Seeking Love Gift Idea for Family Member Expecting Baby Before Marriage

I doubt she is feeling weird about the before marriage pregnancy other wise they would be rushing off to the altar yesterday. I think if you don't bring it up it probably won't be an issue. Welcome her. Treat her like you would any excited mom to be. She's probably nervous and scared and needs all the support she can get. She may not be "legally" your family member yet but she is as close as you can get. Treat her like she's your sister in law already and bring her into the family loop. The best gift you can give her is your willingness to be close to her and not be judgmental over their choices. But if you feel the need to give her a great gift, I loved this little gadget called the Itzbeen. It's a little time keeper that has buttons for diapers, feeding, sleep, and "extra". When you feed the baby you hit the button and it will start counting. So later on when she asks "how long has it been since the baby ate?" She can look at the Itzbeen and see. When you first have a baby your brain is so fuzzy it's hard to remember things like that. It was great to have a tool that could help me figure out why my baby was fussy. Being a new mom I didn't know a hungry cry from a tired cry so it helped so much! I think you can still find them on-line at Babies-r-us or you can get them at the store at USA baby. They run around$20.

I still think the greatest gift you can give her however is your acceptance and happiness over the two, her and the baby, newest members of your family. And she will really notice be thankful if you help the others in your family accept her too. If someone raises issues stick up for her and be her ally.

Congrats on being such an open hearted and minded individual! We need more people in the world like you!

Smiles,
Jen
http://www.mommysjoy.com

A PP mentioned letters to the baby- this is a great idea to get the whole family involved. Tell each person that they have year such and such (first birthday, second birthday, third birthday) ect. You can go as far as you want with it, having people write more then one letter if they want to extend the birthdays. I got this at a babyshower from my guests and it was so special. I enjoyed reading the letters before the baby was born, and then of course the birthdays thereafter to read to her! they were given to me in a pile but I moved them to clear report or scrapbooking sleeves in a notebook/scrapbook so I could read them without them getting separated or damaged.

You could also get a pregnancy and baby memory book. It's kind of like a diary where she can write her pregnancy experiences and thoughts to the baby and of course baby stuff after he/she is born.

S., mom to 5

How about just a phone call... with a really sincere voice on the other end.

Start a cookbook for her from the entire family's favorite recipes. Have each of the siblings, as well as from you MIL and GMIL, write out their favorite recipes and put them in a pretty recipe box or photo album. Photo albums work well because then she can pull out a page that whe wishes to use and the covering that goes over the pictures protects the recipe. If she spills on it, she simply has to wipe it off with a cloth or sponge. Or you could order an heirloom styled cookbook from a company I love, Once Upon A Family. I am NOT employed by them, but I do love their products. And you might think about the "Dear Sweet Child Letter Box" for the new baby. I have one and love it. I hope my child will love it as much when he is old enough to appreciate it. Their website is onceuponafamily.net if you are interested. Anyway, those were just a couple of thoughts. I'm sure you'll also get lots of other great ideas.

How well do you know this girl? Do the other family members know her well. Are you thinking of a party or a personal gift. If she's not well known by the family, I suggest a casual family get together to celebrate and get acquainte. If you know her well, just call her for lunch one day, just the two of you. How far along is she? If she's just bearly, it's a little early for a gift. Ask if she has looked at baby furniture, it is so expensive. If nobody in the family has a baby bed to loan, suggest that the family all get together and purchase some furniture, car seat(they are expensive)stroller, etc. The main thing is not to ask too many personal questions that are none of your business. Just be happy and act like it's a natural thing. Just let her know that she and her baby are welcome in the family.

Your friendship and support are the best gift you can give. Invite her to a day of girly stuff, munching and window shopping. Who knows, that special & unique gift might just jump right out and into your arms in the process!

Make a baby blanket with all the family names and birthdays on it.

If you sew, you could make her a quilt for the baby. Make a babybook and start it out with a family tree including photos of family members, and dates for baby's firsts...

