Should a 3 Yr Old Be Able to Follow Multiple Directions with Minimal Guidance?

Updated on April 21, 2016
A.C. asks from Lebanon, OR
15 answers

My just turned 3 yr old daughter started gymnastics class for the first time yesterday. I was under the impression it was an easy going and fun class geared towards the mental capacity and physical abilities of 3 and 4 yr olds. When we got there they had started a few minutes early. The teacher was clearly annoyed, even though I had asked beforehand what time we needed to be there. Strike 1 against us. My little one has never been in a gym like that, so naturally she looked around while sitting down with the other students, and the teacher corrected her for that, which, I understand, kind of. Then they broke into 2 groups and the one teacher for the other group was amazing! She was so patient and kind with the kids, gently correcting the kids and making it really fun. The other teacher was very militant and more suitable for older kids. She clearly had favorites that did whatever they wanted and my daughter was not one of them. Now, I understand that having 6+ little ones to watch all at the same time is a daunting task. I know I had a hard time when I taught group swim lessons with 3 yr olds. I get it! What I don't get is over correcting a child that just started the class; who you did not even introduce yourself to or to the class. Then, you expect her to jump on a trampoline, crawl through a tiny rope course, do a "cartwheel" over a foam block, do a backwards summersault, and then line up to do it all over again. Is this unrealistic for a 3 yr old the first time out the gate or am I being unrealistic? I am willing to admit it if I am. At the end the teachers came over and the amazing teacher said not bad for the first time, whereas the other one said that she was basically on a trial period and if she did not listen better, we should wait until she can. Now, in my daughter's defense she never ran away or left the group and if she did not understand she would ask the teacher what to do or just wait for the teacher. I thought, considering that was her first time in that situation she did well. My husband and I walked away very confused to say the least. We even read the class description again to make sure we did not sign her up for the wrong thing. I would love advice from other gymnastic mom's. Is it us? Is this how classes are for this age group? I full heartedly agree that my 3 yr old should listen and do as she is asked, yet there was no room for error, even on the first day. Now, if she does this a couple classes in a row, then yes, it is an issue we will definitely work on. But the first class? Any advice would be greatly appreciated! Thank you so much.

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So What Happened?

We stuck with the class up until last week-- then she decided she did not want to do gymnastics anymore. Honestly, I feel as though it was at too late of a time. For all of those who have a 3 year old, you know what I am referring to. They switch off and go on auto pilot. I noticed it was a common theme in that class-- which only made for chaos. The teacher was just starting to soften, also. We will see how the swim class goes.

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D.K.

answers from Pittsburgh on

Sounds crazy to me. I would not go back and I would ask for a refund. What 3 year old can do a backwards somersault?

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H.W.

answers from Portland on

Dump the class.

I used to teach preschool and would never expect from a three year old what they are expecting. It should be just part of the program that new little ones may come in and be hesitant to jump into the group activity, so you provide a safe place for them to sit and watch.
Even with my kiddos, if they came into preschool that morning and didn't want to come to morning gathering, I had a few other areas where they could either sit and listen or quietly do something else. This is in accordance with the NAEYC developmentally appropriate practice. It worked beautifully.

My advice would be to get a refund. From what you describe, this isn't going to be a friendly or fun first experience with gymnastics or with teachers. I strongly believe that kids this age don't 'need' any sort of classes, per se, just fun experiences being out and about with mom and dad or another trusted adult. You might look to see if you can find a gentle tumbling sort of class through your parks and rec agency. It sounds like this teacher is very inflexible, so go with your gut. Personally, if someone started a program or class early and decided I was at fault for not reading their mind, I would be very, very wary of them having time to influence my kid. My son had a lousy soccer coach when he was 6 and boy, it turned him off of sports and those sorts of camps for a long, long time.

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A.L.

answers from Atlanta on

I have no experience with gymnastics classes, so I can't give you any feedback on whether this approach is typical. I can tell that YOU are not comfortable with the teacher because her approach seems like a bad mismatch with your goals, and that's the only thing which matters. If there is a way to ensure your daughter would only work with the other instructor, it might be feasible, but that setup seems unlikely. Nervy Girl's suggestion seems right on target--find another place or activity where she can play around with tumbling and have fun with it, not being pressured.

