Talking at TWO!! Help

It is very common for the second and third child, etc... to talk later then the first. One, with the first you had a lot more time to spend talking one on one with that child that you probably don't have with the next. Also, the younger child tends to get spoken for by the older children. If your child has not had reoccuring eat infections you shouldn't have to worry about the tubes. For your MIL, tell her that your ped, has no reason to believe that she needs tubes. Be firm that you are in charge of the situation and if she is that worried about it, maybe she could try speaking one on one with your child more often....in your home that is.

Hi K.. I am a Child developemnet specialist with a program called Early INtervention, who serves children from birth to three with developmental delays. At 2 years old a child should have 50-100+ words, be putting two words together to make small sentences and using her voice most of the time to get what she needs. Her speech should only be about 50-75 % intelligible to strangers.
As far as fluid in the ears, you do not have to have constant ear infections to have fluids. Sometimes, there is just a fluid buildup that does not turn into an infection. It never hurts to get it checked out. Have your pediatrician check her ears for pressure the next time you go in.
If you are a little concerned about her speech, ECI offers free assessment and evaluation anytime before your daughters birthday. You can google Texas ECI ato find out more about our program. It is a non-profit org. funded mostly by the Texas and US government. If you have any questions or want more information, Please write me back. Good Luck with your little one, L. Beth Waller

My son did the same thing. My kids are now 11 and 9 but when my youngest one was 2, he still did not talk and we brought him to speech therapist, we put the tubes, etc. After a few weeks of therapy they realized that the reason he was not talking as much was because he really had no reason to! My oldest was a chatterbox, non stop talking since he was really little. So my youngest never had a reason to talk because my oldest always talked for him. when we started working with him and encouraging the oldest nto to answer for him all the time, things got better. Now he doesn't stop! Be encouraged

Some parents do see improvement in their childs language after tubes. However, that is only true if the child wasn't hearing to begin with. If your daughter isn't having ear infections, then she can probably hear just fine and tubes would just be a pointless surgery that woudn't improve anything.

That being said. I don't think you have anything to worry about. My son is 16 months and the ONLY word he says is "go". He doesn't say mama or dada or anything. Just "go". That's a boy for you. However, he communicates with gibberish and pointing. He follows simple instructions and generally is normal. He just doesn't use real words. I realize my son is about a year younger than your daughter (he turned one in Oct), but I think your daughter sounds fine. The other moms are right kids do thing at their own pace and it isn't fair to one to compare him or her to another. You might try just telling your MIL you discussed it with your Dr. (even if you didn't) and your daughter isn't a candidate for tubes. You could also throw in that she should chill out and back off, but that might make for uncomfortable family gatherings.....Just kidding :-). Good luck!

Hi,
Sounds like your MIL is the problem not your daughter! Seriously, my first talked in full sentences at ONE and my younger son didn't talk until he was three. I taught him some simple sign language and that did wonders. If you are at all concerned, have her evaluated by a speech therapist.
Good luck, let us know what happens!
Hugs, S.

Your daughter is probably not talking as much as your child did, cause she has a older sibling and he probably does and gets things for her and she doesn't have to talk as much. If you are really worried about it then I would go talk to her pediatrician and they can set her up a meeting with a speech therapist. I had both of my younger boys tested at age two and then did need a little assitance but not much. Just talk to her doctor.

Your MIL must be a clone of mine!! haha But, let me assure you that every child is different. My oldest was talking in complete sentences at the age of 18 months. My second child didn't say a word until he was 25 months old. Then, I couldn't get him to stop talking :-) My 20 month old is now talking enough that I can understand him, but he is not talking as soon as my oldest and he is talking sooner than my second. See...every child will be different. I would just tell you MIL that you have it under control and that you have talked to her pediatrician about it. Unless your daughter has had several recurring ear infections than she does not need tubes in her ears! My oldest had tubes in her ears at 11 mos and that was only as a last resort (the doc. threatened to put her name on one of the exam room doors because we were in there weekly/biweekly with ear infections). Just remember, YOU'RE the mommy and you know best! Good luck!!

I would recommend having your daughter checked. She could have serous otitis media, which isn't an infection, just fluid in her ears. My son was also slow to talk and the doctor did find fluid behind his ears. He got the tubes, which isn't a major surgery, and now he is a completely different child. He said my son heard about as well as we would with our fingers stuck in our ears. He also said that a lot of time, the kids learn the words by lip reading when they are at this point, but it takes a longer time. It is worth a doctor's appointment to put your mind and ease and get your MIL off of your back. Let me know how things turn out. Good luck.

