Violent Imagery and Sensitive Kids

That much fear is not exactly normal for any child, sensitive or otherwise.

I would start looking at why he is so afraid of things that aren't even real. If he can't handle make believe what is going to happen when he has to face bad things happen in the real world?

Sandy what exactly would that study prove since a very very small percent of teens or anyone is violent enough to shoot up their school. The common denominator tends to be very bullied, with less than attentive parents.

I get no one wants to think anything is wrong with their kids but no extreme is normal. You described extreme fear.

I think all kids are different when it comes to watching movies and such. My daughter who is also 5 loves Pirates of the Caribbean, Indiana Jones and Harry Potter (just the first two Harry Potter movies). There are times when my hubby will put something on like Law and Order or Criminal Minds and these scare her. The other day I was watching 2012 on TV and she kept asking questions, I asked if it was scary for her and she just wanted to know why these things were happening in the movie.

I have always watched the added stuff that comes with the DVD's so she can see that they are just actors playing parts. She also loves the idea of being able to create some of these scenes with computers.

I know it will be hard to shelter him from everything so I would try and watch some of them with him and explain it while he is watching. You will need to help him understand that they are just stories and explain the magic of movies. I often point out to my daughter the actors when they are in different movies or you can pull them up on IMDb. Even if they only do the voices in the cartoons.

My son was similar but different.

We couldn't watch Disney until he was 7 or so. It's too black and white. The antagonists are EVIL. Disney gave him the worst nightmares ever.

Pixar & BBC stuff were the only "kids" programming he could watch when he was little (Nemo, Thomas, Pingu, etc.).

HOWEVER... Anything that had shades of meaning, character flaws, etc. he was FINE with. Loved Indiana Jones, Starwars, Pirates of the Caribbean. (Couldn't do things like Batman). The more 'adult' a show, the better he did with it. (Not horror movies, but we're talking pg13 & R he was good with).

What my son needed were the shades of grey. Good people who do the wrong thing, or who have character flaws. Protagonists who aren't heros. Antagonists that aren't evil. Bad people who do good things.

I didn't "forbid" the stuff that terrified him, we just didn't watch it. The same way most people don't let a 3yo or 5yo or whatever watch the kinds of movies HE thought were funny/ interesting/ etc.

To me, it was no big deal. Granted, I have every disney movie ever made... so waiting until he was old enough to be ready for them meant I got to practice MY patience (I love Disney)... and being willing to be the odd duck out with other parents was also good practice.

All kids are different. What terrifies one is funny / fascinating to another/ no big deal to another. MY son couldn't handle kids' movies... but most kids not only 'handle' them, but flourish and thrive.

It's honestly one of the things I like in being a parent. "Getting" my kid. Knowing where his limits are, what his challenges are, what just makes him blossom. Because those are all things I've learned about him. No book or expert can tell you those things... they're the private gift of those who know you best. Part of the closeness of parents and kids. We know them better than anyone.

You may want to give this website a try:

http://www.kids-in-mind.com/u/up.htm

It gives the full description of potentially disturbing imagery in kid movies. Our 5 year old is also extremely sensitive and this website is really helpful for us.

I think your son is NORMAL, Other kids have been desensitized to it through a lot of repeated exposure but our sons remain normal. Of course every child is different some will not be bothered and some will. I personally think there would be less teenagers shooting up the schools if they had not been desensitized to such violence. Someone should do a study. Have any young teens who never played video games caught with a plan to shoot up their enemies? If it makes you feel better my 6 yr old son had nightmares after enjoying the Nutcracker and Peter and the Wolf. we are NOT letting him watch anything scary! He enjoys the Ice Age movies, Toy Story movies, Alvin and the Chipmunks, (there are plenty of non violent movies) and watches educational TV!

Not at all....I'm shocked at what many parents let their kid watch and what is marketed to them. I have 2 kids who are very image sensitive. My 10 year old still will not watch Wall-E (and I'm still not sure which images scared him). But, I fully understand his position. I cannot watch a lot of stuff without having nightmares so it is entirely possible that he will not completely outgrow it. I saw one of the Nightmare movies as a teenager - I had nightmares for weeks and will still if I conjure up images from that movie.

Needless to say, I work hard at sheltering myself as well as my kids. My husband just doesn't get it. the images don't stay with him.

teach him to be strong for himself and how to use words that help smooth things with other kids. When they showed Wall-E at school, my son went to the teacher and said, "I really don't like this movie can I do "x" instead." Much better than a 3rd grader saying "I'm scared of this movie." Kept his sanity without giving other kids fodder for teasing. So, we've worked on saying he doesn't like something without using "scared," nightmare," etc. Also, I've suggested excusing himself to the restroom if there's something he really doesn't like but doesn't want to be "left out" of the other kids.

