To Have Another Child or Not to Have Another child...advice Please.

I totally understand however if the 3 of you are having a hard time with money bringing another person in the home would not be a good idea. good luck with whatever you decide

M..

This is a tough decision. Talk to your pastor. Weigh all your options. Keep in mond the economy right now. You have no health insurance and things will get very tough.

Let me tell you a little about me. I married a man almost 21 years ago who had 3 daughers. I desperately wanted children. I wanted 6. I raised two of his daughters who made life very tough for me. I started getting pregnant and losing them. At 32 my oldest step daugther annouced she was pregnant. The boy did not marry her and I went through even more difficult time because she was pregnant. I was there when my grandson was born. However I kept losing babies. I started fertility treatments, kept getting pregnant, but losing them. Then my 4th pregnancy lasted until almost 5 months. I lost my son. My 5th pregnancy was an ectopic explosion and they ended up taking out my entire right side. Three months after that, I became pregnant on my own and delivered my daughter by c-section at 36 weeks. I was 40 years old. I had several pregnancies after that but I lost them all. None of them were planned. All told, I lost 11 children. We didn't have a lot of money, my husband was struggling with a business and when my daughter was almost 4 years old, he suffered two minor and one major stroke, one month later he had brain surgery. He is now disabled but he is fully functional and takes care of our daughter while I work.

What has all this to do with your question? A lot. There are so many things that can happen in life. You will never know which way things will turn out. I made my choices and have never regretted one single decision. I kept trying, was happy when I became pregnant, desolate when I lost them.

With the economy the way it is and so many people losing thier jobs, what happens if your husband loses his? See if you can do more at your church. Look in the papers for used items that can help you build your room in your attic. Ask friends to help you build. There are always answers to questions. No one on this board can answer them for you but you and your husband. Weigh all options and look into your heart. Your answer is there. If it were me, I would but that is me and that I think is only due to the problems I have had.

Good luck and I will pray for you that your answer comes easily to you. Oh by the way, there is nothing in life that is impossible not when you have God watching over you.

E.

I'm glad you have gotten a lot of responses, but they are all just opinions. Ultimately, it is up to us... HA! and that is where we are wrong. It is up to God, truely put it in his hands and let it be. If it was me, I'd do it. I believe strongly in big families for several reasons, and all can be debated. But, if you have this strong of faith. Why not try? God truly does provide for us and he does humble us to see the true meanings in life. It drives me nuts when people say things about being able to provide all the 'things' a child needs. All they need is love!!! and a great foundation of faith in God. What does he say in the Bible, are the rich getting into heaven or the poor? Yes, we would love to have all for our kids, but ultimately I want them and myself to get into heaven. That is what we should live for each day. Good luck and blessings in whatever come your way.
Amanda

Hi M..
I want to encourage you and tell you I am the same way. I think just like you. We would love to have more, but financially, it just isn't possible. I know God is our provider, but I also know that He gives us wisdom to make good choices. I also believe that He promises to care for us and the birds don't worry about where their food comes from, why should we? It a catch 22. I totally feel for you all. Another baby changes everything, but it is also so fulfilling. You sometimes have to step out by faith and just take the plunge too. Remember, you can be covered by Medicaid while pregnant and the baby after the birth. I am not telling you that this is the lifestyle you want, but its an option for those who don't have insurance and "get" pregnant. You are such an inspiration to me homeschooling your daughter.
Can you please share with me how you do that and work part-time? I am really considering it for my two girls 6 and 10 this next year because we are so financially strapped and I don't want them in public school. Ours isn't so good here. Can you please give me some advice or how you do it and what curriculum you use? How much etc? I work 30 hours a week and not sure how much longer I will have a job.
May your heart be filled with peace.
W.
Indiana

Peace be unto you and yours, M. S

http://www.freechristianaudiobooks.com/audiobooks/Comfort...

Dear M. S,

I am truly glad to hear of your strong faith in God, however, I know sadly from my own experience that our faith in God is NEVER as strong as we think that it is, therefore it is always NECESSARY for Jesus to help us out...and for us to simply keep trusting in God and Jesus more and more for all things that concern us unto The Perfect Day :)(Luke 22:32)

And Thank God, I do KNOW that ALL THINGS work together for the good for those who love God (Romans 8, 1 John 4:9) ...even our sin if we learn the secret of just simply trusting God and Jesus alone forever...every moment...for every thing and for all things that concern us.

Does that mean that events will always go how WE THINK that they should? No. IF we are lucky. :) For Jesus truly taught us to pray, Let not my (selfish) will be done, but Thy Holy Will be done. But, does it mean that things will ALWAYS be worked together and arranged by God and Jesus for our Best SPIRITUAL GOOD? Yes. Always. :)

As you well know, The Answer to all your fears, anxieties, worries, self-pity, doubts, discouragements, and selfish desires is The Eternal Fact that GOD IS...or Emmanuel Jesus Within Us :) Simply seek Jesus within with all your heart..and then Abide Within Jesus BY FULL TRUST IN JESUS forevermore so that your spirit and soul will be INSIDE GOD'S FORTRESS AS KING DAVID WAS...during this mortal life's trials which sometimes are allowed to touch the body, but never to the spirits and souls of all who chose By Ephesians 2:89 to forevermore Abide in Christ through simply childlike faith in Jesus for all things that concern us. :)

I have said all the above, so that I may say this by God's Grace. :)

I don't know what God has in store for you in the mortal life that God has given (loaned to you for God's Glory),
but I do know that we should always pray...Lord Jesus, not my (selfish) will, but Thy Truly True Trustworthy Merciful (Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ WITHIN US) be done...not for our glory ever, but only FOR GOD'S GLORY ALONE FOREVER.

Amen Alleluia and Amen.

God showed The True Apostle Paul many spiritual lessons that were to benefit future Christians for centuries. One of the lessons was "...whatsoever you do in word or deed, do all for The Glory of God."

And like God loving showed Job..."The Lord gives. The Lord takes away. Blessed be the Name of The Lord. :)

And God had to teach Hannah in The Bible...an important spiritual lesson as well...to guard against evil possessiveness and claiming personal ownership over God's gifts loaned to her for God's Glory.

God finally granted Hannah's petititon for a child, by giving (loaning) to her a male child who was to become one of God's greatest true prophets...and I stress here GOD'S.

Once we learn that all creatures and things and Gifts and Virtues truly belong to God and NEVER to ourselves...then we are in a better condition to become little by little a faithful steward unto God for the benefit of others. :)

We are in a similar situation, and I'll tell you what we've done. I will also be bringing up Bible verses that support my position. You are free to accept or reject my advice, but if it is founded on Scripture, you may find yourself fighting against God, so proceed very carefully. I hope I don't hurt your feelings too bad (although, "Faithful are the wounds of a friend") -- what I say is not intended to cause pain, but to give honest, godly counsel. Please read through my entire response, because I do have ideas and suggestions for how you can afford to have another baby.

