Stay at Home Mom with Low Self Esteem Issues

Hi M., I'm sure you received lots of great advise but I didn't read (no time!) so I apologize if this is a repeat. Do you like the jeans you have? If so, buy more just like it. If not, find a pair you like and buy more! I sort of had the same problem with clothes and realized I needed to get out of my rut. So I went shopping and found jeans at the Gap, not super expensive but not dirt cheap. I found a pair I really liked and then bought some in same style but different colors (black, dark blue etc). Then get some cute tops there that are casual but more then just a t-shirt. Buy a lipstick you really like. Then get a good mascara. And viola! You can get dressed in a cute outfit just as fast as sweat pants, throw on lipstick and mascara and you are ready for the day!

I agree exercise will give you more energy and self esteem. I have 2 kids under 4 and have been exercising regularly since my 2nd was 8 weeks old. You need to find the time. You will be happy you did. If you don't like traditional exercise, try yoga, sports, or dance classes, I take the kids on walks 3-4 times a week. Instead of driving to the grocery store to pick up a few things, walk! Good luck!

You look gorgeous in your profile picture!

I think you need to start with something little. Maybe take 15 minutes evvery day (Maybe during the 2 year old's nap?) and do something NICE for your own body. Put it on your to do list or calendar or set a reminder on your cell phone and do it. And it doesn't have to be anything extravagant. In 15 minutes you can get out the lotion and hit the dry spots or finally get a shower if it's been one of THOSE days, or fix the hang nail that's been driving you nuts all morning, or moisturize or put on make up.....just take 15 minutes to do SOMETHING everyday! And if you can't committ to 15 minutes to start make it 5.....

Start with just a little time and a little comittment to establish a small habit you can build on!

In May you wrote a question about intimacy issues and that goes along with your thinking on this issue. You are tired, too much for your husband, too tired to exercise or buy clothes and it's your thinking and lack of energy that is the issue it seems to me. You need to start getting out and exercising and feeling alive again. Two children shouldn't take all the life from you. They are to enjoy and be part of your life, not to just drain you of life. Sometimes it makes you tired being a parent but also it's fun. Maybe you could get in a group of mothers for a mothers day out or something similar but you need to change your thinking and live life so your children and husband can live life with you. You're young and have much to live for so I hope you will start looking at fixing what you don't like and then getting out with others. That gets our eyes off ourselves and helps us be happy and care. It looks like you are the only one who thinks you look bad so change your thinking, get some clothes a little at a time if you need to, get advice from a friend on what to buy that looks best on you, shop with a friend and make it fun, and then be thankful for all you have.

Oh M.......

You just SCREAM "What Not to Wear" on TLC. This is certainly not saying you wear things that you just should not wear, but my GOD woman, the insecurity you talk about is just inTENSE!! Where did all this come from??

I am confident that the woman you think you see in the mirror and the one who really exists are totally different people. It does sound like you need to have someone take you by the hand and SHOW you how beautiful you really are....

Here's what I've done when I've felt like you do now: You live in Fairfield, CA right? So Nordstrom or Bloomingdales or any other top-end department store is around, right? Here's what to do: Walk up to one of the makeup counters and tell the woman (.... er -- man -- it could happen!) that you need to learn how to bring out the beauty you ALREADY HAVE. You might end up buying a few pieces of makeup, but this may be a sound investment. Second, maybe it's time for a new hairstyle. There are lots of styles that don't require a huge amount of maintenance (wash and wear) that you may like.

Start with the makeup counter. Bring a trusted friend or relative. They'll be on hand to tell you how beautiful you really are.

Chin up Mama!!

E.

M., this is all in your mind. I don't know if anyone can convince you of this but it is true. I looked at your profile photo and you are a gorgeous woman...seriously! You are really pretty. It is ok to have flaws - that is a part of being human and you do not need to focus on your flaws. Perhaps you are a perfectionist? I wonder if you should consider going to a therapist once a week and maybe you can work through this. You are not seeing yourself as you really are and you are being too harsh on yourself. I know where you are coming from bc I used to have a lot of self hatred and self esteem issues when I was young. I somehow worked through that and gained confidence in life and now when I look back at photos of myself I can see I was being way too harsh on myself. I think you should look at catalog photos of outfits and pick out 3 outfits that you think look great...then go and buy them. Since you wear comfy clothes don't go too fancy - get new jeans and blouses/sweaters and some pretty accessories. Whatever it is you like. Go! Do it! You deserve it!!! Just wearing nicer clothes will help you feel better about yourself. And talk to your doctor about your self esteem issues so that you can start seeing a therapist. It will take time, but that is ok. It is important to work on yourself in life. The therapist needs to teach you how to stop having self defeating and negative thoughts. This is something you can work on and get better at! Really! I am sending you a hug - you are such a pretty woman and I wish you could see yourself as you really are.

