Should I Contact His Mother? I'm Due Any Day Now...

Honey, he left. He doesn't want you or the baby. He specifically said he doesn't want you to do child support. He just wants to be done with you so he can get on with his life.

You need to do what's best for you and the baby. Wake up! You voluntarily left 2 jobs while you were pregnant? You should be embarrassed! This economy is hard and you've had 5 jobs recently. I can't imagine deciding that I'm going to be unemployed and live off of state assistance while I have a baby. Those programs are good, and there for people who need them, not people who decide they'd rather do that than work.

You need to get an attorney and make this guy pay child support. I don't care if he tells you he'll be with you if you don't, men lie all the time to get out of child support. You need to grow up now and think about what's best for the baby, not what you want.

I think you should send her a letter with all the details of how to contact you, should she want to, and then let it go. She will be caught between her son and her grandchild, so do not alienate her with accusations toward her son. Just state facts, invite her participation, and then move on. Once she meets you and her grandchild, she'll understand how it is with her son without a single negative word from you.

I know a couple that is looking to adopt. If you want to consider adoption, they would be great.

Being a single mom is tough. I was one, but we were together for 7 years before we split. I can't imagine what you are going thru since he abandoned you and the baby.

If my son did this, I would want to know. So my vote is to contact her BUT don't have any expectations that she is any better than her son.

Please PM me if you will consider adoption. AND STOP sending him money!!!!!!

Court, paternity test, child support. You are going to be doing this all on your own so stop looking to him to step up. He left because he doesn't want this. If you do then you need to stop holding onto the dream that he's magically going to be a great father once your baby is born.

I wouldn't have contact with his family until after paternity is established. They may be verbally abusive stating that you did this to trap him or question whether it is his child.

your only issue is that you haven't met his mother?
really?
seems to me that's the least of your problems.
no, don't contact his mother. his mother is none of your business. the ONLY issue you have right now is delivering a healthy baby, and what to do next.
you really need to let the loser go. he's not interested in you or the baby. stop sending him money. he's going to have to be 'on child support' as he puts it whether he likes it or not. but don't think for a second that's going to endear you to him.
5 jobs in 6 months indicates someone who doesn't know how to commit to things she doesn't like. i seriously doubt that 3 out of the 5 decided to break the law and fire you for being pregnant. yeah, you're now entitled to 'apply for everything for free' and yeah, that's embarrassing and hard, but that's what happens when you don't use birth control and don't want to work.
get your head on right, girlie. you're about to become a parent, and unless you're planning on giving this child up for adoption (which would be a great thing to think about if you really have the welfare of your baby at heart) you're going to have to start taking responsibility for your own actions.
khairete
S.

Welcome to mamapedia!!!

Brooky, I'm going to talk to you like you were my own daughter. It may sound harsh, but this is the reality and you need a wake up call.

I'm sorry you got suckered. Hopefully, you will not be fooled again. He used you. You fell for it. Next time you won't be taken in so easily. And birth control.

Don't forget birth control. You are NOT ready for a child. Birth control. Or don't have sex. I know plenty will chastise over that, but it's true. If you aren't adult enough to handle the consequences ON YOUR OWN - either do what is needed to prevent it or don't have sex.

No job can fire you because you're pregnant. You can sue. Although I'm not a big advocate of suing. So be ABSOLUTELY positive they fired you for pregnancy and not because you were out sick too much, etc.

Go back to school. Get your education.

DO NOT contact his mother. She doesn't know you. She probably doesn't even know you're pregnant.

Please know he does NOT love you. He does NOT want a relationship with you. If you keep trying to contact him? He might be able to get a restraining order on you and stalking charges.

You shouldn't wait to find out what you are going to do. Make a decision now. Keep the baby or put him/her up for adoption.

So what do you do? You have the baby and make a decision - keep the baby or put him/her up for adoption. If you cannot afford the baby, there are MANY people out there who would LOVE to adopt your baby and give him/her everything you cannot.

If you decide to keep the baby? You need to get a lawyer. Get a paternity test to prove he's the father. And sue for child support. Continue to go to school and get your education.

Bottom line? DO NOT contact his mother. What do you want from her? You want her to know she has a grandchild? WHY? Seriously. Her son doesn't care about you. He's LEFT YOU. HE MOVED OUT OF THE STATE. So you would be blindsiding her. Do you think she's going to tell her son to man-up? Do you think she's going to run to your rescue? Sorry. But I highly doubt that. She will most likely wonder what you want from her.