You may have a very strong faith in God, but if you jump off a cliff expecting God to give you wings to fly, I think you will be sorely disappointed. In other words, having faith in God does not equate to doing stupid things. I understand your desire to have another child, but if you do not have your finances in order, you're not stepping out on "faith" so much as on your own desires and hoping God will bless your actions, whatever they may be. My husband and I have "stepped out on faith" as we saw it, in two very big ways, and have been sorely disappointed. While God was able to take our stupidity and turn it to *good*, I think we sacrificed "better" in doing so.

1 Tim. 5:8 -- if a man can't provide for his own household, he has denied the faith. If you are living paycheck to paycheck and can't afford insurance, then how will you and your husband be able to provide for your household if you get pregnant? You won't be able to afford midwife/doctor or hospital bills, so unless you're intending on having an unassisted home birth, the expenses will either put you deeper into debt, or put you on welfare. Prov. 24:27 -- get your field plowed and planted first, and *then* build your house -- get your work set up and established so that you can eat (make money), and when that's done, you can do other things. Get yourself on solid financial footing, and afterwards when you have some breathing room, you can add another child -- when the added costs won't be a financial strain or burden.

Now for the ideas and suggestions:

"Don't think 'I can't afford it,' but rather, '*How* can I afford it?'" -- Robert Kyosaki, author of "Rich Dad, Poor Dad"

Think of ways to get yourself on solid financial footing *so that* you can afford to have another baby, which is obviously the strong desire you have. There are two ways to do this: increase income and/or decrease expenses.

How can you increase your income? Maybe your husband can work overtime, get a second job (deliver pizzas or something), pick up extra work shoveling snow in the winter, cutting grass in the summer, raking leaves in the fall, etc. Maybe you can increase your hours at your current job, get a second part-time job, babysit in your home, tutor children who may be struggling in school, etc.

There are probably more ways to decrease your expenses than there are ways to increase your income, so I would look at frugal blogs, websites, books, etc., to come up with ideas. The main book I would recommend is "The Complete Tightwad Gazette" by Amy Dacyczyn -- find it at your library, or get it through inter-library loan; if you can find it at a thrift store or used book store, buy it (I found a copy for $5!). Read through it and be amazed.

I would heartily recommend listening to financial counselor and author Dave Ramsey (www.daveramsey.com). Any money you can save by frugality should go towards a $1000 emergency fund; and once that's in place, you can start paying down debt (if you have any), or start saving up for having a baby.

I would not recommend getting pregnant until you have health insurance -- far too many unexpected things can happen, especially with the C-section rate at 30% and rising! My friend's uncomplicated C-section two years ago had total hospital charges (anesthesiologist, etc.) of $25,000, although insurance took care of most of that. Another friend had a baby recently, and the baby had a lung problem that put her in the hospital for two weeks, much of that time in the NICU. They have insurance, but I shudder to think how much the bill would be if they were uninsured. Think about the mother of the octuplets -- who is paying for their care?

You should be happy that you are blessed with one child who is smart, beautiful and talented. That doesn't mean you should decide not to have any more children. But just because you are not financially stable **right now** to have another child doesn't mean you should not have any more children ever. Rather, you should take the steps necessary to become financially stable, and *then* have another baby.

Such a hard question for all of us not close to your situation. My instinct is to say where there's a will there's a way. There are so many families that learn to 'make do' and cut corners and still have beautiful children in their lives (more than 1!). There will be sacrifices, as there are with almost all of us that choose to have children, but you will find a way. The only thing that is concerning is the health insurance. That would be my own personal holdup, but that does not seem like it has to be a long-term holdup. Shoot for that first so that the medical bills are not a huge burden and you can enjoy your pregnancy without that stress and worry. Good luck with your decision...

M.,
I understand your feelings. If you think your health insurance status will be changing in the near future then I would wait for that. I would also check to make sure that pregnancy is covered under new policy. 18+ years ago when we got married my husbands insurance did not cover my pregnancy until I was on the policy for 12 months. Needless to say that I became pregnant before that. I ended up using a prenatal clinic run by the local hospital where we lived. I received wonderful care but there were so many people there who needed the care. They also had social workers to help you apply for food stamps, aid for dependant children, WIC and whatever else you may need. I saw so many moms with several kids and come to find out that they did not know who the father was or the children had different fathers. There were others who lost jobs and insurance, one sad story I remember was a woman who was in her mid twenties, she had gotten married in July but the held off on wedding trip until the end of August. The day they were to leave on the trip her husband was involved in a fatal car accident. He did not die at the scene, he was in ICU for a week before he died. She had to make the choice to take him off of life support. She was so distraught the whole week especially at the end of it. She had not been feeling well and everytime someone came around with food she felt sick to her stomach. She thought it was just the stress. The day she had to stop the life support she was crying at his bedside and passed out. Of course the medical staff took care of her, the took her down to the ER to run test, she was pregnant. Her job did not have insurance coverage so she went to the clinic as well. It was so sad. She did not have any family close and had not made close friends since she was new to the area. She had tried to make a go of it after the pregnancy but ended up taking the baby and heading back to where here parents and family lived. My SIL only has one child who is grown now but she did fine. She is not the greatest at sharing and thinks she should always get things her way but that was because her parents gave her whatever she wanted. Pray on it. If it is in Gods plan for you to have another child then you will. Remember God only gives you what you can handle.

Go for it. You only live once. It is great for children to have siblings. Children are a blessing. We live pay check to pay check and have 3 children. I love them all. Do not let finances dictate your life. If everybody did that then this would be a very small world. Children are precious. I am also 36 years old and just had my third 2 months ago. Good luck!

A little about me: WAHM of 3,ages 5,2,and 2 months.

If you've got the faith, love, and desire for a child, please don't let lack of funds stop you.

You're already at home, so no daycare costs. As for food, you can nurse for free and then use your normal dinner to make babyfood out of. You can cloth diaper the baby for a few hundred dollars. You probably have a ton of toys already, no need to buy new. Or new clothes for that matter, goodwill works fine. Only two bedrooms? Baby can sleep in your bed or a crib in your room until she weans. Then bunk with her sister.

Go for it!

They say the only things we regret are the things we didn't do, and when you look back on your life I think you would regret not having another child if that is your heart's desire. Also, when we look back on our lives, it's our family and relationships that mean the most. Even 50 years ago (and certainly 100+) most people had one or two bedrooms, and all 10 kids (or whatever) shared a room.

Also, you might check out the book by Dan Miller called 48 Days to the Work you Love. It is excellent (I got it on CD for my hubby for Christmas, and he loved it) and might give your hubby the inspiration to earn more income. It is biblically based.

Also, there's another book, also Christian themed, about experiences people have had with their unborn children. It's called Songs of the Morning Stars, by Sarah Hinze. It is heartwarming (any of her books are, and deal exactly with this subject). You can read reviews for it on amazon.com.

Best wishes to you. It is a very personal decision. I don't know anyone who truly regretted their children, though I do know people who regretted not having more.

