My best friend has a 6 year old son in Kindergarten. He is fine at school, his teacher has no complaints about his behavior. At home, he tends to pitch fits here and there and talk back. Mom is not very good at following through when it comes to punishment. She will take away TV and games, but has threatened to take away fireworks on the 4th, and things like that, but then decides she doesn't want to miss out and lets him go.
Last week her son was at grandma's. He was having a meltdown, and to help him "snap out of it", grandma threw a glass of water at him. (I know, BAD IDEA, and totally inappropriate). He then gave her an upper cut punch to the chin. What would you do?
A few details- the 6 year old has a 2 year old brother who is watched by grandma all day. There seems to be a lot of aggression and anger towards grandma, as well as dad. I have seen the 6 year old hit his dad on two separate occasions, and watched his father do nothing. Sometimes, if he gets mad enough, dad will scream at him.
Once her son tried to hit my two year old right in front of my husband. In a VERY firm voice, my husband told him "DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT", and he backed down. I know 6 year olds can be very challenging. I only have one child, so I feel like my advice to her is not as credible. I'm just curious to hear what you think she should do, and then I will mention what I suggested, and what she plans on doing.
Thanks Moms!!!!
T.
Thanks for your thoughts, everyone. Yes, she did ask me what I thought she should do. I pointed out that I have seen her not follow through on punishments, and that I think he tests her because she is often too easy on him. For example, they went to see Santa the weekend after he hit her mom. I personally would have kept him home from that as a punishment. Anyhow, she said she feels her oldest does not get enough alone time with them, and he just needs more love, so they are going to be spending more time with him without his brother and showing him more love. I'm interested to see how that works out...
Why are kids better at school? Therre's structure and the same consequences every time. Aggression is not a good sign and should be addresses before it does enter his school life. There's nothing scarier than when a kid gets bigger and rushes his parents...
Sounds like grandma has encouraged a bad dynamic with the kids. I assume she watched the older son too? If she reacts to stress physically, what an example to set.
I think it's a good sign that he is well-behaved in school. At least that says he is able to control his impulses for part of the day. I have found with both my kids that six is a really good age for behavior charts, penny jars, those types of incentives, where a child earns something for good behavior during the day or can lose some reward if he does not behave well. I think it helps kids to begin to develop their internal ability to control their behavior and plan their actions (with small, manageable tasks like "brush teeth" or "make bed").
I'm not sure what to advise about the aggressive behavior - it's luckily not something I've had to deal with much. But 6 is a volatile age for some kids and having more consistent structure around him might help in general with moderating his emotional state. Also, they should make sure he gets enough sleep.
Not sure what to say about grandma since we don't have a lot of information - but it sounds like she also lacks impulse-control, so a more structured daycare environment might be a better choice for the younger child.
Oh - and buy her a copy of 1-2-3 Magic. I didn't follow it completely, but I found it very helpful for about ages 3-6. And it's simple to follow.
kids hit and scream and push if they think they can get away with it. if you are inconsistent w/consequences it means that 'sometimes' he can get away with it and encourages him to do it more.
just wondering,did she ask you to get any suggestion for her?I'm asking because if she didn't, I wouldn't say anything, unless she would ask you.
I know it is very hard to witness things like that,but I have learned to mind my own business about kids.I had been in situations like that before,too.
The people who don't follow through will get their surprise later....trust me, I have teenagers and they tell me about these children......
I have two boys who are different, one is more aggresive than the other,if my 5 year old hits me,it's a time out right away, 5 minutes, followed by an apology and that was not very nice kind of thing.Takes a while until they get it.
