Very Frutrated and well....stuck. Need Daycare Advice.

I understand your feelings - my son was in a daycare where his needs were not met, and I had to make the decision to pull him out... it wasn't easy, and his new daycare is 20 minutes further from my house than the original one (which was a few blocks away). But it was so worth it, because he started to thrive in his new environment.

Do you have any mommy friends you trust who are looking to care for a baby (maybe while they are home with their own)? Also, I visited many home-based daycares while searching for a new school for my son. I asked friends.

I just did a quick google search for daycares in your area (as listed by your name), and came up with a bunch of places, including a YMCA and a Head Start. At this point, it can't hurt you to look in places you might not have thought to look before.

Anyway, just throwing some ideas out there... good luck.

I see you are in NY... go to the NYS website and search the Child Care Council. There is usually one for each county (some of the smaller ones are combined). Call them and give them the parameters of your situation- how much you can afford, hours you need, "type" of daycare you would like and they will give you the names of providers who meet your criteria. You can also do a search on the NY website
http://it.ocfs.ny.gov/ccfs_facilitysearch/

The site will also tell you if the provider has been "cited" in the recent years and whether or not it was resolved. The best thing you can do is just start calling the names on the generated list. See who has openings and start scheduling visits. When you go, print the "What to Look For" document and rate each facility before making your decision.

Good luck- if you don't trust the person watching your child all day, then you need to switch!

You have to go with your gut - you know your child better than anyone. Ask at local churches, ask people you work with, check local agencies in your town or county. Ther are moms who would love the extra income and wouldn't mind adding a baby to their day. My sister in law did that when her husband lost his job. Her kids are school age and they are all thrilled to have a baby to love but not have the baby responsibilities now that their girls are older. This baby, who is now a toddle, has come to extended family gatherings, to our house to play, etc, when my sister was watching him. Finally pray about it. God has an amazing love for your baby and cares about the details of yours and his life - you may find some one "coincidentally" after appealing to God for his provision.

there is nothing worse than feeling as if you are leaving your child with someone you don't like and trust. working is fine, but you have to be able to trust your daycare provider.
it would even be worth it to have to drive to get him somewhere you like better. if there are no options in the local paper or message boards, get in touch with a county or state agency and get referrals. in a small town it's great to be able to save on driving, but you really need to find a good place for your little guy.
good luck!
khairete
S.

Unfortunately many of us are stuck in this situation. You are completely entitled to feel the way you do. I am from a small town as well. My options are very limited. My parents are deceased and I have no one else that can watch my little girl so I am forced to send her to day care.

Granted my standards may be higher than most but that is my right. I too have not found satisfaction with daycare. I have a few suggestions for you. Nothing really solves the problem besides staying home but many of us do not have that option.
- Be very assertive and vocal. Talk with your provider on a daily basis about your concerns. Do not feel bad for doing it. You are paying her and she is doing the most important job in the world. She needs to be held to the highest of standards. Explain to her how you feel, if she is a Mother she should be sympathetic to your position. If none of that works then .........
- Call your county offices to find a licensed daycare center or in home provider. When the provider is licensed they are watched and inspected. Also it takes effort to get licensed so if someone is licensed it shows they take it more seriously than someone who is not. Although daycare centers seem less cozy I have found them to be the best option. There is more accountability there. The attendants/teachers have bosses and co-workers to keep them on their best behavior. They are usually educated as well. If that still does not work then ..................
-Consider getting your license and doing daycare in your home. Sounds like your area needs a good provider. You can make decent money doing it and you will get to be your little one. Your little one will also get some peer time in and on your terms. I know this is not an option for everyone. Myself included. I provide the health insurance so I am stuck.

Anyway, I hope some of this helps. I know how hard it is. I wish I could tell you it gets better as they get older but my daughter is 2 and I still hate bringing her to daycare. The best thing you can do is communicate clearly and lay out your expectations constantly to who ever you decide to bring your little one to. If they do not shape up move to someone else who will do a better job.

Thanks for posting..... It is nice to know I am not the only one with the issue.

How close is your closest town? Have you checked centers there or maybe even at home day cares in your town that you haven't heard of? Or maybe even start you own at home daycare?

