Sensitive Issue: Friend Wants an Abortion

I think you should remind her about all the families out there who can't have children, who would love to adopt a newborn. Also, most moms have severe post-partum depression from losing a baby (even if it was their choice).

Sweetie, I would explain to her that you love her, but you dont condone her decision and you cant be a party to it. Perhaps you can offer to take her to a crisis pregnancy center, so she can get better advice and better help. She may not change her mind, but at least you tried and didnt help her to do her abortion. here are a list of crisis pregnancy centers in oklahoma: http://www.lifecall.org/cpc/ok.html

She obviously knows how you feel, but she has asked for your help. Be the friend. Don't judge. Just be there for her.
I have a friend who asked me to take her to the clinic a long long time ago. I did. I have kept her secret for years and will continue to do so. She needed me. She trusted me. Would I do it again - you bet. It's not my choice and fortunately I never had to make that choice. It was not an easy choice for her nor is it for your friend.
Just be there for her.
She needs you. She trusts you.
LBC

She can adopt. She will probably get pregnant again. What then?
She needs to leave him.

I had a friend in college... that got pregnant by mistake. She is a nice girl, the guy was not. She was practically raped by her boyfriend. Long story short, she got an abortion. She was not pregnant that long...

I don't believe in controlling what she decided and went through in order to come to her decision. Nor, to impose my beliefs/opinions on her...
I accompanied her to the abortion. I took care of her after. She needed looking after. She had no one else. She felt less than human after that... she had a kind of emotional shock about what she went through. I felt sorry for her and very heavy hearted for her. Regardless of my own personal feelings on the subject... I DO NOT believe, that someone should be "abandoned" at times of extreme hardship or when in an emotional desert or near breakdown. I think that is cruel. She needed someone. She is human.... NO MATTER what. I would not beat her down any more than she had already been.

After that, she had a hard time facing me... or being with me as a friend. She felt humiliated, by what she went through. It was not a personal thing against me, but I saw her and was with her at the MOST gutter gut wrenching moment in her life... and seeing me reminded her of that. I understood perfectly. One day, a couple of years later... she called me. Just to say thank you... for treating her as a person and caring enough to accompany her to it. And not judging her or treating her like a monster.

that is my experience and my reasons. I still think of her... and hope she is alright... that it did not scar her life forever. She is a nice great girl... and I hope her life had a rainbow for her, still.

And yes, your friend, could put the baby up for adoption. Unless her Husband I mean, Boyfriend beats her... she needs more help than this... help her all you can, if you can.

All the best,
Susan

This is a tough one - but you have to remember that this was probably one of the hardest choices she has ever made. She obviously thinks that she loves this man, she already has a child that she loves, so she knows what she is giving up. This wasn't easy for her, and it won't be easy for her. You need to put aside your own feelings and simply be her friend here. It's not like she's asking you to view the embryo. She's not asking you to push the pill down her throat. She's just asking you to be there to hold her hand while she cries. Please be her friend and don't make her feel guilty or worse about this incredibly hard decision.

This is definitely a hard situation to be in and it sucks to have people respond in a certain way. You are obviously looking for the answer to going against your own beliefs to be with a friend. This was not meant to be a debate about abortion. ugh!
That said---- you just tell her you love her and want to support her, but this is just against your beliefs and you're not judging her but you just don't think you can be there for that.
In the mean time you can support her (not necessarily her decision) by being there for her after this is over, by talking to her to make sure that she has really thought this through and is making the best decision for herself, and so on.
I will pray for your friend and for you. I know this is a hard thing to go through.

Let me start by saying that I am firmly pro-choice. I think you sound like a great friend and that it is very admirable that you are able to put aside your personal beliefs and consider being a support for your friend as she makes the decision that is best for her. In your decision I would consider whether you feel like you are able to be there for her without acting like you are disappointed in her decision. I know you are not going to say something cruel like, "you're a murderer" but you may have a hard time hiding all your emotions when you are so firm in what you believe. Honestly I would sit this one out if I were you especially since you know that she won't be alone and totally unsupported. Could you offer to watch her child at your place while she is going through this at home? That way you would be supporting her as a friend, but you wouldn't need to be an eyewitness. Best of luck with whatever you decide.

the "right" thing to do would be to be there for her. but only you can decide if you can do that. but you already know that. it's not our job as a friend to cast judgement. i have the same opinion you do...but there is (i would feel) an obligation to your friend to do what you can for her. if you can't, you can't. just do what you can. maybe remind her to look ahead in her life five years. does she see herself with this awful man? what is she doing to her first child? wouldn't it be better to get away from him and raise happy healthy children? dunno girl. i'm really sorry you're in this position. and i'm sorry she is.

