Threw Away Binky, Now What

I know this is such a hard phase. We had to take my son's paci away at age 2 because his teeth were being affected. So what helped him the most was getting oral stimulation in other ways throughout the day. Tiny pieces of gum to chew, fruit popsicles, carrots...anything to suck on (we even used suckers for a few days...don't know how you feel about short term sugar usage). Even crunchy foods helped: lots of pretzals, veggies, etc. Just to help with oral stimulation because they are used to having something in their mouth. After a week or so of this, things were back to normal...without the paci. Good luck.

Do not buy another Binky!! He may be crying now but it will pass. Braces are more painful than this now. Just hang in there.

Hi M.,

First, take a few deep breathes and calm down. It's not the end of the world. You sound like a great mom and there are ways to make this type of transition a positive experience for both you and your child.

As a child psychologist, I can tell you that research has clearly shown that taking away an object that a child is strongly bonded to cold turkey like you did is almost always a bad idea. In particular, it tends to cause anxiety issues both in the short and long term. The main problem with forcing your child to go cold turkey is that it does cause some trauma to the child without solving the underlying issue, which is the child's strong reliance on that external object to soothe him or herself (How much trauma? It depends on the child--some children are more resilient than others. Bleeding lips, though, is a problem-but don't sit around feeling guilty, focus on solving the problem). What typically happens is that your child will eventually just find some other external object to use as an external tool to soothe themselves (in the case of pacifiers, sucking on a thumb, blanket, hand, stuffed animal, etc., is typical) instead of really learning soothe themselves using an "internal" tool.

The best way to deal with this type of issue is by using gradual exposure to not using the pacifier, and slowly increasing that exposure until the child no longer needs it. This would need to be combined with teaching your child other methods of soothing himself that does not involve an external object. Two-year-olds still primarily learn via imitation, but they are old enough to also learn from instruction. A combination of these two typically yields the best results. Turning it into a game and/or using it to learn how to be a "big boy" also makes it easier and more likely to succeed.

Begin by talking to your child about what you are about to "try" and why (again, try using the game and/or big boy approach, and remember, you need to keep this at a level your child can understand). When you start, be sure to reassure him that it will just take a few minutes and you're sure that he can do it. Choose a short period of time to do these techniques with him (say 1-2 minutes at first). Have him do the techniques with you, and remind him that it will help him feel really good and get to sleep easier. For each subsequent session, extend the time before giving him the pacifier, keeping in mind that the ultimate goal is for him to be able to fall asleep without needing his pacifier.

Create some milestones for celebration (e.g., logs of hugs, kisses, "I know you could do it", etc.) when he reaches them. For example (1) the first time he falls asleep without the pacifier, (2) the first time he falls asleep without the pacifier 3 times in a row, etc. Each milestone should be a bigger step towards the end goal.

Start with using techniques that tend to work for you. For example, many people use deep breathing to calm themselves without even realizing that they are in fact using that technique. Show your child how you use this technique, and have him do it with you. Other techniques that can also work include tensing up your muscles for a few seconds and then quickly releasing the tension, or thinking about things that make your child feel happy and relaxed. I would also start trying with short naps instead of going to sleep at night as it is typically seen as a smaller step to the child than not having their pacifier "all night".

There are a couple of key elements to doing this successfully:
(1) Do not replace the pacifier with another object. You'll just have to deal with the same thing down the road with that other object.
(2) You will need to pay careful attention to your child's reactions to know how quickly (or slowly) to proceed using this method. For each "session" you want your child to experience a small amount of anxiety (i.e., they feel some anxiety but are not overwhelmed by it). As they are feeling anxious, this is when you are helping them learn to soothe themselves.
(3) Don't give up the moment your child cries, but don't try to continue to force it once his crying gets out of control (which may happen sometimes--even small children can have bad days). If he starts crying, first try to help him soothe himself. Try to catch it at the beginning of the crying. What you don't want is extended crying (more than 10 minutes or so) or sobbing to the point that your child is out of control.
(4) Try to keep an eye out for other situations that you can use to reinforce your lessons with him on how to soothe himself. For example, if you see that he feels anxious when he first sees the Easter Bunny, talk to him and go through the techniques that you've been teaching him.
(5) This is important -- Throw out the guilt and remind yourself that you really are helping your child by going through this process.

A few more notes about this process:

Is this process easy? No, it's not. It takes a lot of patience and work, but it teaches your child invaluable lessons that will help them the rest of their lives. It also strengthens the bond between you and your child.

Will everything work textbook perfect? Absolutely not. We are, after all, dealing with another human being, and one who is a small child on top of that. Some days will be better than others, and that's Ok.

How long will this take? It depends on the child. I've seen this work in as little as 3 days, or as long as a month.

I hope this is helpful for you. Please let me know if you have any questions.

Good Luck!

Wow, You have had some mean responses. Listen to Deb.

