When Can a Child Understand Being Quiet?

Went through that with my son (many years ago!) and besides the "inside voice" thing, I would start speaking in whispers when he got loud...he then HAD to be quiet to hear me. He soon learned to moderate his voice. Worked like a charm! You have to get everyone in the house to do it though and if at daycare, there also. It has to be consistent. Good luck!

I am a kindergarten teacher and this is a skill that we work on everyday! Even at 5 and 6 years old, they have trouble with this!

It's probably a cry for attention for both yours and your husbands attention. My son gets riled up (26 months) when dad comes home because he wants to play with him, talk to him, etc. We never watch a show/have an adult conversation during that time so he is included. We eat dinner and everyone talks about their day then we have playbtime before beginning our bed time routine. My husband and I save our together time until after he goes to bed - which allows us more personal converstions without interruption! Try playing with him and model how to play quietly. If he knows his colors, shapes etc he will pick up what you're teaching him! Good luck!

Hi J.!
I'm an early childhood educator. I know that even at 3 years old, they are learning volume control! I'm always amazed that this is just another developmental milestone-learning to control the volume of their voices. The attention getting thing comes with the territory I suppose and you'll have to be consistent with whatever route you go on that but for now, the volume control really is something he doesn't know how to do-yet.
Congratulations on your boys!
L.

I agree that he is just wanting attention and not wanting to be left out =)
As far as your question of when though, well I have a 3 yr old and 5 yr old and they still have to be reminded to use inside voices! If my hubby and I are watching a show and they are being too loud, we just remind them they either have to be quiet in the livingroom or go play in their room with the door shut. But that's kinda hard to tell a 2 yr old, he can't exactly go play alone in his room and entertain himself and not get into trouble LOL
I agree, just wait until he's in bed to have good conversation and watch your shows. You could also try sitting on the floor with him "playing" but still watching the show, you know?
You can also practice using inside voice and outside voice during the day. Does he watch "Yo Gabba Gabba"? they have a song they sing about inside voice, outside voice. Maybe you could find a DVD with that episode or a CD with the song. And remember to praise him when you do hear him using his inside voice. Praise helps them remember a lot better than just getting in trouble every time he doesn't

I still wish my sons could be quiet. Their "quiet" doesn't have 'silence' anywhere in it! I have learned to be happy with the times when each of them can be quiet; and, over the years, they have learned the "how" to be quiet, or, I should say, they have learned what "quiet" means.

I have three boys, now age 15, 10 and 7. When I had only my first, I didn't catch on about actually "teaching" how to be quiet. The best techniques tend to be 1) modeling, 2) having a quiet distraction (not a toy car, for instance, my favorite is a soft book with buttons, snaps, zippers, loops, ties, a clock with cloth movable hands), and 3) try to keep that "you have to be quiet" time as short as you can manage.

I like providing a time to 'be not quiet' as a reward!

Every child is different. Good luck!

Barbara's response is exactly what I would write! Toddlers believe that they are the center of the universe, and that is okay...for now. He can't understand why anyone WOULDN'T want to hear everything he has to say. There is nothing wrong with attempting to control his volume, and trying to teaching him not to interrupt, but don't expect to carry on a conversation with hubbie or watch a tv program until your son has gone to bed. Your son wants and needs your undivided attention and at this age, it is developmentally appropriate that he sees your husband and tv as competition for your attention. Enjoy his talkativeness while you can because when they are teenagers, they won't even want to look at you, much less talk!

Honestly, I think you're asking too much of him. He's 2, he's got a baby brother on the way, and when Daddy gets home, HE wants Daddy's attention. Yet, you are giving all of your attention (which was focused on your son) to Daddy, and Daddy is giving it to you. SO he MUST jump up and down and be loud in order to get attention - even if it's negative.

My suggestion, as hard as it is, is to wait until after bed time to have Daddy and Mommy time. He will have to share plenty when Baby Brother comes, but right now, he needs to have your attention.

I love Dr. Karp (Happiest Baby on the Block) and I love how he says your toddler needs TIME IN, and not TIME OUT. Instead of punishing him for behavior, be proactive and give him the attention he desperately wants ("time in") instead of reacting to the behavior he exhibits when you don't. I"m not suggesting you are ignoring him. I just know that in my house, we have learned that it's best to keep our adult conversations and our adult shows (and by "adult" I mean shows like "The Office"! LOL) to after the kidlets are in bed. It's hard for my 4 year old.

What I have started with my 4 year old (though my own 27 month old doesn't understand it) is to set a timer: Mommy and Daddy have 10 minutes after dinner is over to talk, while we plays for a bit before we wind down for the evening. It helps, because he knows that when that timer goes off, it's his time. This does not work with my 27 month old, however. DH also makes sure when he walks in the door after work to give plenty of attention to our 4 year old and 2 year old and holds the baby while I finish getting dinner on the table. We all talk during dinner, but for a few minutes after dinner, Mommy and Daddy get to talk. We've only just started this as a way to chat with each other a bit, but most of the time we just wait until the kids are in bed to watch "our" TV and have "our" time. We DVR all of our shows and watch them when we can...sometimes weeks later...together!

My 4.5 year old knew all his shapes, colors, his ABCs, and numbers to 30 before age 2, and BELIEVE ME...that doesn't make a difference in understanding the need to be quiet. IT's not about intelligence; it's about appropriate expectations!

Good luck!

