Worried About My Relationship with My Husband

Decide you're in the mood and have sex. Good sex. You'll like him even more the next day and things will feel much more normal.

I think that some many women psych themselves out of sex (I'm tired. I'll be tired tomorrow. What if the baby wakes up because he hasn't been feeling well. Etc etc.) I think also we sometimes get so into "mom mode" that it feels weird to try to slip into "sexy vixen" mode. Do it anyway.

All the other stuff will pass (believe me, except for the distance from family I've totally been there). If you want to stop drifting apart, you've got to start being together.

When you are both out of school, your child is older and sleeping better, and you have more time it will probally be much better. And I don't know any woman who is physically exhausted and in the mood. That is something only men can be. ;0) Can grandma babysit once a week for datenight?

I've been married for 10 years and my hubs and I work different hours and we are like two ships sometimes that pass in the night. He always says he misses me and sometimes I have to stop and NOT say I am right here!! He means he misses us and the fun, and the time together. That's when I consciously have to make a plan to spend quality time with him, even if it's once a week. You have a sitter, make it a regular thing, don't use work, school or baby as an excuse. You need the time to reconnect and you are aware of how you two are "drifting" in the realtionship. I'm sure your husband would be grateful for the effort you make to get a steady "date" night with him. And you say you aren't in the mood and most likely you are not because we women always take on more than the hubs, usually, for housework and child care, but just try to go with the flow soon as your loving husband puts his loving arms around you you'll be in the mood. Best of luck, sounds like you really love your husband.

Yes me and my hubby went through that, but school doesnt last forever, and as long as you both want it to work... It will. and im pretty sure he wants it to. yall will have fun together again. they say the hardest part of marriage is the first few years, so this will past, yall will both have a better education, and that leads to better jobs, and better work hours, and more time off, adn more time together. Good luck

Even if you didn't have school I think marriage and kids just does that....
My husband and I are in our mid 30's and have been married for 3 years. We have a 2 1/2 year old and a 1 year old. I stay home and he works for our home biz and is busy all the time. We hardly see each other and when we do we are running after kids, cleaning up, or just dealing with life issues. I feel lost in this mommy world and he is lost in our biz....
I have times when I feel like, is this my life? Where did the fun go? Where did our relationship go? I am NEVER in the mood and do it only for him.
That just makes me sad...
BUT the thing that keeps it together is talking about it. We are open and honest and I tell him how I am feeling. It was hard to do, but I knew that if I didn't tell him, it would only get worse and not end well.
We now MAKE time each month for just us. We don't have many options for getting away from the kids, but we do what we can.
This past weekend we had his mom fly in, so we could get away. Sure we can't do that often, but it was something we had to do for us.
You need to make sure you find time for each other! You HAVE to find that time. It won't be easy- I know... but if you don't reach out and work on it. You will be looking back and wishing you had.
Good luck. You aren't alone.

This is a very busy time for you as parents. It's hard to get time to yourselves without school. I was very fortunate to get my education first, and I know how important it is. That being said, anyway you and/or your husband could slow down a little bit? Maybe take one less class? It's true that this time in your son's life won't last forever and school won't last forever, but it really would be nice to have some time together. If you don't want to slow down and really want to finish your degree, just hang in there and know that your time will come.

Your letter is beautifully written and honest. I would change around a few words and send it to him. Let him know your fear. But truthfully all marriages of any substance go through this. And you are both working so hard. Congrats on going to school and just keep telling your husband how much you love him. I'm not sure why everyone always has to talk all the time. Silence is wonderful. As far as fun goes, it will return, you are currently just in a funk. And if he's in the mood all the time, perhaps fifty percent of the time you could tell yourself to respond anyway because that can make you happy after you do. And he will be too.

So tell him what you have told us.. You are both working really hard to get to a better place in your lives. your beautiful child is your main focus and that is good. You can still love someone, just be still being there and doing your part, by making your self a better person so you 2 can reach your goals. .

There were times when our daughter was little, I would realize my husband and I had not spoken about anything for a week or 2. He would be across the room with our daughter and I would be cooking or taking a call and we would just look straight into each others eyes and smile. Or he would wink at me.. That said it all. We knew what we were feeling and that everything was ok, because this is where we were at that moment. Working hard so our daughter could be happy and healthy and we could make our lives better..

Then we would sometimes just be so tired, we would just hold hands as we fell asleep. Try to find time to go out or have alone time.. Make a reservation for each other. It is exciting to anticipate the time coming up.

Leave notes. Steal a kiss. Just say the words. I love you, I miss you. I appreciate you..

