When to Tell?

Updated on September 28, 2009
R.B. asks from Raleigh, NC
16 answers

Dear All,

I just found out that I am pregnant with my 3rd child and have a 5 & 7yrs old. My husband and I were debating on when to the tell our children that I am pregnant. We had not planned on telling anyone outside of our siblings and parents that I was pregnant to get throught the first trimester.

Would love to get your input.

Thanks!

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So What Happened?

We had full intentions of waiting until I got to the 2nd trimester but my oldest asked me out of the blue this weekend if I was having another baby. She says she just thought I might be pregnant. Who knows maybe she overheard us...but we went ahead & told our 2 girls & they are thrilled. Thank you all for your suggestions.

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G.M.

answers from Raleigh on

I wouldn't say anything. Adults understand situations better than children. I wouldn't say anything to them until you are showing and can't hide it anymore. Otherwise, you might get "when's the baby coming, when's the baby coming?" :)

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K.B.

answers from Jacksonville on

I waited until I was showing to tell my older two because 9 months is a long time for kids that age.

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J.L.

answers from Lexington on

Congratulations R.!! So exciting!!

My husband and I told our close family and friends right away, but waited until we heard the heartbeat to tell our 4 year old son. (I rented my own doppler with my first pregnancy and ended up paying it off and kept it) Our daughter is almost 2, so I don't think she really understands!! I was around 9 weeks when we heard the heartbeat for the first time and my husband brought our son back to hear it.

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S.A.

answers from Raleigh on

Congratulations!!
I only have one child so I never have had this particular issue, but I think Dawn's advice was spot-on. I'd wait until after the first trimester or when you really start showing. I know some women show earlier than that, though I was lucky and wasn't really showing until 4.5 months (up until then it sometimes looked like I had eaten a big meal or had a full bladder or was bloated, after that I looked and felt like a whale!). I think it's good to wait until you get through the first trimester so that way you don't have to worry about the girls inadvertently letting the news slip before you are ready :)

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M.M.

answers from Jacksonville on

Depending on how perceptive your 7 year old is I would tell them soon. I have 4 and the kids knew right after I found out. I did lose one between three and four and I was already 5 months along so they would have been told anyway by then. Plus by number three my body looked pregnant way before 12 weeks.
Congratulations to you and your family THe sooner you tell them the sooner you can let them in on what the baby looks like at the different stages.

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K.P.

answers from Memphis on

Don't tell your kids too much before you tell everyone else, or they just might spill the beans. :-)

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K.H.

answers from Huntington on

If you don't want anyone outside your immediate family to know until your 2nd trimster, don't tell the kids until then. They will tell, trust me!!!

Congrats.

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N.K.

answers from Nashville on

Congratulations R.!!

I was pregnant with my third when my boys were the same ages! We did decide to wait until I was (almost) 12 weeks.
I really think this is personal choice based on your health and how involved you want your daughters to be....Your girls will love this baby!! My boys spoiled him rotten-then we had a fourth!
Good luck to you and your family!
N.

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D.B.

answers from Charlotte on

.

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S.S.

answers from Raleigh on

Congratulations! I was one of 6 and we got so excited everytime a new arrival was introduced. I remember looking at pregnancy charts with a brother seeing how the baby was changing and growing each month. We knew it took 9 months and your oldest probably does too. Unless you are high risk or had complications in the past with miscarrying, I don't see any harm in letting them know. They will probably be thrilled and maybe as a family you can discover some new bonding. Take care, hope you are feeling well.

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S.D.

answers from Nashville on

I had a miscarriage so my opinion may be a little different from everyone else. Children get excited about a new baby. I would wait to tell them until you are starting to show. Just like it is disappointing for you if you have a miscarriage it is also disappointing for your children. I miscarriead at 8 weeks and we were very glad that we had not told our children yet when I had the miscarriage.

I would definately get through the first trimester before you tell anyone. With the baby that we were pregant with after the miscarriage baby we waited until I was 5 months pregnant before we told anyone. It is emotionally painful to have a miscarriage and it makes it a lot harder if you have told a lot of people. They ask you about the baby and you have to talk about it all the time. Right after you miscarry you are not really ready to talk about it with everyone under the sun.

My suggestion is to wait to tell everyone until you are showing. When you feel like, "I don't want people to think I am getting this fat, then it is time to tell them that you are not fat, you are pregnant." :o)

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C.C.

answers from Johnson City on

Congrats on the new addition. I just had my 3rd baby 7 weeks ago, I also have a 8 year old boy and 3 1/2 year old girl. We had been trying for a while and could not hold it in. We told our older children as soon as the doctor confirmed we were having another baby. It was early we were only 3 1/2 weeks when we found out but I think it was good. It gave out other children time to adjust and get used to the idea. I was sick my first trimester and they knew it was from the baby and there was not anything wrong with me. I involved the older children in all aspects of our pregnancy from the beginning which made them feel included. I would not suggest telling them though if you want to keep it a secret, because they will probably not be able to keep it quiet. Good luck.

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C.R.

answers from Knoxville on

We waited until after the first trimester. Since I had a high chance of miscarriage we decided to wait until we got past that point.

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K.S.

answers from Raleigh on

Unless you are sick, then get through the first trimester and then, have a little party, just you 4. I would make this a real family affair so they feel very special.

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E.M.

answers from Louisville on

first trimester is a good idea it eliminates most of the problems that could occur. congrats and good luck!

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K.L.

answers from Chattanooga on

Children know way more than we think. The sooner the better. You don't want them to pick up on it from things being said here and there. You want to be direct and up front with them as soon as possible.

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