Stay with Day Care or Quit

My little guy has been in daycare since he was 8 weeks old. He never had any separation issues until he was about 13 months old and they moved him up to the toddler room. We went through one month where he was almost constantly sick and drop offs were horrible (running after me, banging on the door). Needless to say after much soul searching we decided to move him to a different daycare setting. It's been a world of difference for us. He's almost 2 now and still has his days where drop off is difficult but it's been way easier than it was at the other daycare. And, to boot, he hasn't been sick nearly as often. He's only been sick twice since we changed daycares (he's been there 6 months now).

I guess what I'm trying to say is that maybe you should look in to some other daycares in the area. We switch from a center to a in-home daycare. There are only 10 kids there at any one time so I think it's just a better setting overall. We're all much happier with the new arrangement.

Hi Mable

I'm a Mom of 2 who both go to daycare. I agree that taking him out and then putting him back in would probably cause more stress for him in the long run. My kids are 2 1/2 and 4 months. Each of my babies started daycare when they were 11 weeks old. Neither have seperation issues, my husband does the drop off's and always takes my son ( the older one) into the room and makes sure he is playing with or doing whatever activity all the kids are doing and then quietly leaves without making a fuss. I have followed the same procedure when I did the drop off's and he was ok because he was preocupied with what is going on around him. If you find yourself anxious to leave him, he probably cues in on that. Maybe try to make the drop off calm, quick and low key. Speak to his teachers and try to come up with a quick good bye routine, ensuring that they are trying to engage him with the other kids so he doesn't focus as much on Mommy.

As for the illnesses, I feel for you. Both of my babies (even the little one) have had colds since mid-summer, plus a GI bug and an ear infection thrown in for good luck LOL. It is definately hard having them sick and I feel terrible for them when they are miserable but honestly I have a friend who's kids (3) never went to daycare and they always seem to catch the same bugs around the same time my kids do. And we live far apart and rarely ever get together with the kids. I have talked ot my pediatrician about it and she really thinks that in the long run they will have less illness and less time missing school because their immune systems get better at handling the bugs.
About the weight loss, 5 to 8 lbs is a HUGE weight loss in a little person, I would consult your pediatrician immediately and see what they have to say about that. Otherwise, I wish you luck making this heart breaking decision, I hope that you can see that it could get better for you all with a little time.

Hi Mable:
Im not sure taking him out then putting him back in will do any good. If anything, I think it could be worse when he has to go back. My little girl is almost 14 months and she goes to day care 2x a week for full days. Sometimes when I drop her off, she cries but I just try to console her or the teacher is really good and consoles her and plays with her. Also, a good trick I recently started to do is to have her sit with the other kids at their table and give her a little snack. It calms her down right away and I think she feels better cause she is sitting with her friends and eating like they are.
As far as your baby getting ill, I have been lucky, knock on wood, mine hasnt been too bad yet with picking things up (she has been sick on occassion) and she has been in there since March. I guess some kids are more prone to catch things than others. Leaving him there now will only make his immune system stronger. Its bad now but in the long run, it may be worth it. Are you going to take him out and put him back in every year to try to prevent him from getting sick?

Did you consider maybe the center isnt doing evertything possible to keep things as clean as they should? Have you thought about perhaps looking at other centers? I dont know, Im just trying to throw some things out there. But, I think taking him out is only going to make it worse for him especially with the crying. I would seriously try working with him when hes crying try asking the teacher for assistance. I wish you only the best of luck. I know its hard, trust me, I am a first time mom!
K.

keep him there. get him used to it now! my daughter did the same and now loves school. she started at at about 2 yrs and is now 4 1/2. he just needs to get used to it. she cried for like 3 months. by the end of the three months it was just at drop off. now she doesnt care.

First, I'll admit I'm a big proponent of day care because of what the kids learn there, especially as they get closer to school age. My husband was off work for quite a few months and we considered taking my daughter (who is almost three) out of day care, but both felt it was important enough to pay for and keep her there. Yesterday at day care they had music day and sang 'My Hair had a party last night' - there are a lot of things I wouldn't think about teaching her if I were to stay home with her. She also goes to Goddard.