Where are YOUR parents in all of this? Are they not supporting you?

I'm sorry. I'm NOT trying to be mean. This is a dose of reality. Please don't pine for this dude anymore. Do NOT contact his mother. Make a decision on what you are going to do and do it.

Please consider adoption. Please.

You clearly have 'more issues at this point' than not having met his mother.

Your emotions are all over the place, which is normal. Do not go down this road alone and unsupported and abandoned. Either move back in with family or please, please adopt your precious bundle to a stable home.

I'll start from the bottom of your post and work my way up.

NO. You are NOT right to contact his mother. It would be TOTALLY disrespectful of you to contact her. She doesn't know you. Her son probably didn't say a WORD about you to her.

What do you want from her? I know if any of my 4 boys did this, I would be embarrassed. However, I would NOT force my son to do anything. And it sounds like, with all the drama you are making in this mess, you want something from her. I don't sense innocence here. I sense you expect her to DO something.

He does NOT want a family with you. He left the state. That's a HUGE hint.

Why aren't your parents helping you? You talk about your dad here, but don't state what they are doing to help you.

Stop trying to contact him. He has blocked you on facebook. He does NOT want you in his life. That's another hint. You're not taking his hints. Like others have said, you were used. Plain and simple. He schmoozed you, you fell hook, line and sinker.

You do not have to be a statistic. You have options. Stop making this about you right now and focus on your baby. Are you going to keep the baby or give it up for adoption? I know PLENTY of people who would LOVE to adopt your baby.

Stop contacting this guy. He's NOT a man. He used you. Plain and simple. He took advantage of you. I hope you will be wiser in the future. I TOTALLY agree with using birth control or abstinence until you can afford to take care of a child on your own.

If you want to keep the baby? You will need a lawyer and a paternity test. If you can't afford the baby now? I would strongly consider adoption. It doesn't make you a bad person. Adoption is the ULTIMATE gift of love. This baby does NOT deserve this drama.

You have no relationship with this guy. Please understand that. You were sex and that's all. Please stop thinking or believing you have any sort of relationship, family, love or anything with him. You do NOT.

Please consider adoption.

Don't drag his mother into this.
It's apparent from your description of the relationship that you thought you had a committed thing, and he thought he had a steady booty call. When you upped the ante, he folded and bailed.
He obviously has no interest in being any kind of father to your child. If I were in your shoes, I would cut all ties with him.
Block him on Facebook. No news about the baby, not even a birth announcement to him. Don't put his name on the birth certificate. If you are going to have to apply for public assistance to support the baby, the state will sue him for child support on your behalf and have it garnished from his wages if he doesn't pay. (My state does this; I would assume that others do).

At this point, you need to concentrate on this baby.
Avoid drama, do not look for drama, do not cause drama, keep it away from your child.

Children need stability. They need to be surrounded by people that are calm, make good choices and keep the child safe.

Maybe speak with an attorney about putting this mans name of the Birth certificate.

This man has told you. He does not want anything to do with this child.
IF he changes his mind, it will not be because of you, his mother anyone but himself, so leave him alone. He blocked you. That means he does not want you in his life. That means leave him and all of his people alone. IF he changes his mind then you will be able to decide how you want to handle that.

As a mother you need to put this baby first. That means you will not want people around this child that do not have a positive influence on this child. This man, even though he is a biological father is not a real father or in my opinion a real man. He is a selfish person.

Mom grow up and face the truth. This is YOUR baby If you cannot take care of this child, what are your options? Write them down make some choices and then make a plan,.

If you can take care of this baby, same thing as above,Write them down make some choices and then make a plan.

Stay strong.

You are a little younger than my daughter. I'm so sorry you are going through this. I can only imagine how difficult it has been.

Sweetie its time to face reality regarding this relationship. There is NO relationship. He left two weeks after you told him you were expecting. He ran for the hills. He then said "I'll give up my rights". I don't know any different way to say this but he is not coming back.

So, do you contact his Mom? What do you want from his Mom, really? You want something, what is it? Do you want her to get her son to marry you? Do right by you and the baby? I have a son who is 21, if I received this type of phone call, I would contact my son, I would want him to do what is right, BUT I can't force him to and neither can his Mother.