I belive that if you really want a child, you should go ahead. Because if you are waiting for the right time, just know that you will always find some reason that will hold you back. Leave everything in God's hands and He will always provide you with everything you need.

M.,

I live in a 2 bedroom house and it's just me, my husband and my 8 year old son. About 2 years ago, I began wanting a baby but there were factors in the way that kind of made my husband say no. We were okay with finances but there was no room and my 8 yr. old would have to share a room with a baby. For 9 months I prayed every night that God would provide an answer to this desire I had. I asked him to either grant it or to let this maternal feeling go away and to just let me be content with my family the way it was. For 9 months I prayed this. Finally my husband came up to me while I was cooking one evening and told me he wanted to have another baby and didn't care about how big the house was or finances, that God would provide. I looked at him with shock and awe. You see, over the course of that 9 months, God had been dealing with him heavily. We immediately began trying and 3 weeks after trying we conceived and now have a beautiful 10 month old baby boy. Our finances were good with just the one child but soon after baby was born we felt the stress and burden of our finances. It was stressful thinking about how we were going to buy formula, pay daycare, buy clothes, and diapers just for the baby much less for the one we already had. We cancelled cable TV, got a cheaper cell phone plan, quit eating out except occaisonally, and the number one thing we did was put our faith in God. How did we do that - - We paid our tithes first before any other bill even when money was tight and we didn't think we were going to have enough to pay the bills. God has proved Himself time and time again. Just when we thought we weren't going to make it til the next paycheck, we got blessed with giftcards, or a check for overpaying something would come. It was amazing. Has it been tough adjusting to feeding and caring for another baby - yes but we have never done without and always know that God has been sufficient in supplying all our needs. Now we live paycheck to paycheck and on top of that life goes on - things in the house need repair, cars breakdown but all of our needs have been met. Do I regret having our new baby - no. I wouldn't change all the hardships in the world for this little fella. And yes, he and my 8 year old share a room. Does my older son like it - he doesn't mind it. Will that always be his feelings? Probably not, but I'll cross that bridge when I get to it and have faith that God will provide for the need that we have for adding another room to our house. Right now, we are saving every cent we can to do that. It's going to take us about 5 years to be able to do it, maybe more if something comes up- but we'll make it some way, some how if it's God's will. I mean, my mom is one of 7 children and she was raised in a 3 bedroom house. They made do and so did other people in past generations. We're just not used to the hardships that our past generations have had to endure. Remember - God is in control of all things. If you have a strong faith in him - then let go and let God. Yes, it's going to be a hardship at first but you will adjust. You will have to do without for a while. Get that thought in your head and you will adjust better to this. Do like I told my friend when she starting trying for second baby. The minute you decide to start trying (I'd start before) - start saving money so you have it, even if it's five dollars a week/paycheck. Good luck and put this in God's hands.

I don't really know how to weigh in on your question because I feel very strongly that insurance is a must but I also realize that the desire to have a child is overwhelming. I think usually the finances work out especially if the child is planned and so strongly wanted. Sacrificing doesn't seem so bad.

What I really wanted to tell you about was in regards to converting your attic if you should need to. There are several websites out there similar to craigslist that allow users to swap items for free. Like trading and bartering. (craigslist also has freebies listed sometimes.) I haven't used any yet, but I have heard good things. This might be a great option for materials. Also, your church might be another good resource- bartering among the congregation for materials and labor. You could set something up similar to the websites. Anyways, here are the ones I know of:

http://www.freecycle.org/

http://www.reuseitnetwork.org/

http://www.sharingisgiving.org/

*EDIT*

Something else to think about in regards to the insurance: There are lots of people who are very quick to say "get on medicaid" "you don't need insurance, that is what state aid is for" etc. But from my understanding, if something went wrong, lots of hospitals won't give you the best care without good insurance. If you are stuck using the county hospital that may not have the best maternity/prenatal care, and something happens that they are not qualified to treat, you are basically stuck without proper care for your brand new baby (or yourself) that might mean the difference between life and death. I waited 11 yrs to have my first baby, because we were in exactly the same situation you are. When we finally felt stable and had good insurance, we started trying. After the baby was born, my husband lost his job, and I am glad we got pregnant when we did, because you can't live your life waiting for the bad to happen, but I would not have made the conscious choice to try without insurance. We would have been in horrible financial shape right now if we had. I know nothing is for sure in this economy and job market, but when we knew for sure that we couldn't afford it or have proper medical care, we waited.

Hi, M.. Having another child is a big issue, and I commend you for thinking it out. I, also, am a mother of an only child(not intentional on my part) and have homeschooled him for 8 years. He's now 18 and graduating in May.(Woo-Hoo!)You know the saying, ' If you wait until you can afford it you'll never have one?' I believe that. We can never really afford a child, and it's not like you already have two and just want another one. I'll tell you what my son tells me now about it.... He does wish he had a brother or a sister, but is glad I didn't wait until he was in his teens to do it. If he had a choice, he'd keep it just like it is if that were his only choice. He plans on having more than one when he marries one day because he knows it does get lonely sometimes, especially thinking about when we're gone and he will have no brothers or sisters here with him. On the flip side, he has enjoyed it in many ways: time, finacially, and attention wise. There are pros and cons to having another one and not. They will do well either way. If you know it's going to make it tougher on you financially, then don't do it. There's no sense in making problems in a marriage over finances, because that's the number one reason people divorce, and please don't let guilt over NOT having another one push you into it. Whether you have another one or not is your and your husband's decision, no one else's. We, too, are on a limited income, and it has been tough through the years. My advice: discuss it in detail with your husband and 'the two of you' come to a decision, and don't feel bad about it either way. God bless your family, and best wishes!!

We live in a small 3 bedroom. We have 3 children. Until recently, they all shared one room. They didn't know any different, so they loved it. Children are very resilient. If your little girl "had" to share a room with baby, I would think it would encourage a closer bond. As far as the money issue, if we all waited until we thought we had enough money to have children, we probably wouldn't have them! Plus, if you breastfeed, there's at least one expense gone for a while! Sounds like you and hubby need to pray about it. If God knows the true desires of your heart, he just might make a way. And he'll take care of you in the process! Good luck.

M., Hello from one HS mom to another!

I have to to share that recently this SAME topic came up on another message board I am on at SHEKNOWS.com (Snowbabies Nov-Dec 2002) http://talk.sheknows.com/f339/have-new-baby-not-have-new-...

Re: To have a new baby or not to have a new baby???
I forget how old your DS is but my son was almost 14 when Madison was born.

He was there when she was born and was the first one to hold her as I wanted them to have a strong bond. I also took him with me to register at BRU and let him pick some things he wanted her to have etc..

We included him on our baby naming and ask for his suggestions (they got vetoed) but I then named my angel babies those names.

He also went to birthing classes with us as he was old enough.

I included him with everything that was possible.

That helped.. Keep in mind too that girls are often more nurturing than boys are.

