.Wow....I Feel bad...not "Sick" Bad.

Tell her to mind her own business. Suck it up. It's life, everyone gets to make their own choices. Don't be ridiculous!

"Beatrice (or whatever her name is)...I love buying gifts for Adam. I don't want to cut back at all. He loves us both, don't worry!!"

Hmm, so your sister has a controlling husband who tells her how much she can spend on gifts, and you have a controlling sister who tries to tell you how much you should spend on gifts. Your sister feels bad because she can't spend more so she passes her problem on to you so now you feel bad. What's wrong with this picture?

Your sister has a problem and it's not you. If her husband can spend $300 on his lawn but she can't spend $20 on a toy, that's a problem. Go ahead and sympathize with her. It's a real bummer. And it's too bad that she can't stand up to her unreasonable husband. But if you give in to her unreasonable demands, you are enabling her to continue to avoid dealing with the real issue. Plus, she is focusing the blame on you, which is unfair and crazy thinking.

You get to choose how you give gifts and she gets to choose how she gives gifts. If this is what you enjoy doing, don't let your sister's issues ruin things for you and your grandson.

your sister is not in charge of your life. Yes, it would be kind to her....but then your grandson is paying the price for HER life choices.

I know I sound harsh....but you are truly entitled to "give" according to your personal comfort level. If you both were giving to the same child, then I would understand it.

Don't allow your sister to take control of your holiday pleasures.....

So, if I'm reading this right, your sister wants you to spend less so she doesn't have to spend more? On whom? Your grandchild, her great nephew? Or is she referring to her own grandchild? You know what, it doesn't matter. If your sister cannot or will not spend what you do, it's her issue not yours. This sounds like emotional blackmail to me. Your sister is trying to make YOU feel bad for giving to your grandson so SHE doesn't have to feel bad for being "frugal". And it's working or you wouldn't have asked for advice. He is your ONLY grandchild, please don't let anyone dictate to you the things you should do for him. As long as his parents are OK with any excess it's none of your sisters business.

I think I'd have an honest talk with her about priorities. You enjoy giving gifts to your only grandchild. She enjoys a nice, healthy lawn. You both have the disposable income, it's just a matter of what you prioritize. I think I'd explain to her that this is your choice to spend your money in this manner, and nobody is judging her on spending her money in other ways. It's not really fair of her to insist that her priorities become yours, though.

I honestly think it is crazy talk that she asks you to cut back on your spending simply because she has to. Were I to go on a dutch date with someone and order steak and lobster while he orders all you can eat salad bar... that is my choice it's my dime not making anyone look bad just enjoying my meal.

While I get that kids compare, maybe the response is to ask your daughter to ask the grandson not to brag vs you not getting things you want and can afford for your grandson. My stepkids' grandma can afford things my mom and MIL cannot. We taught the kids not to brag to their cousins about things their cousins would never receive. I certainly didn't buy a 10 yr old a Coach handbag.

I might also ask your sister, "Is this really about me, or is it about your husband's budget?" because if he can spend $300 to airate a lawn, it sounds like a priorities problem. My mom can't afford much and I just ask her to bring her love and spend time with us, which is such a treat since we don't see her often. What my ILs buy DD or don't buy DD is nothing against my mom. They are different people.

And if you bend, where does it stop? Should his parents not spend money on him because his cousins' parents don't buy the same (they have more kids, different budget, etc)? If she wants to spend more then she needs to have a sit-down with her husband about priorities.

Tell her to buck up. Sorry Charlie, this is my only grandchild and I'll spend X amount of money if i want.

Maybe give your grandson most of his gifts from you on Christmas eve?? Or maybe just his "big ticket" item...

Tell her:

"It's a shame that you're trying to turn this into an issue with you & I when your controlling DH is really the problem. I suggest that you discuss how much this bothers you, with him, the source of the problem, and not I, an uninolved party. I love my grandchild and am able to spoil him, and I'm sorry, but I'm not going to change that because your DH won't let you spend any money, but would rather spend $300 on the yard. Your frustration is misdirected, and it's not fair for you to make me the scapegoat."

You cannot control what other people do. You are the grand mother - if the parents don't have a problem with your spending then that's fine. If you can afford it - that's fine. If you can't - then it's a problem.

There may be extenuating circumstances that you are not aware of in their house hold - controlling husband aside.

She should NOT have to worry about what YOU spend on YOUR grandchild.

I would talk with her when her husband is not around and see if you can get more information.

