Whining 21 Month Old.. Need Advise

When my son started to whine, he's 3 now, when he was younger I would correct the problem then and there. There were consequences to whining. Not going outside, playing with favorite toys, etc. My son learned that whining got him negative results, but asking please and saying thank you gave him positive results. He has his moments but for the most part, he's doing great, as far as the whining goes, but potty training is another story...LOL.

well all u have to do is put time out or take away what like to like toys or something that like mostly take away or u need to teach that kids whine only way to put time out for short time until stop whine it work for me when i had my two kids now my two kids is grow up over age now and i know how to deal with it so that way kids want to have fun to do thing no cant not allow to have good time until stop whine first only way to do that way

For the whining at playdates:
1) You could have a plan with the other mothers to leave BEFORE she starts to whine and while she is still having a good time... you will have to do it for a while, and she's going to be upset that she has to leave while she's still having a good time, but eventually it will make her WANT to stay and play and the whining to leave will diminish.
2) The other choice for playdate whining (or store whining, etc) is to set her up. Stay and have a plan that when she begins whining someone else picks her up and takes her home and you get to stay. (This way she gets what she wants except that she's not controlling you).

For whining at home. I just walk away or pretend that I am stone deaf when whining happens. I don't respond in any way. And yes, they do escalate, I just keep moving away. Whining is to get your attention. If she doesn't get your attention she will escalate (hey, I'm REALLY whining here... you haven't noticed yet) but eventually she will stop. When she's NOT whining (for at least a few seconds) then I would ask her what she'd like in a completely normal way. This way normal requests are followed and are "rewarded" with my attention and whining requests are completely ignored. Once, whining escalated to the point that I just broke out the vacuum cleaner and vacuumed over the noise. My daughter got the picture very quickly, I finished the room and when I turned off the vac and she stayed quiet then I asked what she wanted and we went from there.... that was the last big whining spell. Hope it helps.

Want to know what I did? I told my daughter I "couldn't understand" when she used her whiny voice...and it worked! She really believed me that I somehow have very sensitive ears that just can't hear whining. She's four now, and the same trick works. I simply say, "I'm sorry honey, but I just can't understand you when you're using your whiny voice."

And don't worry too much about the threshold. All little kids have one, and I try to respect my daughter's, because I know that when I am done, I am done. Maybe try pre-empting her threshold - give her a ten minute warning that it will be time to leave soon. For most kids, the threat of leaving when they are not quite ready to go, makes them want to stay longer. Or you could see if she can just rest quietly on the couch for a few minutes until you are ready to go. Be creative, and see what works!

Hi A.~

This is a difficult time. My little one is 21 months today and she too is going through the same thing. Picky eating when she would eat everything before and now the whining. What has worked for me is when she starts whining I try to help her to learn to communicate in ways other than whining by encouraging talking and to have her show me what she's wanting. (this generally avoids her emotions getting out of control since you are being attentive to her wants) If I cannot satisify her wants I try to distract her with something that might attract her attention (toy book etc.) if this doesn't work then I simply put her in her crib for a time out. That always does the trick. She just needs to be removed from stimulation for a little bit and after about 5 min she's ready to get down and play again. Through this process I'm teaching her first to try to communicate in a way other than whining and then self entertainment then if those don't work, I then teach her to self sooth through being alone. It's working like a charm. I hope this helps for you too. But I would be forwarned...I've been doing this from the begining and she knows the routine and accepts it. With this being new for your lo it might not be so easily accepted at first but give it time. I know she'll come around and will benifit from it in many respects.

As far as playdates, I would simply forwarn the other mother that your lo is going through a phase and that the date might have to be cut short due to her state at any given moment and you appreciate her patience while you are helping your lo grow through this phase. I don't think there's a mother out there that wouldn't understand.

Best of luck to you,
C.
Kustom Kids Boutique

As a behavior analyst, extinction(not giving any reinforcement to her negative behavior) is the best way to treat a behavior. It WILL escalate and get worst, BUT if you keep following through with it, she will understand that that's not the way to get your attention etc... and soon you will not see any more signs of this behavior. Try talking to her on the way over to playdate about how much fun she is going to have and that she's going to be alright. Even practice at home with her as if she's at a playdate. If the whining begins when you get there, (I know this sounds hard) you can't acknowledge it or hold her - just keep redirecting her to playing with the other children. Show her that it's fun and then get out of there. You may just need to leave her at the playdate w/out you...another toughy!! These are all hard to do, but in the long run, they have great benefits, teaching your child independence. Hope it helps!

Try www.loveandlogic.com. They have a great parenting book for birth through age 6. (I got it at the library). It has helped me a lot.

As far as the playdates, I think I'd pretty much just leave when she gets fussy. She's still little... she just may not be able to handle a longer period of socialization than this right now. As far as whining at home... there's no magic bullet. Just try really hard to never give her whatever it is she is whining about. If she is asking for something she can't have, then I'd get on her level and explain why she can't have it and then try to ignore it from there. Or give her a choice of something she can have instead (if she will stop whining). If she wants something she CAN have, then ask her to ask for it in a non-whining voice (and show her an example) BEFORE you give it to her. Good luck! This too will pass....

Hello,
All children whine, but the difference is how long we let them do it. My husband cannot stand whining, so whenever my daughter does it, he or I would look into her eyes and say : "no whining! and if you continue we will put you in time out"; In the beggining we had to do it over and over until she grasped the concept, but now we only have to say: no whining, and she stops. Consistency is the key.

The sooner you start the better; you need to let her know that whining won't get her what she wants. Sometimes they are tired and cranky and they will whine but it shouldn't be the norm.
Those are my two cents:)
bye,
K.

I think she is just very sensitive to things your not aware of. The lights may be to bright the sounds to loud, to many toxins in the air especially in other peoples homes. She has not built up an immunity to the other toxins in friends homes as of yet.

Try to illuminate some of the toxins in your own home. Crack a window in every room no matter the weather! That helps to release some of the MANY SILENT KILLERS in our homes. Remove all plastics that aren't necessary especially the ones in the kitchen! Children do not need any plastic eating materials! Use cotton clothing, remove carpet, clean with green products, and throw out all the fake sweet smelling fragrances in your home. Basically get back to nature, like God intended it. As much as possible anyway.

My g-son whom lives with me had got to crying constantly I made all the above changes and thanks to the good Lord and caring mothers the fits stopped!