You will also have to stay vigilant - there was a video at school on 9-11 this year. I hadn't talked with the teacher (because it was so early in the year) and so my son saw it. It was completely age appropriate (unlike so much of what you're referencing) but it still caused problems for a few days.

So, I still screen stuff (and my son requests actually requests it). I let other adults know (i.e., sleepovers, teachers), and I've taught him how to protect himself.

It will get better as he gets older and gains more coping skills.

Hmmm.. Interesting. Our daughter knew and understood from a pretty young age the difference between real and imagination.

She knew the things on TV were not real.

She knew stories and picture books were not real..

She certainly understood animation was not real.

We talked about it all of the time.

Is this real? Can Lions really talk?
Is Winnie the Pooh and his friends real?
Is this something that is really happening?
In real life would a tiger be able to bounce on their tails?
Are there really monsters like on "Real Monsters"?

I do understand some children are very sensitive, but maybe if you really explained real and imaginary.. It would not be so frightening to him.
He could rationalize it better.

Otherwise he may just not be able to handle these types of things for the next few years.

You're not alone. Kids seem to have a way of finding out and knowing all these things we want to protect them from without us saying a word. My guy will be 3 in April and the only thing he really watches is PBS and Sprout, and football and basketball with his uncles. Yet a few nights ago he woke up a little before 5 a.m. screaming "It's so scary!" and sobbing, it took me about 15 minutes to settle him down, and I never did find out what was so "scary" so I have no idea what he was exposed to.

You (and I) have to be proactive and read the books (even coloring books) we plan on our sons reading and watching the movies and shows they'll be watching before they do to decide if they're appropriate for them. Like Rachel pointed out, even some Disney is too violent (Cars 2) so the responsibility lies with us, no one else will do it for us.

parents have the best clue as to what their kids can handle, but even we get blindsided sometimes. my older son watched 'the neverending story' when he was about 6 or 7. i was worried that the wolf might freak him out. he was fine with that but found the turtle TERRIFYING. made for some really interesting conversations! he elected not to re-watch it for a while but needed to talk about it a lot.
some kids are more sensitive than others. some kids would benefit from the original fairy tales, the way they were told before society decided that kids can't handle dark truths, even when presented first in fictional forms. i think that the darker-themed tales actually help kids start to process reality and accept it more easily. but again, every parent has to judge what works for their own child.
the world won't keep its subject matter away from them for long. it sounds to me like you're handling this sensibly, conversations rather than vetoes.
khairete
S.

My opinion is that these things are disturbing and sad, but part of life, and the kid stuff, from dark Batman, to dark Grimms fairy tales are ways to ease kids into the dark aspects of life. I don't think 5 is too young for it. You're right, he IS going to see these things from now on with other kids and then soon enough, in the news, so you don't want it to be shocking and unbearable to him because he's never been exposed to anything related to killing, dying, villains, etc. Of course you don't want him watching horror movies and crime shows yet, or empty conscienceless video games, but I don't think the dark fantasy literature will hurt him. I think the conversations are important.

I was DESTROYED by Bambi as a little girl, but not long after I saw it, one of the mama horses we had passed away, and I realized it was my foal's "mom" like Bambi's mom, so I would take extra care of our foal and talk about it with my mom....

My oldest is five, and she's very sensitive, but we read books together like Dracula and Frankenstein whatever. I told the kids not to wander into the woods at the state park, my 3 year old said there could be a witch (hansel and gretel). My five year old knew Bernie Madoff was like the Joker. She knows about bad guys and killing. I feel it helps me to explain not all people can be trusted-she knows about bad guys from books and stories. For whatever it's worth. I understand your feelings, but I don't think he should be totally shielded. I think you're doing the right amount.

My daughter was absolutely freaked out when she watched "Spirited Away". It's a Japanese amine/ cartoon movie. She was seven when she watched it but she was very scared the part in which the main character's parents turn into pigs in a restaurant. She started crying and ran off to her room, refusing to come out until the movie was over. I was kind of puzzled because this movie was "for all ages" and I certainly didn't think that this part was scary, only mysterious. I talked with her and reassured her that people would not turn into pigs in real life. Yes, choices like the Lion King are acceptable. Though some kids might be scared by certain scences, it IS a cartoon and it may expose children to the "darker" aspects of life. You cannot shield your child from everything. What you can do is to reassure, talk and explain to your child.