Ask away, I have 14 years between my two. He loves her just as much as she loves him.
__________________

Remember to do WHAT is BEST for YOU and YOUR family.

_________________
Let me just say, don't wait... Here is my personal reason why having Madison saved my life.

Having had Zach so many years ago, with 14 years between them... he had his interests and I just took Madison along.. what do people do that have MANY children? Plus they DO adjust honestly they do... now fast forward as Zach was starting high school right before Madison turned 1. We took her to Washington DC for an event that he was in called National History Day.. we drove... stayed in a hotel... did some sightseeing in DC etc... no problem... FAst forward a bit more...
Now Zach is busy being a teenager and has NO TIME FOR ME.. he has his own agenda and although he calls me "OP" (Over Protective) I have to still let him be the man God intended him to be... here comes Prom as a Sophomore and a Junior... Wow he looks so handsome in a Tux! My little boy is growing up and he no longer needs me but wants that 'girl's' attention whomever it may be...
Soon came the Junior Ring Ceremony and plans for college and wanting to be more with his friends and gone later...

I will honestly share that I am so blessed to have Madison that she kept me sane. I jokingly say that but it is a reality. I had a VERY hard time letting him go.. I kept clipping his wings every time he spread them out to fly... I had to learn a few hard lessons. I LOVE being a Mother and Zach and I have been through a lot especially when I got divorced from his dad. He is an AMAZING young man.
I don't know what I would have done if I didn't have Madison.. work full time... maybe, but she kept kept me occupied so I could slowly let go of Zach and not stifle his growth as a young man.

As i did more and more with her since she was growing all along too it helped me be distracted so that I relaxed a bit and put all my time and energy into her as he didn't need me anymore.

Now, don't get me wrong, I don't need to be needed but there is that certain thing as MOMS that we do so much for our children that when they are gone.. you have to discover more about yourself as now you have all the time in the world.

Now, you will never know what you are missing especially if your heart desires it.
With some like Mel. they already know one is all they want.

But there are enough things in life I wish I could have done. I didn't want to wait and regret it later as my time was ticking... plus keep in mind sometimes it takes a while to get PG.. it doesn't always happen the first time or the second... we actually lost 2 babies before getting blessed with Madison.

The diapers etc... are only for a season... there will be fun times coming faster than you think.

It is a life changing event BUT it is so worth it. I enjoy it so much more now!

***Remember to do WHAT is BEST for YOU and YOUR family.

PS: let us know when you 'change' your mind.
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Those are my responses and you can read her post as she only has one child. Keep in mind that the longer you wait, it may not happen as fast as you think it will or how fast it has happened in the past.

We lost 2 babies back to back but I did get my blessing in 12/02.

I haven't heard you say that you and your DH have prayed about it. Start there. ;)

Have a great day!

The best advice I can give is prayer. My husband and I have 1 child and I would love to have had more, but we can't. At first I hated that I felt a very personal decision was taken away from me, but I have grown to accept that my family is what it is!!

Some say if you wait 'till you are financially ready to ahve kids, you never will. On the other extreme, money is the number one reason for divorce. I remember being stressed as a kid b/c of my parent's financial state and I wouldn't want to intentionally put children in that situation.

I know in the end, you will make the right decision for you!

Best of luck!!

My heart goes out to you. None of us can tell you what you "should" do; you need to pray and wait upon the Lord for wisdom. I wish you comfort with whatever decision you make. Remember that the Lord can make a way where there seems to be no way, but sometimes we must accept that his plans for us are not ours for ourselves. Just pray, and trust God to show what you need to do.

That is a difficult situation & question for sure. And I too am not sure how to best answer your question.

We have 5 children. Number 5 was a huge surprise. Our youngest at the time was 5. We also were self employed at the time and had no insurance.My husband was doing contract work for his parents & they decided to form a company & provide insurance, when I was about 5 months pregnant. The insurance accepted my pregnancy and didn't treat it as pre existing condition that could've excluded my coverage. However, I was prepared to have him at home. I'd had 4 other children, I had a nurse friend that agreed to come over & help, but I didn't have to.

As to the sharing of rooms...my newborn shared a room with is 11 yo brother (he has 3 sisters) with no problems. I think once you've gotten pregnant, your daughter will be thrilled at having a baby brother/sister. And if it is a boy, you'll have time to fix up the attic or if God provides you a bigger house, then that will take care of the situation.

I think God provides for His children even when it seems nuts to do what we feel led to do, or impossible to our human eyes. I think if you two have prayed over this and feel that God is leading you to have another child, you have to trust in Him, NOT listen to what everyone is saying to you & be joyful. IF I had listened to what people were telling me, I'd only have 2 children & I would've missed out on the blessing my younger 3 have given me. BTW, our children are 3 girls, 23, 19 and 16 and 2 boys 21 and 11. Our 19yo just got married last month.

I wanted to show you a CD that we used when I was pregnant with Joshua, our youngest who turned 11 yesterday. It's called 9 Month Miracle & yes it is acceptable for your child to watch it. It has modesty settings, LOL. Here is a link: https://secure.adam.com/adamstore/products/order_ninemont...

It is a WONDERFUL journey through the development of your baby as seen through the eyes of a 7yo girl. It's hard to explain fully, but there are cute games to play & information that a child would understand as to what's happening inside Mom's uterus. IN FACT, that is how my Mom & step-dad found out I was pregnant. They'd been on vacation, we went to see them when they got home and my then 4 yo daughter ran up, tapped me on the tummy & said "This is Mom's uterus"...LOL. SO my Mom was wondering how Rebekah would know that...and I told her I was pregnant. And she knew that it was a uterus because of us telling her (we homeschool too) and that program. It is such a neat program, shows the development of the heart, brain, etc.

And one last thing. I had my last baby at 39. My daughters mother-in-law (who is my best friend) had her last baby at 45. Both our children are beautiful and healthy. And we had no complications. God knew I needed Joshua & Donna (my friend) and her husband have always trusted in God to provide for their family as they felt He directed them to trust Him in the number of children they'd have...they have 10.

Trust in God, trust in how you both feel, this is YOUR life, YOUR decision, YOUR baby.

Best of luck & let us know what you decide.

And yes, people need to be kind. And sorry if I rambled on, I love babies.

Reading one responder reminded me to tell you this. When our youngest was 6 weeks old we moved to be closer to my husband's work, he was commuting an hour each way each day & we only had 1 car. SO we lived in a 2 bedroom house for what we thought would be about a year. It turned into 3 years. Now the bedroom my children all shared was unusually big. BUT they have THE BEST memories of that house. My oldest daughter would make up adventure stories at night to tell her siblings & the kids often sang together while they laid in bed. So it can be done and if you have a good attitude towards it, that will help your daughter have one as well.

