Second Pregnancy... When Do I Tell My First Kid?

Tell him at Thanksgiving - Christmas would be better but it'll be hard to wait that long.
It's just better to wait.
You probably won't miscarry but if you do after you tell him it'll be extra h*** o* everyone.
4 yr olds don't have a good sense of large amounts of time yet.
Something that happens 7 or 8 months away is too far away for them to grasp.
As it is when you tell him he'll know something is going to change and he'll have more time to get anxious about it and what this change will mean to him - plus I'm guessing he'll be in kindergarten next year - so he's got several major changes that are coming.
Let him enjoy being an only child for a little while longer.

I don't ink it really matters too much when you tell him... But I would be careful not to associate the pregnancy to the morning sickness/ issues you are having. The last thing you want to do is to make him think the new baby is making M. sick, and have him view the new addition as a negative thing right off the bat.

If it were M., I'd choose to wait until I was showing. Before then, some kids just don't really 'get it' and the chance of losing the pregnancy is much higher. At a young age, having one's mom "lose" a baby can be very confusing and scary for little ones. I've had three miscarriages and having to explain them to adult friends was sad, hard news. I would shield my child from that confusing experience if I could.

Simple is best. Nausea? "M.'s got a icky tummy today, but I'm okay." My own mom waited until we proclaimed she was "getting fat" (I was 7, sister 5) before telling us about her pregnancy with your younger brother. She was about five months along then. Even as older kids who could better cognitively understand the pregnancy, we had plenty of time to wrap our heads around it. With smaller kids, I always believe that we should give them information on a need to know basis.

What does your "handsome husband" think? Does he have an opinion? Or do you just keep him around to ogle.

First of all a month is a year to a small child so you are talking telling him six years before the baby is born, why? The other thing is children are self centered, he doesn't really care beyond the moment that you are throwing up.

I didn't tell my younger kids until a few weeks before their little sibs were born. Nothing bad ever came of it. Heck I moved my oldest to a full sized bed and left the crib up!! No questions asked. They just don't care. People talked about the baby when he was "around" since they weren't playing with him, he just didn't care.

When my third was born my older two were 9 and 11, I did tell them early on because they were old enough to understand the conversations and care about the conversations. They also had a concept of time and really at that age having a screaming being in the house was not going to be something they looked forward to.

I love how people say a few weeks is totally unrealistic, really because I have four kids and not nearly the issues I see with siblings on here. I guess a lot of women don't realize how making the second child feel like the second coming of Christ may be a bad thing.

I can't count the number of posts here about how older sib isn't happy about the baby coming home, or mom leaving. Hasn't occurred to anyone here that may be because you all act like the second baby is the greatest thing that ever happened to the older sib and they just aren't feeling it?

The main reason people wait to announce is the chance of miscarriage is so much higher the first trimester.

If you are okay with telling him and then possibly not remaining pregnant the there is no reason to wait.

It is also believed (not sure if it is a wive's tale) that the sicker you are the less likely you will miscarry. I believe because of the level of hormones.

You are right that most will guess you are pregnant if you are nauseous all the time. He can still tell them and they can act surprised, so it is still exciting for him to share the big news.

I do not think it's a good idea. I waited until I was 12 weeks along each time before sharing with my kids. Just because you haven't had a miscarriage, doesn't mean you won't The rate is 1 in 4 pregnancies. And for M., the odds were right on. I miscarried my 4th pregnancy at 9 weeks, and my kids never found out I was pregnant. It would have been devastating and confusing for them. It came as a shock after three healthy pregnancies, but it happens.

Even if you have to share with other family members or friends before you share with your son, that's what you should do. I would just ask people to not tell anyone else especially my kids.

Congrats!

don't tell your son until you are about a month away. you will be in for 6 months of "is it time yet" and 6 months of worry for him about not being your only. I would wait.

Jen,

If your son is almost 5? I wouldn't tell him until MAYBE a week before you are due. I know. He'll see changes in your body, etc. but really? Are you ready to hear "is he coming yet?" for the next 8 months?? because that's what you'll get when you tell him NOW. Kids don't understand "waiting" and "time"..this will be an eternity for him!!

You can tell him your pregnant and making his sibling - but be prepared for the "can I see?" or "when will he get here?"

Congratulations!!!

My kid was older, so we told her at 12 weeks before we told everyone else, but it still felt like eternity to her. If she'd been your child's age, we would have waited as long as possible, because for a kid, everything is about today, tomorrow, and yesterday. Too far out is torture. Think of how long it seemed until Christmas when you were a kid, and how quickly the time between Christmases goes now that you're an adult.

I don't think 4 year olds "get it" at all.

I think there's no advantage to telling them early on, at least not before you are showing. The "excitement" they feel wears off in about a month when there's still no baby anywhere in sight for months to come.