If you were my daughter, I would ask her "what do you want for you and for the baby"? "Is this the life you always dreamed of for your child"? If not, adoption would be a good solution. I would help my daughter BUT I would not take the responsibility of the baby because it is NOT my responsibility.

If you want to keep the baby, then, I would most definitely get paternity established and file child support. NOW, be ready for him to come after you. Try and intimidate you and threaten you. Just be ready for that. Be strong.

If you were fired for being pregnant, that is against the law. No employee can terminate an employee for being pregnant. Now, they can for attendance and job performance.

Good luck sweetie. Know that you deserve to be treated with love and respect. You have received neither from this dipshit.

ETA: I dated a guy once and he and his dad had a fallout. While he was out of the house, he got a girl pregnant. I was not living near him at the time and it turned that household upside down. The guy married the girl and then had a second son with her. He contacted me about two year later telling me he was free. I asked him of what and he told me he was divorced. At that time there was no love lost as I had gotten over him and let him have it with both barrels. I told him that many people who carried for him had suggested that he acknowledge the child and pay child support and move on. No he decided to marry her and it was hell as her family did not want anything to do with him and were very harmful to him. They did more harm to him than I would have and he wound up in hospital to recover. I don't know where is to this day and don't care. I got over him and moved on and married a few wonderful man.
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Original: Let's just say that you do get to connect with the mom, you don't know how she is going to take the news.

My son informed me that I was going to be a grandmother 2/3 of the way through the project. I told him that he was the one that would have to tell his father because I would not pass on the news and handed the phone over to his dad. They talked and then he called me back. I said to my son, "What did I always say?" He replied, "If I play, I will pay." It took me a good month to get my head around the fact that I was going to be a grandparent and how the circumstances around it happened. It was back when they found out that anti-biotics and birth control did not work very well and surprise, surprise, surprise!

While they were pregnant, I did contact the birth mom's dad and speak with him. He was surprised that some from the father's side actually called and spoke with him as he thought that we were not wanting anything to do with the situation. He is a good man and I have much respect for him. I earned a deeper respect from him when his mother passed and I went to the funeral to pay respects as an in-law so to speak. I didn't have to but I did. My plan was to go to Arizona for a friend's surgery until I got the news about the death and I drove to son's apartment after work and got there at one in the morning.

So he did just that he got out of the military and stayed in the area and has supported this child for the last 16 years of his life. He could have stayed in but he felt it was wiser for him to get out as he was a military brat and dad being gone and such. It was rough in the beginning and they did not marry but lived together long enough in Colorado that they had to file for divorce a state thing. There have been times that I know having a child before a person is ready changes how they go about doing things and setting goals in their lives but they usually make it work.

But that is the difference he wanted this child in his life. He could have walked away but he didn't. I have much respect for someone doing what he did. He now has a family and a real wife and they are planning on a child or two of their own.

Not knowing about the birth, I had made a quilt learning how to do a pattern and said to myself that when my son had a child I would give him the quilt so baby got that quilt. I found out what brand of formula was being used and bought a case of it and a couple cases of diapers in differ sizes for the great visit of meeting baby. I do not know where it or any of the other things I made are that were given to the mother.

I have very limited contact with the birth mother and when I am in town, Colorado Springs, and she is at a baseball or football game, we speak. I know more about her sisters than her due to FB. We are fine with that as mom is another story.

So this is to give you an idea of the other side of wanting to have mom involved. The mom may or may not come around on her part.

It is up to you as the mother to do what is best for your child. You are the one that has to make the decisions for this child. The father is not going to do anything that he does not want or have to and he has tried to make that perfectly clear short of telling you in language that is very colorful and rude. But you can apply for assistance and they can go after him like it or not.

Now, please pick up your marbles, put them in a box, get yourself a crib or a dresser drawer, find a few clothes and get ready to have a baby. Find a friend that is willing to be by your side while you give birth and do it. No need to worry anymore about "Teddy" not being here as "Teddy" is not going to be there for this. Time to take off the ivory colored glasses and move on. Make a plan and work it.

the other S.

PS Mother to an adopted child, my son.

No, leave her out of it. It's his job to inform his family that he is a father, or not.

I've been in your shoes. You really are better off without him, and you and your baby will be just fine. You have saved yourself a lot of unnecessary drama by having someone this irresponsible and immature take off before the baby arrives. You don't need him in and out of your life, and in and out of your baby's life.

