Throwing Food - Clinton Township,MI

Ignore the tantrums. When she realizes she doesn't have an audience she will stop the show.
Always be consistent..."no" means no every time or you are asking for trouble!

I was a new Mom as well and took advice from older parents of well behaved childern. If in public such as a mall and a child throws a tantrum tell the child that you are leaving and slowly walk away; this can be a little embarasing but in the long run the child wants not to be with strangers so they often slowly stop the tantrum. Don't walk out of total sight of the child for safety reasons but often even a few feet works. Ask the child when tantrum stops if they are tired or ready to go. This worked for my son and he is now 10 and doesn't give much of a problem....I wish you well!
L.

PLEASE, use the word, "No." Every kid needs to learn it. I know some kids that don't! If you're worried about dangerous situations, use the word, "Danger" instead.

My daughter is also 15 months and is going through the same thing. She throws food, cups, plates. Or anything that may be in her hand when she is mad. We have recently implemented a new strategy. When she throws anything- food, cup, whatever she immediately gets down from highchair and is told to pick it up. She then must either give it to mommy or throw it away or put it on the table- depending on what it is. She sometimes will throw it again. If this happens again she has to sit in timeout for one minute and then try to pick it up again. She has not thrown it a third time yet. I don't think that strategy is perfect for every child, but we have been doing this consistently for about a week and the throwing has been drastically reduced. I think find a disciplinary method that works for your child and stick to it consistently. I think no is ok to use. Children need boundries. You sound like a mom who cares very much for your child and wants to do the right thing. Just don't be so worried about scarring your kid by using no. Someone once told me to have great kids you only need to be a good parent. Not perfect. I think tantrums are sometimes ok to ignore. Like if the child wants something and you deny it for whatever reason, but in this case this is just bad behavior and if bad behavior is ignored it will just get worse. Good Luck!

Throwing food is not a stage kids go through, if you ignore this behavior and act like its okay it isnt going to stop. You will find that everyone will give you advice (including me) SO, listen to the advice and then use your own instincts. I dont think you can overuse the word no, BTW I have 3 kids, have taught preschool, been a nanny, a girl scout leader for 9 years and worked with 2-6 year olds for years. Children can tell by the infliction in your voice how serious you are. Having that said, try giving her only two "bites" at a time, or even one at a time. Be firm, not mean. Dont ignore it, If you had a dog who was ripping up your couch would you ignore it and think it will stop? You can also say "we dont throw food, we eat food" and act silly- when my kids used to whine I'd tell them I couldnt un derstand whinese- it made them laugh, then they would stop. At 15 months old she must be getting something out of throwing the food ie you picking it up for her, or look if I throw the food I get more anyway- good luck

The advice to not say NO does not mean to ignore negative behavior, it just means to redirect the behavior positively. Tell her once to eat her food, or keep it in on the tray. If she does not mind tell her she is done and get her down from the high chair. This is what I did to with my two, and it worked. This is a stage, and this too shall pass.

GL:)

Being on our 4th child - I have had some experience with throwing food - a matter of fact right now with our 14 month old. The best way to take care of this situation is:
1. Say NO the first time "Throwing food on the floor is not acceptable, next time you will be done" (I know do they know what that means) YES they do - if you do it sternly and look right at them and you make them watch you pick up the food and show them it when you say it to them. 2. They do it again you remove their food, clean them up and they are all done with eating - TRUST me this works and they learn really quick - if they are hungry it is going to stay on their tray and into their tummies (when they throw food it is usually a sign that they are done anyway) However if you have a dog - and your child sees you throwing food at the dog - you will have to stop doing that, because your little one will repeat what you do - as I am sure you already know! GOOD LUCK!

She is throwing food for one of two reasons. She is done eating and in that instance, you take away the food. In the other instance, she wants your attention. Give it to her. It costs you nothing but love. If you do choose to say no in any instance...give her something positive to replace the negative behavior with. It sounds like you guys are right on track. :)
M.

Ignoring a temper tantrum is never a good idea. Tantrums are learned behaviors which children quickly discover is a way to control their parents and to get what they want. A first child is usually spoiled with an open wallet, meaning the sky is the limit. When that stops, there is rebellion. If you allow this girl to keep throwing food, she will find even more destructive ways to act out. The behavior will keep building and one day you will be sorely embarrassed in public.

