Wants a Child So Bad It Hurts

Hi J.,
I have an older boy (originally diagnosed on the spectrum, now nearly completely recovered) and a girl younger by nearly 5 years. I can imagine the fear and uncertainty your husband feels with bringing another child if he feels he is play russian roulette. He will naturally feel he is the provider and look at things as not wanting to make it worse. You will long for another child. This is tough stuff - no doubt about it.

I have to ask you, how much treatment (biomedical, DAN! protocol, alternative medicine) have you done with your 8 year old? The reason I ask is once you realize what treatments work and why they work to recover so many autistic children, you realize what you can do to prevent that scenario from playing out with another child. It would give him the understanding and reassurance as to reduce your chances for another developmental disorder.

As a double dose, if you are able to make progress with your son, understand the factors that could play a big role in his condition, you may be able to also eliviate the fear which takes the desire for another child away. Perhaps it could land you in a situation with a much improved or recovered first son and another child - with a happy husband. If not, you have improved the life of your first son and make the decision from there.
Thinking of you, J.

I know how you feel about wanting another child!

However, my advice to you is to seek counseling with husband first. If there are other issues in your marriage, bringing another child into the world is not a "fix" for the issues. You need to resolve issues first. He will resent you if you "trick him" and get pregnant and I know you will resent him if you have no closure on this issue. No good will come of either situation if it's not worked out. I would highly recommend you work out your issues before you go seeking a second child.

Most men are SCARED out of their wits to have more than one child. I don't know why that it, but it is! It has to be discussed. For me, I reminded my husband about the agreement we had prior to getting married...that was that we'd have at least 2 kids. We are on the same page again now and agree that we will wait just a little bit longer to work out some financial/job duty details before trying again. But we did agree to try at a certain time regardless - because I am already over 35! This gives him the time and a deadline to reach the goals he feels are necessary. He agreed.

If we couldn't work those out ourselves, I'd have gone to counseling for sure. I think you really should seek counseling, too, if you can't come to an agreeable resolution. Often times, that 3rd impartial party helps mediate.

BEST OF LUCK!
A

The bible say Husbands submit to your wifes and wifes submit to your Husbands. And you want another child and he don't you guys are going to have to make a decision that makes both of you happy or else it will cause problems in the marriage. You are going to start regreting that you married him and allot of fighting is going to start going on. You are going to have to sit down with him and figure this thing out together maybe he is scared to have another child and you should pray on this first. I think he is scared to have another baby since the first child have autism. Blessing to you

Do your husband a favor and give him the book called "A Traveler's Gift" by Andy Andrews. It may open his heart.
Also try doing a Retrouvaille weekend together. It will open up the lines of communication between you and you may receive insight into his "fears" of having more children.
Couples counseling is also a great idea. It will give your marriage a tune-up and increased chance of survival through rough times.
You may even want to try doing a mission trip together for disabled children. It opens your eyes to all your blessings. You can do these through an organization called "Mustard Seed".
Good luck and God Bless!