Teaher Says Mean Things to My Son.

you should go to the principal. just last week there was a girl that this was happening to, a teen w/ disabilities. No one would listen. So she took a tape recorder into the room and tape recorded the teachers and played it back for her parents. The tape was aweful! The teachers have either been fired or on leave.

Go straight to the principal and speak to him/her. It's public school, correct - you have the right to have him switched!!

If you are not getting anywhere by trying to talk to her, then go to the principal or the superintendent. It is not okay for a teacher to tell a student to not write dumb things on his paper.

This reminds me of my own 4th grade teacher. She was kind of mean-spirited from the first day of class. I don't remember if I told my parents about her or not but if I did, they must not have taken me seriously because nothing was done. She really had a negative effect on my self-esteem. If it were my child I would not let it slide.

Dumb the word is dumb.

Have a meeting with her and the principal.

Have you gone to the principal? Time to go to the principal again, then ask for her supervisor's name and number. Then call the supervisor. Even if you don't get him moved, the teacher might back off. This is what my neighbor did and it worked. Of course, the staff is icy to her now, but she will call again if her child comes home upset.

First, a disclaimer, I am a teacher myself, so I am coming from her perspective (sort of).

1) Volunteer in the classroom, but don't just watch her and what she does, watch the students as well. See how other students react to her. That will be your best guide as to what is really happening.

2) You started your post with "My son doesn't like his teacher." If he doesn't like her, in his mind, the best way to get out of her class is to complain. I am in NO WAY saying your son isn't telling the truth, but there are always 3 sides to every story - Person A, Person B, and the truth, which lies somewhere in the middle. Teachers have to be very careful about what is said and done these days in schools. It may have been a situation where your son was talked to about something early in the year, and then he decided he didn't like her because of that one incident. I guarantee you, if she is saying those types of things to an entire class, she wouldn't be employed any more, at least not without constant monitoring and a very specific growth plan in place. There are so many young recent graduates with teaching degrees who can't find jobs, there are more than enough people to take her place. And, as far as it goes for tenure, that depends on the state, but in CA there is no tenure until the college level. Here in TX it is the same thing. Even if a teacher has been employed for 20+ years, a district will not put up with things like this.

3) The fact that they are refusing to move him is telling: she must be a good teacher. They don't keep kids in classrooms that arean't good just because it is a hassle, they do what is best for the student.

4) I have told parents that a conference was over, not because I didn't like what they were saying, but because the next time I met with them I wanted to have a counselor or administrator present, or because classes were about to begin, or because I had to leave to pick up my own kids, or because I had to go to the bathroom. There are a million reasons for that.... did you ask her why it was over so abruptly?

5) Ask for a meeting with your son, the teacher, and a counselor and clear the air. Counselors are the best advocates in these cases. They hear lots of things that happen in classrooms, and may be able to offer some insight.

Good luck in this tough situation.

B.:

You need to go to the principal. and if the principal won't move him. Go to the school board.

document what she says, if she writes something on his paper - keep it as proof. If you can put a recorder in your sons backpack and have him record her "talking" it will help bolster your case.

Many teachers can be on the verge of yelling. Especially if the class is loud. It's not an excuse.

NO Teacher should say "that was dumb" or "don't put dumb answers on your paper" - that is wrong on many levels.

Your son telling her that she said a bad word - she might have seen that as rebelling or disrespectful - but then she laughed at him? that's wrong.

DO NOT bite your tongue. GET INVOLVED!!!!

Should you address her again? YES!!!
Should you complain? YES!!!!

Give the principal proof of her inability and it will work. Threaten to have media there taping her - that will also garner some attention from the board. Get other parents on board. DO NOT go this alone. Talk to the other kids parents and see if they are having problems. When more than one parent complains - they listen.

I would be waiting for her after school today for a meeting along with the principal. I would address this problem asap and if it is not stopped I would demand my child be moved. Teachers can bully students just like other students can bully. If you don't put your foot down it will only get worse on your son and possibly other students.

How old is your son?

Your son's teacher sounds completely burned out....take your concerns to the Principal and go from there.

I had a similar problem with my oldest daughter when she was in 1st grade. At first I minimized what she reported because let's be real, kids can be very poor historians and don't recreate stories very accurately.