Why are you creating a battle??
As adults we often expect little ones to meet OUR expectations (i.e. telling a 1-4 year old why they cannot wear/eat/do something when the child has NOT reached the age of reason and instead of really understanding what you are trying to teach they just wind up feeling bad about themselves). Most kids give up the binky when they are ready. Past the age of 2 1/2 or 3 you can start with - You can't take the binky into the store/movie/neighbor's house, etc. Young children often use things like this for comfort. Why make them anxious to make yourself feel better? They grow up fast enough as it is. Spend time with your child, read to them, give them chores, show them how they can be an active part of their family/community, turn off the TV.....OK....... I'll stop. Don't be so h*** o* yourself or your boy.

I took my 1st daughter's pacifier away as soon as she turned 2, and it was the worst week of my life. She was so traumatized that I would have given in if my husband had let me. I gotta tell you, when my second child came along, I couldn't do it at age 2. I waited until she was 3, and it was SO SO SO much easier. She was more able to understand WHY this was happening to her, and better able to comfort herself. If I ever have more children, I will wait until they are 3 to take that paci away... (or maybe never give it to them in the first place!!!). Hope this helps!!

My daughter was 3 when she decided to give up her binkie. I wanted to get rid of it like you. Nothing worked cutting top off, hidding them or any of the other things you tried to do. I even talked to her doctor. He told me that she will give it up if I don't make a big deal about it. just taking away will cause her to suck her thumb,hand or make going to sleep impossible. So we (doctor and I) talked to her and we both told her that she could keep it but could only have it at naptime or bedtime. I would take the binkie when she got up from nap or in the morning and put it in a special place (somewhere she could see it but not get to it.) I also told her that I would not buy anymore binkies. Well one day it became lost and we couldn't find it. I told her that if she would no longer have a binkie I would take her to toys r us and she could get anything that she wanted (in my mind i was saying within reason) So the next day we went to the store she got a baby doll well that night we found her binkie. I told her she had to choose her binkie or her doll. She handed me her binkie and that was the end of it.
I hope that this will help you!

We took the pacifier away from my daughter when she turned 1. She really needed it to sleep with, and when we took it away, she had a hard time sleeping and she would wake up really early in the morning. After several days of letting her cry it out, she was fine. She is now 20 months and doesn't need a pacifier and she does not suck her thumb. I think if you just ride it out a bit longer, you will be rid of it, and I would be surprised if he started sucking his thumb in the end. One thing you might try is giving him a stuffed animal to hold instead of sucking on the pacifier. My daughter loves sleeping with her baby....

I agree, don't go buy another one. Just hang in there. I would try a stuffed animal.......tell him how proud you are of him and let him know what a great big boy he is getting to be. Try to find something to wear him out at night so he won't even miss it.
Hang in there and good luck, within a couple of days, he probably won't even miss it anymore......you might try reading to him at night in bed now too. That might distract him.

I agree with Deb she hold some of the same beliefs that I have. I think my process goes hand in hand with what she is saying. But that also they have the object of their desire and are able to slowly, by themselves, figure out how to self sooth. So my method drags it out just a bit more then what you did but it works great. You could try giving him one back and just say, "Oh look I found another one" Wait a week and then poke it with a needle in the tip. Then wait another week and snip off the tiniest bit. then another week and cut a little bit more, and a bit more each week until, it is gone, then tell him it is definitly broken have him throw it away. Once you start to poke it and cut it there are a few things you should keep in mind.
Make sure that there are no small parts that he could pull off and choke on.
Only let him use it in the crib and for sleeping
Don't put it in his mouth anymore. if he wants it he will find it, just keep it in the crib. Do his nap and night routine, and then lay him down with it next to him.
Once it starts "Not working" he will want it less and less, and get slowly use to the idea of no suction, and then no sucking.
It took me and mine, about three weeks to get rid it, I would make a new cut about every three days. So depending on how attached he is you might be able to do it quicker or you might have to stick to the one week clippings.
Good luck
E.

Do NOT backpeddal at this point--you're almost through the worst of it. At best, get him a new lovey animal or blankie or pillow to take to be with him.

I have somewhat limited experience here but I do have some good thoughts on habits. My doc told us that the carrying on will only take 5 to 7 days and should be over. Good news for you. Human nature tells us it takes 28 days to break a habit. More good news.

In short you will not have to endure this for long, minimum 5 days, maximum 28 days and you are done. As far as this guilt, that is the fun of being a parent, typically the harder it is for you the better it is for your kids. = )

Good luck.

i traded the binky for a sippy cup of water, but then had to wean from that later once potty training began, so, if you can hang in there day 1-3 are the hardest. I would try a soft toy of somekind. My son has a dinosaur & he began kinda mouthing the end of the tail & then lost interest in the mouthing part, but still sleeps with him, but he can do without if he has to. He's 4 now. My daughter took to a giraffe. same situation only the giraffe played music. She now has a barbie mp3 player she listens too. she's 5. He just has to find a new way to soothe himself.