They do tell other people though, so you have to be prepared for that. On some level, once you tell the public at large (vs. a few family members and close friends who will probably honor your request for discretion), someone's going to spill the beans (no matter what you ask of them) and ask him how he feels about being a big brother soon. Then that leaves the telling to someone else vs. you. But often you can head them off with a "don't say anything please" or "we're not ready to go public" which your son will not understand.

I know it's hard with all the nausea but I doubt your son will associate that with pregnancy or find it a particularly attractive association. He may wonder why you want a baby if all it does is make you sick! You might do better just getting through the morning sickness and moving well into your pregnancy before announcing it.

I don't remember for sure, but I think we told our 2 year old right away. It wasn't a big deal. I don't remember it being a frustrating wait for her or that she annoyed M. in any way by asking how much longer. I loved being able to share the excitment with her and having her help M. shop for the baby and prepare for being a big sister. A friend of mine told her 5 year old pretty much right away too.

I wouldn't wait until just weeks before the baby is born. That is a huge adjustment for older siblings!! I think springing it on him last minute would make the adjustment even more difficult. We found lots of books about being a big sister, looked at ultrasound pictures, felt the baby moving, watched the baby hiccup. I'm really glad that I was able to share all of that with her. I don't think you have to wait.

I would wait until at least 12 weeks. First of all you are only 7 weeks. If you told him and something happened then you have to explain. Too much for a 4 yo. Seen it happen twice to friends. So IMO I would wait.

I guess I'm different from pretty much every here. We told our kids when we found out. We didn't make it a huge to do, we just said a new baby was coming after Christmas (our babies were June, then April, than March). They didn't hound us for WHEN the baby was coming, but they did enjoy making things for baby, helping with names, feeling kicks and knowing their baby brother was dancing, etc. We enjoyed them being a part of the process of baby coming. Our kids are all just about 2 years apart too. So the oldest was 14 months when we found out number 2 was on the way, and then he was about 15 months when we found out about the last one. No need to hide it from them.

If you want your older one to tell people about it, you can do it before the 12 week mark. I also never adhered to that date either...

I would not tell your son until you are ready to tell everyone. A 4 year old is not so good at keeping secrets, especially a super awesome exciting one like this! :) I do agree that your son probably isn't going to make any sort of connection between you vomiting/being tired and being pregnant. He is still going to be all sorts of demanding and not care one bit you don't feel well…unfortunately! ;-)

I totally disagree in waiting to tell him a week before the baby is due…sorry but that is just 100% unrealistic!!!!

I would tell him when most people know. I think your mom is different. You might tell your mom, cuz, well it's your mom, but your son doesn't have to know. I would do it when you think people are going to start mentioning it in front of him and he will be overhearing conversations about it.

I also want to add that I think 4.5 is pretty old and he's totally with it. He will know what's going on and yes, he may be impatient, and he may not "get" everything, but it's okay. He will be excited and willing to help with lots of getting ready for baby tasks. My son just turned 5 last week and when I think about telling him if I were pregnant (I'm not, just comparing) I think he would get it. And, God forbid, if you were to miscarry, telling the 4 year old will probably be the easiest person to tell of all. At 4 they have a very black/white view of death and usually handle it better than the rest of us.

Would your husband be up to you guystelling yyour son before the ultrasound and maybe taking your son to see the baby and such? And then you can have your son announce to people when your ready

I wouldn't tell him until you're ready to tell everyone. My kids couldn't keep a secret worth anything, and that's a big, exciting secret! Congratulations on the pregnancy!

unless you're worried that the pregnancy isn't going to take, i don't really understand keeping it 'secret' from your own child. he's not a toddler. if you really don't want him telling other people yet, you can just work with him on that.
unless you plan on somehow keeping it 'secret' until a couple of weeks before the delivery it's going to seem like a long time to him. that's okay. few children have had major trauma due to the 'frustration' of waiting for a sibling to be born. he's not too young to learn that some things take a long time, and he's going to have the fun of watching your belly grow and eventually feeling his sibling wiggle around in there, and the household preparing for the new baby.
so what exactly is the reasoning for keeping this big news from him?
khairete
S.

We told the older siblings the day we found out. We brought them to every pre-natal appointment and they were at the birth center with us when baby was born each time. It was fantastic!
When I got pregnant with my second, my first was a little over 2. He didn't completely understand but he understood enough when I would tell him I wasn't feeling well because it was hard work helping a baby grow.
I am very glad we chose to let our older kids know right away.
The one miscarriage I had was the only time we didn't tell them. The pregnancy had hit us as a surprise and I wasn't processing it very well so we didn't tell them right away. We did tell them though finally, only to loose it the next week.
I am now a firm believer of telling right away. The 3 we announced the second we knew are my 3 kids today. The one we waited is the one we lost.

I guess I told my first after we heard the heartbeat at 10 weeks. I then told the second two when I went to hear the heartbeat of the third baby-they wanted to know here I was going and they had a sitter.

A good friend just told her first two kids because she had no choice: she was in bed for two weeks throwing up constantly.

I wouldn't say anything to him until you start to show. Nine months is forever to a 4-year-old.