Very Old Family Dog

It's never easy. I remember very clearly having to say good bye to our first family dog. She was my birthday present on my 4th Birthday.

She had cancer and fell ill pretty fast. I was about 13 at the time and my mom told us when she found out that her time was close. I think the best thing that helped me was letting me know ahead of time and I felt like I was able to really say good bye to her. It was still very hard to deal with but looking back I'm glad my parents were honest with us and let us spend one on one time with her. She would sleep under the dining room table and I would get a blanket and pillow and sleep with her.

Just recently my parents had to put their 14 year old dog to sleep, she couldn't walk without falling and she was in so much pain. I went over there and spent the afternoon with her, and told her goodbye. Even as an adult I needed to say good bye.

I'm so sorry you are facing this. It's so hard to lose a pet and make that decision of when to finally let them go in peace.

I was 15 when the dog I grew up with died from pnumonia (sp?). We took his body to a friends house out in the country & had a funeral. Ocassionally we would visit his grave. I was about 25 when my cat (that lived with my mom) had to be put down (lung cancer). We had her cremated & last weekend we put her ashes in the casket with my grandma (my grandma loved that cat & wanted the cat to be buried with her).
All I remember with my dog was crying a lot. Unfortunately there is no easy way to tell them if your dog has to be put down. Just that he is not in pain any more.
Maybe everyone can sit together & remember things they did with Alex. You could even make a book out of all of the stories & put his photo on the front. There are many places online (even walgreens) where you can make books.
I wish you all the best with the situation you may be facing.

God bless!

I don't know your faith, but we tell our kids it's not good-bye, but so long. We have a print-out of the story of rainbow bridge. If you're not familiar with it, just google it and print it to share. When our kids (or we) would have a moment of break-down, we'd always talk about rainbow bridge. It does take the edge off the pain. And how wonderful that we can do this for our pets, end their suffering when quality of life is gone. It's an act of true love and compassion. I hope this helps in some way.

Hi Christi, wish I had some great words of wisdom on this, but I don't. We had to go through this a couple of years ago. MY dog (and he was mine), I had the dog longer than the hubby. Well Dusty had kidney failure and we from being a healthy 11 year old dog, still really active to not able to walk in about a weeks time. I took him to the vet a few times (vet ran the test more than once so that we were sure). I was told there was nothing that could be done for him. So my husband and I took him in. The vet and his wife were the only ones in the office with us and they even cried with us (he had been treating Dusty for 8 years). The only suggestion I have is to be honest with your kids about why you have to do what you may have to do. I had a dog when I was a teenager (got her when I was 5), she died when I was 21. The dog was so misarable, but I wouldn't let my Grandparents put her to sleep. I'd just have a fit if anyone ever brought it up. I went away for 2 weeks and they did it then. I promised I wouldn't put a dog through that again. And as hard as it is to part with them, it really is the kindest thing to do. For your son, it may help for him to go to the vets office and talk to the vet about him. Just so that your son knows there is truly nothing that you can do for the dog and it's just time for him to go "home". Good luck and God bless.

Hi Christi,

My sister and I had a similiar thing happen to us when we were little. I was about 7-8 yrs. and my sister was 10-11. The problem was our dog Bear, was NOT old... that's a whole other long story, so I'll stick to the subject at hand. :)

Before mom took Bear to have him put down, she brought him into the house, (which she SELDOM did because of his size). We all three sat around him, hugging him, (mom crying) and we just told Bear how good of a dog he was and how much we loved him. We shared good memories with each other, and had a few good laughs. After that, mom got us started on something to occupy us, then she left. We never saw Bear again. Yeah it was tough. I don't think there is ever anything that can truly prepare kids, (or adults) for death. They just have to realize that death is a part of life, and deal with it the best way they can. Talking about it and sharing their feelings will help with the healing process. Let them know their feelings are normal and crying is OK.

I went through this many times as a child. It never got any easier with each animal and it's just as h*** o* the adults as the kids. Over time, it will get better.

Good luck, Christi. ls

Christi,
I know I am a little late responding on this and the others have covered it very well. But I quote by Dr. Seuss that was given to my 30 y/o daughter when she lost her stallion(she loved him like a pet) really helped her and continues to help both of us when we have to deal with the loss of one of our four legged babies. The quote is, "Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened." Remember the good times not the pain of the loss. I'm glad to hear that you get to have some more good times with Alex before he crosses the Rainbow Bridge.
K. S.

I'm so sorry to hear about your dog. I'm sure I'll be the only one with this response but we had a dog that lived to 17 years old and she got thin and couldn't see well and all that goes with it. We took her to the vet, one of our sons and myself, and we were going to put her down and we just couldn't do it. The vet said he knew we loved her and would take good care of her and that we don't put our people family members down, ( yet at least) and that if we wanted to take her home and care for her he was fine with that too. We did that and she died in her bed while I sat by her and we had a funeral in our back yard, we lived on acerage, and we all said a few word, cried a lot and the kids were all much happier with this way of handling it. That worked for us and maybe not for anyone else but our son that dug the grave did it in love for her, we all put our love into the whole process. We still miss her, the kids talk about her to their kids now and we won't ever forget her. I know your kids won't either no matter how you handle it.

Christi, this is never an easy transition. My dog that I grew up with was hit by a car (because he couldn't see or hear it) by a neighbor who thought he'd get out of the way in time. My mother didn't tell me about it because I was in the middle of mid-terms. I was devasted when I got home and he wasn't there. I felt competely empty and robbed of the opportunity to say goodbye (even though it was impossible that I could have been there.)