But after hearing the same types of complaints repetitively, I tried speaking with the teacher, and realized that she was not able to connect with me, then I went to the Principal, who gave me politically correct answers. I kept abreast and tried to volunteer to make my own observations, long story short....the teacher ended up having a nervous break down and left before Christmas for the rest of the year and a long term sub was hired.

But, I was the ONLY parent going in and analyzing. I recommend you volunteer and see what's up.

I wouldn't bother with the teacher - you didn't get anywhere the first time and won't get anywhere the second. What I would do is write a letter to the principal, copy to her and copy to the school district superintendent setting out your concerns. No way should a teacher be laughing at a student in front of the whole class. And what did she mean by "dumb answers"? I think if I were at SAHM I would pop in at school and monitor the class. It is your right. Then you can see first hand what's going on and if she is on her best behavior because you're there, then at least the kids will get one good day!

I had to check into your other postings. Is this encounter the biggest of your worries?
Most teaches want only to give the kids the best help possible. Are you listening to what she is saying to you? If you do need to meet with her again or even with the principal please bring someone with you that can help make sure both of you are all on the same page, I'm worried about what is being communicated and what is being understood, from both parties.

I would bring it up to everyone higher up. Go to the school board meeting if you have to and have this addressed!

This is one child. What is she saying to the other students? Even if she is singling him out or doing it to each and every one of them, Its not ok!

No teacher should ever treat any student that way. You want to encourage them to grow and have self confidence. Not the other way around.

Go to the room mother and tell her that you want to volunteer in the classroom. Don't ask the teacher. Just show up and work. And be respectful but listen to everything that goes on.

Write down all the examples and the things you have witnessed. Tell the principal that if you don't have some support, that you will complain to the school board.

Your son will learn to hate school and be a problem child for other teachers if you aren't very careful how you handle this. Good luck, B.. I feel very bad for you and your son being in this situation.

Dawn

Start by volunteering in the classroom (if you have little ones at home trade babysitting with a friend.) Get in there and see how things operate. Your son's version may be very different from the reality, kids often complain that their teacher is "mean" or that "she called me dumb." But if things are in fact as bad as you say then by all means have another meeting with the teacher, and if that doesn't work, then meet with the principal.

I read your past posts as well as some other people. If your child has ADD or other disorders that affect learning does he have an IEP or 504 plan. If not do it asap. If a medical doctor or the school psychologist has diagnosed him then he should have a plan. The plan will help set out goals and accommodations that are needed.

Remember that you are only hearing one side of the story: the side from your son. He could be exaggerating, misunderstanding, or being dishonest about parts of the story. You need to find out what's really happening in the classroom with the teacher and the other kids, and talk to the teacher with the principal at the same time. Tell them together what your child is saying and give her a chance to explain. If you don't like her explanation or it turns out your son has been telling the complete truth, then the principal may be more willing to change his teacher.

Classes can't always just be switched because you want them to be. "My teacher is mean" is not a valid reason to just switch, especially if your child is making good grades. You're probably going to have to prove to the principal that something is going on in the classroom, so if other children and parents are complaining then you need to get them to complain to the principal and not just to you.

You could follow the example of the parents of this special ed teen, who sent her to school with a taperecorder:
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/45302947/ns/today-parenting...

It may not be legal, but you'd sure have proof of how the kid(s) are being treated by this teacher, to take to the principal and school board if needed.

It seems as though you have tried talking to the teacher and the issue has not been resolved. My suggestion would be to go the principle and request a meeting--i would even have your husband come as this shows you are both working as parents to solve the issue. If the issue is still not solved then make an appointment with the Superintendent of your local school district. Make sure to document everything and have a paper trail of the dates, conversations of what was said, when you spoke with the teacher ect... as this willl help you and your husband keep the timeline of when this started and how it is still not resloved. Kudos to you and your husband for raising children with manners and limiting T.V. . There is so much now on T.V that children should not be watching but many parents still use it as a 'free ' babysitter. All the best to you--and Kudos to your child for knowing when someone is not using proper language.

I would maybe look at this a little differently. Your son is 8, right? 2nd or 3rd grade?