Interesting how we learn to just believe the vicious voice in our heads. Noone teaches us that we actually have the right to question what that voice has to say. You have learned to believe that what the vicious critical voice in your head says is the truth. Are you willing to believe that something else might be true?

Start writing down what the vicious voice has to say. Then get curious. My favorite question now is "Really?" I don't fight with the voice. I just simply explore wether that voice is actually telling the truth or it is just making stuff up. Sometimes the voice acts as if it is trying to help you by being so negative and irrational. Nope. Just keeping you down. Are you willing to believe that something else might be true?

In my opinion, life sucks without exercise. There is nothing else like it to make you look and feel great. I have always exercised, even when my kids were babies and I had zero free time to myself. I didn't belong to a gym, either. A great way to exercise is jumping rope -- professional boxers do it. Depending on where you live, you can do it on a patio or on the sidewalk. I count my jumps, so it doesn't seem like it takes forever.

Buy a jump rope for 8 bucks. Start with 1,000 jumps (I do 3,000). That shouldn't take you more than 15-20 mins. Don't jump on both feet - you kind of hop back and forth on alternate feet.

You have to exercise!!

Okay, like Amy said: you are gorgeous, so what's up? (But I still think you need to exercise to improve your mood).

What did you do before you had kids? Did you dress up and look good? Did you put on makeup? Did you wear sexy undies? Did you wear perfume? If you answered yes. It is now time to do that again.

Step by step begin a program for you. Add yourself to your daily duties calendar. When the 6 year old is in school you do your exercises for about 30 minutes. Dance with your 2 year old and laugh have fun. Make up lunches that help you lose the weight you need.

Do get your hair cut/trimmed/styled so that you don't have that at home momma look. Ponytails are nice but they do become old.

Clothing can be comfortable and not sloppy. Get some jeans that will stretch with you. Take pride in how you look and you will project that attitude. Wear those sexy under your clothes for you. No one has to know that they are they but you. Dress for you now and as you lose weight change the size.

Meet hubby a few times a week at the door with a nice kiss as a surprise. He'll be after you for more.

What's that saying "Fake it until you make it." Start feeling like you are on top of the world and the world will turn with you and you will be on top of the world. But you have to take the first step. Everyone of us is beautiful in our own way.

The hardest part of changing ourselves is the first step. Get a hold of a What not to Wear show and see if there is something you can learn from them. It is a guide in how to change the inner you to become the better you.

Good luck to you and yours this year. Keep us posted on how "beautiful" you have become. Be the best that you can be. Just do it!

The other S.

PS Get out and join a MOPS or something. Go to the library and meet some people. Take up a hobby or a class for you. Time to think of you first. You were a woman, a wife and a mother in that order. So now it is time to work on the woman.

I hear you... but you are able to make this change. Obviously your husband is on board so you should just go do it.

Start by watching a few episodes of "What Not To Wear" on TLC. I am pretty sure it's available to watch free on their website. I watch it when I'm at the YMCA on the eliptical machine... it keeps me motivated to keep working out.

Make yourself a list of essential items you need and would wear. I have had good luck shopping at consignment shops for finding good clothing for less money. I recently bought 2 pairs of jeans (one Chico brand and one Banana Republic) for $30. Yes, I had to try on EVERY pair of jeans the store had in my size, but when I was done I had two pairs I really liked. And, I was able to try on jeans from a ton of different stores, all at one place. Do some research for a local, decent, consignment shop. NOT Goodwill, but a resale shop.

You need 2 pairs of jeans that fit.
3-4 nice comfy (cute) long sleeve shirts or sweaters (it's winter after all).
1 white long sleeved shirt that can be dressy or casual - button up shirt.
A few cute scarves to dress up a sweater, long sleeved T.

And, if you are like I was, you need new socks and undies, and a few new bras too.

Make an appointment for a new hairstyle. Get something new! If you are envious of your friends, make time to change and just do it. And, if you don't like it, let it grow... my hair grows super fast, so whenever I feel stuck, I just go get it chopped off. By the next year, it's long again.