Distraction is a great idea - kudos to you for doing that. Sometimes a child just wants to be acknowledged. Do it on her level - pick her up or get down where she is and tell her that you KNOW she is upset, give her a hug and then distract her to something else. But never give in. I get so upset when I see young children biting, slapping, screaming and kicking at their parents when they can't have their way. And you can't discipline them or someone calls children's services on you! So most parents just igonre the behavior, which does nothing but escalate it. So you have to get creative. And don't make big promises (a new toy) later if the child behaves now. That too is rewarding bad behavior.

You can't ignore bad behavior - it has to be dealt with on the spot. I raised 3 sons pretty much alone and never had an issue with any of them behaviorwise because they knew that I was "the" law. I never spanked any of them - ever!

If she is throwing her food she is probably not hungry. When my children started the food throwing stage I would tell that food is for eating not throwing and if they still threw thier food I would simple tell the that it is time to clean up and take the food away. My older kids are 4 and 2 and they are now both good eaters and very healthy...I do sometimes have to take my 2 yearolds plate before it is empty because she is playing around at the table.
good luck
K.

Hellow N.,
I am a proud aunt of 7 beautiful children, and have spent many wonderful hours taking care of them. I have found that when they were in the throwing food stage that they were usally done eating, so when they started to do that I would take their food away. I would tell them that food was for eating, not for throwing. You are now done. I would then wash them up, and let them down from their chair. Yes, sometimes they would voice their discontent. When this happens I would move them to a safe place and let them throw a fit. After a few minutes I would check on them. Ask them if they were ok, and give them a hug. Then we would move on to something else. If you can, as soon as you see her start to throw something, ask her if she is done eating. If she said no, the remind her if she throws her food you will take the food away, and get her down. Constantcy is the key to this method. I found that this method took a little while, but they did eventually learn to eat their food, and to tell me when they were full.
I hope this can help you.
Good Luck!
C. O.

HI N.! My name is M. and I am mom of two CRAZY kiddos! I adore them, but they can all be handfuls at times. So my suggestion for the throwing food thing is to take away her food when she throws it. I read different places that she is either bored or finished or just looking for attention. Tell her "no no, we don't throw food" or "ok.. all done" and just let her get down and play. If she is hungry enough.. she will eat. My daughter is 20 months and this worked for us.
As for the temper tantrum.. again I have read to "ignore the behavior, not the child" so I think you are on the right track by redirecting her. I know it is tiring, but soon she will realize that the tantrum isn't getting your attention and they will be a little less frequent. I let my daughter have her minute of "attitude" and then after a few minutes I ask her if she wants to read a book, or play with playdough, or something along that lines. I have noticed with her, that sometimes she just needs a few minutes to be upset... and I let her. I feel that way sometimes. Hang in there. as a first time mom, you tend to question everything! Don't sweat it! If you have a bad day.. they love you anyway.. and try again tomorrow! Our kids are the poster"children" for unconditional love! God Bless! and Good Luck! :)

I never really had a prolonged issue with throwing food from any of our 3 kiddos, albeit youngest is only 10 months so he could be our thrower. lol Using the word no is a must for kids!!! Its not the word, its the tone. Never yell "No" unless its an emergency. But you can patiently and firmly say no while moving their hand away from something. Thats how they learn what is appropriate. A toddler does not under stand what appropriate means. They understand what No we don't do that means. With our 6 yr old daughter and 3 year old son If they started launching food... It was taken away. They were done. Never had one who would throw it for attention, just boredom.
As to the tantrums. You have to know your child. Some get the whole ignoring thing quickly, others can drive you insane!! lol My daughters logical, so if you explain to her that she can't because.... shes ok with it. Our 3 yr old is more emotional. So he'll sit there and cry even after the explanation. I think one thing to remember is they are people too. If your told NO.... with no reason behind it that you can see, you wonder why? They do too. Mom and dad are all powerful in their minds. They don't understand the concept of money, time, waste, fairness... so always follow your no's with a reason. " honey, we can't do that right now because we have to..., oh, honey, no, look at the big mess!! " Also prewarning helps. BEFORE you go in the store tell them the "rules" and you stick to it!! If they are pitchin a fit, No matter how unconvienient it is for you, LEAVE the store. Take your cart to customer service and ask them if you can leave it there for a few minutes. Go out to the car till munchkin settles down and agrees to be calm. It might take a few times but if they know the end result from experience... Still expect the melt downs because they have as many emotions as we do, but all smooshed into a tiny container.
No matter what your approach is, Be consistant. No matter how tiring it is or how tired you are... One minute, one reprimand, saves alot of future work.