Of course you're going to go after him for child support, there's no question about that. It's required if you are going to receive benefits. The state won't support you financially without getting some money back from the father of the child. So make sure that you can locate him and have a legal address for him. If he suddenly become unfindable, that's when you contact his family. He can't give up his rights unless you agree to it, so you go right ahead and work with your state to get a support order in place after the baby is born.

Honestly a guy who is a loser like this probably comes from a whole family full of losers so even if they eventually do know, don't expect much from them. If they're nice people and want to be family to your child then great, but don't count on it. My son's father's family knows about my son (and I had met them many times as I had dated my son's father for more than 2 years before becoming pregnant) and his sister actually lives in the same town and me and not once in 16 years has even one of them reached out to ask about their grandson/nephew. Their loss.

My son's father left when I was pregnant and I was also 22. I did get a child support order but it's been unenforceable because he hasn't been located. I hear from him every now and again and he even is on FB but he doesn't stay anywhere long enough for them to send him mail, garnish his pay or drag him to court. It's frustrating but at the end of the day, it's his loss.

Really, leave his mother out of this and focus on moving forward with the support of your own family. I wish you the best in this. It's scary and lonely but you will be just fine.

Having a baby should be a joyous occasion and nothing looks like joy in your life right now. Your ex boyfriend doesn't want to be involved with you or the baby- you are abandoned. You can't support yourself, much less a needy baby. Unless your parents are willing to step up and help you raise this child, you would be better off giving the child up for adoption to a family that can provide a loving home. Then you would be free to get an education and start over again. Please consider the welfare of your child.

Of course you can contact her on your own. And of course, she may not believe you.

Do you really want to keep the baby? There are married couples who would give anything to have a child. Giving the baby up for adoption is a very kind thing to do for a child who can have a two parent family. You can have a baby later after you've finished your degree and meet a man who actually loves you enough to marry you. There is no shame in this.

The jerk has told you not to put him down for child support. This is serious. He is basically telling you that you will have to hire a lawyer and fight for it. Instead, hire an adoption lawyer and find out exactly what you can do in regards to this baby. Do it now before you go into labor so that you know what to do about the birth certificate.

Stop calling this man and offering him the moon to do the right thing. Instead, let the lawyer contact him.

I agree that if you contact his Mother it should be through phone or snail mail - I would opt for a well worded, thoughtful, yet concise, letter. Keep it simple, just the facts that you are having her son's child and wanted her to know that she will have a grandchild.

As for the rest, my unsolicited advice is to put his name on the birth certificate - BUT give YOUR child your last name. (that is what I did 18 year ago). It is horribly confusing to name child after a man who will not be a presence in his/her life. Better to share your last name with your child - bond the two of you together. My son, now 18, has thanked me for giving him my last name instead of his father's.

Do go after him for child support - he helped make this child and he needs to, at the very least, help support this child. If you are receiving government assistance they may be able to help you with this.

Do, please realize, that he his not coming back and you are not going to have the cute little family that you thought you would have. Brooky, this is a hard thing to let go of, especially at this life changing time - but it will help you.

Focus on yourself and your child - get back into school and finish your degree - build a strong support circle of loving family and friends - and
BELIEVE IN YOURSELF. You can do this.

Hugs

He's gone. He's not coming back to play house. And, even if he changed his mind, do you want him back? He seems like a liar and coward.

You did not state any of your feelings about the baby, except that you'll be a 'text book statistic single mother'. Have you considered adoption? Honestly, it sounds like you can barely take care of yourself.

If you contact his mom, please don't expect her to run over with a baby gift.

How supportive is your family?

FYI--It is against the law for a person to fire you because you are pregnant. If 3 jobs did that, you need to contact an attorney.

I am sorry that you are in this position. I do not dare suggest that you put your child up for adoption simply because of a post that you placed on an online forum. Many before you have taken care of a child with less and I have no doubt that you will rise to the occasion and do the best that you can.
Should you contact his mom? No. having been in your position, I look back and can honestly say that when I contacted his mom, it was to "tell" on him. It was my last ditch effort in the hopes that perhaps his family could "make" him do the right thing.
It is time for the reality check. He is gone. He does not want to be in your life. You have done everything you could to make it easy to be with you including offering to make a home for the 3 of you. If money and distance were the only challenge, then he would be with you know. If you can't pay a guy to be by your side, then it is clear that he doesn't want to be.
I know this is harsh and it is not meant to be mean spirited or to make you feel bad. Please resign yourself to preparing for the birth of your child. Do not let this guy sour what will be a beautiful and life changing experience for you.
Good luck and many blessings for you and your baby!