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D.B.

answers from Boston on

It's not you. It's the gym, which hired a teacher incapable of understanding 3 year olds. She is in the class to learn how to do the things you list (listen, work in a group, focus on a teacher), not because she already should know them. This is ridiculous. Get your money back or have them get another teacher. She's BARELY ready for a "class" at 3 anyway, but certainly nowhere near ready for this one.

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J.C.

answers from Philadelphia on

Wow...I would not go back there. I think the teacher's expectations were totally unrealistic for 3 year olds. Just being in a class setting is new to your daughter and most 3 year olds. I would not want that kind of pressure on my child.

When my daughter was 5 yo and in kindergarten she took a gymnastics class. My daughter had absoultely no aptitude for gymnastics despite loving it. Any way on the first day of class my daughter apparently told the teacher her name was Elizabeth which is her middle name. The teacher kept calling for Elizabeth and my daughter was not responding. I kept thinking...I wonder which one is Elizabeth...she must have some issues not to be able to follow directions or respond when her name was called...nope...no issues...my daughter just forgot she told the teacher her name was Elizabeth. Kids are funny! In any event, we just did one session and moved on to other activities better suited for my daughter's skills and talents.

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E.L.

answers from Orlando on

Not all gyms are created equal. Not all teachers/coaches are equal. This coach is not the right coach for your child. In my experience, 99% do not know how to make the experience fun, while teaching solid fundamentals. Coaching is one thing, and she may excel at that (perhaps) but it is quite another to bring out the best in a young child.
I would suggest trying a different gym, or (if you wanted) speaking with the gym owner or manager to see if your child could be coached by the other coach and trying again.
Another thing I would suggest for next time is arriving 15-30 minutes early so that your daughter can have time to acclimate to her surroundings before having to start class. My son always needed a while to do that first.
Best of luck!

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N.B.

answers from Oklahoma City on

I work in a gym pnastics/tumbling/cheer/dance studio and I can tell you right now that you are completely correct.

Our little ones do large muscle group activities to warm up, like Walk Like A Bear, Hop Like A Frog, movement that is fun and enjoyable but gets them a little stretched out and their muscles ready to move.

This level class is NOT one where they're allowed to wander off and do nothing but they do get told to stay in line and other things. The GOAL is not for them to be little robots but to process the information.

Such as:

My teacher said for me to do something, I heard my teacher say my name so I knew she was talking to me, I heard her, I processed what she said, to the best of my ability I did what she asked. I have a foot and it goes somewhere, she said lift it up to the bar and she'll help me do something. So I lift my foot.

That's the things we want our kids to do.

Like in our dance class at this age, they might do the Hokey Pokey one evening. The GOAL is NOT to learn how to do the Hokey Pokey, it's to hear the teacher say something like I have a right hand, it does something, I'm supposed to put it somewhere and shake it.

They process the information and are creating wiring in their brain for future educational purposes. That's the goal. Not to have robots that perform on command. I don't like teachers like this and no other parents do either.

So, my suggest is this. Call the owner and let them know you would like a refund because you didn't understand that their teachers were harsh militant people who would constantly be telling your child to stand perfectly still. If they'd like to put your child in a different class that is for her age group then you'll consider letting her stay.

I think if they care about you as a customer they'll want to hear more and they'll talk to this teacher.

I would let the "other" teacher know that your child should be counted absent and that you'll be leaving with her the moment that the mean teacher puts her in her group again.

You have every right to request the other teacher. I hope this works out. Gymnastics is a wonderful way to exercise and a to build their muscles/skeleton/balance/and more.

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C.T.

answers from Santa Fe on

When my daughter was 3 (and again at age 4) she took a gymnastics class and it was very different. They did one thing at a time. They carefully explained the one thing...they showed them how physically...then they had the kids do it. They tried to make it fun for the little ones where they would pretend they were an animal or make it into a little game. I think your class has a grouchy teacher who is not understanding a 3 year old and is expecting too much on the first day. I'm sorry. The type of teacher or coach you get can make or break ANY sport or class. This the the case in public school too...some years you kid gets the awesome teacher, some years the blah teacher, some years the grouchy militant teacher. Ugh. My guess is that teacher is probably the one who teaches the older girls competitive gymnastics.

