Ugh Boyfriend

Okay, you are asking the wrong question. You're not going to motivate your boyfriend to get a job, but that's not your issue with him. It's a symptom. He doesn't respect/love you and himself enough to act on it. You can't create or motivate that in someone. Either it's there or it's not. YOU need to make decisions about YOUR life and what you need to care for your baby. Why are you still living with this guy? That's the question you should ask. Why do you continue to put up with someone in your life who brings nothing to it?

If you hope for any kind of good life with him, you should hold him accountable. You can't push him to step up to the plate; but if he will do it at all, you will first have to stop making it so easy for him not to. He can obviously get by with no money where he is, so put him somewhere else, somewhere where he'll be forced to get up off his butt. Stop making his surroundings so cushy. He hasn't earned the right to pay no bills, yet you're allowing it. It won't stop until you are truly ready for it to stop.

Do yourself and that precious baby a favor, "Run!!!!". I have watched my daughter spend the best part of her life with a man just like the one you describe. He is a mechanic, and a good one from what I understand, but he will only work when he wants to which usually starts about 2:00 in the afternoon. My daughter on the other hand has always worked 2 jobs. She has 3 children that she doesn't get to spend enough time with and all he does is cut her down for not making enough money. She now regrets her decision but feels like she is stuck. I am scared to death that my grandson will turn out like him and my grandaughters will end up supporting a lazy good for nothing man. Don't do this to yourself or to you child. You deserve so much more.

You are only 19 but you have a baby! This automatically puts you in charge of the most precious thing life can give you. You are fortunate that your dad sends you money and your mom is on the road, however, WAKE UP!!!!!!! Lose this guy, he is going no where fast and taking you right along with him! Don't be a "sucker" any more! You have a baby and a great life ahead, get a part time job maybe watching someone else's chiidren so you can bring your baby and go to school at night and find a friend whom you can switch off child care so you don't have to pay and its a win win for you both. Get YOURSELF TOGETHER NOW! Kick the guy out of your mom's home and let the loser go! THe only good thing out of this relationship is that you are only 19, you could have been 40 writing this same letter with no parent help and 4 kids and no education. WAKE UP NOW!!!

Hi, i feel so bad for you, you are too young for all this! Here is what i would do...enroll in school as planned. Go to the fimancial aid office and apply for every grant or scholarship you can find. Look at on campus job postings and find something part-time. Then let your bf know that he will be taking care of baby while you are at school/work. This is all provided you feel safe leaving baby with him. You will get your education and have some kind of income while avoiding high cost of daycare. And it may be enough to motivate bf to get a job--once he realizes how hard it is to take care of baby all day. Good luck!

First of all if you two are not married you should not be living together. I understand that you may have a child together but you are not pleasing God with your lifestyle. I am also a single mother of two and if you set the standard and allow him to stay with you and not work, then that is exactly what he is going to do. The bible says in 2 Thessalonians 3:10 "If a man will not work, he shall not eat." You can do bad by yourself honey. You are still young and you have your whole life ahead of you. Grab all opportunities while you can even if it means making your boyfriend get out and be a man so he can be a better provider.

Unless you want the remainder of your life to be this way with you supporting this lazy (he's admitted it)bum, you'll kick him out now. He obviously has no self esteem or he wouldn't be living off your parents. The fact that he does a little cooking, cleaning and baby-sitting doesn't cut it. You're 19, how old is he? You have a place to live and a little money coming in. At 19 you can still make a decent life for yourself, but not with this bum. If you do decide to let him go, just remember that the courts can, and will, make him take care of his financial responsibilities.

A very helpful book for you would be "Boundaries" by Dr. Henry Cloud. It can help you to learn how to change YOU, because you can NOT change him. With new skills, you will be better equipped to deal with your whole situation. Being 23 years older than you are, I can look at your post and tell you that "you need to do this and you need to do that", but I've found that for me and most people I know, it's much better received AND helpful in the long run to be able to learn new skills and apply them. No one wants to be told WHAT to do, but it is a maturing experience to LEARN and APPLY new skills. Best of luck to you!!!

Your boyfriend sounds like he will never amount to anything, a loser. He is lazy. He is bossy. He will always expect you to work. He will always be critical of you. Who needs it! Ask him to move. You can make it without him. You won't find another man until you get rid of the one you have. If you don't demand respect from this guy, you won't get it--ever. I vote you give him the boot.

I was in a relationship similar to yours where he was always losing his job and I had to send out his resumes. Anything bad that happened was my fault. When you are that young, sometimes you think you are in love, but may be mistaken for lust...and now you have a child. Just stay positive and I will also say a pray for you. You go ahead and take the wheel and maybe leave the guy if he doesn't straighten any time soon. Maybe stay with a relative. You can't change him, but you can always change yourself. Being too nice to a guy sometimes backfires. Hang in there child.