Get a lawyer. Find out what you need to do to prove paternity.

He doesn't sound like a man that wants to be a father.... he is choosing the "easy" way out.

Or..... talk to an adoption lawyer. Think about what is best for your child. There are plenty of committed couples that would love to adopt your baby! (No, you aren't bad for giving up your child for adoption..... think of what is best for your baby!)

If my son did this to a girl I would be very disappointed in him. Does his mom even know you are pregnant with his child her grandchild? If this were my grandchild I would want to know. And I would expect my son to step up and pay child support and be a part of his child's life -- in other words I would expect my son to grow up and be a parent.
He can say anything he wants to say about not paying child support. Laws differ in each state. In Wisconsin he pays child support and can't sign off unless the mom decides to marry and her husband wants to adopt the child. The child support is deducted from his paycheck or unemployment before he sees the money.

You need to talk to the child support agency for your county. They will probably require a DNA test to prove paternity.

No, his mother is HIS MOTHER. Not yours. She doesn't need (or want) to be in the middle of this drama.

The man clearly doesn't want to "be" with you. He fled to another state. It's pretty clear-cut. Just name him on the birth certificate and file for child support.

The mistake so many women make is expecting the father to "be there", whether it be financially, emotionally, or just physically. But it's the 21st century now. WE can take care of ourselves.

Good luck. And please stop obsessing over this. You have a human being counting on you now. That's a million times more important than anything the father is or was doing.

He's not into having a family with you.
He had sex with you but for him it wasn't a relationship.
Why would he introduce you to his mother?
He doesn't consider you someone he would marry.
He doesn't expect his mother will want to grandparent this child.
You're just his babys mama and he's not going to be a Daddy to your child.
Whether he likes it or not, he has to help pay for the baby he fathered.
Get a paternity test soon as he/she is born.
Do not contact his family at all.
They'll just see you as someone with your hand out looking for money or baby sitting.

I agree you should seriously consider adoption. I have friends that have an open adoption and their daughter still sees her birth mom once or twice per year.

Re: your ex boyfriends mother... I would feel no obligation to tell her since you have not even met her. Your ex-boyfriend clearly wants nothing to do with you or the baby. Why are you clinging on?

I am sorry to hear that you are going through this alone. I honestly disagree with a lot of the posts. The grandmother is not her son and she does have a right to be a grandma regardless of her son's decisions.

You can write her a letter as one poster suggested. True, her son may have made some undesirable choices, but if his mom would like to be an involved grandmother, then she should at least be able to decide that for herself. It is not up to her son to decide that for her. Just be sure that THIS is the only reason you are doing it and please prepare yourself that sadly, there is a chance you may be rejected again. If she does want to be involved, then she may be able to offer some moral support, help watch the baby (though I would not ask, certainly not right away) and offering another supportive adult in this child's life. But again, please be sure that you are doing it for the right reason. If you ask for money or use her to get to her son, then that would be wrong, and will likely hurt you and your child more in the end. If she doesn't want to be involved at this point, I would also leave it as an open invitation, letting her know that she can be involved in her grandchild's life at a later time. Try to understand too that you will be blindsiding her, so her first reaction may be a negative one. And be clear that you are not asking for her to get involved in the situation between you and her son, but offering her the opportunity to be involved with her grandchild.

Good luck to you. I will say a prayer for you.

I'd give her a call. But be gentle. Not that you have to apologize since it's not your fault the father didn't introduce you, but you could say something like, "I'm sorry for the circumstances under which I'm calling, but I wanted you to know I'm having a baby at the end of this month. Although your son isn't interested in a relationship with his child, I'd hate for that to mean you don't have a relationship with your grandchild if you're interested." You could offer to meet somewhere ahead of time, and then offer to call when you have the baby so she can meet her grandchild.

Also, sue him for child support. What he wants is completely unimportant; the child you two created has the right to some kind of financial support. If he wants to give up his rights, then let the judge decide how far that goes. You can contact your county's child support prosecutor's office for more information. Consent from the father is not required to obtain child support. Good luck!

