When Do You Indroduce the Concept of "Strangers"

We've use the SAFE SIDE Stranger Safety video, Hot Tips for Cool Kids! It's a super way to start the conversation, it's fun to watch, talks about all sorts of things, and definitely gave me a point of reference to speak with my 3 yr old daughter when she's gotten "too friendly" with just about everyone.
Good job mommin'!

We did when our son was five and going to be on his own more with school. There's a super DVD out there called The Safe Side that we used (done by the woman who did the Baby Einstein series and John Walsh). It's very light and funny for kids ... not scary at all while making the key points you need to make.

Some parents are really overprotective (hence, the helicopter generation of parents being named). You run into it a lot these days. I think there's a big difference between hugging another child and running up to a stranger in a car, KWIM? Do what you feel comfortable with and encourage friendly behavior. Then, when the timing is right, I would try the DVD and talk more about strangers.

I will be interested in seeing what you reponses you get. My son is 2 1/2 and is the same way. He doesnt know how to introduce himself to people yet but he will talk to anyone. He will say hi to every person we pass in the store. I never let him out of my site but i dont discourage him from talking to others yet either. I know sooner or later we need to teach him about that but i feel he is to young to truley understand yet. I think every parent is different with what they believe is ok for kids to do. We were at a stor about a year agao and him and another little girl were playing at a lego table and when it was time for her to go she looks at my son and gives him a big hug and kiss right on his nuk. I thought it was cute and made me chuckle. Then she wanted to give me a hug to. Her mom was right there and i had no problem with her hugging my son. I think it is good for kids to be compasionate toward others but i do know it is scary to. There are crazy people out there and i think once my son is a bit older i will talk to him more about it. Untill then i keep him by me at all times.

When my 15 yr old daughter was a toddler, she was quite social. We talked about Stranger Danger, etc but who knows who a stranger is, right.....Could be the nice man down the street.

So. here is what I did, along with my neighbor at the time with her 3 children. We used the colors of signal light......red, yellow, green....

If someone you knew very well, like grandparents, family, etc they were "Green" "Green=Go"

If there was someone we knew but not very well, some neighbors, maybe other adults you don't know well, the grocer that talks to you all the time, calls you by name, etc they were "Yellow" yellow=caution

If someone we did not know at all, even if they were friendly they were "Red" red=stop.

We'd use these examples at the grocery, park, mall, wherever we were. Our children learned stranger danger that way.

I read the book, "The Gift of Fear" a few years ago. You can check it out on Amazon, but I got it from my local library. The basic message is TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS. He suggests not being afraid of 'strangers,' but being afraid of strange behavior. We in society interact with strangers all the time, and this book gave some strategies for balancing that. My daughter would hug everyone, and for the most part, it brought a lot of cheer into peoples' lives. We need to be smart about our interactions. Strangers are far more likely to help your child in a time of need than hurt them.

I also had a difficulty thinking about the right way to teach which strangers are ok to talk to and which to not. I had a scare two years ago, when I tried teaching my children about strangers, when I accidently set something on the stove on fire in my kitchen and my daughter then 3 years old ran to a bedroom and hid, while saying, "fire, I need to hide." So I did try and teach my daughter about fire safety. This was around the time I was teaching her about strangers, yet fire fighters are considered strangers to children. I decided I needed to take a different approach. She was scared of every stranger and person whether life saving or not. Another instance was at a store, I over heard one of those allerts for a lost child in the store, I actually was the first person to locate the child. Had the child been to scared of strangers, I wouldn't have been able to convince the child to walk with an employee of the store to the front in order to find his parents. Everything worked out fine in that instance, so I decided to teach my children its ok to say hi to strangers when my husband or I talk with the stranger first, because I like to talk and make new friends. I am leary of course who I talk with. Then another good idea is to show pictures of policeman, fire fighters, security guards, and paramedics staff, even taking your child to a fire station may help. Another idea is to show your child at every store you go to what the employees look like so that if for some reason you get separated, your child will trust that it is ok to walk with the employee to the front of the store to find you. But especially teach your child to not go or talk with anyone without the proper uniforms, when you or a trusted adult is not with them. Although, do remember that children don't really comprehend who are strangers until they are at least 4 or 5 years old. Good luck on you endeavors to teach these important skills.

Thats a tough one to balance. My daughter is a social butterfly too. We talked about strangers as people we didn't know. She was never to go over to anyone, or walk away with someone we didn't know. We also have talked about what to do if someone tries to grab her ect. Other than that she could say hi to people when I was with her. I felt it was better to have her not be afraid of everything around her and teach her how to be kind and polite to people. As for the hugging yes our kids need to know boundaries, we hug friends and family. Granted if my daughter plays with someone on the playground they are friends making hugging fair game. Unfortunately we live in a neurotic society. ( I have heard stories of 5 year olds getting in trouble at school for GASP!! Holding hands, hugging and giving sweet kisses) There are some bad people out there, but I also want my daughter to understand that kindness can make a day nicer for someone. I talk to everyone, people in line, clerks, so on and so forth. She follows my example. I feel that with caution and rules in place that she is safe. Do what you feel comfortable with. Good luck

Sounds to me like someone didn't have their latte that morning! Ha ha.

But seriously, we do have to acknowledge that just as not all adults like the social hugging/kissing thing, they may not want their kids to be approached by another stranger's child who does the same to their child. Some people are just not touchy-feely. Also, in the wake of H1N1, people may be a little more "personal-space" conscious. And there are those with weak or compromised immune systems, or even those who have been fighting illness in their homes and can't stand the thought of one more cold/flu (even if you know your child is healthy)!

However, children are prone to be naturally affectionate, and that lack of self-consciousness is adorable (and leaves them all too soon, sadly). I get a kick out of seeing my little 4 yo grab the hand of her best friend and go skipping away - it's a spontaneous gesture that warms my heart. People are too quick to make deviant what is truly innocent behavior in children of that age.

Perhaps the best thing to do, as has been mentioned, is to reserve the physical expressions of affection for those people with whom you are acquainted, not those whom you are just meeting, unless you first ask the parent's permission. The woman who announced your son's lack of being taught personal space was being tacky. She may have felt offended, but she could have addressed you personally by saying they aren't that affectionate with strangers.

Regarding adult strangers, you may want to make it clear to your son that speaking to someone while Mommy is there is fine, but (what I asked my daughter to do was) to check with Mommy first before striking up a conversation. We ended up having quite a discussion about it, but I would rather deal with that in private and beforehand than once she's chatting up Charles Manson, lol. I really liked the Green/Yellow/Red rating idea, and that can be done in a discreet manner, decided between the two of you beforehand.

Cherish your loving and affectionate son. Let him know that there is nothing wrong with these expressions, rather, as with most things, there are appropriate circumstances and groups best suited for them. :)

Yikes - can't believe the over reaction from that other mom! My son(2.5) is also a hugger and I'm working on teaching him to ask if he can hug someone before he does since some of the kids in our playgroup don't like being hugged.

I think you've gotten great advice on "stranger danger" - I'll probably be using some of those techniques when my son is old enough to understand them. Unfortunately most crimes committed against children are perpetrated by people the children know - neighbors, family members, members of the community, etc.

One thing I plan on teaching my kids is a password that someone would need to have in order for my child to go with them if I'm not around and to ask me for permission first before going with any one other then me or my hubby (we don't live near family so grandparents/aunts/uncles aren't really in the picture).

Sure the world has horrible people in it, but I think most of us are warm and loving people - and who could use an extra hug in there day?