Hey, K...
When my son was 18 mo, I was frantic because he wasn't talking just grunting for things. I asked my doctor about it, and he said that as long as they are making noise, don't worry about it. Your MIL is wrong on many accounts, number one, she can't take YOUR child to the doctor or anywhere without parent's permission, and number two, most children do not need tubes in their ears unless they have cronic ear infections. Your MIL sounds way too nosy and too pushy she needs to back off and let you be the mother. As my pediatrician says, trust your own instincts, who knows your child better than you. Soon, I promise, you will be telling your child to be quiet. LOL

Hi K.,
I agree that talking to your Ped is a good idea, however, it literally, is none of your MIL's business. I have not technically dealt with a pushy MIL but I have dealt with boyfriend's moms before. My experience is that if you do not put your foot down, pushy people will walk all over you. I want you to ask yourself one thing. Do YOU feel that your daughter has a problem? As a second child, I still don't need to talk all that much when my older brother is around, thats just the nature of second children.
Just keep in mind that YOU ARE THE MOM, not her. She had her shot with her own kids and kudos on keeping them alive and well enough to make kids of their own, but now it is time for her to step back and be a granny, not the mommy. If she does not back off when you ask her nicely, don't be nice any more. Dealing with a variety of people my whole life has taught me that some people are considerate and will respect your wishes concerning your kids. Others need some convincing. I know that having an In-Law close by can be uncomfortable when things are tense but you are responsible for the well-being of your children. You are charged with making sure your kids get the treatment they need and not treatment they don't need. I don't have in-laws but I do have a mother who forgets her place as a Mema. She and I have gotten into some doozies but this is my mother, I can get away with things like that without grudges. MILs on the other hand may feel that they have a right to their say in your child's upbringing, even when they don't. I know you will do what is right by your child. If she is able to hear you and doesn't show any indication that shes got hearing problems, I wouldn't worry about it so much. At her check ups tell the PED but there is no reason to get stressed out because your MIL is overbearing and inconsiderate. If you can, get your hubby to back you up on this, (men are notorious for backing down when their mommy's get involved, this is mostly due to the fact that they don't want to piss off the two women they love the most. I think its a genetic thing, lol, lets these guys keep their hide.) I wish you the best of luck, your going to need it.

Kristin,
I think as long as your daughter is showing progression, everything should be okay. You might have her ears checked just to be sure there is nothing wrong there. My first and third children were both slow to talk. Is your daughter on the shy side? Mine are, my first child was extremely shy and still tends to be. Even as a little baby when I would try to get him to repeat words he would look very embarrassed. He said a few words at about the normal 10 mos, then he really didn't say anything until around 2 yrs. Both of my slow talkers had speech therapy and all my children have had occupational therapy for some sensory issues. Anyway, if all checks out, she should be fine. If you feel she may need help, speech therapy wouldn't hurt. Not sure if my kids started talking because of that or it was just their time to talk, but I think they still benefited from what they learned.
My kids talk ALL THE TIME now!:)
As far as MIL...Just like us new parents having a hard time judging when our kids are on track, most of our parents have probably not dealt with small children in a while and probably tend to forget that there really is no track. We may all be MILs one day and we will probably want to still give our kids advice. As long as she is doing it out of love and not bitterness, she probably just wants the best for you guys.

I'm sorry you have to go through this.....I did too with the MIL's. My son didn't really start talking till closer to his third birthday. My MIL told me his tounge was tied and it need to be sniped. and all I could do was look at her. My husband isnt my sons dad and my son goes and goes and goes between our house his dads house all five or six sets of Grandparents houses and he just had too many people talking for him then finally when I kept him home for almost a month straight with no one but me and his step-dad he started talking and now he won't be quiet lol. And potty training OMG it was a nightmare with all of those folks telling me how and when and what. But anyway sometimes they aren't ready to talk just yet and sometimes they just arn't ready to use the big boy/big girl potty. In my opinion some children experince anxiety really early. My son has a problem with change but is dealing with it since he travles to so many different houses. If you don't want a fight between the two of you just listen and say ok I'll look into it and when she askes tell her the doc said......then most times they are satisfied after they think you've been to a doctor. I know it isn't right to lie but sometimes it can't be helped. I hope i've helped. More then likley not but this is how I delt with my MIL/all of them.

If your daughter didn't have any ear infections she doesn't need tubes. My daughter had tubes once when she was 9 months and then when she was 2yrs. She was always in the dr. office for ear infections. And she never shut up!! lol I think she is fine.

I am working with Early Intervention (in the beginning stages), and just had my daughter's hearing checked - just in case. We were able to rule out that it was an ear problem, but it would have sucked to work with her and have no progress b/c it was an ear problem. So, I say - what will it hurt to get her hearing checked??

So, I'm excited for them to start working with her on a regular basis, because I feel like we're missing so much as a family with her not talking. I get so envious hearing about other kids saying these cute things.

I just submitted a question regarding hearing tests. My 20 month old grandson's doctor is asking that he have a hearing test. He only says "up". This is the second time she asked his parents to do it, so it's going to happen. I had heard from several knowledgeable people not to worry about his not talking but I'm thinking that it won't hurt. The best suggestion to you is that she be evaluated by her doctor.

First of all you need to politely remind your MIL that you are the mother and although you like her giving advice she needs to remember that you will always do what is best for YOUR child. Second, if she needed tubes she would be getting ear infections fequently. And last but not least, every child developes at thier own pace. If you are really concerned about her speech have her be evaluated by a speech therapist after you speak with her teacher at school and find out what they think. They should have some idea how she is compared to her classmates.

