally worked after about two week. When your son comes into your bed, you immediately pick him up and take him back to his bed and explain that he is a big boy now and big boys sleep in their own beds just like mommy and daddy have to sleep in their own bed. The hardest part was when he would "sneak" and boy could that boy sneak into our bed. There were nights I would feel something move and look down to the foot of our bed and he would "freeze" hoping I wouldnt notice him. When you are still in that sleep state yourself, its hard to wake up enough to move him back. But I did and now at 5 he rarely comes into our bed. (usually when a bad storm or a dream, and in my mind that is okay and I let him know that, but that it is not a every night thing) Dont know if this will help but I sympathize with you. Especially if your husband is as deep a sleeper as mine is, it will all be up to you. Good luck girl

Our situation was different, as is every child, so what we did may not work for you. But I thought I'd share anyway. When transitioning our daughter from a crib to a bed, we simply walked her back to her room over and over and over. We didn't say much, just that she needed to stay in her bed. It was so exhausting and tedious for several days, but she got the idea eventually. Good luck!

My daughter, 4 1/2, also required us. Starting at age four, I would sit wiht her for 5-10 min then tell her that I had to go to the bathroom (or get a drink of water, put the leftovers in the frig, etc.). I would then come back just a few minutes later. I did this only a couple of times a week, gradually increasing the times per week and the amount of time I was out of the room. Sometime she would be asleep before I returned, if she wasn't I stayed with her until she fell asleep. Now I still lay down with her (I like to snuggle with her when she is quiet!) for app. 10 min then leave the room. I still tell her I will come back to check on her and I do 1/2 to 1 hour later. She is always asleep. Only occasionally will she cryout when I leave and that is usually b/c she is either sick or overtired. On those nights I can choose to stay for longer. Also don't start trying this or any other new technique with them if they are sick or overtired as they are more resitant. she Is also sleeping better through the night now.

I'm a softie, too. At this age, I laid with my son in his bed until he fell asleep. If he woke up, he got in our bed. Gradually he woke up less and less and came to our room less and less. With my daughter, we had a sleeping bag beside our bed and she came in there and laid on it sometimes. Now they are 11 and 22, and my daughter is married. LOL They grow up too fast, so I say, enjoy it while you can.

A.

What a coincidence...i have the same monster in my house! LOL except my little girl is 3. she was doing so good sleeping in her own bed for a while then like the other lady stated...it started as a few nights a week shed end up n the bed with me and her daddy and now it has progressed to everynight, ive even tried moving her to sleeping on the couch in the living room closer to my room and with a tv going to try to keep her asleep but doesnt work...about an hour or two after im n bed i hear the pitter patter of her footsteps heading my way. she doesnt ever wake me up she just climbs in bed and goes back to sleep. but the older and bigger she gets the more cramped we r getting in the bed. some nights my husband even ends up on the couch because of being uncomfortable. i would also love to hear the responses u get on this one cause i think theres alot of us out there who need hellp with this one.

Okay. Maybe I am a softie, but I say let him come get in bed with you. I did this with my four older daughters when they were little and I promise they outgrow it. They slept with me when they were small and around 3 or 4 years of age I started laying down by them in their room until they fell asleep. They would end up coming in my room in the middle of the night
(I had a mattress on my bedroom floor for them), but they eventually quit doing that on their own. Now I look back and miss those days. I can hardly beg my teenagers to come out of their rooms. LOL.

Oh, does this sound familiar! My daughter will be 4 the end of May. She started sleeping through the night a week after her first birthday and continued until a few months after we moved her to a big girl bed which was shortly after she turned 2. Her bedtime routine is somewhat similar. We watch a movie and I lay in bed with her until she is asleep and then I leave, so I too know I created the same monster! Now she comes into our room every night to crawl in bed with us. It was only a couple times a week at first and has progressed into every night. I know she can fall asleep on her own because there are some nights when I am getting my younger child to sleep and it takes longer and she will fall asleep on her own. But if I don't have that as an "excuse" she expects me to sleep with her. I don't have advice for you, but am glad you asked this question so that I can see how people respond!

We have a 6 yr old old who never saw the inside of our bedroom, but our oldest daughter who just turned 12 was diagnosed w/colic the first 10 months of her life & although we were warned not to ever let her in our room, what else were we supposed to do. From there things only got worse, but one thing that truly helped us w/her sleeping in her own bed was this Monster Be Gone kit that we bought at a bookstore. It had a spray bottle, a little journal, a pencil & some stickers. Although she wasn't afraid of any one thing, this little ritual my husband did with her every night made her feel so much better(opening the closet door, checking under the bed, in the drawers). We actually ended up getting bunkbeds for her b/c she would insist that we lay down with her & as soon as we went to get up she'd put her hand across us! Kids certainly don't miss a trick and it was hard to go thru all of the different ways of dealing with this. One thing to remember is that you know ur child more then anyone and what works for some may not work for you. My husband and i tried the ferber method w/her and all that happend was she cried so hard she began to vomit. Okay so some people would take that as her controlling us, whatever......i took it as this is not a way we want to do things. Find something that works that makes you comfortable with and go from there. Like with us, this didn't happen overnight and it's not going to get better in a day, but it will if you stick with whatever it is that works for you. Good luck!

Hi Stacy, I'm one of those lucky moms whose kids slept thru the night after a couple days, yes, literally! But both of my kids went thru a stage when they were about 4 that even tho after I put them to bed, in the middle of the night they would come in our room and sleep. However, I did not EVER let them sleep in our bed. They would just bring their pillow and blanket and sleep on the hard floor on my side of the bed. My daughter did this for about a year and then all of a sudden never did it again. My son did it for a couple months and never did it again. I think they just grow out of it. So I think it's ok but just don't make it too COMFORTABLE for him.

As far as him staying in bed, I think it helps to watch Super Nanny. She has a great technique for it. You tuck him in and leave, the first time he comes out you say it's time for bed and put him back in, the second time and every time after that, you don't say ANYTHING but walk him back and put him to bed. You keep doing that over and over (on the show sometimes it takes HOURS) but dont give up and then he will get it.

The best advice I got when pregnant was DO NOT rock your baby to sleep, put her to bed awake so she teaches herself. I did this with both kids and like I said, I was very lucky with great sleepers. I hope this helps and good luck!