How you feel about yourself does affect your children. If you have a daughter, imagine how you would want her to be as an adult... do you want her to feel like you do? Model the behavior you would want for your kids. They watch you to know what life is supposed to be like. Make a change.

Good luck!
J.

I agree with Elizabeth. You should watch "What Not to Wear". You are beautiful in your profile picture. The self-esteem issues are much more complicated. Baby steps. Start with a cute pair of jeans and a nice haircut :-)

I was reading your question and clicked on your profile and oh my goodness you are beautiful!!!! You are what I dream I looked like. I don't really have much advice these ladies covered a lot of what I was going to say but I just wanted to tell you that if you are that gorgeous I nsweats and no makeup I can't imagine what a little make will do. Keep your chin up mama!

I'm sorry, but this has to stop. You are not really getting my sympathy, you are getting me angry. Your husband gave you money to shop for you and you bought others things. That in turn makes you have lower self esteem. You are looking for excuses for everything. Stop right now. Your hair is probably beautiful. Wash it. No money or time for a health club? do you grocery shop and buy milk. Do reps in the store, ten, twenty thirty, whatever, it will strengthen your arms. Lift the little one in reps. While they are doing something (no school for the older one?) sit down and do sit ups. Turn on music. What are you doing this for? How does it help you? There are a million women on earth of all shapes and sizes who manage to be happy and on top of that you get to stay home with your children?
Can you imagine how many people would like to do that? Why do you think you are more different than anyone else on this earth. We all have to make our paths and some days are good and some are bad. I choose to get up and put on make-up, did since my children were born and they are 26 and 21. You are heading for a self fulfilling prophecy: you will make your life sad and bad if you keep this up. I do not think I have ever been this harsh on this website but you are operating on feeling sorry for yourself and not giving yourself the fair chance of being the wonderful human being you have blossoming inside. Your kids aren't going to be there forever, they grow up and move on. At this moment you need to put yourself first, get your act together and stop the pity party. Go to a counselor, or a pastor and give yourself a shot of self esteem. You realize you are doing this to yourself so think about it: what is this actually doing for you right now. Looks like a lot of negative attention. Look upward and soar.

I've heard others report that after looking at all the accomplishments people report on Facebook that they felt as if their lives were plain and lacking any excitement. You've got to stop comparing your life with other's. That in itself is enough to establish a foundation of low self esteem that just seems to flourish and grow. Please let that go! If you don't like the way you look, only you can change that. this sounds a bit deeper than "what you look like" to me. No one looks great all the time. I would suggest counseling to really help you get to the root of your issues and for guidance on how to re-direct your thinking, which isn't always easy to do. Good luck.

Your issue is not going to go away with a trip to the mall or some exercise. You sound depressed and need to talk to a counselor. Your self-esteem issues need to be address. Find someone in your area that you can talk to.

You look beautiful in your profile pic and so I guess all this negativity is in your head :) That's good because you are definitely not ugly. You just need to build up some positive thinking which matters a lot not just for you but your family as well. Your kids can't have everything when they have a mom who feels so sad and down all the time.
I think this is a good time to shop as many stores still have sales going on. This weekend leave your kids with your hubby and go out shopping and rememeber to shop just for yourself.Make a list of things you really want to have and get those. Maybe go for a mani-pedi or a massage. Maybe being at home with kids all the time is not motivating you enough to dress up and look good. Beleive M. I feel fat and ugly too sometimes. I used to dress up so well to work and now I just wear whatever , that makes M. feel less fat. It's all in the attitude. I am really planning to excercise and loose some weight. You can do excercise videos after your kids go to bed. I have started on the 30 day shred by Jillian Michaels - I got it for 7 dollars at Costco. These are just 20 min excercises , so it will be good to start with such excercises which don't take lot of time and I hear they do give good results. Or you can try any other excercise videos or dance excercises to get some workout everyday. Maybe you and hubby can set aside 20 mins before bed or before kids wake up in the morning , just to work out. Beleive M. you will feel great when you excercise. And yes get some pretty clothes and dress up every now and then. Your kids will know when their mom is genuinely happy and they will be happy too. :)

First get the negativity out of your head. This is in your head. You must develop a positive attitude.