I agree with Laurie A that it really helps to have conversations about what is "real" and what is just a story or imagination.
My little son had a sensitive heart and the movie "Airbud" upset him so much when the little boy was telling the dog to go away. He was doing it to protect the dog, but it just tugged at my son's heart and he cried, saying, "Mommy, please help him!" He felt sorry for the dog. Of course, the movie had a happy ending and all was okay. Other things didn't bother him, but for some reason, that just really got to him.
He was so super cute. If we were snuggled up watching something, he'd put his little hand over my eyes and tell me I better not watch this or that part because it might be scary or sad.
He's 16 now and he still does that, or warns me that I better not look. He's a history buff and has watched every movie ever made about the Civil War. Knowing I don't like anything scary or bloody, he tells me when it's safe to look again.
I'm the funny one in the family, I mean, I won't even watch the movie "Titanic" because I already know how it ends. I don't need to see frozen people bobbing around in the ocean. If we're watching Animal Planet and a shark is after a seal, I change the channel. I know it's part of life, but I don't want to watch it.

Anyway, like I said, it might help for your son to understand that some things are pretend.
Star Wars and Batman, those things aren't even real. Someone made them up in their imagination.
As he gets older,you won't be able to protect him from everything.
Just continue to talk to him and walk him through it.

Best wishes.

I am so with you! And also - violence is violence - pretend or no, and being exposed to it is harmful - at every age. And children cannot always distinguish what is and isn't pretend. I think that in Europe there is more of a child culture, here in North America we seem to have a mini adult culture and think that children can just deal with it. Not so. Thanks for bringing up the topic.

My son just turned 6. Since we really don't watch tv or movies with him, I can't comment on them. But I think books are pretty much the same. We read the first Harry Potter book together - right up until about 50 pages from the end when he decided it was getting scary. He plans to try again when he turns 7. We have temporarily stopped reading The Borrowers (I forgot about the little girl who was eaten by the cat, oops) and will try again when he is older. We started Charlotte's Web last year (we discussed the first chapter before we read it) - he decided against reading it. About 6 months later he decided to try it again and loved it (of course he completely didn't see Charlotte's death coming).

I think a lot of it is age. I also think marketing the Lion King, a movie about fratricide to little kids is wrong. And I would never have a child watch Criminal Minds - gives me the creeps.

This is a subject I feel VERY strongly about. I do not understand why violence is okay, yet, sex isn't.

Most people are never going to see someone killed. But, most people will see someone naked. So, naked people aren't on TV but bloody dead people are?

I am 100% on your side with this.

I don't know...my 2 year old made me write a sign and put it in the window telling Santa he couldn't come because I let her watch the cartoon Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer. We even went to Macy's and talked to Santa from about 10 feet away, and he assured her that he had trained his reindeer not to run over Grandma anymore. She told him he could leave presents on the driveway and mommy and grandma could bring them in the house, but he could not come in!

I don't even want to think about what will happen when she is older. We can't watch Tom and Jerry because they are too violent and she gets too upset. I am waiting to see what other moms and dads write so I can get good tips too. Thanks for asking!

My son is the EXACT same way and he is 7 now. He has not watched most Disney movies. He did like Cars and Surfs Up. We have had to turn down movie birthday parties and general invitations from a friend to go see a movie. He does not want to go and we don't make him. We watch kid appropriate documentaries (like the Planet Earth series and there is one he loves about the Blue Angels). He likes science shows and Bill Nye the Science Guy. I have forced him to go to a couple movies (like the Muppet Movie) recently bc I am trying to get him to branch out more. He is truly disturbed by drama or anything sad. In the last couple months he has discovered he LOVES slapstick comedy, so now there are some more movies he will watch! It's crazy how different he is from his friends. By preschool age most boy friends were watching Star Wars and Spider Man movies. Our son is totally fascinated by Star Wars but is not ready yet to watch it. We get the books instead and we read instead of watching the movie. When he is at a friend's house and they put on a movie usually he says no, thanks and will go do something else. I encourage him to watch a little and he almost always is extremely upset afterwards. But I can definitely tell he is able to watch more and more things without being upset.

Yes, I'm bothered by it and my children weren't as affected by it all as our grandchildren are. The TV ( even for kids ), movies for kids, games for kids, etc. are all so not for kids in my opinion. I can't imagine children watching some of these movies and games, etc. not being scared so you have to de sensitize them by letting them see it over and over and 'get over' the fear. Of course I don't mean to really do this but it seems what people do. I know for a fact of some in our family who were scared but had to be tough and say they weren't scared and then later tell me they were and have dreams, etc. We've gone from a world where children played ball outside, jumped rope, skated, climbed trees to a world of monsters and 'creatures' and things that make me uncomfortable and I'm old. It's gone beyond 'bad guys' and 'good guys'. That's my opinion but maybe I'm just getting too old. Don't think so though. But you can't keep them from these things. You can only not purposely put it in front of them. Childhood should be a time of being safe and secure and not worrying about some of these strange things they're surrounded by.