Hi K.,

First, I'd like to address where some are encouraging you to start a work from home business. I personally looked at one business that was mentioned in another answer given to you and I still don't know exactly what they do...which means I don't want to do it!

However, I definitely think that if you wanted to start your own daycare in your home that is something that could work for you if it is something you'd enjoy. You don't want to open a daycare in your home unless you love children. I've worked with children for over 25 years and now I am an LCC for Culture Care Au pair, so I have a ton of experience with children and parents who are in a day care situation.

So...if a opening a home day care in your home isn't an option for you, this is what I'd do...
I'd look on Craigslist, I'd ask EVERYONE I know about their daycare provider, I'd be looking fast and furiously to find a replacement for your provider. Get him out of there as fast as you can. You don't trust her and one of the most important people in your life is with her for many hours a day. Is Grandma available until you find someone new? An aunt? A neighbor? Here's a link to home day cares near Sherburne, NY after doing some googling:
http://childcarecenter.us/new_york_homecare/chenango_ny_c...

Last but not least, don't be bitter toward your husband. Keep thinking, "for now I have to do this, but it will change". If you want to stay home, you will find a way. I did. My husband doesn't make enough on his own to support our family, so as you see from my signature, I do many things from home (and I just started another local preschool directory website that isn't reflected in my signature). But I don't blame him. We are a team and I plan to stay that way. Becoming bitter is the first step to divorce and unless you want your son to be with a daycare provider forever with you having no choices as a single mom, you need to remember that your relationship with your husband is first and foremost. How do you think he feels that he can't fully provide for his family? He is doing the best he can and you will be happier if you find ways to show him love and respect instead of pointing out his shortcomings. We all have them! The rule in our house: No one is ever allowed to complain about my husband - not me, not my daughter, and not my mother-in-law who lives with us. He is king of the castle and I am glad to be his queen! Try it, it will change the overall feel in your home. Your husband will be happier, you will be happier, and your son will have parents that love and respect each other.

Best wishes to you, your marriage, and your son!

~P. G.
LCC, Culture Care Au pair
Owner, Portland Preschool Directory
Author, Mrs. G.'s Kindergarten
http://www.PortlandPreschoolDirectory.com
http://www.MrsGowing.com

My sister found her sitter on Craig's list. She interviewed several people and when she found a lady she really liked, she asked for references and did a background check. You can also ask other parents at your job to see where they take their kids.

What a bad situation. I am sure it is very stressfull but you have some good suggestions. One more to add, can you change jobs? If you can't have a daycare in your house, how about working at one? Or, working at a gym with a daycare or a church or some place that allows you to bring your son. It may be worth moving if you have family in a bigger town. I know that is a huge change and can be expensive but you may be able to make more money elsewhere. Also, have you looked into seeing if you qualify for child care assistance based on your income. I don't know your area but here is it is applied for through the Texas workforce Center. Please check that out as well. Let us know what you come up with.

i would do as some of the other mom's suggest and get a sitter. i would try to find a stay at home mom that has kids around your sons age and a little older for socializatiion.

I love the advise to work from home, either doing in house daycare or a home based business- or both! I just started with the Work At Home United team and couldn't be more pleased! We offer free informational webcasts every day so anyone that is interested can get all the information for themselves and see if it is a fit for them!
Interestingly enough, I know Sherburne! ;) My sister lives outside of Utica and I usually take 12 up. Adorable town!

.

Sorry you are in this position. You do have options...even in a small town you could look for a home daycare provider by searching local mom boards and newspapers, agencies, etc.
Appeal to moms in your area for a referral... or...
begin working at home like I did to be with your son, either do home daycare on your own or start a home business(visit www.WorkATHomeUnited.com/JOBS for more info)...I have been with mine for 6 years and love the flexibility to be home with my children.
Bottom line if you are not comfortable with her, remove your son right away!
Good luck and Blessings...

I would call your county assistance office and ask them for a list of reputible state-certified providers. They should have that.

Is there anyone you can have babysit in your home while looking for an alternative? Can you change your shift so you are home while his dad is at work and you can work while he's home w/ son? Can you work from home?