I've always been lazy and easily bored. If the child throws the food, she is indicating (to my mind at least) that she's finished eating it. So, whenever my kids did this, I didn't bother telling them things I knew they would forget in a nanosecond, I'd just say 'oh, looks like you're finished with this,' and take it away (or take the child away from the food - usually the food was on the tray and it was faster to take the child out of the chair.)

I also was never willing to play the 'drop the spoon' game. If they dropped it once, I figured it was an accident... twice, maybe still an accident. But even crows can count to three and my babies were smarter than crows. So, third time on the floor resulted in 'gee, I guess you really want that to be on the floor.'

yes ignore tantrums but do not ignore food throwing. Maybe try hand feeding for a while and if that doesnt work offering smaller portions may help. Also eating at the table along side of her may just the best answer. Children tend to mock behavior so when your eating next to her you can simply say things like look at mommy eating like a big girl now let me see you. Each time she takes a bite praise her and make a really big deal of it. After a week of that you can go back to your old routine.

I have four children 8,9,10 and 14 so i know how frustrating these things can be. Before i had children and i would see crazy kids in stores and restraunts i would think to myself my kid would never be like that,boy was i in for surprise....good luck! Your doing a great job MOM!

No means no. You do not have to get mad, but showing saddnes for their poor choice does work. It worked with both of my kids and their are well behaved 17 & 19 year olds. I would be sad but consitant about any poor choice they may have made and so was the displine they would recieve. I do not believe in harsh spankings, but a firm swat on the bottom over their clothes doesn't hurt them, but does get their attention. I would even be sad about the the swat because they were acting bad. God tells us NO all the time. It does not make it bad it just makes it an answer. Our children must undstand that life happens but their own response will dictate the comfort of their own lives. As far as the actually throwing of food. Try what I did. I always ate at the table with my children regaurdless of their age so I could show them everyday at every meal what good manners look like. When they were younger if they threw food, I would tell them No, that we do not throw food and continue to eat my meal. If they did it again I would again tell them NO- firmly, that we do not do that and promptly take their food out of their reach but not out of their sight and again continue to eat my meal. If when they calmed down and began to act good I would tell them that I could see they were acting good and place their food in front of them again to finished. I never had to do this more then twice with either of my kids. Tantrums were never allwoed either. Again because of poor decission on thier part I never got mad I got sad, told them no and what I did expect them to do. If they choose not to listen to me I again would be sad for their poor choice and give them a swat on the bottom. Of course they would cry but I would be sympathetic and understand why they were now crying but remind them it was because they were not being good. Father
God is saddened at our poor choices we make, and we all make them. Reflecting God's heart to our own children seems the right thing to do. Good Luck.

I have a 3 1/2 year old and an 18 month old and I do not let them throw food, much to my dogs disappointment. Not to mean that they don't get some on the floor BUT I do tell them NO and if they do it again I take the food away. No is a word that has to be said and the earlier the child knows the rules the earlier they will understand them and obey them. I also didn't ignore tantrums, I just picked up my child and hold them until they can get control of themselves (with my help). Motherhood is very exhausting BUT very rewarding when your little one says I love you and gives you a big hug. hang in there.

We've always told our children no - they have to understand that there are rules (and laws) and they shouldn't be broken. It's hard to redirect when they are throwing food - and fortunately my daughters have never done that. Our youngest has become our tantrum child though and at first we did ignore them. They only got worse - not just over time, but the fit itself. I had one go on for over an hour. That was the line. Now I pick her up and hold her and gently talk her out of it. It's worked, and they have tapered off - but we NEVER give in to what she wants. We only had one happen in a store, and in that situation I sent my husband and older daughter to finish the shopping and her and I left the store. Once she calmed down we returned to the store. We've actually been in places and people have commented on how well behaved our girls are (they're 4 1/2 & 3)- we even take them to upscale, white linen tablecloth restaurants that most people don't take their children to and they behave like little ladies. Not that I'm bragging - the key is to determine what works best for your child (and each one may be different) and go with it. If you listened to every study and tried to follow it by the book you would get very confused, as they start to contradict the one before. My mother-in-law is a Social Worker, and has said the same thing.

I am a mother of two girls that are grown up and with one grandson so far. I help my younger daughter watch my grandson and he is 17 months old now and he has thrown his food and the best thing that you can do is to tell your daughter is no but also let her know why she is not suppose to throw her food some childern that works not all. I had to do that when my daughters were little and as far as the tantrums go let the child throw a tantrum just keep an eye on her to make sure she does not get hurt on anything or stop breathing if she decides to hold her breath. The more times that you don't stop her by holding her or giving into what ever she wants the sooner she will realize that it is not doing her any good and they will stop. My oldest daughter is almost 26 years old and my other one is 22 and they are both doing fine and these are tips that I got from my mother and mother-in-law when my girls were small. I hope that this will help you and reasure your mind.