You can also just let her know you love her by making sure you express that love. Call her to see how the pregnancy is going. Offer to help cook meals/do laundry/babysit/run errands when the baby comes. Tell her to call you anytime day or night if she ever needs help or advice. That sort of support is priceless and defines true love.

My oldest daughter recently got married and had a baby, all this year. Special wedding gifts were a recipe book that multiple family members contributed to, and a photo album with letters and pictures of family members who could not be at the wedding. A special baby gift was a plain knit blanket that was mailed from state to state, family member to family member with a set of fabric markers. Each person added a wish, blessing or picture for the baby- little cousins traced their hands. Also, there was a "who loves baby" book that each person added pictures to.

I am sure she would love to hear from you and know she has you as a friend as well as a sis-in-law to be. You could always send her a thoughtful card in the mail too that expresses your feelings. It is a scary and exciting time for her I am sure and your support will mean a lot to her.

We had the same situation in our family and I felt the same way....wanting to communicate support and love. I found a sweet babies picture frame that said "Jesus loves me". I gave it with a card letting her know I was there for her and knew her baby would be a blessing.
Hope this helps!
D.

J.,

What a great idea! I wish that my in-laws were that thoughtful. Your SIL is truly blessed to have you as a SIL. Have you thought of giving her coupons (similar to what our kids give us for Mom's day or Xmas?) which enables her to leave the baby with you so she can attend church and be able to receive the Lord's blessings in peace? If she doesn't live near you, you can look up sitters in her area (sittercity.com) and arrange for her to have some free time sans the baby and hubby. Or help her arrange a family tree whether on script paper or like a Christmas tree (having family member names as ornaments). Or how about starting a family trasition with her as your co-chair...like making ornaments for each family for Christmas presents. This way, you're working together, getting to know each other, praising God together for your close-knit family.

Hope that helps a little...

God bless you and your family this Holiday season!
A.

I love the responses you have received and you are very sweet to think of her feelings! I would proceed as though they are married. If you would throw a shower if they were married and you feel it is eminent, then she has to get used to group some day. Might as well be with such a joyous occasion with everyone showing their love and welcoming her to the family. I joined a very, very large family and it is overwhelming but it takes one get-together to see how amazing it is to be a part of that. If she hasn't been to one already with yours, then Christmas should break the ice.

Congratulations on your new niece or nephew to be!

my story is the exact same as yours...only i was the new wife/ mother... we'd dated for almost 5 years when she was born and then got married the next year... my inlaws have always been wonderful... one thing i wanted to say is that when i went to visit them all in fla. (had never met extended family) they really made me feel special by throwing me a surprise shower and even called me the "guest of honor"... i've always felt welcomed and accepted and never has there ever been any mention of us doing things out of order or anything like that... i feel like that would've made me feel uncomfortable... but as long as you extend your friendship and welcome her into your family with open arms, she should feel comfortable and accepted... i think you have the right attitude to make that happen :)

Maybe I'm just a jewelry girl at heart but if I was considering a tangible gift, I'd probably go with a charm necklace or locket, hopefully I could find something I could inscribe with a message like "welcome to the family" or "we needed another sister" or "welcome sister!", etc.

If you go with the locket, you might be able to put a picture of her fiance on one side and maybe one with all of you on the other. (Maybe if you have a group picture from a past holiday, you can use one of the thumbnail "preview" pictures that come with your photo order for the locket... order that picture as a regular size and get the thumbnail along with it; the preview pictures are minimized enough to work perfectly for a locket.)

Seriously, the best thing that you can do for her right now is not talk/act like this pregnancy is something dirty. You sound like you're negatively judging her situation, and I'm sure that she feels it from all of you. How did you feel when you first came into the family? How did you want to be treated? Start there. The pregnancy has no bearing. If she's already familiar with the family and they've been together a while, then treat her like your pregnant sister-in-law.

If your concern is that the rest of the family might snicker and sneer, then you should stand up--as a veteran of the clan--and speak against their cruelty. How you make someone feel welcome is to genuinely welcome her--no way around it.

Please, also, consider this: Unless some family member has actually expressed that this is a problem, then you shouldn't make it an issue. If you came up with this idea all by yourself, then you are the one judging her/them.