Ok, now I think I'm done.

hi, my name is R. i am a mom of seven. i was told years ago if i waited till i could afford children that i would never have any. so i went for it. god has a plan. no i am not on any public assistance. i am so glad i took their advise. you might be surprised at your 6 year olds thoughts about having a new brother or sister in her room with her. at one point for us we lived in a 900 sq. ft. house with one bathroom . it was crowded but looking back those were the best of times. we always had a ball. good luck. all things are posible with god. good luck R. u.

You didn't mention whether you two had been trying or not to have a child up to this point. I can say that going from one to two is a huge jump in stress, money and just overall chaos. That said, I wouldn't let a small house or limited money issues get in the way if you really want a child. If it was me, I would probably just try to get pregnant and if it happens then it happens and it was meant to be. If not, then not. It seems as though God finds a way to work these things out for us. Don't worry so much about your age. It sounds as though you and your husband support each other and are on the same page. One supportive husband is worth more than a four bedroom house and loads of money. Good luck.

M.,
I know this response isn't that different from many of the others but as a marriage therapist you need to think about the financial implications of another child. Many marriages break up over money. While there is never a perfect time to have a baby, there are times that are better than others. I agree the size of your house doesn't matter. However, the fact you are currently living paycheck to paycheck with no health insurance now does matter. In addition, the economy is not in that great a shape. How secure are each of you in your current jobs. I agree with the advice about David Ramsey. The best thing to do is to really understand your current financial situation and evaluate how a baby now would impact it. There may be some things you can do quickly to get a handle on it and ake the decision easier.

Good luck.
L. D.

Tough question. We never had to try, they just kept coming every two years, as a natural result of the marital state, in spite of our efforts to space them at least three years apart!
We never had insurance either. We are self-employed, me as a midwife, dh as a woodworker. We have been in debt since our 5th spent 8 days in NICU! But I don't regret having her, or any of thre ones who came after her. Children are priceless treasures, they are so worth any inconvenience! Giving your kids love is what they need, not anything money can buy!

M.-
I haven't had a chance to read the other responses, so please forgive me if my reply is redundant, but I wanted to share this with you...
My husband and I met in 1991. We didn't get married until 1997. WE both wanted 3-5 kids, but knew we couldn't afford them and didn't want to bring them in a world where we couldn't afford health care or worried about food, etc. We waited. He finally joined the military for the benefits (which ARE excellent, by the way) We were finally ready and we prayed for a child. It took us almost two years for God to say it was time. I was to the point of saying I wasn't able to have children when they tried a new drug and I got pregnant with our daughter - now 6 1/2.
After that, we weren't preventing, but weren't trying. I had 2 miscarriages due to my condition and we were unsure of trying again.
He got sent away for 2 years. One at a duty assignment and a year overseas. I was going back to school to finish my nursing degree. I had a year left when he returned and we moved together. I was getting ready to transfer to the university here. I was pushing 34 and was debating to have another child or finish school first. I prayed for God's will and 2 weeks later, I had an unexpected positive pregnancy test.
She was born on Leap Day last year, so she is almost one. I was debating a tubal ligation. I was going to have one after labor with her, but I had an accident in labor and they were worried about giving me a blood transfusion, so they could not perform the tubal. After she was born, I kept getting sick. She was a week old when I came down with Strep throat. Then 2 weeks later, mastitis. then it was this, then that.... so I never made it back for a tubal. About 2 months ago - right around Christmas time, I prayed "God, it is in your hands." I am getting old. Jan 29, I had another unexpected positive pregnancy test.
So the point I am trying to make is.. If you leave it in God's will, He will provide.
Don't let it be your decision. Let it be HIS and his alone.
I hope this helps.
Blessings
D.

M.! First let me say that nothing is impossible with God! Just because you are 36 doesn't mean you can't safely have children well into your 40s. There are women who do that every day! Also, let me say that i admire you for homeschooling your child. I homeschool also and it is a challenge finacially because we don't get any tax credits or any help from the government even though we continue to pay taxes to the local school system! Until your state has school choice, you can't even claim it on your taxes! School teachers claim their supplies on their taxes! How bogus! Anyway, just be patient and see what God has in store for you. Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the Plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." That is my life verse! If God wants you have more children right now, He will let you know. Just be still and know that He is there! I personally would wait until my insurance came through. It is very expensive to be pregnant without insurance and especially the first few months for the baby and all those visits and shots. Maybe by then you can have 2, one right after the other! I have 3 and having 3 wasn't any different for me than having one! It is actually more fun the more you have! Praying for you, M.!

There is never enough money to have children. You could always have more. Use your heart and not your wallet to make the decision. We also live in a two bedroom house. I have one son and we are planning to have one more. We have already installed bunk beds in the kids room and we will let our kids share a room. I think it is perfectly appropriate for siblings to share. Your daughter may even grow to enjoy her new addition.

M.,
I say go for it! Children are a blessing from GOD. HE will supply your needs. My friend just had a baby and they didn't have any insurance - she was approved for medicaid for one year and the baby gets help for one year after birth. I think if you qualify use it - that is what it is for. The Lord may not bless you with another child and if He does, then use the help you need to have a healthy pregnancy. I am an older mother and when you get 40+ you don't want to look back with regrets and always have the longing and yearning for more children. Have them while you can!!!
God Bless,
V.

First of all, I like the name !

Secondly, you said you don't have viable time left, let me tell you, you have at least 9 more yrs. I had one when I was 45.... so you have a ways to go.

Thirdly, only you can decide what is right for you. But you asked your readers what they would do. I would be happy with one. Here is why:

I had 3 boys (when I was married to the devil) They are grown now and I have one little girl (30 months) with the angle that I am married to now.
Before when I had 3, it was hectic. I could never spend quality time with either of them. One was always jealous of the other. I thought that at least they would have each other if we didn't have anything else: WRONG... they fought like cats and dogs and have hated each other from day one. Still are not close. You couldn't treat them as individuals because what you did for one you had to do for the other one OR you got a tongue lashing from the other one. To be honest, I was glad to see them grow up.
HOWEVER, you have to understand in my situation, their father kept me so upset all the time with is psychotic manipulative narcisism; they definitely had some bad genes in them; and they learned their fathers traits and acted like him.
Now, I have one daughter, less money now than when I was married to the devil. I can do whatever I want for her without someone crying about it. I have all the time for her in the world; quality time. Because there isn't another one, I can do more for her, go more places, allow her to experience more. My life is more calm, even though she is not quite 3 yr old.

With all of that said, all of those things may not be the same for you. You just asked what I would do personally. You may have great genes on both sides so yours may not show animosity or jealousy. You may raise yours right and they may grow up to love each other and be greatful that they have each other when there is nothing else in this world left but each other. They may be the kind that will stick with each other through thick and thin.