Think of it this way..... your negativity is being modeled for your children. SO, if you can't do it for yourself, do it for your children

Everyday when you get up, instead of putting on sweats and doing the same routine do this...........shower, shave, fix yourself up. You don't have to be in full makeup and look like you are stepping out a a Vogue magazine..... just freshen your look. You'll be amazed at how much better you'll feel

WHY did you spend money given to you on others? That is what a lot of moms do but you must STOP that. When you are given money or a treat, treat yourself. You have to take care of yourself, no one else is going to!!I

If you can't find clothes that are "right" for you, get a personal shopper at a department store like Nordstroms, Macy's, Dillards, etc.. their advice it FREE. I have a personal shopper at White House Black Market... she knows the styles I like, when something comes in that looks like "me", she calls me and I try it on. You never know until you try things on.

Socialize with other moms, have lunch, breakfast, whatever you can fit in. I assume the 6 yr old is in school... there is a network of moms right there for you...

You don't have to go to a gym and workout. Walk around the block, go to the park, if it is cold outside go to the mall and walk, let your children play, play with your children.

Take care of your skin. Drink lots of water. If you don't already, establish a good skincare routine. I am an avid Clinique user. Be faithful about it and within 8 weeks or so, you'll see a difference in your face.

I am SAHM and WAHM and I never, lounge around in sweats (don't own any) or loungewear (don't own it). I wear jeans or slacks, no tennis shoes - nice slipon shoes, nice sweater of some sort (fitted). I wear nothing baggy. When you wear something nicer during the day, you tend to feel better about yourself. Also, if you are wearing baggy stretch pants, you don't care if you start bulging at the belly.. I wear skinny jeans and fitted tops to accent my figure. I am fortunate to not have to diet but I do eat in moderation and I love to wear my fitted clothes because I like what I see in the mirror... You can do this too....

Go volunteer at the school or somewhere in your community. Get involved.

Only you can determine your happiness and make that change. If it is that stressful to do, go see a counselor and work through some issues that might be holding you back.

Let those 2 children see a good, strong woman as their mom (which you really are). You'll see a huge difference if you start making an effort to look nice... you'll feel the difference, your hubby and children will appreciate it.

I agree that you have a beautiful profile pic but again..... ONLY you can change YOU.

Good luck.

:) Time to stop being a martyr and change that attitude! You sound like an awesome mom, so why can't you be nice to yourself? I know, being a stay at home mom is tough sometimes, but you've already taken the first step by writing your post and seeking advice. If you don't feel good about yourself, it can affect your role as a wife and mom. If mama's not happy, no one else will be happy. I think it's common for a stay at home mom to feel the way you do. Taking care of kids sometimes leaves us little time to care for ourselves, but if that's the case, you need to change your routine to take care of you. Here are some suggestions on breaking out of this rut:

Get up early before the kids wake up

Exercise if you can for at least 15 minutes, maybe put on an exercise video to get your energy level up

Take a shower using some great smelling body wash and shampoo

Work on your hair by using rollers, blow drier, curling iron or straightener. There are also so many great new gadgets and hair products out there that can take you from drab to fab in minutes! Maybe look online to see if there's a certain hairstyle you'd like and get your hair cut/highlighted/colored. This will make you feel great!

Put some makeup on

Find some clothes that make you look and feel good.

Definitely, polish your nails or get a mani/pedi (this will make you feel pretty)

Eat right and drink plenty of water

Go outside for a walk, to the park with the kids--get some sunshine and Vitamin D (this improves your attitude)

If the 6 year old is in school full time, maybe see if your community offers playgroups for the 2 year old. This is a great way to meet other moms and socialize. If you have to get out, then you gotta get dressed up!

Hope this helps:)

Oh, M....I have to agree I looked at your profile pic and you are beautiful. That being said, there is probably not much we can say to convince you that you are worthy, you need to do it yourself.