I will tell you that we also had some horrible drop offs periodically - at 18 months I'm not sure he understands which days are school and which are not until you actually get there so that could be part of the problem (now we tell her before that school is tomorrow but I don't think we did it at that age). We had two things we did to make things work well as we arrived: 1) Get her there early enough so she is not overrun with other kids and can sit and eat snacks or breakfast quietly (this still works) and 2) Physically hand her to the teacher (this was more in the age range your son is at). Since I work at home frequently and can take her in whenever I want, I thought that keeping her later in the a.m. at home was better, but after talking to the teacher, we realized it was impacting her social bonding with the other kids. Now I take her in earlier, even though that's harder for me (I'd rather play with her more :)).

Oh and as far as the viruses, that's typical day care - now that my daughter is almost three (she has been in day care since around 6 months), she rarely has more than a slight runny nose sometimes. I think some has to do with the cleanliness of the day care and some is just the immune system (and they like to wash hands 'all by themselves' as they get older).

I think if you take him out and put him back in later, it will still be rough, but delaying it at this age wouldn't really hurt (in my opinion anyway). You just never know how a kid's mind is working - if he thinks he got you to take him out by his crying, he will cry more next time. But he might just get better in a few months.

Either way, good luck!!

S.

Hi Mable. I can tell you that as the mother of a two year who just started that exact daycare routine (two ½ days) it doesn’t get any easier the longer you wait. My little guy cries, screams and begs as I leave him at daycare in the morning. We just bumped him up to a third ½ day to try to help him get used to it (I‘m due any day now with our second child and we need our big boy to be as well adjusted to school as we can get him!). Once I feel he’s gotten used to the routine I plan to scale back to two days again.

Have the teachers told you how he behaves after you leave? My son apparently whimpers for about 10 minutes, then plays with toys and is now – after two months of this – “fine for the rest of the day” according to his teachers. My husband drops him off occasionally and only gets a “goodbye, daddy”, so the drama is clearly saved for me (I swear they can smell guilt!). I usually drop him off by 7am and we’re the first to arrive – which really helps since the teacher focuses all of her energy on calming him down when I leave.

As for the illnesses, I feel your pain. My son has been bitten once, scratched in the eye and is currently on his second major illness as I type this message. It’s not easy, but I agree with the other mom’s posts about them getting exposed sooner or later in kindergarten, etc. Plus, I’m amazed at what he’s learned already. I’ve been working on numbers with him forever, but the daycare really seems to have taught him much more quickly and successfully than I probably ever could have.
Good luck to you, I can truly empathize with how you feel :)

Hi Mable,
My daughter just started daycare this month and it has been a rough transition. I say stick with it because it does get better. Besides, it's good for him to have the interaction with the other children.

Hi Mable! I would definately take him out if he's crying all the time, and losing weight there!- He's obviously not thriving there. He sounds like a very sensitive child and this may have a negative impact on him - also, loosing weight is a sign of stress. You are the best caregiver for him! If you absolutely have to work, try leaving him with someone you know, or paying a smaller fee to leave him with a stay at home mom who offers child care in her home. I'll leave you some #'s I found in the Intelligencer news paper. Good luck with this. Also if you worried about socialization, join a mom's meetup group on meetup.com. Check with your Dr. about any suggestions they may have.

Daycare in Warminster home ###-###-####
Daycare in NewBritain home ###-###-####

Mable-
it is hard b/c of his age - 18 month olds often have separation anxiety. THis will eventually get better :-)
also- you are having a harder time because he is only ion 2 half days. Kids love consistency. If he were there more often - he would likely adjust more quickly - be patient - he will adjust. THe illnesses are part of daycare -if you pull him out now- you're only going to delay the inevitable..if you waited for him to go to kindergarten, he would have all the same illnesses then. be patient - it will get better...