Now if you would like to know what kind of family that I would have loved to be a part of: I would like to be part of a family of about 6 or 7 or 8 kids. It wouldn't have mattered to me if we had money or not or we could do things or not. I think that I could have been a good amish kid; work never bothered me and I liked the idea of abundance and closeness. Both my parents were only children and both of them have said that they always hated it. But thank God my mother was an only child because I literally had the mother from hell. Have you seen the movie "mommy dearest" : I could have written that book. My mother taught us to hate each other and she always pitted us against each other so the other one wouldn't tell her secrets of how she is partial to one of her children and grandchildren while mistreating the others. Then I married a man just like her. I feel my entire life has been one big roller coaster that I have been nauseous riding. It wasn't till I finally walked away from all of it, got counceling and found a true honest to god angel in my life that I now have a wonderful life. It is about time.

So, you have to decide what kind of personalities that you have going on in your genes as to which decision would be best for you. Talk to your little girl and see what she thinks about all of this. What she wants in all of this and how she will feel. Tell her up front that it would mean giving up her time, having her "stuff" messed with by a baby.

Then you have to think about how you will get the cost of having it covered with no insurance, how stressful that will be on you and how you handle stress. Will that put pressure on you as a mother if you are in debt? How will the baby get health care such as well baby visits and will she be able to get what she needs? I think one things for sure is that you should look at going to school also. Go into a nursing program. You can get scholarships to go to school and it won't cost you much money at all. If you don't feel you could pass school, have your tried going through cosmetology school? It could better your life so that you could get ahead. I have been in your shoes, been there, done that.

I know you will make the right decision for your family. I hope I wasn't too h*** o* you. I just wanted to be honest.
Good luck on decision making!

Sorry to say this, and I'll say it as nicely as possible, but you did ask. This is a very, very bad idea with all you have shared.

Many people would have liked to have another child, but knew it was a fiscally irresponsible idea and did not have another child.

Living paycheck to paycheck already and you want to add daycare, diapers, equipment and food for another mouth?

I can tell you that babies/children only get more expensive and it just does not sound like it is in the cards for you two. What if you had twins, or a horrible pregnancy? Could you handle those expenses, too?

Looking back I think you will both be very, very glad that you reserved your resources for the child that you do already have instead of diluting them for another child.

Hey M.,
After reading your situation, I would advise you not to, just because the fact the you work PT and you both live pay check to paycheck plus this eceonomy---they are advising people to hold on to your litle bit of money because we don;t know what tomorrow holds. I understand that you both are getting older but be smart---do you remember the cost of pampers, formula, car seats and clothes for babies, medication for sickness---plus you guys don't have any insurance. Put the matter to prayer, I don;t think that now is the time. Hopefully this eceonomy will improve within a year and then reanalyze the sitaution then. I have included your family in my prayers. Be Blessed.

Pray and look for a job with better pay and benefits. You don't have to be wealthy to have children, but you don't want to put yourself in debt and have so much money stress that you can't enjoy your life. Good luck.

It is obvious that having another child is your heart's desire. You may not be able to figure out right now how to make it work financially but you will. Don't let the almighty dollar stand in the way of your dreams. You will spend the rest of your life wondering whether or not you made the right choice if you don't. If you do have another child you won't have to wonder any more, and I can't imagine that you will regret choosing to have a child later on. There is also the idea that God is the one who will choose whether or not you actually get pregnant. You may try and He may say no. That will answer your question as well. But, He will provide no matter what. I believe if you and your husband both have such a strong desire to nurture and raise another child God will honor that and provide whatever you need. BTW, we have 2 children and both slept in a basinette in our room for several months until they could sleep through the night. So sharing a room with sis may not be a big issue, at least not for a few years yet. You never know what God can do in that time. I wish your family all the best.

I think if you want another child and have the love and patience you should try. You can always put a crib in your room and make some adjustments on your end. Our little guy is still in our room at 14 months.... not always ideal, but we work it out. I really wouldn't have it any other way. We also have #2 on the way. Should be interesting...lol. You will certainly have to make a strict budget although if you are able to breastfeed at least food won't be an issue for about 6 months or so. Good luck in your decision and do what feels right for your family. It will all work out.

I would check into getting insurance first and then go for it. I don't know what state you are in but most of them have some kind of insurance that will at least cover your daughter and you while you are pregnant and then they baby after it is born. Planned Parenthood could help, they don't just do abortions, they also support pregnant women who want to have their babies. I actually went to them to get help in trying to conceive. Anyway, if both you and your husband want another baby then have one, you will find the space and money some how. I spent 15 years and thousands of dollars in fertility treatments to get my daughter who is now 4. Somedays I would love to have another child and somedays not. Somedays my husband wants another one and somedays not. If we could both be certain then we would definitely try again and do whatever needed to be done. For me all the years of pain and sacrifice were swept away by my daughter's first smile.

Have you thought about fostering a child? It sounds like you & your husband would be great foster parents and you would get financial assistance. You can look around to see if there are organizations that would help finish your attic so you could have room for the foster child or children. Home schooling, I would think, would be great for foster children.
Just a thought that hit me this morning after reading your request yesterday. Wish you well, B.

Hi

I'm in a similar situation. It seems like every time I turn around someone is asking if and when my husband and I are going to have another baby. However, we live in a two bedroom home and I stay home with our daughter, so we have neither the room nor money to make it possible right now. Sometimes I also feel as if we'll regret not having another baby. Everyone seems to think its a good idea, especially because our daughter will have a sibling to play with. Its just so hard to decide. I mean, its so wonderful to have a baby, but when there are so many stresses to deal with alongside that, its makes for a difficult situation. I ask myself, if its really worth it? If we did have a baby, our daughter would have to share a room and we would all have to make sacrifices financially. I can't tell you what to do, but I do understand how you are feeling, because I've been struggling with this as well. I really, truly hope you find the answer you're looking for, but in the meantime, just know that you aren't alone!

there is never a "right" time to have a baby.... I had my first at nineteen and my second almost two years later, had I ever thought about it, I would have never been "ready" for children...... good luck, keep praying, and let whatever happens, happen!!!!!!

My little advice is to look into the Dave Ramsey program for helping with your financial situation. This is a great program and it helped my family. Look Dave up on the web. Once you start feeling comfortable about your financial situation I say go for it.

Is it aquestion we can ever really answer?

Hi M.
It's very hard to just tell someone they should go ahead and have another baby. It's a decision that you and your husband should make together. One thing I would do if I were in your shoes is to at least wait until you have health insurance. If you get pregnant you will be spending lots of time at the doctor's office. Many health care plans have a "preexisting condition" clause where they may not cover you if you were already pregnant. Of course if that is going to take a while and you are ready for the baby, you would have to weigh that out.
If another baby is the plan and it does sound like you and your husband would like to have another baby, then you two would work it out. Pray about it and talk about it.

Good luck with your decision
P.

Good Morning M.,

This is very sensitive, I can tell that. You have really fought with yourself over this decision. You have a beautiful, healthy 5 year old. You are so very blessed. If you have no money, no health insurance and are living paycheck to paycheck... I think you have already told yourself the answer, but just need reinforcement. You are getting to an age, too, where there could be more health issues for you and/or the baby. Thank God for what you have, and if further down the road, your situation changes..there are MANY children that people have and dont want (idiots), that would love to be a part of your loving home. Or, just put your hand in the hand of the man that stills the waters, and what will be will be!!! Best to you!

