Younger Sister Is Attached to My Oldest's Hip. Is This Normal?

Well I have a 4 and 8 year old.
Girl and boy. The boy is the younger one.

My kids are very close. And adore each other. Play with each other and they like each other too.
However, I teach them that IF and when they need time alone or want to play by themselves, this is fine. They just have to say so, nicely. To me or the other sibling.
I teach them, everyone needs alone time, sometimes.
They understand.

My daughter has play dates. HER play dates with her friends.
My son has play dates, with HIS friends.
I do not combine them all the time, unless it is at my house.
Because I do often, have play-dates at my home for both my daughter and son, at the same time. A boat load of kids, at our house.

But with being invited to play-dates, I don't assume, the other sibling can go to the other's play-date either.

I tell my kids, they EACH have their own friends.
They understand.
I tell my son, "Sister has a play date today. It is our day today. What do you wanna do?" And visa versa.
When my son has a play-date... my daughter is actually glad. Because then, SHE has time to herself and it is QUIET. She relishes that. Although she loves her brother.

My son has a couple of times said if he can go with his sister on the play-date. I say no. Only sister was invited, and I cannot just invite ourselves. That is not polite. He has his own play-dates too. Just not today. He understands.

I always, explain to my kids. I don't combine them all on all activities. They have their own lives, too and interests.

Also, yes, a younger sibling will often tag along with an older sibling. I did. But, there needs to be, their own time too.
A 4 year old and a 7 or 8 year old, are VERY very different, developmentally. What a 7 or 8 year old does, is not the same as a 4 year old. Developmentally.
So.... you need to gauge, what you want your 4 year old to "mimic" in terms of what your 7 year old, may be doing, at that age. Because, it is drastically different, developmentally.

all the reply's make me feel just terrible. Sounds like I am the only one who doesn't accommodate this type of thing. My big kids are 11, 10 and 8 and we have a 6 month old and another due in Feb. Only girl in the mix so far is the 8 y.o. I have never expected my children to share friends or playdates, unless they were with family friends, and while they do play together at times I have never pushed that either. They are separate people with different interests and needs and wants. I've always asked that they treat each other with respect, and are kind, but by no means does that mean constantly including a sibling in activities. Unlike everyone else I know, we have NEVER had any issues with the kids being upset if the other had something going on or didn't want to play. they all know how to entertain themselves, and like i said, have their own friends and interests and they always have.

My kids are 3 years apart, almost exactly. Oldest is a boy, youngest a girl. They are very close and have shared a lot of mutual friends through church, but also each have their own friendships separately.
What we have always done is talk to them BEFORE the play date takes place. Like the day before (maybe) and for sure within a half hour of the playdate itself. And explain what is going to happen (so & so is having a friend come to play, or whatever the scenario is) and what behavior is EXPECTED of them. We have always expected the child HAVING the playdate to be kind to their sibling and include them as appropriate or possible. And that the sibling without the playdate to understand that their sibling has a friend that is there to spend time with them and that if they can play nicely it is fine, but if the other kids want to play alone that it is best for them to find something else to do. Since BOTH kids are thinking about the other, it works. The one WITH the playdate generally understands that they are to include the non-playdate sibling if they can (and usually they can) and the non-playdate sibling understands that they are not to be pushy or insert themselves when they aren't wanted (which they are ALWAYS wanted, b/c that is the expectation of the other sibling, and the friend always follows the lead of the host--at least in my experiences with our kids). So everyone is happy. And yes, my daughter plays with my son and his friend(s). And my son (until recently--he is almost a teen and is too cool now, lol) always played with my daughter and her friends(s).

It is fine to try to give extra attention to the "friendless" one during a playdate, but I wouldn't recommend setting that up as a precedent to be followed every time. Your kids need to learn how to work these things out themselves, to some degree. And they will, if you don't expect anything less. :)

It is ALWAYS easier to address these things BEFORE they happen than after the fact.

Oh.. and in the case of a sibling who feels left out and complains loudly about it---I'd take them aside and remind them what you ALREADY discussed with them, direct them to find something they can do on their own without the sibling's involvement (or yours) and refrain from giving them attention of any kind, really. Giving attention for it simply reinforces that that is a way to get attention. And you don't want to encourage it, so just ignore it. Send them to their room with a book if necessary.
As I type this, my 10 yr old has 2 girls over for a sleepover and my almost 13 yr old son has mostly entertained himself alone today. He's not upset about being virtually ignored by his sister today. He does think they are loud though, and is worried they will try to pull some sort of prank on him once he falls asleep... hee hee hee! When he had a friend over a few weeks ago, they all 3 played together, threw the football in the pool, etc. Then she practiced piano while the boys played in son's room. Not a big deal.

Dear Saramy-

I have a boatload of kids...all close in age...and all older now...BUT, my foggy recollection is that we did fun 'cooperative' activities where 'olders' and 'youngers' ALL played a part...

For example...old appliance boxes were my BEST friend...kids would spend ooodles of time helping to make/decorate the 'puppet theatre'...then there was the story line...then the puppet making...then the 'show'...

Sometimes they worked for days...and 'littlest' one always made a great audience!

Just a thought!
michele/cat

I think its wonderful that they get along so well, and that they like being with each other.But you are right, your 7 year old needs time with her friends and time to do what she wants without a little one.

How about when your oldest goes on a play date, you and your other two go do something special that only you do together? You could make it into a regular thing and make your 4 year old feel like she is getting the attention that she needs.
You can do big girl things together, and then she wont miss her sister so much, and hopefully nudge her into being more independent from your oldest.

My two younger ones are 10 and 4, the 4 year old adores his sister but can be pretty bossy. As happy as I am when they play well together it is only fair that my 10 year old get time apart...yes it causes my 4 year old to be less than happy ( putting it mildly) but I try and refocus his attention and try to do one on one activities so he doesn't mind that sister is playing with her friends or that sister just wants to read a book...we do things like finger paint, go for a walk, play play dough. I know it sounds overly simplistic, but it works for us. Sorry sometimes you just have to tell the younger one "no"...