This is such a tough subject to write about. Recently, my 3 year old son started crying every time we mentioned going to day care. We thought it was strange, because he LOVES his day care. We thought it may have been because he was transitioning into an older group, but we weren't sure. So we sat him down and asked him why he didn't like day care anymore. He wouldn't say anything. So we started asking questions like, "Are the teachers being nice," he'd nod his head yes. "Do you like day care?" again nod yes. "Is there a kid being mean to you?" nod YES. He then proceded to tell me the kids name and what he was doing to him. This kid doesn't physically harm him, but he calls him names, takes things from him, and pushes him around. I asked him why didn't he tell his teacher and he told me he was scared to. I spoke to the day care director and the teacher. They immediately sprang into action. They talked with my son and the other child. They've since then seperated them, after shadowing the kid and realizing that he does multiple things to the other children when he things no one is looking. But my son is STILL afraid to go to school. Do you think someone else could be bullying him, or is he just associated the day care with the incidents with the child who was bullying him.? What else can I do to make him more comfortable with the idea of doing to day care? We've told him he's safe and that if any other kid is ever mean to him, to tellt he teacher immediately. What should I do?
Well his day care has been shadowing him today and giving me updates on what seems to be bothering him. We're both beginning to think he's associating day care with what happened recently. He does know that when something happens he is supposed to let an adult know. We taught him that after he had gotten bit in the side by another student and the teacher didn't see it happen. But I think he may not have know what to do in this situation because it has never happened before. He knows now that he needs to use his words and tell any kids that might be bullying him to stop, whether it's physical or emotional, and then to let a teacher know. They said he's been doing much better, so hopefully, it'll just get better with time. Thank you guys for your help. I'll keep you guys posted!
Sounds like he's associating daycare with being bullied.
I think it's important to teach kids how to stand up for themselves. He needs to know that it's okay to tell an aggressive kid that it's not nice to behave that way or to stop whatever they're doing.
He just is now, having a bad experience at daycare, because of that kid.
Or, you can go there and observe too.
Teach your son, that he is fine.
Not all kids are nice.
Teach him HOW to tell the Teacher. Not just ask him if he did.
Give him the actual words he can use, to tell the Teacher.
3 year olds, don't have instant automatic skill, at wording.... so teach him and tell him the words to use too.
Role-play with him, to teach him.
GIVE him "skills" at handling wrong doing... how to TELL the Teacher AND you etc.
That it is OKAY, to do so. And the right thing.
So THAT, he is proactive... and not taught to be a "victim" about it, or wrong-doing done to him.
I taught my kids that, from 2 years old.
They speak up.
And are confident about it.
You gotta, role-play with your child.
You gotta, teach them the words/wording to use... to report wrong-doing or how to ask for help.
My daughter, at 3 years old, was Bullied by another kid. At Preschool.
SHE spoke up.... to me and the Teacher. Openly. AND had already told that Bully, "that is not nice, stop it..." and reported it, to us.
You ALSO TEACH YOUR CHILD, how to TELL other wrong-doing kids, to "Stop it..." , "I don't like that...", "I will tell the Teacher...", "You are not nice..... stop it..." etc.
You NEED TO, teach your child the words and wording about HOW to speak up... AND how to tell another kid, to stop.
Role-play with him.
So he does not learn, to be a "victim" and thus, gains skills in standing up for himself and how to tell the Teacher.
He's still scared and sad. It's heart breaking, but it will pass. You did the right thing. When he is old enough (it's 4 in my area) get him in some Tai Kwon do or something. My son was bullied at 2 1/2 in my gym daycare every time we went by a hitter. I finally figured out what was going on. I taught him to fight back and he actually got the chance to hit the kid back and the kid left him alone after that... So he didn't feel scared after that. But in a situation like you describe at a little bit older age, it's normal he still hasn't shaken it off. Just stay strong for him and wait it out.
I think he's probably corrilating day care with the treatment now... I doubt there's another bully.
In the daycare my son goes to, there's a no tolerance policy for kids that bully. 1st offense, a sitdown with the parents of the bully. 2nd offense, weeks suspension. 3rd offense, no more daycare at that facility or others associated with them.
It's going to take some time for him to get comfy with it all again. FYI- My son is starting in a 'new' age group. The thing is though... He's been with most of those kids at some point or another in the last 2yrs.
You are doing the best that you can for your son. You talked to him and got to the bottom of it. I think he is still afraid because of what his experience was. Give it some time and you will see how he reacts...Most likely he needs some time to see how things are positively changing and he will like it again. Keep checking with the daycare and if he doesn't get through this in the next few months, I would consider changing daycares--to give him a fresh start. GL
M
I'm sure it's just residual effects of the recent incidents. It's going to take him some time to get over it, but keep him going there and eventually he will readjust. It's great that the teachers and director took your concerns seriously and immediately took control of the situation. Too often teachers brush the behavior aside, but it is a serious issue that needs to be dealt with ASAP!
Sounds like you have a great daycare, I'm sure with some TLC and time he will be just fine!
I know I am probably standing alone when I say its part of growing up. We all got picked on and eventualy this is how we learn to stand up for ourselves. Now you said that the bullying isnt physical so to me that is normal childhood learning to deal with others and setting our own limits. TEACH your child what to do when some one says something to him. Three is a great age to learn this. Because a rude kid could be anywhere. You also need to teach your child not to do this to other kids. Because he is seeing this being done he might think its ok to make others feel badly. Everyone gets picked on and almost everyone learns how to stand up for themselves with out hurting the other person.
I would have one of the daycare teachers spend some one on one time with him doing some fun things. I would think this would make him feel comfortable and feel safe around this teacher.
I cannot believe they did not notice this was going on. I have a 3 year old and her teachers notice everything i.e. clicks (I know it has already started), not sharing, kids inviting each other over (which is a no-no when they are telling another child they cannot come over).
That's awesome that you talked to him and got to the bottom of it. It's also awesome the daycare took the time to shadow both kids and solve the problem. I think with time he will love it again. Once he sees that he is safe I bet he'll bounce back.
Good job momma.
To a kid its a fine line between telling because your are scared/its not right and telling to tattle. I tell mine that telling to keep someone safe is always okay.