Okay...bear with me for a minute here...I''m really glad you are considering your financial situation before having another child. There are too many people out there that keep having kids and have to live off other's tax dollars. Ask yourself this question...do you want a BABY to cuddle and hold and love on, or do you want another member of your family. As you know, babies grow up.... The reason for these questions to yourself is "have you considered being a foster parent?" You obviously have the love to give, and a supportive husband. You can do one of two things...you can be a foster-to-adopt parent, or just a foster parent. My husband and I adopted three boys through social services - talk about babes who needed a loving home. Our youngest came home with us at age 10 weeks. From birth to ten weeks, he stayed with a foster family that only took infants until they were placed in permanent homes. So that's an option if you're feeling the need to love on a baby. AND, social services gives you financial assistance when you are caring for a foster child. The child would be eliligible for WIC and medicaid, so you would not have to worry about health insurance. Just pray about it. I'd be happy to give you more info if you are interested.

M.,

You do sound like a woman with ALOT of love to share with a child. The greatest gift and biggest job that we face in our life as women is being a mother. It sounds like you are struggling with the desires of having another child with the 'can we provide for another child'?!

My parents had 4 children and lived in a basement house, yes, this is an underground house-you might as well call it a basement. There were 2 bedrooms, living room, kitchen, and 1 bathroom. All 4 girls shared 1 bedroom until 2 reached teen years. All we had were each other, no money, hand-me-down clothing, and only the cheapest of meals. I can remember having a pair of shoes that were really falling apart by the age of 9. These were the only shoes I had for a long time. Ask me now would I change any of my childhood? Would I want to come from a wealthy family? Would I give up living on the farm with my sisters for better schooling, better clothing, and all the other things that are said to be 'a richer life'? The answer is no, I would not. My early childhood years shaped who I am today. My parents did the best they could under the circumstances.

Now, as an adult, with a 18 month old boy, a husband who supports us while I stay at home, it is a different question and answer that I would approach this question and life decision you are making...what would I do, If we wanted another child? My husband and I live on one income and DO NOT have bills, everything is paid for except the house, and we do not buy anything without discussing or planning in our budget. Would I have another child knowing that it would take away from my current child and he would have to share everything with a sibling? The answer, no. I am 36 years old and feel so blessed to have a healthy young boy that is full of life and my husband and I can offer him a good start. We can not afford the finest things in life, but we can provide the next best thing. Having another child would alter this life for him. Even though my childhood was the best memories, I do remember wishing I at least had a little pocket change ever now and again. Instead of always relying on friends to pay the way, as if I was some orphan who needed constant support. My adult life has consisted of many struggles in the financial department and now it is very important to me for our son to be the center of focus. This is how 'we' as a couple feel about the situation.

This is not a decision someone can make for you....this is something you have to really think about, talk to your husband, talk to your child, as this will impact her as well. She is old enough now to give some input into the matter. Might give you another perspective on the decision, and spend some time alone reflecting and thinking.

One last thing, if you were to go ahead with deciding to have a baby, these are the steps we would take....do a 5 year plan....set specific goals..ask yourselves where you want to be, how you want to support your children, what types of jobs would help with the finances, and on and on...include jobs/living/insurance/daycare/schooling/etc...if you need more money, start working towards better jobs..immediately begin a monthly budget...every dollar accounted for each month..no expenses that are not needed..all shopping items should be off season or at consignments..all food should be $1 items or lots of coupons..learn to cook..learn to sew..find charitable churches for assistance with clothing/etc....plan/plan/plan...every sunday...become friends with as many new moms as you possibly can for support when the baby arrives...they can help cook, clean, provide clothing, diapers, formula. etc for FREE. Have an extremely OPEN ARMS policy...this meaning that everyone knows of your situation and you are WILLING to accept hand-me-downs or whatever anyone wants to give or assist for no cost.

All decisions made in our household have been thought about for 6 months to a year before implementing. If there is a dollar amount, it has been placed in the budget and accounted for before spending. If there are things that need to be done before the go date, those are accomplished at specific intervals. Sundays are our budget/planning family days. I would include your daughter in these meetings, as it will teach responsibility, moral development, team member 'social working skills', and she will feel like a part of the family.

And finally, the one question that I would ask myself and my husband in the final decision process,,,,when we are 80 years old sitting in rocking chairs talking about our lives...will we be so regretful that we decided not or to have a child? That is how I make the biggest decisions in life. Always sitting in the rocking chair at the age of 80, reflecting backwards. Do this when you sit by yourself to think about the final decision. Have your husband do the same, then come together as a couple and discuss.

Good luck and may your mind, heart, and soul come together and help you in this life decision.

M., my very best to you. As the others moms have said, this is only a choice you and your husband can make. Because of the economy, I would use caution, simply because I have seen so many going without, losing their homes and more after losing a job. Have y'all discussed what your plan would be if this happened? I'm a constant worrier, and with the changes in our world, have to have a "plan of attack." If you both feel things would work out, as they usually do, and you have a plan for the big IF...I would say do what your heart says to do. Your 6 yr old needs to understand that her bedroom is still part of your home...having said that, my husband and I pay way too much for a home with a bedroom for each child....instead, all three of them want to sleep in the same room, I have two daughters 12 and 9, and a son 4. I don't think that would really be a problem for her until the baby is much older and by then, who knows, maybe you will both be in a position to build on. My husband and I had just bought a one bedroom home and a camaro the same month we found out we were pregnant....No money to buy another vehicle, no money to add on to the house, no money for much of anything. Our only positive, besides the blessing of a baby, was we were both active duty. Not that that helped but the chances of us losing our jobs was extremely rare! The pay....below poverty level, was not good! In the end, things have worked out. I think God gives us what we need for everything as long as we are smart and consider all of the avenues. I don't know if this will help with your decision, again, it's only one you can make.

My son was not planned and was a difficult couple of years for us. We had a five year plan....God had another one. I was in RN school when he came along. Having medical problems I was unable to complete school, my husband was stationed in Alaska and had to move back to TX. My children dealt with mommy not being there for them because I had to take care of their baby brother. I couldn't work, had school loans and no way to pay bills. Needless to say, we filed bankruptcy. Lost a vehicle so had to borrow one from mom. That was almost 5 years ago and I still have not completed school. We are a very happy and thankful family to have him in our lives. Material things can never match the love a family can bring. As long as you are able to clothe, feed, and protect your children, that should be the most important thing besides love. And it sounds like you both have plenty of that! Look at all of your avenues and I wish you the very best in life. Take care.

My oldest was 11 when my now 4 yr old was born and they shared a room. I shared a room with my brother and sister when we were young my brother got his own room when he was 4. After that my sister and I shared a room into our teens. My younger kids now 2 and 4 share a room and soon the baby now 6 months will be in with them. My husband was the youngest of 6 and shared a room with his older sister until he was 11. Kids can share a room so don't worry about that. (They will take the cues from you. If you think sharing a room is as bad thing so will they.)