Does he have a blanket or stuffed animal to sleep with??? And what about laying him down with a sippy cup of WATER? (That's what we do with our kids. Ages 5 and 2 1/2.)

Whatever you do, DON"T GET HIM A NEW ONE! You are right that it will be soooo much worse to ever get it away. It usually takes a FEW days/nights for a child to forget about their nuk. As they get older, it gets harder. Be STRONG! You're doing the right thing by getting rid of it now at 2 then waiting till he's older.

I say, it's just a stupid binky...who cares if he sucks on it!! Go out and buy him a new one. I guarantee you, he isn't going to take it to kindergarten with him!!

My children both LOVE the pacifier. If you can hang in there a few more days, he'll get over it, I'd bet. My 4.5 year old STILL HAS ONE. You don't want that. She has ADHD and has a very hard time calming down when she is upset....and she gets VERY upset and pretty often. Our therapist told us not to worry about it because we have a rather unique situation. But it is embarrassing and her teeth are starting to look a little funny. Good luck!

I have went through this both of my kids. When my daughter was 3 1/2 we took it away and she cried some the first night and then seem to adjust. She started having nightmares and wanted it back and a psychologist convinced us to give it back. I wish we hadn't listened. It took us another 1 1/2, a binky bear at Build a Bear and a Binky Fairy to get it away from her. With my son, at 3 1/2, we did the same thing you did, cut the top off and he lost interest. He cried the first few nights but eventually was fine. we had to remind him occasionally months after that binky went to the babies when he asked and he is ok with it. He is now having nightmares, but I won't give it back. I have found from him and my nephew who had his taken away around the same time, once you take it away, there is no going back. Just remind him that it went to the babies, he is a big boy, and see if he will use a stuffed animal or blanket. My nephew sleeps with his Thomas Trains. My son uses his fingers, but there is nothing you can do about that. Good luck, just wait it out and it will go away. Ps, a visit from the Binky Fairy with a small gift and note one morning telling him thanks for giving his binky to the babies and what a big boy he is can be very helpful. My daughter still talks about the Binky fairy.

You are not a terrible mother. You are not causing him pain. He is attached to his pacifier and he is upset it is gone. He wants it back because that is how he's learned to go to sleep. He can and will learn to go to sleep without it.

We did a similar thing with our son at 2.5 years. Honestly, we waited too long. We had three very rough days during the first week without the pacifier - all three days were not consecutive. (One bad day, two good days, one bad day, one good day, etc) I will not lie....it was a very rough transition for all of us! But....we are so glad we did it and wish we would have done it sooner. We made sure everything else about his nap and bedtime routine stayed the same. We did let him pick out a big boy toy and a big boy nighttime comfort (a musical star) before he gave his last pacifier to a baby friend of ours. We talked about it a lot and then did it. And did not give back in...even though it was extremely tempting!

Stay consistent! If you took it away, do not give it back now...especially since he is already over 2yo. There is no physical reason why he needs a pacifier to go to sleep. He can do it on his own....he just has to learn...and, the hard part is, he will have to learn on his own. Give him comfort and sympathy and love and attention, but do not give back the pacifier. Talk about what a big boy his is now! Let him know you believe in him. Don't feel guilty. You haven't done anything wrong! And although he is sad, he is not hurt, he will not be "damaged" from this...everything will be okay! Hang in there, Mama! You can do this and so can he! :o)

I would just stick with it I know it is difficult. This will not harm him for life, trust me it will take a few days and he will get over it. My daughter was 2 and a half when we got rid of hers and she did it on her own so she could go to preschool. She did not use it other then naps and bedtime, so if your son was wanting it more then that I think you did the right thing. Give him a new stuffed toy to sleep with and let him pick it out himself. If you want wrap up a little gift and tell him the pacifier fairy left it for him for being such a big boy. Hope it helps.

Don't stress! You're doing alright. Definitely do not get another one. We did this with our daughter when she was about 15 months old. She had a rough 5-7 days. After that, she never wanted it again, even when some of the lost ones resurfaced during a move. I think day 2 was worse, and it peeked at day 3, and then went for another 2-3 days. That would be 5 days, but we both remember it being a bit longer than that. I would guess it'll take a little bit longer with your son since he's a little older. Hang in there! You're going to make it through this! :)

Maybe take him to the store and have him pick out a new toy he can sleep with. My daughter loves her mobile in her crib nut since she will be moving to a big girl bed in the next month or so I had her pick out a new toy that plays music to sleep with so she does not miss the mobile so much. If you have another binky somehwere maybe include him in the throwing away process so he is involved and/or I find it is best to forewarn kids so when things do happen they are not so shocked...still upset but they tend to get over it quicker. I find a huge difference in my daughter in her reaction to nap time from when I began telling ehr it is coming half an hour ahead then when I just put her down without warning. I do this with alot of things throughout the day. Good luck

First off mom...he is not in pain. He just wants his pacifer. He will be fine in a few days. Hang in there your doing a great job!