Ok, I think I got this - your sister's grandchildren would be your nieces and nephews, right? If you're celebrating Christmas together and all opening presents together and your grandson has the $200 pile and her granddaughter has the $20 pile, then yes, even though it's not any of her business, I can see where she's coming from. BUT, if you're not in a group situation and your grandson has the $200 pile, then it's definitely none of her business. As it's none of your business what they spend on their yard, etc.; maybe they're trying to keep up with the Jones', who knows. Maybe you could have a separate Christmas gift-giving with your grandson so no one's feelings get hurt. I would just try and see things from a different perspective. Good luck!!!

YOU have no reason to feel bad for your sister's choices. If she does bring it up again tell her what you spend on who is none of her concern - gift giving isn't about how much something costs, it's about making others happy. My kids can be perfectly happy with a $10 gift (movie they wanted)as they are with a $100 gift - just depends on what it is and who it's from and if they want it. If she's just spending $10 to spend it - not concerned whether the child WANTS it to begin with - then if the child gets something they DO want, they won't be that impresesed with the thing they DIDN'T. Most kids depending on age rarely remember WHO gave them something anyway......Her guilt and priorities are not yours to bear. Let it go!!!

Tell her you love her and maybe you can work together on a gift.

Certainly you don't want to make her look bad, or feel bad. Maybe you can think of a present that costs not too much money but has lots of fun and love attached. A day at... where? You don't say how old your grandson is, but if he's old enough to appreciate a special trip to a museum or a zoo or something after Christmas, maybe that would work.

See what you can do so that you don't *look* ostentatious in your giving. Presentation makes a big difference.

I know it's disappointing to you, but I appreciate how you care about your sister, too. Not every doting grandma would.

I realize it's difficult to appease a sister. I feel hurt when my sister feels hurt. If I were in your situation, I would consider some gifts for my sister, maybe lottery scratch-offs or a gift card she can use to buy her kids an accessory to a gift (toy) her kid(s) Christmas gifts.

But more importantly, you can sympathize and, at the same time, tell her your spending on gifts is not a reflection of how "good" of a giver she is. Your explanation to us is a good place to start.

Keep up a "boundary". I mean, don't let her control you or manipulate your emotions.

I instruct my kids to not brag and I also remind my children that some families have more money than our family. That's just life.

Good luck

Maybe share the wealth with your sis so she can buy some expensive stuff too if thats how you guys measure love.
My sons MIL is very well off and buys our granddaughter all sorts of stuff and flies out to visit several times a year. I'm the poor grandma that doesnt send anything, but my little granddaughter loves me just as much as she loves her other grandma ( have webcam vids to prove it). Your sis shouldnt worry about it, but it is probably kind of uncomfortable for all involved if you are all unwrapping together. You might save your show offy stuff for when you are alone with your grandchilds family only, just out of respect for the other's feelings. Your sis is asking you nicely, so it's obviously bugging her.

She may be feeling bad because she knows they can afford to do the same thing and wants to so badly, but it upsets her because her husband will not allow her to.

So to honor her suggestion and still go all out like you want to... I would only bring a couple of smaller things for your Grandson and then when its all over have your Grandson come over and give him the rest :) Or you can bring the rest over to his house for him to open with just you and them. I'm assuming that you do Christmas together so others see what everyone is buying.

I'm getting to the point that I want to spend the holidays who want to spend the holidays the same way I like to. I'm stuck going to my brother's house where the t.v. is on not-stop, which on Christmas is only NBA basketball (Hey--the NBA is on strike! Yea!). Couldn't get the lot of them to sing a carol to save their lives.

It sounds like the two of you do not want to celebrate the holiday the same way. Maybe you can spend the main portion of the holiday with your children/grandson with the bulk of the gift exchange, and then have dessert with the cousins and a smaller gift exchange. Or maybe folks exchange names and those are only the gifts that are opened at the big gathering.

A lot of people flip out about gift giving and receiving. I think it causes a lot of stress and anxiety for some, and triggers bad memories of previous holidays. My father goes through an emotional roller coaster every year, and it impacts the entire family. It makes me want to skip the extended family portion of Christmas.

Perhaps the sisters can decide upon a new annual tradition of something to do on the holiday so that the opening of gifts isn't the focal point, especially if the kids are teens.

I wish I knew the ages of the kids. I can't find gifts for only $10 of the quality I like to give.

How does your other sister feel? Could you get together and discuss how all of you would like to spend the holiday? I know; I can't get my family to discuss it either.

Good luck.