The baby is entitled to at least financial support from both parents. He (the father) does not have the RIGHT to give up his RESPONSIBILITY.

I am guessing he is scare and does not know what else to do other than run. I can see your dream of having his parents accept their future grandchild. I have seen the paternal grandparents in cases like this act worse than the scare father.

I do agree with Southern Yankee. Adoption is a wonderful option. You can pick the type of parents you want to raise the baby you are giving birth to. It is one of the most selfless acts a mother can do; give a wonder opportunity for their baby that the mother can not currently provide. Too many think 'I got myself into this mess, I will take on the child." This attitude is not fair to the child.

Can u ask him to tell her? Yes, be in touch but by phone then meet in person. Not email, FB, text. A good relationship w her ( if possible), would be good for you and baby. GL. Agree w previous posters, please go to school and find a profession, not a low wage job.

I'm sorry, but you have much bigger issues than not having met his mom. I'm not sure what you are hoping to gain by contacting his mom. Your baby's father is not ready or willing to commit to a relationship with you or your unborn child. He's not going to change, so you need to redirect your thinking to what is best for you and your baby. And how can you offer to help him find a job, when you don't have one? That seems a little ridiculous. His livelihood is not more important than yours. Be strong and just accept that he has moved on. It's hard, but it is reality. Good luck.

Don't contact his mother, he is not 16 years old. File for child support and ask him to sign over his parental rights. Will you parents help you?

He doesn't seem interested in you or your baby so why drag his mother into this? It'll just complicate things more.

Also, seek legal counsel ASAP -- a family law attorney in your state (you should look up legal aids that provide free services to those with low income). Keep in mind that because you are receiving government benefits, the state will go after him for child support whether you like it or not. In many states, child support and child custody are intertwined -- the more visits he has with the baby, the less he pays in child support. Thus, if the state seeks child support from him, he may request more visitation rights just so he can reduce the support amount (not because he actually wants to see his child).

What would be the purpose of contacting his family? He appears that he doesn't want to be a Dad, so you need to consider your legal options. (have him give up his rights or go after him for support). If you contact his family, you could be making the situation even more complicated.

You need to decide one of two things:

1) Do you force him to be a part of your child's and your life? Do you want years and years of misery for a few dollars a month (if he will even give it to you).

2) Or do you want to let him give up the rights and do it on your own. It will be hard, but you can do it if you want it bad enough.

Make your decision and do it ASAP. No one can make this decision but you. Then stick to it.

Good luck!

Brooky, you've been had.

I'm sorry to say this, but here is what the father of your child is telling you: "I used you for a while, but I don't want you, I don't want this baby, I don't want to have to do anything for you, and I want to pretend you don't exist. So please disappear from the face of the earth and let me go on pretending."

If that makes you a textbook statistic single mother, you have lots of company.

To answer your main question, I would not contact his mother if I were you. She might know already, or she might not. But she needs to find out in a different way than from the woman her son has abandoned. At the best, she will feel quite conflicted and may take out her feelings on you.

The person you need to contact right away is a lawyer. The man has obligations whether he wants them or not. It's not being mean-spirited to contact an attorney who can help you with this side of things.

You will need other help, too. You don't mention anything about your own family, so I won't go there. However, even though you're almost due, please contact your nearest pro-life pregnancy center and see if they can give you the direction you need right now, not to mention some personal support.

I am a mother and have two sons who are old enough to father children.If you were a girl and that happened with one of my sons, well, I would want to know and not be robbed of my grandparent rights. Tell her what you told us and that you do not want anything from her. Just let her know that a child could grow up with love and support and if the father isn't able now, he may be able to handle it some other day. In the meantime be tracking down assistance.He helped create this child and he can certainly help feed and clothe it. I don't care if he has too many other issues, that's just too bad. He needs to step up to the plate and take care of his responsibilities.

It would be fine to contact her on your own. But what are your expectations with that? are you hoping she will ground him and make him come home? are you hoping she/they will help out financially? this guy sounds like a looser. that got you pregnant and as soon as he found out he hit the road. his comment about not putting him on child support shows that. You might as well figure your in this alone. You should if you intend to keep this baby forget this guy except to file for child support. the next few years are going to be hard. no way around it. have you considered giving the baby up for adoption? you won't become a statistic you already are one.