Money is tight all around. There is almost always a way to cut back on something or simply not spend. It's a matter of what you are willing to sacrifice or do without. Some people have things. Big house, 2 (or more) cars, vacations, etc. I have my kids. I have a used mini van, we won't see a vacation for years and years, my kids share a room. We don't go out to dinner or go on shopping sprees. A big family night for us is home made pizza and a pay per view movie and that is OK with us.
There is no single person other than you and your husband tht can tell you if you should or shouldn't have another child. The answer to that is in your heart but in my opinion children are worth it. No matter how hard it might get I will never regret having another child but I wouldn't want to live with the regret of NOT having another child.
Good luck to you. I am sure you will come to the decision that is right for you.

Ya'll obviously want another child. I would NOW look at moving to a 3 bedroom house. Either rent or buy, the economy is so bad now you can probably get a great deal on one. Can husband get a better paying reliable job with insurance?-have him start looking now. I wish you the best of luck!!

You are in a tough position and I can tell you are really conflicted. On the one hand, I believe there is always a way and more room for one more. Your daughter can share her room, and will be a better person when she grows up for having had that experience, and for having had the love of a sister or brother. Since when in this country does every kid have to have their own room? However, given that you do not have health insurance, I'm not sure this is a good idea. What if you god forbid had a complicated pregnancy or delivery, or the baby had an illness? Even something benign and non-life threatening can add up to thousands of dollars. You need proper pre-natal care. I would suggest waiting until you have the insurance and then go for it. There are always sacrifices that you can make to get by. You already stay home so it is not like you would be paying for daycare. Maybe you could work a job on the weekends to help make ends meet after the baby is a few months old. You can do it if you want this! Good luck.

Dear M.,
I agree that nobody else can make the decision for you. I will tell you what factors I used, however, to have my three children in addition to my stepson.
I am the oldest of 5. Our parents were older when we were born, and my father lost his business due to medical problems when I was 7 years old. We grew up with extremely tight finances.
Although I haven't always gotten along with all my siblings, I always had an available playmate as a child. I've also always had someone "who knew me when" to share life with as an adult. I wanted my children to have these opportunities.
I was 33 years old and pregnant with my oldest when my mother died (at 65). This was only 1 1/2 years after my father died (at 77) and we five siblings supported each other well.
A few years later, my friend's last grandparent died (at 90)and her father was complaining of being an orphan. I had been "orphaned" for several years and never thought about it like that! I didn't want my children to be "orphaned" adults when my husband and I died.
I also felt that with the birth of each subsequent child, I was doing the best possible thing for the preceeding child (by giving her/him a sibling and forcing a life-partnership) and also the most evil thing possible for the preceeding child (dividing parenting time).
Finances - My husband was in medical school as a mid-life career change when the last two were born. We are still paying for over $100,000 in school loans from pre-1991 (for those who think that all physicians are wealthy).
Our youngest will be in college in August and my stepson is now in a master's program, so next fall we will have all four in college at the same time. Finances work out somehow.
Whatever decisions you make and whatever happens is your correct path. God bless you and your family and good luck.

I have an only child and actually tried for another child. That didn't work out for us. It was sad at first but I don't care much anymore. No one can make that decision for you. But if you decided not to have another one is that really a bad thing? Personally I do not handle financial stress well. Do you handle stress well?Will it put a strain on your marriage? Or are you guys laid back people that just go through life content no matter what you face? Lets face it if you are a basket case no one will be happy.

People have children with less than you do. Your daughter will get less, hubby might have to take another job, you might have to take another job. Do I think it is a good idea? No, but that is my opinion. Enjoy your daughter, and take on a hobby.

Its a hard decision M.. I wouldn't worry about a 2 BR home as something can be worked out I'm sure. I shared a bedroom with a sister that was 4 years older than me and one that was 8 years younger. There were 5 kids home (3 girls and 2 boys) and only a 3 BR home. As for the money situation, you want to be able to give your kids what they need outside of love. Babies need lots of things and if you don't have the means for them, it may make things difficult at home. You're only 36, see about making a plan financially over the next year or 18 mos in order to make the attic another room or save some money, etc. Maybe look to make crafts to sale (purses, jewelry, etc) in order to help make ends meet. Where there is a will there is a way. I was almost 41 when I gave birth to my litle girl and she is thriving and smart and nothing wrong with her. Good luck with whatever your decision. I'm sure either way you go, the choice will be the right one.

I agree that if you do not have another child that you will regret it. But I would not bring a child into the world that may cause stress for you and your family. If you do not have room, money, or insurance....those are biggies. I would take the next 6 months to really, really, REALLY, evaluate the situation and what you can do to change your situation. Can your husband get another job? Even a 2nd job. Can you get another job? One that has health insurance is a MUST. If you do this, your insurance issue and income issue will be helped tremendously. Lastly you worry about where the baby would sleep. You might be surprised that your daughter may want to share her room with a sibling. Sit her down and talk to her about it. Wait until you have other issues resolved b/c you don't want to get her excited before you have the money and insurance in place. Is there a large room, laundry room, anything you can turn into a baby room? They sure don't need much room or space. Just a bed and dresser. Make sure you can afford food. Can you get on state insurance if your income is low enough? Is there family that can help you refinish the attic? Can your husband and some friends hang drywall and put in a floor? Can he trade out work with someone to help finish the attic? Get started on it right away, slowly, pay as you go. You would be surprised how many ppl at your church may want to help or may even own a construction company that would help you. Start networking and asking around. Have a baby, just get the insurance in place b/c anything could happen. Deliver papers in the am, deliver pizza at night. get your income up and do it!!!! I was 35 when I had my 2nd, go for it!

The answer is VERY SIMPLE. Leave it in God's hands. Don't try NOT to have a child (birth control, etc) and don't try artificial means (fertilization clinics, etc). Just be your natural selves and if you are meant to have another child you will.

There is no such thing as 'no room for a baby'. You have a corner in your own room for a crib I am sure. We live in a 900 sq ft house and have a family of 6. I had my youngest two when I was 38 and 39.

Transforming an attic would take a lot of work and money, especially with temp control, as attics get miserably hot in the summer and cold in the winter.

Good luck.

M., You sound like a very responsible and caring person. Only you and your husband can come up with the answer to this question together. Pray for God's guidance. It is a touchy subject when we start thinking about having a child. I totally understand how you feel only my reason for not having another child is health related, instead of financial. I would love another one but I almost died after having my first one and my husband, the voice of reason, said that he could not see me go through that again. I have a wonderful 9-year old boy who is the light of my life and I would not trade that for the world. Being an only child is tough sometimes but he understands just how sick I was and so he calls his best friend his "brother from another mother".
God bless you and your family. I pray for God to lead you in the right direction. Maybe you could make a list of pros and cons and see if the good outweighs the bad. Take care!!