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B.C.

answers from Norfolk on

"Should a 3 yr old be able to follow multiple directions with minimal guidance?"
No way.
No 3 yr old I have ever known could do that.
This class has some VERY unrealistic expectations.
I'd drop them like a hot potato.

I know some people start their kids on activities this young but we didn't start our son in anything until he was in 2nd grade - and then he really loved taekwondo.
He's in 11th grade now, is a 4th Don Black belt and still loving it!

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A.V.

answers from Washington DC on

If this teacher isn't right for you, find out how to get in the other teacher's group or find a new gym. You want it to be a positive experience or it will waste everyone's time, especially at that age. If you have one person telling you not bad and the other saying your kid needs to shape up, then the teachers clearly don't have the same expectations for toddlers. We did dance in a class of 3, 4 and 5 yr olds and the 3s had the hardest time. It's just the age.

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T.D.

answers from Springfield on

i would speak to the director of the gym and find out why she expects 3 yr olds to behave like 6 yr olds. my 4 yr old would not do well with that teacher and i would not bring her back unless it was made clear that that woman was not allowed to speak to my child. the other teacher may but not miss"3 yr olds need to be soldiers in class"

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S.W.

answers from Amarillo on

Perhaps you can do a trial run with your daughter. Being this is the first time she has been in this type of setting she does not know what is expected of her.

I say this as my mom put me in ballet class around this time. One day I was home and the next I was in class with no warning just there. I went about a month. If she had said something to me before I went so that I was aware of it it might have done differently. I would have loved to have continued on as an older child.

Don't give up on it. She just might need a bit more time. Is there a tumbling class that she can take before the gymnastics series begins for a few months to get used to the setting and things. I would probably do that and then move on. Remember she is only three not 13.

the other S.

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T.H.

answers from Kansas City on

Go to a new gym. It's not worth the stress that harsh lady is going to cause you. Can 3 year olds follow multiple directions with minimal help, no...BUT they can learn a routine and do circuits. However, it was her first day and of course she didn't know what to do! That teacher was too harsh on her for sure. I will add though that pretty much all the gymnastic programs you put her in are going to look mostly like that. That being said, they should still be fun and have instructors who are patient and kind and fun!

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N.P.

answers from Chicago on

when my daughter was 18 months we started her at a gym place and it was so great, completely age appropriate, fun, exciting, just wonderfully patient teachers.... but at 27 months the teacher changed and all of a sudden she was being asked to do totally age inappropriate things, like waiting in a line of 4 people to have her turn, or being told to do 3 different things at once. I ended up quitting the class partly cause of that but also we were moving and I was pregnant so the combo of it all just made it not worth it any more.
I expect my 3 yr old daycare kids to do a few directions at once, if they saw another person do the course you described and were doing it after that person immediately then I would expect them to be able to do it with reminders the first time or two then on their own after that.
If she did what you said with not running away, asking for help or indicating she needed help then I think she was right on target for her age. You may want to see how the next class goes and if it's the same then request the other super nice teacher.

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M.G.

answers from Portland on

Ran into this exact same scenario with one of mine - but had just turned age 5.

The routine you describe was the exact same. And they repeated this routine every week until the end. Then all the kids except for a couple got a badge. I had no idea they were being judged. Mine was upset - and I had thought (similar to you) that it was all more for fun. Nope.

I'm not sure what I was expecting - for them to run around and have fun on mats and stuff I guess. When I was a gymnast coach helper years ago - that's what it was like. Tumble Tots we called it and it was all for fun - stretching and learning the very basics. Not drills.

So I can relate. My 5 year old fell behind very quickly and didn't like it. We stuck with it but when she was sick I was kind of relieved we could miss the odd class.

In sports nowadays they quickly tend to branch off into house/or rec leagues and into competitive leagues. So those early classes sometimes have these hot shot naturally athletic kids, and I found at our gym, they focused on them. Which I get - but it wasn't the right fit for us. So we didn't return.

Your 3 year old sounds like my 5 year old did, so I would think your 3 year was definitely age appropriate. Was her level mixed? Sometimes they do that and it's not really fair on the younger kids.

I should add, some kids loved it. And were able to keep up and did super well. So I'm not knocking it - it worked for some. Just not what I thought of as just for fun intro to gymnastics.

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