My boys are 12, 9, and 5 and rarely play quietly. My eldest keeps a running commentary on everything. Drives us absolutely bonkers! There are times when we have to be downright rude to him and tell him to just shut up! My middle one is so loud we are constantly telling him to turn down the volume. My youngest has the verbal diarrhea!

I would like to tell you what you want to hear, but I am afraid they do not grow out of it. My kids are fine by themselves at times.

He is trying to get your attention and is jealous of dad. You just need to look at him and say- "It is time for Mommy to give her attention to Daddy and you need to go play quietly." They can understand that. Consistency is key, as it is in all things child rearing!

Good Luck!

I started teaching all 3 of my children what it means to be quiet as a baby in the crib. So, your expectations are not too high. But, you can't expect him to be quiet until you train him to do so. This means you have to practice it and punish/reward him until you know he knows what you expect. Once that is established, then the reward/punishment duo is not needed. (sometimes, the punishment is needed to help remind them what you expect :-) Then, the amount of time they can be quiet will depend upon their age. But, your expectation is a valid one. Train him during the day before you truly need to him to be quiet. That is the practice time. Then, when you are at a funeral or in a sensitive situation, he will respond appropriately even if he doesn't understand what's going on. You will appreciate this not only when you want to talk to your husband, but it will come in handy in those important events as well. (Note: kids are kids, and my kids aren't perfect at this. And, I am not trying to act like they are. But, this learned behavior has been a tremendous blessing to me when the time called for it, even if it was just for my own sanity.)

He is still young. My daughter, who is about that same age, also is very loud, especially when we are out to eat! I try to tell her to quiet down, but she rarely listens. I think they just get so excited that it is hard for them to control the volume. Just be consistent, explain the difference between an inside and outside voice. You could even make it a game using a soft voice and a loud voice. He will get it soon!!

my son is 22 months dose not know his colors and shapes. he found out really quick about sushhh and quiet. we were in a restraunt and he would babble really loud basically shout. we would react and tell him shuuuush be quiet wisper. this became soo fun for him because he learned to put his finger to his mouth and say shuuush quiet and then he would babble something in a wisper.it does that a few weeks but our son never cried. i bet more than anything you son is needing a bit of one on one attention from dad. i think about 15 mins of one or the other would do.... dinner together, reading a book, bath time, toy time. hope this helps its much more embarassing in public!

Yes, a 2yr old is fully equipped to explore relationships, environments, and himself, but not brain-developed to control himself, know social cues, conventions, "rules" yet. That's why churches have "nurseries" for youngsters, and why it is now coming back into fashion for children under 4 or so to be put to bed at the early hour of 7pm or so, giving older children and adults time to themselves and the young child gets a good 11-12 hours of sleep---needed for quiet nervous systems and bright minds. Check Dr T Berry Brazelton and his books, Touchpoints.

I remember one time when my daughter was in the car and she just talked and talked. I finally said to her "you know it is ok to be quiet sometimes?"

Of course coming from me it must have seemed amazing since I am hardly ever quiet, hee, hee. When she was an infant and early toddler I talked non stop to help her learn everything.. Anyway it helped her realize, it really is ok to just be quiet. Also in daycare, they had "quiet time" a couple of times during the day.

Make sure that when dad gets home, your child gets some one-on-one time first. Then you can have conversatioons with him, but keep them short and expect interuptions. Best to wait for long, adult conversations until your son is playing in his room or after bedtime. Also best to keep the TV off in the evening, for a number of reasons, but in this instance, that time could be much better spent giving him the attention he is craving. We record shows and watch them after the kids are in bed. Once he gets the attention he needs, he will stop trying so hard to get it, and his volume/persistance will naturally diminish. After my second child was born, my first became very "loud" but when I set aside more one-on-one time with her on a reular basis, she went back to normal. Good luck!

J., I know how you feel. But you must remember, kids at this age do not understand reasoning, and all he really understands is that he has something to say and wants to be heard. This is what I have tried in the past and it seems to help. I allow my daughter to say what she wants to say first then I get her ready for bed. We all say our goodnights and off she goes. Then I have some private uninterupted time. I know you also wnat some time to speak to your husband but can you imagine what your son must feel like. All he knows is Daddy is home and I have so much to tell him.

Hate to say this, but mine is 5 and is still just like that! We keep looking for the mute button... My 7 yr old was never like that. We have had his hearing tested and it is not that, so I figure it is just a personality thing.

I think your expectations are a little age inappropriate. I'm a SAHM and in a group of SAHMs, and none of us are able to do things like watch TV or really have adult conversations when our children are awake. Remember, when Daddy comes home, your son is really excited to talk to him, because he hasn't seen him all day either. Plus, there's jealousy, because now he has to share Mommy. For every parent I know, the most demanding time of the day is from about 5 o'clock until bedtime. However, just because they are little attention grabbers right now doesn't mean they're going to remain ill-behaved. My 5 year old daughter was (and still is) very demanding of my attention, but her behavior in public and with authority figures like teachers is exemplary. Her little brother (2) is going through the same demanding phrase she went through (he doesn't ever want Mommy to leave and hates for me to talk to anyone but him), but he's already getting compliments on being well-socialized. So, I'm going to suggest you give him all the attention he wants. Before you know it, seriously, before you know it, your attention is going to embarass him and he's going to be telling you how he can do it all himself. Two is still a baby.