Likewise, 5 years ago our pair of choco labs got out (my Senior dad accidently let them out). The female was hit and killed the month before I was to give birth to my daughter...that dog was a silly and often stupid dog but she was so bloody happy all the time and excited as all get out about the baby (she'd always come and bump my belly to check if the baby was ready to come out...LOL). The vet had recommended that we NOT see her body as it was just too much emotional baggage so we opted to have her cremated and have kept her on our fireplace mantle with a picture of her. I guess when her brother passes on we'll bury the pair of them together.

My recommendation would be for you to talk honestly with your sons and remind them of the good times they have had with their dog. He can't phyically tell you how bad he hurts or how bad his life is right now and it's up to us as caretakers to realize when life is not everything it could be for an animal. Sometimes euthanizing them IS the humane thing to do because you don't want them to suffer just because we're selfish and want them around longer. There is no replacement for your beloved dog, he will ALWAYS be their first dog and have fond memories of him and I think that's the way to honor him. Give them the opportunity to have a chance to say goodbye, have some kind of ceremony for closure, and then go out and celebrate the dog's life...share a meal and your favorite stories, crazy things he did, what drove you crazy, and what made you fall in love with him over and over again. Because even in death, we have to celebrate the life we have shared together. Always remember the fond times.

You may or may not get another dog...that's up to you. My mom wouldn't let me because she didn't want to take care of a dog when I was gone to school. She wanted the freedom to travel with my dad w/o having to worry about boarding or getting someone to take care of a dog. I hated her for it but she was right. I was so happy when I got married and we got our dog. He's nine now but still lights up my day in countless ways. Getting a dog right away isn't something I would advise, I think the kids would feel it would be dishonorable to your Alex or somehow besmerch his memory to "replace" him so soon....perhaps in the spring when life is beginning anew would be a good time?

I wish you all the best through this difficult time.

We've been talking at length about saying goodbye to our cat that's 13. He is in good shape now. But this cat has traveled from here to New York, back to here, to California, and back to here. He's been through temporary housing a few times and we've owned a few houses. He just feels like part of the family. So we've talked about how we will have to do something to celebrate his passing when that day comes. We will mourn for him. But he's had a good life too. So what can we do? It's just part of life. We also have a 16 year old cat that I need to make that choice for soon. We've only had her for the last 6 years. But we all love her. It's not going to sting as bad though because we never knew her as a kitten. Maybe that doesn't even matter. She's been rallying lately. But I think she's still pretty sick.

Suzi

cry...

A year ago we had to put both of our dogs down the same day. One was 17. It was very sad.

Some people think you should wait. I think kids get through things much better if we don't hold them in that sad arena. Another dog will help redirect the kids thoughts.

Praying for you and your family.

God Bless

We have been through this twice in the past few months. We had our 15 year old dog put down because her health had reached a point at which she had no quality of life. We allowed the 19 year old cat to slip away at home.
Of the two options, putting them down is the hardest.........and easiest option.
Your children are old enough to learn that ending an animals suffering is far better than forcing them to live in an uncomfortable state. A planned and accepted time is easier for all concerned.
Our kitty took forever to pass, but showed no signs other than sleeping constantly, eating less and being too weak to walk to the litter box. I felt relieved when he finally went to sleep for the last time, but would never hold an animal that long when I knew he was going to die. He was my youngest sons cat and I had promised the boy that his kitty would die a natural death. It was an unfair promise, as son lives 800 miles away, but a promise is a promise in our home.
Have a celebration of the joy that he has brought to the family and don't dwell on the end. It is the most merciful option.

Christi, There is nothing harder than losing a family member, it doesn't matter if that family member is a dog or a person. You can not sheild your children,or yourself from the hurt. Just be prepared for a time of saddness and mourning, (honestly, we put our dog down five years ago and typing this is making me tear up). I would just hope that your kids would be able to say goodbye. Perhaps your vet will have better news than you are expecting, I hope so.

Take Care, M.

G'Morning Christi, there is really no easy way to prepare for a long time family member to receive their final reward. I had to be the one to take our Sammi ( female cat ) for her final day with us. Was terrible as we had her for 18 yrs. She was like your precious pet, lethargic, losing fur, getting skinny, could lay in her favorite place in the chair, she couldn't jump up... etc.

I took her picture in her chair, and after I made a small picture book of her life with us. Since our son's were well grown and one had a family, they were sad but not as much as if they had been younger.

You may just have to say today will probably be our last day with Alex, would you like to go with me to say good bye or would you prefer not to? Then decide if you are bringing his remains home to bury or leaving Alex there for the Vet to take care of. We have a hedgehog (prixie), Dog(Molly)
Buried in our flower gardens. With Sammi, I left her since i was alone (hubby out of town on business trip) I didn't think I would be able to bury her. Son buried Prixie, Hubby buried my Molly.

It's really like loosing a family member, and tears will help to heal also.

God Bless you Christi
K. Nana of 5

Hi Christi,

I'm sorry to hear about Alex. It's hard to lose a member of your family in that way.

As far as the kids are concerned...don't overdo it. They aren't little anymore, and they know what's going on with Alex. They can see him getting worse. Sit down with them before you take Alex to the vet and let them know what might happen. Ask them how they would like to say goodbye and what they would like to do for him (have him cremated, bury him, get some kind of memorial stone, etc). Make sure that they have the opportunity to be as involved (or not) as they want to be.

As sad as this is, Alex's death will be a learning experience for your entire family. Allow your children to grieve. Don't try to shield them from it...it cheapens the love Alex has for them, and the love they have for Alex. Let them cry, deny, be angry, and come to acceptance on their own terms. This experience will help them to realize a great many things about love, life, and loss.

I'm sorry for your loss.

C.