Obviously she really really needs you or she wouldn't have asked knowing your feelings. For her sake, I guess I hope you can be strong and go be with her. Personally, I don't think I could. I am trying to put myself in your shoes and thinking what I would do if it were my sister, and I really don't think I could do it. I am not sure I would actually be able to be any support to her at all, and would probably make her feel worse. It might be one thing to be supportive and drive her to a clinic, but to actually be present during the whole thing, I doubt I could, just the thought of it is very upsetting to me. And I think it would be worse for her to be there and be upset and emotional and judgemental, than to not be there at all. Technically I guess I am pro-choice, for other people, because I don't believe that everyone has to have my beliefs and I know I haven't been in their shoes. But that goes both ways and I shouldn't have to be a party to something I don't believe in or agree with either. I don't think I would be the best person to have around during the actual abortion, and would be better if I could just be supportive later. I hope you and your friend are both able to get through this difficult situation.

You are a compassionate friend! I agree with the post that says to stick by your friend. I am pro life but am NOT in a place to judge.

Abortion is a sensitive subject. However, people make the choices they make, for whatever reason and need compassion and love, no matter what the case.

If you are able......please go. If you are not able (only you know how it will affect you in the long run) then please don't feel any condemnation. Your friend will need your love and support for a long time, not just for one day.

Blessings!

I totally agree with the person that posted it is not up to you to judge. I don't know your religious beliefs. I answered a post recently asking if everyone on mamapedia was Christian? - I answered that I am, but that I would never answer a question and throw my religious beliefs at someone. Well, I guess I lied because here goes:

Luke 6:37-38
Do not judge and you will not be judged
Do not condemn and you will not be condemned
Forgive, and you will be forgiven.
Give, and you will be given to

You are her friend, support her, be there for her and with her!!

We as people can not blame ourselves for what others do. They will have to answer to the Lord on their Judgement day.

Be a good friend, be there for her and pray for the baby and that the Lord will talk to her and change her mind. If she doesn't change her mind, just remember this is something that she will have to deal with NOT YOU.

I wish you the best.

Keep praying...I'm wondering though, if your friend told YOU b/c she wants someone to convince her not to go through with it? God chose YOU to be the friend she calls for help b/c YOU are the one He trusts with this dilema. He wants to use YOU to speak to her.
I didn't read any responses and have decided not to b/c after reading your update - I think people would make me mad. You need help...not condemnation.
I will pray too...I'm glad your friend has you to turn to. Whether she does this or not - it's up to her. But you are right to be the friend to pray about it and see her through it one way or another. You are a good friend.
Good luck Sister in Christ...we're here for you!!!

Dear A., Unfortunatly you posted a very volatile posting and you were bound to get bad reactions from people and judging you or your friend. I am sorry for this as you are already stressed out and asked for advice not people's own agenda. Here is mine. Just like your friend has a choice so do you. She knows that you are opposed to this and although she asked you to keep her company , you can simply say, I love you and you know this is something I am not for, please understand I will be praying for you and hoping you will be alright and remind her your other friend will be there to comfort her and that person doesn't have an issue with abortion. I would call this other friend to ensure she is going to be with your pregnant friend and then be there for her a few days later to make sure she is feeling ok. We all have choices in life she made hers that she feels is right and so should you.

Hi A.,
I didn't read all the other posts. Honestly I don't want to hear any judging, but I do want to offer my thoughts.

I think you are a wonderful friend. You are NOT judging your friend and your desire is to be there for her while also protecting yourself. That's quite a dilemma and I can appreciate your angst.

I would openly talk to your friend. Ask her if there is someone else that can come stay with her. Tell her you support her right to choose and you love her. Maybe you even understand.......say whatever is in your heart, but also tell her this is not something you are not personally comfortable with and you aren't sure emotionally this would be good for you.

If she is a good friend she will understand. Being a good friend doesn't mean you have to throw your own needs out the window.

Best of luck with your decision. I'm going to say it again........you are a good friend! You love and support your friend, but that doesn't mean you have to compromise yourself.

P.

First of all I am praying for God to give you wisdom. Second, what happens if you are "there" for her and don't speak about what you believe? Later will she blame you for letting her make this awful decision? Does the boyfriend know she is pregnant? I personally wouldn't be able to be there. I'd freak out. Its a baby!
Another thing, if you are there, will you ever be able to look at her the same way? Seems to me your friend needs sometime to make some big life choices. Not just the baby one. Prayers for you and the mother.