I wouldn't say "nothing" but I'm not sure I would continue to try to get his teacher changed... instead I would use this as a great example of teaching your son the SKILL of working around a "bad boss" and changing HIS perspective to give his "supervisor" what his supervisor is asking for. He won't have teachers who all adore him for the rest of his education. Nor will he have all supervisors who like him in his career.

So - you can teach him to "go get another job" or you can teach him to figure out what his teacher wants and then model that behavior.

It sounds like he is struggling a bit (from a previous post) - have you gotten him tutoring? is he doing better in math? Maybe if his confidence is boosted at school by doing better he won't dislike it so much? I know when I am not doing well at something, any other thing in conjunction is that much worse.

I don't agree with a teacher using the phrase "dumb answers" or calling kids stupid - at least not at that age if the kid is putting forth effort. I don't see anything wrong with saying "hold your mouth" or "bite your tongue" which is just another way of saying "now is not the right time to talk". But her teaching style is her teaching style. Also - it sounds like he "called her out" for using what HE thinks is a bad word. Stupid ISN'T a bad word to the rest of the world. It's an INAPPROPRIATE word - he should learn the difference. Just because you teach him that it's a bad word, doesn't mean it is. I don't allow that word either, but lots of people are ok with it. There's a fine line between standing up for yourself and calling people out who are in a supervisory position.

I'm curious about why the principal wouldn't move him after 3 requests. Did you put your request in writing and did you receive a response? Did you tell the principal in your letter that the teacher called your son's answers "dumb"? If you just complained that she is mean and does not smile, that is not a sufficient reason for him to be moved. Lots of times parents will "think" they requested something, but unless they follow the formal protocol it doesn't really count. it should be in writing and you should have a response.

Good Luck

IF my child's teacher ever ended a conference with me, I'd have marched right to the principal right then and there. No excuse for that.

If the school won't move your son, then YOU need to take action. Media, the board, the PTA, the police - whoever! Make yourself heard!!

If you don't stand up for your child right now, who will?

And I would certainly follow the day with your child at the least. Make the teacher be nice for a day or record everything she is saying.

In addition to Cheryl B., if all else fails, I would pull my child out of that school and switch to another.

Call other mothers who have children in her class. Meet with them to hear what their children are experiencing. Then go enmass to the principal.
My daughter had a real B-tch for a teacher in second grade. Our sunny daughter would throw up on her desk every day by 11 am. She did not tell us anything. The school nurse alerted me. I went to the classroom. The teacher whose family obviously were immigrants from a very repressive culture did not know what she was doing to students with her hard edge attitude and statements.
My husband and I removed our child from her classroom but as they told me there wasn't a better teacher in second grade. We opted for private school that year. The second half of third grade we returned her to the same school.

Document everything. See if you can verify what your son has told you via other parents checking w/ their children. If so, see if she is the same with these other children too and if so, are the parents willing to go to the principal too.

I would request a meeting with her, you, your hubby, and the principal. Please keep in mind that even if a child is telling you the truth, there are two sides to every store and everyone views things differently so while not lying, there could be more to the story. Take a list of your concerns with you and clear examples of each. Try very hard to stay unemotional and very rational. Remind them that this has been ongoing and nothing has changed AND you have requested a change that they won't honor. Tell them that either he needs to be moved to another class or she needs to change her behavior towards him. If nothing changes, go to the school board.

I know how frustraited you are the same thing has happened over the course of time. I have 4 kids 14 - 25. And they would tell me what diff teachers said. I would takl to the teacher, prinicpal, and supertients office. All to no availe, most of these BAD teachers have tenour (spelling?). I've gone round and round in some instances. If you have time try to sit in on her class, let her know your watching. Send a hidden phone in with your son let him call you when she's doing these things. (Thats what I did) let the incoming call go to your voice mail so it's recorded. Talk to other parents maybe if you can get 5 or more together and go to the principal. If there is another school available in your dist. try and swith him. Your the only advocate your son has. To the school he's just another number. Here's what my son's teacher said " I want everyone to line up like a police line up, it will good practice for P" . When I called the pricnicpal he said I really don't think one of my teacher would say that. But I'll talk to her. He called back said he talked to the teacher and that never happened. Imagine his suprise and the teachers when I marched up to the school with the recording. She never gave my son another bit of grief. Principal called the next day to oppoligize and said if it's in comfort this teacher is retirring next year. Stand up for your son.