I have gained quite a bit of weight this year and am feeling sheepish about letting my diet and workout habits go, but guess what? I do not feel like less of a person this time around! I think a lot of it is that I have started "getting ready". I work from home, so I used to always wear my jammies or workout clothes, no makeup and a ponytail. I would even run my errands like that. I have started making more of an effort, and have found a few things that make it a lot easier and faster. I would suggest you try the same, because I get ya- I HATE clothes shopping, I hate putting together outfits, and I hate wasting time getting ready when there are so many other things to be done. A few tips...
Dresses and skirts- wear em (if you like them of course!) I have a lot of dresses because you don't have to put together a full outfit- just throw on a dress. They are comfortable and cute and they hide my belly when I gain weight. Plus in the winter, tights under a skirt kinda squeeze your figure in.
Try Plato's Closet or other consignment shops- you can get a cute dress for $10 or less. That means you are more likely to spend a few bucks on yourself because it is not too pricey.
Pinterest.com- I have started following the hair, makeup and clothing pages and it has helped me get a better sense of what is in style and how to put an outfit together. I have actually started trying new hairstyles based on some of the tutorials I find there.
Find an easier way to manage your hair. Is there an easier cut? For instance, when I wear my hair curly, all I do is put gel in it and let it air dry. When I have my hair straight, I only wash it every other day and it saves on drying time. I have a fast heating curl iron that heats in 30 seconds and put a few waves in it. I use a lot of headbands, which seem to be in style these days. I listen to music while I get ready and that helps me not get to antsy.

Diet DOES work. I promise. The more junk food, soda, sugar and flour I eat, the less I sleep, the more prone to depression I get, the more lethargic I am. You will feel better about yourself if you start managing what you eat and get moving. Nobody really has time to exercise. You never will unless you make it a priority.
**added: My 3 year old does my workouts with me, your 2 year old can too. Go for a jog or bike ride if you have a jogging stroller or the bike trailer. Otherwise, get some workout dvds from Netflix. My little one will do (or at least loosely follow along!) yoga, stability ball workouts, lift handweights, etc. It is fun to do together, especially since the little ones can be so encouraging... "Mom, you are doing a GREAT job!" Why not give it a try?

Good luck, I hope you are able to tackle this!

You have to make the decision to start dressing up more and then stick with it! Keep in mind, if you're not up to dressing up all the time, then don't do it everyday.

Jillian Michaels has a DVD for a 20 miniute workout, so you can definitely exercise for short amounts of time. Make it your New Year's Resolution to take care of you and stick to it! You can do it. :)

Exercise can make a tremendous difference in your attitude and how you feel about yourself. Jillian Michaels 20 min. DVD is a great suggestion, you really can get a good workout in just 20-min. a day! Also taking walks or jogging with the 2 year old in a stroller while the 6 year old either walks or bikes along with you. Just getting outside in the sunshine is helpful!

I would say, forget about dieting and just focus on eating healthy nutritious foods. Cut back on sugar, processed foods. Drink lots of water.

And, if you don't feel like getting dressed up everyday, at least do your hair and put on a little make-up, it can be a great mood lifter. Best of luck, you can do it! *And I just saw your profile picture, you look great...you don't need to do much to your hair and can get away without make-up! And stay off facebook if it makes you feel bad, I hear women say that all the time!

I used to feel exactly the same way. I think what it is, at least in my case, was when I became a Mom I just got in this give, give, give mode. You spend all of your time & money on your kids and you forget who 'you' are. It's soooo, sooo common for us Mom's to do that, so your definitely not alone. I bet you feel guilty if your spending money on yourself or taking time for yourself? I know I went through that. What changed me after many years of this was I look at it now as if I take care of myself, I can take better care of my kids, and my family will be proud of me for doing it! I started with working out & diet. You'd be amazed how dropping some weight can make you feel better! I joined Weight Watchers Online (only $17.00 a month), I don't attend meetings as I don't have the time. I started using my treadmill and I get up at 5 am. 3 x a week to do it. I started running, I now do 5k's that my 4 y/o and hubby participate in. I also take one weeknight to myself (not leaving the house most of the time), while hubby takes care of our daughter. I also take 1 whole day once a month to myself. I visit family, maybe take in a movie, get a pedicure, shop or just look around the mall. I've also joined a playgroup through meetup.com and have met some other sahm's. I urge you to start taking time for yourself & you will see by doing so you'll start feeling like your old self again, or even better! Good luck to you & do something today for YOU! :-)