My prayers are with you as you make this decision. Only you know what you can handle. She is your friend and you want to be there for her. I commend that. Having worked in a crisis pregnancy center I have seen what she will face after the abortion. My advice to you is to just continue to love on her and help her find someone that she can talk to who has been through this. I wish you all the best as you go through this with your friend.

When I miscarried, I needed someone with me. Someone to take care of my older children, and someone there that I knew I could count on to get me medical help if needed. The pains were like labor pains, and the bleeding was intense - I still can't believe I didn't bleed to death with all of the blood loss I had. So, she does need someone there.

One thing to consider is how you will take it. Will you be angry with her? Thinking, "You caused this yourself, so stop whining."? Definately understandable (I think I would be angry if it were me), but if so, you might not be the best person to be holding her hand.

I haven't read through the responses, but I hope she has considered adoption.

(((HUGS))) to you. What a tough thing to have to go through!

I didn't find this before you added the second part.
If you feel uncomfortable with this, tell her no. I am certain she can find someone else to be with her. This is her choice to make. It is your choice to make whether or not you are there.
I am pro-life as well. While I would still love my friend and want only the best for her, I wouldn't be there. It would seem (to me) that I was condoning it, and I can't and won't.

Do you really think you would be a help to her with your feeling about this? I would think it would had extra stress and emotion. Where the heck is he???? Oh yea, he is abusive.

I beleive abortion is totally wrong and not for me in any circumstances. But I had a friend who was raped while working at a convenience store and ended up pregnant, she had an abortion and I could not blame her. She left the Catholic Church because of it. She could never reconcile what she had done to the innocent life.

But I also believe 100% that it is a woman's choice to do with her body what she wants.

My daughter has had an abortion and she stayed at my house the night she passed the baby. She has 6 children now and I am raising part of them, one lives with my ex and she lost her parental rights to three last month and they are being adopted out to good families. Was the abortion right for her? I honestly can't say. I could not have done it. And Yes, I did feel like she had done this to herself and deserved to have cramps and pain...I didn't treat her very kindly. Every time she looks at her children she has to know she is missing one or two.

Many women don't fully understand how to use birth control and how to limit the risks of becoming pregnant. Education is key to helping women where they don't have to make decisions like this. If she needs someone to help her through it and you are not able to then please tell her you have other plans and don't go. She needs someone who she can lean on and they'll feel empathy for her.
+++++++++++
My personal solution...LOL.
As a society I feel programs should be developed to help women through these type pregnancies and then to help find homes for the children. If a warm bed and 3+ meals a day were offered to them and counseling to help deal with all the issues then there would be less abortions and the families who want to adopt children would have an abundance to choose from.

But then I think more social problems can be fixed by spending more money on them and finding good permanat solutions instead of cutting the funding/financing and making more serious issues come up.

This is really hard. To be honest, I am not sure what I would do. Is it possible to convince your friend to first go to a crisis pregnancy center to get counseling on the issue (preferably one that does an ultrasound, this has been proven to reduce abortion rates)? I know you weren't looking for advice on how to stop her, but I am just running through ideas in my head. As to whether to be there or not, that is a h*** o*e. I am leaning towards saying that being there would be the best thing to do. She knows your stance, and I do not agree that being there is condoning her choice, it is just showing your love to her. But to be honest, I really am unsure how I would handle it. Prayer is definitely the only thing that is for sure in this situation.

abortion is a sensitive subject and everyone has there own opinions. it all comes down to how much do you value your friendship. your friend has made up her mind and is going to do what she thinks is best for her life. so are you going to be a friend and help her through this horrible process or let her do it on her own. how good of a friend are you. this is basically a test of friendship.

It's hard to be a best friend sometimes. Loving them all the time and being there. You do not have to support her choice or agree with it. like yousaid you have no control of her. But being there all the time and supporting her is what she needs. Your a good friend

I have been through this several times, with several friends (one was even a late term.) I do not believe in abortion either, but my friends needed me, and I was there. You can lend a listening ear and try to understanding why she has decided to do this. I am not one to judge as I have made my own controversial choices in life, but friends that you can trust and count on in tough times are hard to come by. This will be h*** o* you, no matter what you decide to do. Do what you feel in your heart is what your friend would do for you...

I would not go. I too am against it and there are plenty of people who would be willing to adopt. If you are there, you are kind of telling your friend that it's ok. My cousin did the same thing to me. She wanted me to drive her to her abortion and go in with her. I said "no way". Good luck!

In your prayers just remember that we are to hate the sin and love the sinner. I'll be praying for you, your decision and your response to your friend through this whole situation.

Good luck!