I agree that tantrums should be ignored, but think you should address the food throwing issue, otherwise it'll only continue and get worse. My son went through a stage where he started throwing his food. I minimize the amount of food that I put on his tray, that way he'll eat it instead of play with it. If this doesn't work (it usually does), once all his food is thrown, mealtime is over and we try again later. Needless to say, once he realized that I wasn't amused by his display, he rarely ever throws his food anymore.

N.,

I would have to disagree about the use of the word "No." It needs to be used at other times besides dangerous situations. Yes, it can be over-used, so be careful, but when a child is doing something they shouldn't - i.e. throwing things, touching something they shouldn't, etc. - they need to be told no. By all means, after telling them no, explain to them why (yes, at any age), and then redirect their attention to something that is okay for them to do.

We have a friend who insists on "baby-proofing" a house, and she does not like bringing her son here because ours is not "baby-proof." If she taught her child not to touch things that are not his or are breakable, she wouldn't have to worry about child-proof.

I am 40 yrs. old, and the way some people act these days, I have no idea how I survived long enough o become an adult, nevermind live to be 40! LOL

My mom's house... children and pets were/are not allowed in the living room (they have a living room and a family room). That is where Mom keeps all her collectibles, and such. Kids and dogs learned quickly to stay out of that room. We were not yelled at. We were not beaten. We understood the meaning of the word "No" and were always explained to as to why we could not do something or go somewhere.

At 15 mos. she may not understand your explanation, but get in the habit of doing it because soon she will understand.

Hope this helps!
N.

With our son, who is now 3, I've found that he has always responded pretty well to things like "we don't throw food in this house" and especially to things like "big boys don't throw food". We started using working like that with him when he was around 1. Even at that young, they completely understand when you let them know the behavior is unacceptable.

I know what you are saying regarding not wanting to wear out the word "No"... but you've got to instruct your 15 month old on #1-Good Behaior, #2-"No" Behavior, and 3-#Time-Out Behavior.

I think it is really great that you aren't uptight about the carpeting... that attitude will serve you well! :-)

Have her clean it up.

I'm not really sure how telling your child no will be abusing the word. You wouldn't be using it unless you wanted her to know that something was a no no. I dont think telling her no is a bad thing. She needs to know that it is not acceptable to throw food. I use the word No alot with my 2 year old and I used it alot with my 7 year old. They both know that when mommy says NO, that means they shouldnt be doing that and that they should stop. And if they don't stop they will have consequences for their actions. Even my 2 year old gets this. I personally didnt allow my children to throw temper tantrums and just ignore them. I would pick them up and firmly tell them No, then I would place them on the couch to "get control of themselves." And they would sit on the couch until they got control which usually took about 1 sec. I had to do this twice with my son and he's never done it again. Just whatever you decide to do, just make sure you are consistant. Good luck!!:-)

I think ignoring it is a real bad idea. You could immediately take her food away and tell her "We do not throw food". Then when she wants her food back, try again. She throws the food, she loses the food. After throwing the food twice I would clean her up and take her out of the high chair so she knows you mean business. There are many ways of saying "no" without saying "no.

My girls are 7 and 4. Alot of food has been thrown in our house, but not in a long time! Good Luck!

I have to confess I am amused by moms who choose to believe that saying no will somehow disempower them as parents. Your child will learn, just like every word, that no has a meaning....so does yes, later, tomorrow, diaper, bottle, love, hugs, kisses, etc. Repetition of a word doesn't make us forget what it means. Of course, we want to teach our child was IS acceptable instead of focusing on what ISNT, but throwing food is not acceptable and 'no' conveys that. So does your expression and body language, as well as the consequences of losing (temporarily) what is being thrown. Don't be afraid to say no, but make sure you say yes, too!
~L.

I am going through the same stage with my daughter who is 17mos. It seems she has been in this stage forever. I tend to redirect, but my husband takes her hand and says "no throw" it really doesn't seem to make a difference. To me it seems she does this more at dinner, the end of the day when she is tired, not so much when it is just the two of us, or earlier in the day. I just keep reminding myself, it will all pass...I ignore the tantrum. If she is throwing herself back, I gently lay her down and walk away, the tantrum quickly ends, then we find something better to do. This seems to work for us. P.S. I too believe that there is an over use of NO, and it should be reserved for very bad situations.