Hi M., first off, without sounding freaky.. if that is your pic on your profile, then I think you look lovely. That said, I used to wear a lot of "casual" clothing and felt down on myself as well.. Now, I make it a point to throw on some cute jeans, a nice top and on some days, I may even throw on some earrings.. What I found is this... when I make an effort to put on clothes that make me feel better, in fact that is what happens. I feel better.. You needn't buy anything fancy or expensive.. Old Navy has those sweetheart jeans or dreamer (you say you feel fat) those jeans are more for the full figured girl.. thing about the jeans is that they aren't expensive and still look cute.. grab a pair.. add a cute hoodie and some sneakers or flats.. start out little... thing is.. it's hard to get out of a slump.. but I will tell you this.. the longer you stay "slumped" the harder it is to get out of a slump". it then becomes a habit... again, start small.. Believe me, I like cute brands like Joe's Jeans.. and others.. but at this time, my budget says.. Old Navy.. and believe it not, they do have some cute items..
about the exercise.. start small.. use the stairs when possible... park farther away in lots (when safe to do so) and if anything, get yourself a pedometer and begin to track how many steps you are taking each day..
also.. try walking around. take your 2 yr old out and walk with him/her.. those steps add up... again, start small.. but do start.... you'll be glad you did..

my best to you

I agree - you are so pretty! I found what helps me is even if I'm just staying home all day on a weekend, I find time to take a shower, put on a little make-up, do my hair, and get out of the sweatpants. You need to find a couple pairs of cute jeans that flatter your figure and then a cute shirt on top. For me, I like skinny jeans and a flowy top. If you feel better about yourself, your self-esteem will drastically improve. I also make time to work-out in the morning before the kids are awake, which helps give me energy and feel better about myself.

As I read your post, I was thinking of a saying I heard many years ago. "The best thing a Mom can do for her children is to love their father, and the best thing a Dad can do for his children is to love their mother." I think we could paraphrase that to "One of the best things a Mom can do for her children is to take care of herself". I don't mean the clothing, makeup and all the other physical things you have talked about, but your emotional good health. If losing some weight, getting new clothing, getting a facial or new hair do, etc. help that situation, by all means do it! It seems to me that you must have disappointed your husband when you spent so much of the money he gave you for yourself on the children. If you are worried about the money, maybe you could check a nice thrift store in your area and see what you can find there for clothing. I used to live in that area and know there are several thrift stores that tend to carry very nice slightly used clothing.
As for exercise, my goodness girl, you have two small children! Get out and take walks with them, or take them to a park and play with them. Exercise doesn't have to all be the formal type of push-up, sit-up type of stuff. I do home childcare and get plenty of exercise keeping up with the children in my care. We put on music and dance to it when the weather doesn't allow us to get outside.
Do you have some close friends? It sounds to me like you might also need to get in some good adult conversation time, and just have time for yourself. I am impressed that you are a good mom and love your kids very much, but they will benefit if you start taking more care of yourself and your needs too.

If you didn't put your children first you would have trouble being an attentive, conscientious mother. But you don't have to put them ahead of you *every* single minute.

Everybody, whatever their work, can get into a rut. I've been in your particular rut myself. I think back to my "only sweats (in different colors!), no hairstyle, no makeup" periods and I cringe. What was I thinking? I wasn't! I was rationalizing my own uncertainty, hiding behind my children. It was easier to be mindless than to take action.

You already know you set an example. Girls grow in their own proper self-esteem, in part, by watching a mama who takes care of her appearance without being obsessed with it, and boys learn what women are really like by watching what their mothers do or don't do.

You don't have to have a perfect face or figure to be this role model. Just as you resolve to feed your children healthy food and not junk food, resolve to help yourself and not hide behind excuses (which are your "junk food" right now). If you have to turn off the TV and radio to get away from making the excuses, do it.

There was an old song around when I was young (and I'm not going to tell you how long ago that was): "Never mind about what you've not; it's what you do with what you've got that pays off in the end."

You'll need to apologize to your husband for taking the money he gave you for a definite purpose and using it for other purposes.

Then go to a major department store, find the Clinique counter, and ask for a makeover (you may have to make an appointment). You may like another brand better; I'm mentioning Clinique because you can learn, step by step, what to do for skin care and makeup in only the five minutes or so you have every day. You won't have to make too many decisions and be tempted to decide the whole job is too hard. But you will need to resolve to use the stuff every day; you've invested in it and you want your money's worth. If you use it, you'll have used your money wisely.

Talk to your friends whose hairstyles you like, and make an appointment with a recommended stylist. Ask for a style you can manage as a busy mama! I think it's scary to put one's hair in someone else's hands, but again don't aim for perfect hair; aim for a style that's doable and makes you look better in the mirror than the no-style you have now. Down the road you may choose something different, but you have to start somewhere!