You are allowing this to happen and if you don't get a backbone it will always be like this. The guy has found a free ride. For your health and your child's wellbeing you need to be strong and kick him out. Set up guidelines for allowing him back. Explain that if he doesn't meet your guidelines he cannot live with you.

You can do it! You have mom power and if you feel weak then think of your son and what example his dad is setting.

Sorry Honey, but you need to get the hell away from this guy ASAP! Loser! Go to court to make him pay child support and run as fast as you can away from him. He does NOT love you, wouldn't treat you that way if he does. All he's going to do is drag you down so far you'll never see daylight. What about the baby, do you want your child to be raised with that example to live up to? And turn out the same way? He WILL....like father, like son. There are many good men out there who would love you and your son for who you are and not be lazy and treat you this way. You don't want to wake up one day at 45 with maybe more kids by this guy and say, "Where did my life go?"....it will have gone down the toilet. Trust me! Get rid of him.

Girl, you may have to lose this guy like a bad habit!! I really can't tell you what to do but just know that people don't change without effort. If he is fine to let you do all the workin' and supportin' now, that will definitely not change if you guys were to get married. How he is now is how he will be unless he actively decides he wants a different life and goes out and gets it. I know he is your baby's father and you will always have a connection to him but I say run for the hills as far as the two of you go!! You already have one child, you certainly don't need two if you know what I mean. Plus, you really have to respect the man you end up with forever. That is huge and it is tough to respect a guy who can't get up and go to work. Sorry for being blunt, but you are young girl with the world at your feet and a little one depending on you. Think of what is best for you and your baby boy and do that. If Dad wants to step up to the plate, awesome, if not that is his choice. Even by not making a choice, he makes a choice. Sorry you are dealing with all this. I wish you all the best and hope your grandfather gets better. Hang in there!

Sounds to me like you do need to get a job so you have some money when you finally realize he is not a good provider for you and your child and have to kick him to the curb! Fend for yourself & let him fail on his own. If he doesn't have enough self-respect or respect for you and his child, he may not be the best influence for either of you anyway. You have to be the mature one & show your child how to be responsible.

First let me say I was in your shoes at that age too minus the baby. My first husband (who was my live-in bf prior to that) did not want to work either. And the day we got married he didn't have a job - should've been a BIG red flag right? BUT I was young and insecure. I can tell you now after 20 yrs. and 2 kids that I LET him treat me that way. His inability to provide for us or in your case his child is his issue and nothing you do will change that. It is hard enough to take care of a baby and yourself. You absolutely do not need to take care of another grown-up as well. I know it may seem like some help is better than none BUT I think you will find that it's not the case. Do you go to church? If not I would recommend finding one - it can be a great source of support. I belong to a wonderful church where there is always someone willing to help out. You can love someone but not be with them if the relationship is one-sided. Raising a child is HARD work and it takes a village. I'm sure you want to do what's best for your child, but in this case I think it will be to force him to grow up and be responsible and it won't happen as long as you are taking care of it all.
I will pray for you and hope the best for you.

I have a daughter a little older than you. Here is what I would tell her. First, you get treated the way you allow people to treat you. You need to take control back of your life and the life of your son. If the "young" man refuses to help support his son then you need to support you and your son ONLY. Right now, he has it pretty good. Free house, free food, someone to wash his clothes. Why would he change this arrangement? Get your ducks in a row and then explain that there is a new sheriff in town and if he doesn't like the way it needs to be then he needs to find other living arrangements. Then you follow through. You can't give him extra time or say "oh that's okay". You have to be firm and say " either you have employment by June 15th or you will leave this house". Straight and to the point. Then go to the court and file for child support. I know you can't get blood out of a turnip but if he sees that you are serious, he might just grow up.

Also, it is not your father's responsibility to support your "family". This money is for you not for this "man/boy". Good luck!!

First thing you have to do is kick the lazy freeloader bum to the curb. Think of yourself as a single mom because that is what you are. Be thankful that you have parents to help you out. Focus on your career and your child. If the dead beat dad ever gets a job, you can take him to court for child support. Nothing is going to change until you make him leave.

Well sorry to be so blunt, but WAKE UP AND SMELL THE COFFEE.... kick his lasy azzzz to the curb and move on.

You need to kick this guy to the curb. You will ALWAYS be struggling with this. He won't change. And remember, you teach people how to treat you. I'd say to kick him out, change the locks,and find ANYTHING to earn money.. online, sales, anything..some places will even help with daycare..ie working at a daycare.. anything.. you cannot have your son around this, and have him grow up thinking this mindset is ok.

Call your mom, and get the support you need..I am sure she will be more than on board.

Please do this for yourself and your son.
Good Luck