Starting Pre-School Do's & Don'ts for Parents

I've been a mom and preschool teacher a long time so here is my 2 cents.
2 1/2 is on the young side for preschool. Kids do better socially, emotionally and academically when they are an older 3, young 4. 2's aren't interested in playing with others-it's till all about me, what I want and who will give it to me or let me take it. =) At her age, she engages in Parallel play which is playing with her own toys next to a child playing with another set of toys. There is no cooperative or imaginative play between the two children. Little socialization actually takes place at this age.
Please be aware that biting is common between 2's as well as tons of germs since a lot of mouth sensory exploration is done, so she could get sick a lot.
That said, the behavior you are describing is completley appropriate for her situation. The first day of school, the children do not have a full understanding of what is happening. They think it is play time and when they are done in a little bit, mom will be there to take them home. Then comes the realization of being left with strangers in a unfamiliar environment. Returning on subsequent days reminds her that she was left before she had to stay until you come to get her. Honestly, very frightening for a little one. How long does she attend. A couple hours or all day.
My best mommy advice is to keep her home with you longer. She has a long school life ahead of her. It isn't necessary to send her to preschool now. You are your child's first and best teacher. There is so much to be done at home learning wise and so much more gained from family playgroups.
Should you choose to keep her in preschool, my best teacher advice is to give her a kiss/hug good-bye, tell her you are leaving and when you will return (after lunch, nap, etc.). Keeping it quick is best, no matter how much she cries. The more you stay when she cries, the more she will cry. Do not ever leave by sneaking out. This causes fear and mistrust.
Working in preschools, I used to think it was best for kids. But now that I'm a mom and see more and more kids left to teachers, I realize what I missed out on with my own kids even when I was "just down the hall from their classroom." I wish so much that I didn't miss out on so many things.

Hi D.,

This is definitely a huge transition and will take some time. I'm sure on your daughter's first day, she saw all the cool new toys to play with, a new and fun environment. She was fine until she realized that umm, where's mommy and when is she coming back?!

It is totally normal for her to be crying and clinging when you drop her off - and to continue through the day. My daughter did this as well and it lasted 3 weeks before suddenly she didn't even need me to walk her to class anymore. It broke my heart to see her in hysterics when I dropped her off. Sometimes when we would pick her up in those first few weeks, she would be sitting against the wall away from the other children, kind of whining to herself. But once she broke out of the transition period, she had no problems making friends and joining all the activities.

Especially if you have been a SAHM with her, all she knows is Mommy. And now she won't have 100% attention being given to her, she will have to share that attention with all the other kids in the class. So this will be something new she has to get used to.

Hang in there! I know it's heart wrenching but it will pass. And just because she is having a difficult time right now does not mean she isn't ready to move on to the pre-school environment. It's just a big change she needs to get used to that won't happen in one day or over night.

Good luck!

-Char

Just sharing my experience...

My son (3 in July) started preschool in January a 2 day per week program that it took us two months to completely adjust with. He wouldn't cry but would be clingy (on and off) and it would take him about ten minutes to really have fun with the kids...but, now is a totally different story!

He loves going to school to see the 'guys' and comes home with stories about the day. What my son's teacher suggested was saying goodbye outside the classroom, right before you go in and then tell my son 'go have fun and I'll be at work'. She gave us a little speech to say over and over again in the morning before school. 'It makes Mommy so happy you get to go have fun while I go to work' or something like that. Even if you are a SAHM, you could come up with some kind of mantra you repeat, so she knows that if you aren't with her you aren't sad about it and it's okay for her to have fun without Mommy.

Since, I'm not the one who picks my son up from school I make sure to set aside time at dinner to talk about my son's day. We look at his artwork and talk about the notes from the teacher. This gives him a chance to share with me about his day and I think gives him some pride and lets him look forward to the next time at school.

Also, make sure you make your peace with her going. If she at all feels the slightest inkling that Mommy is concerned or worried, then this will play into how she feels about school. Like my Mom said kiddos are like radar for our emotions and they mirror that in their own way. Just be happy for and with her about the process.

IF you really feel like this might not be the time, then it's okay to take her out and try again after she turns 3 or 3.5...no biggie.

My Godson didn't start preschool until he was closer to 4 and had playmates that he started school with from playgroups and family friends.

Whatever you choose don't stress! It will be okay, just make the best choice based on your gut and follow your heart.

I know you will get lots of advise about how it's just part of life she will get over it but I would ask does she HAVE to be in school? She is still young and some kids are not ready to be in a school enviroment this young. Do you have the option to keep her in a home enviroment still that seems to fit her better. Most kids do well with any change for a day or two its new & exciting but once they realize it's an everyday thing they fight it. I have 3 kids of my own I take care of one child and have a Foster Kid right now too. I teach Sunday school & work for Mop's so I have a lot of experience with kids some are perfectly fine no matter where or who you leave them with others are misserable the whole time they are left. I would give it another week and if she still cries find another alternitive. She will only be a child once she will go to school soon enough. At this age you can teach her so much at home if you are worried about her learning. Hope this helps. Good luck I know leaving a crying baby is the hardest thing we mom's have to do. No one can take the place of mom but some can do a better job at filling in when neccessary.

As a first grade teacher and once a kindergarten aide, I agree you should drop her off and leave right away. It's a harder transition when you stay and then leave at an unusual time. I have had some good experience in this and it works best. As long as you trust the school your daughter is attending, you can be confident they will take good care of her. The little ones usually move on within a few minutes of the parent leaving. :o) Good luck!

maybe shes not totally ready for this transition. i agree with the mom who said to exit quickly. it does make it worse when you stay longer because it enables their behavior. what i would tell her is that its time for school and that when its over ill be waiting for you right outside that door. i agree it does take a couple weeks for them to fully adjust. if after a months shes still having these separation issues then maybe you should wait till these 3 to start pre school.