If you still need advice or encouragement, ask a relative or friend (only one!) whose opinion you trust to go shopping with you. But it may be better to shop by yourself. Let your children have a playdate somewhere else. Your objective is to try on lots of clothes! Try different styles; try different sizes. You want to see what works and what doesn't. Don't worry about looking perfect. Aim for getting an everyday outfit or two - outfits that fit, and that are both sensible enough to raise your children in and planned well enough that you feel put-together when you look in the mirror.

If this is way too hard for you to do, some counseling might be in order. An impartial voice talking sensibly can be helpful in dispelling the bogies of the mind. My apologies that this is so long.

I don't know how heavy you are but if you are wearing alot of stretchy pants and sweats, I'm thinking you might need to lose 20-30 lbs? You must get yourself to to the gym and work out! If you have enough money for mini shopping sprees, I'll bet you have money for the gym. Many gyms have child care for a very minimal charge - mine is $10 per MONTH. Get to the gym 5 days a week and work h*** o* the cardio. Food: Lose the processed junk food as much as possible. Eliminate or seriously cut back on sweets. Reduce the meat, increase veggies and whole grains like quinoa. Face: get down to the mall, go to the Bobbie Brown, Clinique, or Lancome counter and get a free makeover. Be prepared to buy $50 or more of product that they have just showed you how to use. If you do these things you will have a good start on transforming your life. BTW, our town has drop in child care. I'm guessing that yours does, too. Google it and see what you find. You can do this!

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I don't know how heavy you are but if you are wearing alot of stretchy pants and sweats, I'm thinking you might need to lose 20-30 lbs? You must get yourself to to the gym and work out! If you have enough money for mini shopping sprees, I'll bet you have money for the gym. Many gyms have child care for a very minimal charge - mine is $10 per MONTH. Get to the gym 5 days a week and work h*** o* the cardio. Food: Lose the processed junk food as much as possible. Eliminate or seriously cut back on sweets. Reduce the meat, increase veggies and whole grains like quinoa. Face: get down to the mall, go to the Bobbie Brown, Clinique, or Lancome counter and get a free makeover. Be prepared to buy $50 or more of product that they have just showed you how to use. If you do these things you will have a good start on transforming your life. BTW, our town has drop in child care. I'm guessing that yours does, too. Google it and see what you find. You can do this!

OMG! You are soooo beautiful!!

This post sounds like me a couple of yeas ago. The exact same thing!!! I got up and did something.

I didn't read the other post so forgive me if I repeat.

My husband hated when I talked down about myself. All my clothes were hand me downs, and everything went to the kids first.

I got a haircut, I bought make up and started wearing it and made a point to put it on everyday. Now when I don't wear it for 1 day, I'm ok. I work out at home, but not a lot. I go through roller coasters with that. Getting into it, don't have time, then back into it, then again don't have time. I still do that. Right now I'm back on with my new Tae Bo dvd. Billy Banks is best at motivating and his work outs are fun! I enrolled in a PE course because I need the class and it's the only way I will work out and feel good about myself. I will have more units than needed in PE : )

I didn't buy clothes because yes the kids came first and I thought the same as you, what difference is one pair of jeans is going to make. Just recently I finally started buying myself new clothes, it has been so long and like you I didn't know how to shop for myself. But it started by one thing at a time. I'm not all the way happy with my wardrobe YET, but I'm getting there. I started with shoes. It was hard because I thought what clothes would I wear so I actually started with shoes I'd wear to church but can wear again when I have some nice jeans. I still wear sweats when I want to be comfortable, but made sure I have some nice tennis shoes that go with it. Sometimes it's the shoes that can make a difference in what you are already wearing. My next thing is getting jewelry. I don't know how to start there yet, I did buy a few bracelets and my daughters love them, so I hope that means I'm on the right track, I just forget to wear them sometimes, lol.

It's ok to start off little by little even if you don't wear them right away, you'll find more clothes out there and finally put them together. It is a process and won't happen over night. I want to stress that from the looks of your profile picture you are beautiful, and I believe that God made you beautiful inside as well. You just need to take that control of what it is you want to do and do it. I truly recommend the Tae Bo dvds. I know it's good to get out and go to the gym, but I also know that it's hard with kids. Some people can do it with no problem, and for some the motivation is harder. I've done both, like I said, it's a roller coaster with me. The best time I like to work out is the mornings after I drop the kids off at school. When they were home, they did the work out with me for a few minutes then left me alone laughing. I would tell them not to interrupt me while I was working out and they were pretty good about that.