Hope this helps,
T.

Hi K. My name is L..Both of my daughters had to have tubes put in their ears.They was not talking like they should have been.My kids are 13 yrs and 8 yrs.When we had our youngest tested she was to the point of being deaf in both ears and we got the tubes put in there and she started talking up a storm.Her ped.said the reason my youngest wasnt talking was because i wasnt reading to her.Which was a lie.I wish you the best of luck.

My daughter is now 8. She NEVER had ear infections as a baby and/or toddler. At her 3-year check up I asked the doctor about her speech--it was very hard to understand. My girl wasn't talking as well as my boy had at that age, so I was concerned. Pediatrician looked in her ears and said I should see and ENT (ear nose throat specialist).

So let's back up, she'd never had an ear infection that I knew of in 3 years. Very strange, but true, because we're pretty certain they had occurred.

ENT found MUCH fluid in her ears. They did a hearing test (not sure if you could do it at 2, but we were able to at 3) and she failed it. She wasn't speaking much (or clearly) because she didn't hear well. I had a great ENT who worked with me on diet changes and other alternative approaches and we got the fluid to drain and 6 months later, she was barely in normal range for hearing. By age 4, she could hear fine.

She started exhibiting signs of ear infections and would get them 2 or 3 times a year, and they were BAD. SHe'd have pus overflowing. It was hard to run the course, but we did and now at age 8, normal hearing, speech, no ear infections in over 2 years. We have special ear plugs made for swimming, and she even wears them in the shower to be safe.

My advice...start at your regular pediatrition and ask about ears/hearing. It may or may not be related to her speech, but the sooner you look into it, the better. Then you can also tell MIL you are working with your doctor on it, no matter what course of action you choose to pursue. Becuase you "are working on it" and it tends to calm them down (at least mine did).

I wish you the best.

Tell her that Einstein was 4 or 5 years old before he started talking! That should shut her up! LOL!

Seriously, if you haven't taken her to the pediatrician I would say to do so just to make sure that everything is ok. If there is something that needs corrected it can be caught as early as possible. Then you can tell MIL that "the dr. said" everything is fine.

I have 2 friends whose 2nd children were just slow to talk. Nothing 'wrong', just developmentally behind in speech. A speech therapist came out a couple of times a week for a couple of years and it really helped them.

Firstly, I wouldn't allow my mil any alone time with my child if I were you for fear that she'd go behind my back and bring my child to the doctor. That's not her call. Sure, she can voice her concerns... but, unless you're physically abusing your child (or even mentally), she needs to butt out.

Secondly, as many other posters have said, your 2nd child may just not want to talk or have no reason to.

My 2nd child hardly had any words by the time she was 2 yrs old... big time contrast between her and my firstborn who was able to hold conversations with adults by 2 yrs old.

Every child is different.

My 2nd child now... well, she will talk your ear off; she's 4 yrs old. She does have problems with certain sounds, but, that's alleviating itself as well. I have just been helping her say words correctly.

I had talked to someone at my oldest's school and she said to just wait until my daughter was 4 and see the difference before bringing her to a speach therapist. She turned 4 in Dec. and there has been a pretty big difference already.

I think what my 2nd child was doing was just observing that whole no-talking phase; because the things she comes out with now, its pretty funny... she uses words like 'situated' correctly.

Concerning fluid in the ears... I don't know if a 2 yr. old would allow this... but, ear candles help remove not only wax build-up but also fluid. I've witnessed this myself.

Best wishes!

My youngest daughter had similar problem. First of all, it is a little more common than what you MIL says. Second, make an appointment with an ENT. Your daughter might have fluid behind her ears. They can do hearing test on her. My daughter had to have tubes and her adnoids out because the adnoids effected her sleeping. Good luck! If you need more advice let me know.

I have two children, and I had the same problem that you are having. My daughter started talking early, and my son said only a couple of words at two years old. After a bunch of worry and a bunch of Dr. appts., and finally I went to an ENT and he said that my son had fluid on his ears and put tubes in. He never had ear infections, so the Pediatrician never suspected that fluid was the reason that my son wasn't talking. The pediatrician said my son was just slow in development, when in fact he just needed tubes all along. He ended up having to have a little speech therapy (only 2-3 sessions) to learn how to say a few things that he had never heard properly, particularly the "s" sound. Now he is such a talker I have to tell him to be quiet! I also have an overbearing MIL and I feel for you. I wish I could give you advice on that, but I need it myself, lol! Good luck and I hope you hear tons of words out of your child soon!

I have three younger siblings that are 11, 7, & 6 and I saw the same thing in them. From what I have been told the reason that a younger child doesn't speak as quickly as the older is that they have their older siblings to speak for them. If your daughter says something and you can't understand it, does your older child translate for you? This is what happened with both of my sisters, their older brother would tell us what they meant and they never had to learn to say it correctly themselves. The only reason to put tubes in your childs ears would be if your doctor told you it was absolutly neccessary, not your MIL. And no court is going to give your MIL custody just because the child can't talk so I wouldn't worry to much about that. Hope this helps