Vanishing Twin Syndrome

L.,

I am the product of a vanishing twin pregnancy, and I am just fine.

My Mom in fact talked about it with me when I got pregnant and they suspected I was having multiples. But, it was just a strong heartbeat.

What I learned from my Mom was that it was tough for her to 'stop' thinking about my 'twin'. She at first, like you, was relieved that there was only me. But, she said overtime she came to feel grief and then, anger that she was relieved. I think it's normal to experience the grieving process in these situations, and to let your emotions be felt as regularly as possible. Don't squish them away and pretend they aren't there. But, one thing my Mom said she struggled with until she finally did talk to her doctor was placing 'blame' on herself for the loss.

It's not your fault. It happens quite regularly and is very common. What my Moms doctor recommended she do is talk to someone about her grief, a friend, therapist or someone else. He also recommended she begin a journal to track her feelings of joy about the baby she was carrying that was healthy and flourishing.

I love that journal, because she gave it to me when I found out I was preggers and it is one of my most treasured possessions. I wrote one with my son, and will pass it on to the next generation if I have a girl or to the Mommy of his kiddos.

I think the best thing you can do is feel your emotions, and find a healthy way to release the sadness. Talk to a friend, your Mom or a grief counselor (they are usually on staff at many hospitals) that can help you express your sadness and move forward.

I think it's very brave that you are admitting your sadness inspite or your joy, and that it's a great first step to healing.

Best wishes and congrats and the Baby!!

D..

My friend had that happen...
Me, I had that happen at about 6 weeks... (it was not a multiple pregnancy, but a miscarriage), I had gone in for my exam and the sac was empty and just gone (when previously there was a heartbeat), and I had begun having miscarriage symptoms.

Yes, it was sad and I felt a great "loss" for a couple of months... but, I knew it was meant to be. It was just not a viable pregnancy.

My Mom, had twins... but upon birth, one of them was born still-born. For reasons we cannot fathom... it was simply not developing well... and was, meant to be. My sister, the surviving twin... is fine. But, she still thinks about her "twin" from time to time... but it does not debilitate her or her emotions. But for her, I think because her "twin" was actually "born" but still-born... she wonders about this sometimes. But she is perfectly fine about it.

One thing is, fortunately, your "twin" was lost at this time... I imagine, that if your twin WAS actually born...but still-born like my Mom had experienced, it would be a different issue altogether. BUT, the feelings of "loss" are very much validated and emotional.

It will take time to adjust too... just embrace your pregnancy and seek solace from your Hubby over your loss. This is what I did when I miscarried. I then got pregnant again, with my wonderful son. Life... goes on and buds into a different kind of blossoming.

So sorry for your loss... take care, and give yourself time. You are having normal feelings...

Take care,
Susan

I believe my daughter had a vanishing twin. I have an ultrasound still that looks like two babies and two sacs. When I brought it into the doctor to show her, she said that it may have been but there was only one baby when she checked again. Her reasoning was that is may have been my bowel. To this day I'll be watching my 3 kids play and feel like there is another child in the other room sleeping or something. Like there is something missing, subconsciously. Probably sounds weird. I have no doubt that I was carrying twins, just one of those unexplained feelings..... Has anyone else had something similar happen?

I was pregnant with twins and lost one of them. I had several miscarriages in between my first and second chilren. I was on fertility shots ~ knew I was pregnant early and then also knew the signs of a misacarriage. I went into the doctors at the fist symptom, we did labs and he said that I had lost that one, and sent me back for more labs a week later to confirm that I did not loose too much blood. Turns out that my son was still there!! Not sure how he managed to hang out (not sure then anyway) but he is now 4.5 years old, has a big sister and a little brother. He is doing just fine, he was of normal weight at birth (he was a few weeks early) but came out at 7.11 and was a whopping 24.5 inches long! I dont think there was any effect on him or the pregnancy after the loss of one baby. But a loss of a pregnancy, no matter that you still have one baby in there, is still a loss. Morn the loss of your dream and also embrace the gift that will be here in Aug. CONGRATS on the new baby, and be blessed with joy.

I had this with my first pregnancy. We did IVF and were actually, foolishly, hoping for twins (I say this because I later had twins - lol). When we did the first ultrasound at 6 weeks, there were two sacs. However, one did not have a heartbeat. I had weekly u/s in the beginning of the pregnancy. By 10-12 weeks, my body had absorbed the empty sac. I did think about that baby and feel sadness at its loss. I still think about it sometimes. My son was born healthy and full-term. I think it's healthy to mourn the loss of the twin. Best of luck to you and best wishes for a continuing healthy pregnancy.

I had a friend that went through this. She was a nurse so she understood that the lost child was just absorbed into the body. It's likely that your body took the best option for the health of the babies. Her daughter was born completely healthy. They had a service at church to say goodbye to the child who did not survive.