Dear C. - take it from an old lady who has been married for over 38 years - DATE NIGHT ! Now it sounds easy, but, it isn't. It takes an effort to take the time to spend with each other. It takes coordinating a babysitter, feeding the baby,making sure you have the emergency numbers available, making sure you have cash on you to pay the sitter, etc.; but, C., all those things pay off. And believe me, Date Night is not just for newly married with children - Date Night is forever. We went from raising children, to having grandchildren, to taking care of an elderly parent - if it were not for Date Night, I don't know what we would do. Wednesday night is date night - not the weekend. You are too busy on the weekend to just focus on each other. Plus, the weekend gives you that opportunity to finish talking about things you talked about on Date Night. Ask your family and friends NOT to call you on Date Night. That way your phone will still be on for emergencies but you will have uninterupted time together. It doesn't have to be a long night. It doesn't even have to be a dinner or a movie. AND, don't get stuck in just going to a movie because you do not communicate when in a movie. Once and a while, but, not every week. My husband and I go to Home Depot and look around and talk about remodeling the house or dreaming of that perfect outdoor space. It could be a picnic dinner in the park or a walk in the park. Another thing, once you get use to Date Night, it IS very easy to STOP Date Night just by letting little everyday things push Date Night out to another night, BUT, before too long, Date Night gets forgotten. Stay with the routine. It is an acually an appointment that you must keep. Schedule things around Date Night, DO NOT schedule Date Night around everything else, or, you will not find the time for Date Night - which means you do not find the time for each other!God Bless You and Your Family - T.

Oh honey! I feel for you. Let me just say everything is a season, and this is too. It's hard when you have a preschooler. It's hard when you are BOTH in school full time! Your focus is stretched thin and that leave little tiem for each other. Did you know that martital satisfaction is at it's lowest when you have young children? Most people divorce during this stage when it only gets better as they get older! I don't mean you shouldnt' have kids, I have 3!! Ha, ha! I just mean it's natural to feel like you are drifting. So, you have to be more intentional with your spouse. You have to intentionally hold his hand, kiss him, send him loving texts, and try to make time for each other. If grandma is game, let her watch the baby once a week, or every other week so you can have a date night. It doens't have to involve going out and spending a bunch of money, rent a movie, have dinner alone at home, or just snuggle on the couch!

Maybe you two can go out for a breakfast date alone. Nothing like a good breakfast together after good sex : )
Surprise him with morning sex.

You need to make time for each other, and you need to have sex. If you are never in the mood that is like saying to him that you do not love him, that you have no desire for him. You can say i love you, but with men actions speak much better than words. When I started being better to my husband, he started helping more, and we feel more connected, because he knows he is loved and wants to return that love to me.

You are both very busy and very stressed. Really this is a normal phase many couples go through! Don't forget to create traditions, take plenty of time to date. Even if it's just cozying up together and reading a good book, or watching a tv series on netflix. My hubby and I pick a series and watch one episode almost every night when the kids are in bed. It's sometimes the only time we spend together that day and we both need it. Just through out the day, a special touch, a small h rub on the shoulder, a smile, a rub on the back as you walk through the room, tiny things like that over the course of the day really add up. Also, do chores together, cook dinners together, read your scriptures nightly together. School will eventually come to an end and you will all have more time together, just try an d make the most of what you have now.

I think society has created an unrealistic view of marriage. It is not always lust and bliss. If you can find a good man you can enjoy moments with and build a home, you will work through everything in time. Every marriage goes through phases and let's face it he will not be in school forever. It's like a chapter in a book, you will move on and your marriage will bend and turn. That connection is not always there, but it usually on takes small events to flicker that sprak and that's when you realize, your marriage is real. It is a working relationship to some degree, he handles this - you handle that and you love each other for what you bring to the table each day. Not everyone can live together and while sometimes it may not be glamourous drudging through daily life together, it is wonderful having someone you enjoy being around to share life's special moments.

All good advice here, especially about telling him how you feel and about weekly dates. Sounds like you both have bad schedules for connecting and having fun. I do hope that you try to pull out your fun side even if you're working together on something (which is highly recommended). Maybe he will too. Most women hit that patch around this time. Guess you can't afford to pay your way out of some responsibilities at this time -- perhaps later. Think of creative ways to lighten your load (auto bill pay, everyone picks up after themselves, limit cooking maybe to Sundays for assembling casseroles that can be cut and used twice from frozen. Dust less, clean a little less. I notice that my hubby gets in the mood on days that we get silly or have fun or I'm understanding something about him or his work. I think the same would be for me. Plus he really seriously takes his time with rubbing my arms or back while snuggling with no expectations. If he then kisses me and if tired, I might say, 'I'm so tired but can we play tomorrow night?; If I don't stop him, then he takes much time in gentle foreplay and doesn't make the next big move until he sees I'm responding. Don't panic. communicate.

So have Grandma watch the baby and have a few drinks. You should make it a point to do so.

I think what you're feeling is normal! You both sound like very busy people. And it sounds like you are working toward common goals and that is great!
What happened? Life happened!
Just remember to have those times when grammy watches the baby every so often. Keep your hubby on your "to-do" list ;-) and you'll be fine.

Sometimes you just have to "get into the mood" even if you don't think you are. You need to reconnect. You need to plan date nights - even if it's after you put your son to bed at night.
Order chinese food and eat it in front of the fire or something.
Plan a movie night - popcorn and beer - in front of your TV.
You don't have to go out to have a date.
We had no money - we stayed in, but managed a date night every week. You need to be a couple. You were a couple before you were parents... Don't lose that.
LBC