Stubborn Daughter

I have no doubt she is bright as she knows how to manipulate her teachers into doing what she wants. Having tantrums like this for the last 2 years and not having learned how to deal with her frustration I would take her to see a child psychologist who can help you to help her. If she continues this behavior in school this is what they're going to suggest. Ask her pediatrician for a referral.

I have struggled with these problems with my daughter as well. My daughter was diagnosed with ADHD. I wanted her to try school with out meds. I fought with her for along time to do her homework and stuff. I learned that fighting did me no go. I would give her a break and let her come back to it. The teacher had some problems as well they worked with her and put her into title one classes so that if she didn't get something she had more one on one time with a teacher. Maybe suggesting that. I know that helped my daughter alot. My daughter is a very bright child as well. I would also suggest taking her to a child psychologist and maybe even some family therapy. Family therapy to help you cope with the tantrums and psychologist to see if she needs tested for adhd and other learning disabilities. I live in Pa and they will not test them in school until 2nd grade. She is now there so she will be tested this year. I have also started her on ADHD meds this summer. I am hoping this school year goes better. I hope to for updates on how you fair.

Since she's like this at home and also in two different school settings I would imagine this isn't just a discipline issue.
Talk to her pediatrician and request a referral for psychological evaluation/testing. It *sounds* like it could be ODD but clearly she needs a professional assessment, not just my armchair psychology :)
Good luck!

She sounds a lot like the 5 year old son of a friend of mine - turns out he is gifted (can read at a 5th grade level) but lags behind with emotional/social development. They did have him evaluated and the therapist said that this is very common in gifted children - they may be exceptionally intelligent in some areas (reading, math, etc.) but still be very emotionally/socially immature. He gets frustrated easily too when he doesn't get his way, when rules don't make sense to him but he still has to follow them, and he gets bored easily as well - which all makes him prone to acting out and having melt-downs, even at almost 6 years old. And stubborn doesn't begin to describe it - he has been sent to his room for time-outs for not listening and has screamed his head off for an hour straight because he doesn't want to be in there.

Because of this, I would agree with those that are saying it would be best to talk to your pediatrician about this and get a referral or recommendation for a child psychiatrist or other therapist evaluation. I hate "labeling" kids, but anything like giftedness, ADHD, ODD, Asperger's, etc. can result in what you are seeing and then it's a matter of determining what kind of behavioral therapy will help and having a plan in place. My friend's son will be starting kindergarten soon and right away they have discussed having an IEP in place for him and having him do reading, etc. with a higher-grade class as part of it.

I would think she is bright but also has an issue that has to be figured out and dealt with properly (counseling or something like that? or maybe J. a counselor who teaches you new discipline and reward strategies designed for her specifically). My daughter was in K last year..she started at 4 and the biggest problem in their class was someone talking during quiet time or pushing...full on tantrums and yelling ussually stop at 3 (atleast around people not related to you) unless there is something else going on at home or wrong.

You might find it helpful to listen to a CD called "the Biology of Behavior" by Diane Craft, where she describes issues such as your daughters and suggests specific nutritional support. It is very interesting and we have found it helpful with our son. You are welcome to borrow my copy, if you would like. I could mail it to you or something. I would also suggest looking into taking her to a developmental pediatrician for an evaluation. We have our first appointment with one in a few weeks so I can't recommend one personally, but here is a list of practices in the phoenix area: The Melmed Center, Southwest Behavioral, Phoenix Childrens Hospital Developmental Pediatrics, and Jordan Pediatrics. We made our appt. with Dr. Petke at Jordan Peds. because they take our insurance and he is a naturopathic physician that specializes in 2E kids (learning disability plus giftedness). Good luck to you!

I would highly recommend bringing her home. Homeschool her. Use the things she loves to do as motivation to finish x, y, and z. She'll have no audience to play to, no demand for attention (she only gets what you will give her) etc. She probably is gifted and able to do many things beyond her age which will make her bored and overactive when a teacher is working with someone slower. Being home will allow you to stretch her beyond her giftedness and also allow you to work with the acting out. Check out some blogs and websites dealing with Aspbergers. They are highly functioning autistic kids that are super bright mentally but emotionally and relationally don't know how to behave. They miss many social clues and blunder through situations because they lack the self-control or something to cope. My best friend's son had some of the same issues and they found with him that it was caused by over stimulation of the senses (something very possible and frequently accessible in school!). they got a huge refrigerator box, cut a door in it, hung a curtain over the door, put a desk and a chair in there. They put him in there when he was acting up---overstimulated. He eventually learned to go there himself when he was losing control. He is now 19 and in college and doing great. He now knows when his emotions are getting out of control and he goes to his dorm room or car to isolate and chill. Best wishes! Let us know what happens.