There are a couple of movie review sites for kids that describe movies, even allegendly kid movies like Disney in detail so you know the level and type of violence in each scene. I can't recall the web site names but I found them doing a general search. My son is nearly 6 and I shelter him a lot with the tv--mostly pbs and Nick Jr. shows. We like some Disney but not most. Cars (the first one) and the Toy Story movies have been great favorites. My son loves Cars 2 but I don't (it is a spy story with guns and violence). Instead of being scared by the violence he wants to imitate it in play. This is actually somewhat normal for the age but it drives me crazy to hear it all the time. Tangled was not a good one for us--1 part was scary for my son. All the princess Disney stuff I have been avoiding because I think they are horrible role models for my daughter (3). We haven't started on most of the superhero movies or Star Wars and that stuff yet but I can see it is coming soon because the other kids at school talk about it (I'm trying to hold out past age 7 so at least another year). Batman is definitely one of the darker superheros. Maybe Superman or Spiderman would be a better place to start. On the other hand the grandparents let my son watch the live action Ironman movie last weekend and so far no problems. Some kids are just more sensitive than others and you need to do what works for your kid.

My daughter doesn't get upset by death, blood, or any of the "normal" triggers of distress. She is also five. When we watch movies, she cries at the parts where someone is left behind or is going to be left behind and claps and cheers when they meet back up. (For example, in Tangled when the hero gets captured and the girl is left all alone near the little boat. She cried and wanted to know if he was ever going to come back.) Everyone is sensitive about something or another. I personally can't watch or hear anyone hawk a loogie (snort and spit snot) without suffering a visceral response. I gag and have to block my ears, but I can watch a gallbladder surgery without wincing. Strange? Illogical? Perhaps. But it's a part of my personality and has been since I was very little.

I'd tell your son that sometimes in life, people can be mean and do terrible things for no reason at all so it's very important that he be one of the good guys and avoid adding to the meanness out in the world. And if he's curious about how and why each villain is evil, I'd tell him all the naughty things each one has done and why they are bad, because he'll assimilate this information and file it under "bad". He's trying to define his parameters of "good" vs "bad" and it's hard to draw lines around things when you don't know what they are. If you don't feel like saying, "The Joker is bad because he felt into a vat of poison that scrambled his brain so that now he thinks it's funny to hurt people and play mean jokes on them." You can always tell him, with a wink, that the Joker doesn't like to brush his teeth and he tries to force everyone else in the world to let their teeth rot and that's why Batman doesn't like him.

I recently told my daughter the story of the boy who cried wolf. When I got to the end and told her that because the boy lied so many times before, when the wolf actually did appear and no one believed the boy when he called for help, the wolf ate up all the sheep, she got pretty upset. I asked her why she was upset and she said, "Because the sheep got eaten and I like cute fluffy things! That bad wolf!"

I then explained that it wasn't the wolf's fault. The wolf was just doing what wolves do. The sheep would have been fine if the boy did not lie so many times, losing the trust of the townspeople. If he had only cried wolf when there really was a wolf then the people would have come and saved the sheep. She thought about it for a while and said, "So, lying got the sheep dead... but I still don't like the wolf." I told her that was fine. Not many people do, which is why they will come and chase it away if they see one sneaking around their fluffy sheep. Then the conversation continued when she asked why the boy didn't just scare the wolf away himself which led to talking about how there's power in numbers, the few vs the many etc etc and I think by the time I turned out her light and finally got out of the room we were talking about the moon and aliens.

So. Many. Whys!!! Answer as many as you can as truthfully as you can so your son can understand the world around him.

No, you are not the only one who feels this way. I guess there are 2 issues - disturbing topics or actions and tv/videos.I don't let my kids watch hardly anything and I don't want them to even see a tv that an adult is watching because I've realized how much violence there is even in the commercials! A good mommy friend of ours gave us The Lion King and some other Disney video for Christmas with strict instructions to watch it and I won't let the kids see it. My twins are 3 1/2 and simply don't need to watch anything, in my opinion, except limited happy, educational fare. If they have a playdate they don't watch tv or videos. I'd also take steps to limit their exposure to other emotionally disturbing stuff that they could be exposed to in other ways like your Batman book. I just don't see any reason for it.

I think it can work both ways. I don't believe in 'desensitization' per se, but I remember growing up, I was so sheltered from that kind of stuff that even a commercial on TV or the thought of going into a store that might have a Halloween mask on display made me want to hide. My daughter is 6 and of course we won't be watching any horror movies in my house, but because she expressed an interest early on, she has been allowed to watch Star Wars and she even watches Buffy the Vampire Slayer episodes with supervision and mommy on stand-by with the skip button for some scenes she is not allowed to watch. It's all about the dialogue you have with your children about what's real and that violence in real life exists but is not okay. Also, she finds things like Buffy and Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland empowering because of the strong female characters who can take care of themselves. That being said, she still finds "cartoon" violence and scary, dark themes scary. Princess and the Frog? Sleeping Beauty? Forget about it! I think when they invade the "safe" children's world it's always scarier.