Good luck, be blessed and keep us posted. If you want to talk to someone message me.

I tend to have the same problem. When I got my xmas bonus, I told hubby after xmas we are all going shopping and he and I are getting at least 2 full outfits because we NEVER buy clothes for ourselves. Well, hubby got his and here it is 2 weeks after xmas and I just realized all the money is spent and I only bought myself one pair of pants! I just really enjoy buying for the family, but then never have anything to wear.

So, I went out shopping last weekend. Couldn't find anything I liked. I see women all the time dressed nice and when I got shopping thinking I'm going to get something nice like I see other women wearing, I can't find anything! Happened this weekend - four stores and only one pair of pants!

I truly like shopping at the thrift shop, especially for myself. That way, the clothes have been washed so you know they aren't going to shrink and they're going to fit you the same way after they've been washed as they did when I brought them home. If you take the time, you can find brand new things, with tags still on them! I don't buy used shoes, but with what you save on pants and tops, you could easily afford a nice pair of shoes.

So, if you have a GOOD thrift store in your area, start there. Also, it only takes about 5 minutes in the morning to apply a good foundation, some mascara and eyeliner. I bet you could find that five minutes if you really tried. And as for time to exercise, while your oldest is in school, you could take your little one to the park and literally run around with him/her for your workout. It doesn't have to be an exercise video or conventional exercises, just get out and move. Even a brisk walk is a great form of exercise and will help to tighted things up!

Most of all, please remember beauty is only skin deep and to your children, you are BEAUTIFUL!

Find a way to spend time with other adults. Book Club, Gym, walking group, yoga, volunteering, preferably live but even online is okay, just be really connected.
One of my favorite things is to think about if this is how you would want a paid sitter or child care provider to be feeling about herself while she is watching your children. You are their most important person and you want them to have a caregiver who is confident, positive, interesting, healthy, etc.
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You need to find the beauty within and not worry about superficial things. I know we as women always worry about our looks and we are our worst critics.

Looks at the positives..........you have a husband who obviously loves you, two beautiful children, your health...I could go on.

From personal experience I have always gone up and down in my weight, but even at my heaviest (with my second baby I swear after I had him me an Orca the whale looked like twins :)) I have always had this thin mind. Still do and my weight still fluctuates up and down. Right now I want to lose about 30-35 pound so I'm back on the wagon and believe I'm Italian and love food!!!

You need to stop being so h*** o* yourself and look at the positives in your life. Go out and buy some new clothes that fit....not stretch pants...ones that will make you feel good. Embrace yourself and if there are things you'd like to change about yourself then do it!!

Don't use excuses that you don't have time because you can make time. Take walks with your kids...maybe cut one thing out that you know is bad for you. Start small...not big and when you start to lose a pound or two feel good about that.

Life is too short too get down on yourself and feel bad all the time because believe it or not your kids are smart and they will feel it and you do not want them to carry out the negativity.

Don't go on a diet just try to eat a little better and like I said start with small things.

Good luck because you CAN do it...just get the mind set and you will be much happier and feel better.

You want to be healthy for the kids and not let anything happen to you!!

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You need to find the beauty within and not worry about superficial things. I know we as women always worry about our looks and we are our worst critics.

Looks at the positives..........you have a husband who obviously loves you, two beautiful children, your health...I could go on.

From personal experience I have always gone up and down in my weight, but even at my heaviest (with my second baby I swear after I had him me an Orca the whale looked like twins :)) I have always had this thin mind. Still do and my weight still fluctuates up and down. Right now I want to lose about 30-35 pound so I'm back on the wagon and believe I'm Italian and love food!!!

You need to stop being so h*** o* yourself and look at the positives in your life. Go out and buy some new clothes that fit....not stretch pants...ones that will make you feel good. Embrace yourself and if there are things you'd like to change about yourself then do it!!

Don't use excuses that you don't have time because you can make time. Take walks with your kids...maybe cut one thing out that you know is bad for you. Start small...not big and when you start to lose a pound or two feel good about that.

Life is too short too get down on yourself and feel bad all the time because believe it or not your kids are smart and they will feel it and you do not want them to carry out the negativity.

Don't go on a diet just try to eat a little better and like I said start with small things.

Good luck because you CAN do it...just get the mind set and you will be much happier and feel better.

You want to be healthy for the kids and not let anything happen to you!!