Second Opnion - Florida Custody

Get another attorney. This one is the wrong one for you. You have to pay, regardless of whether you win or lose. So pay a more aggressive attorney so that you might win.

You need an attorney you can trust.

You need good medical info. Type 2 diabetics (and even Type 1) don't have blackouts due to their disease. He has blackouts, most likely, because he's an alcoholic. Keep the focus where it needs to be. You cannot exclude a diabetic. You can exclude or at least constrain an alcoholic.

Living an hour away is not a disqualifier so I'd take that out of your argument.

For now, stop offering so much visitation. I wonder if he's trying to control you and so he's using your child. Sometimes these people go away the less you engage. Don't have him in your house again. That's putting him in YOUR life, not just your child's. If he wants visitation, he can apply for supervised visits through the court, and a social worker or other pro can manage that in their office. Usually, non-custodial parents give up on that quickly unless they are totally devoted. Maybe this is why your attorney is laid back - I don't know.

The court will usually require proof that his apartment/house is appropriate, including crib and childproofing and more. They might require a parenting course or a get-acquainted period with a neutral 3rd party. You let your attorney and the court handle this - do not engage with this man. If you are ordered to provide info on the child's welfare, do everything in writing - text, email. No phone calls that aren't recorded. Find out the laws on recording, BTW. No contact from the other attorney - everything goes through your lawyer.

You don't trust your lawyer? That's a problem. Have a frank sit-down meeting on your fears, and then decide whether to talk to someone else. Usually that first consult is free.

Sometimes attorneys are laid back because they know that court precedent and law overwhelmingly favor their plaintiff and that opposing counsel can write up whatever absurd nonsense they want but it will likely not go anywhere in court. Other attorneys are laid back because they're not good at their job.

Have a frank conversation with yours. Let him or her know that you're terrified and that you are concerned that he or she is taking a relaxed approach and ask him or her to explain too you why. If the explanation makes sense to you, is based on good information and experience and puts your mind at ease, great! If not, find someone else.

Technically, once paternity is established by the court, Florida does not presume that one parent or the other has custody (where in other states, a child born to an unmarried couple is presumed to be in the custody of the mother). Instead, without an agreement, the judge would consider the age of the baby, relationship between the parents, distance, demonstrated ability to parent, time already spent with the child, etc. His attorney is throwing a worst-case scenario at you to scare you, most likely so that he can negotiate on child support. A father who hasn't seen his baby in 6 months isn't really interested in parenting on an aggressive schedule and courts will likely see that. It's a bargaining position.

Anyway...you need to be able to trust that your attorney knows what she or he is doing and will work aggressively in the best interest of you and your baby. If you don't have that level of confidence, find someone new.

I suggest that your lawyer is laid back because it's extremely unlikely the court will grant your ex full custody or any custody at all. It's possible they will set up a parenting plan so that he can show he's interested in parenting. Given his uninvolvement this far, It's likely he won't honor the plan. I suggest he's asking for custody so he won't have to pay child support. Courts know this.

Of course you're anxious. Talk with your attorney and really listen. Ask questions. Tell him how your anxiety is affecting you. Rephrase his answers back to him so you both can be sure you heard and understand each other.

Your lawyer cannot give you a guarantee. He can only tell you what is likely to happen based on his experience with that court.

For me, that he hasn't made an attempt to see her indicates he's not actually interested in her. Your lawyer will give the court this information as well as anything else that shows you've been successfully parenting.

I suggest that the court will need to know you have adequate housing, are providing sufficient food and are emotionally stable. To be anxious is normal. How you act when anxious is an indication of stability. Do you spend time taking care of your daughter in a loving supported way? Are there other people who, if needed, able to confirm your level of care, if he has people who will say you're not caring for her?

Take many deep breaths. Repeat over and over to yourself that you are strong and able to care for your daughter. Please talk with your attorney, tell him your fears, ask what he personally thinks will happen in court. Tell him you know there are no guarantees.

Equally important is for you to have personal support. Do you have family and friends who believe in you? Perhaps you could get support from a counselor.

You can do this.

Updated

I suggest that your lawyer is laid back because it's extremely unlikely the court will grant your ex full custody or any custody at all. It's possible they will set up a parenting plan so that he can show he's interested in parenting. Given his uninvolvement this far, It's likely he won't honor the plan. I suggest he's asking for custody so he won't have to pay child support. Courts know this.

Of course you're anxious. Talk with your attorney and really listen. Ask questions. Tell him how your anxiety is affecting you. Rephrase his answers back to him so you both can be sure you heard and understand each other.

Your lawyer cannot give you a guarantee. He can only tell you what is likely to happen based on his experience with that court.

For me, that he hasn't made an attempt to see her indicates he's not actually interested in her. Your lawyer will give the court this information as well as anything else that shows you've been successfully parenting.

I suggest that the court will need to know you have adequate housing, are providing sufficient food and are emotionally stable. To be anxious is normal. How you act when anxious is an indication of stability. Do you spend time taking care of your daughter in a loving supported way? Are there other people who, if needed, able to confirm your level of care, if he has people who will say you're not caring for her?

Take many deep breaths. Repeat over and over to yourself that you are strong and able to care for your daughter. Please talk with your attorney, tell him your fears, ask what he personally thinks will happen in court. Tell him you know there are no guarantees.

Equally important is for you to have personal support. Do you have family and friends who believe in you? Perhaps you could get support from a counselor.

You can do this.

Note: the court decides based on what is best for the baby. First, they would NEVER give him full custody or even part custody without proof that you haven't taken adequate care of your baby and that he is in a position to take better care of her than you are? Your attorney can tell you what those requirements are.

I've known cases in which the other parent is given parenting time so that they can see their child and show how reliable they are as a parent. The court would NEVER take a baby away from the parent who has had custody unless the baby is in physical danger. The order would allow the other parent and the baby to gradually get to know each other. An overnight would be weeks later.

I don't know enough about your situation to know what would happen. I have had enough personal and professional experience to suggest, based only on the information you've given here, that your baby will NOT be ripped from you and given to him. DEEP BREATHS

This is not my opinion but a fact so I really hope it helps you. I too had the same exact thing happen to me except my child's father whom I refused to marry because of the same reasons left our home and married an attorney over the weekend. Fast forward they came after me very aggressively which is very scary. (She had no children was eager to build a family) You're now navigating through a system which is not only unfamiliar but they speak law lingo. First thing is don't be afraid and try not to get overwhelmed. I didn't have anybody to tell me that but I'm telling you. Your baby is too young for the courts to take away right now. Secondly, make sure you have your facts out front when you go. Dad had the same issues but I wasn't aware to present that to the court but even at that he was allowed every other weekend when my child was 4. It ended up being a 2 year battle in court and $10,000 dollars later. 50/50 was not an option because when reality sets in it's too much work and presents instability for the child so thats out. Based on what you've said your baby's Father sounds narcissistic and therefore is not really concerned about the baby but more about you. He should see his child but he cant control you so he's withdrawing. On the other side attorneys ARE aggressive, that's what they do HOWEVER his attorney only has his side of the story and God knows what he's telling him. I was a club hopping party girl! What you should know moving forward is they'll offer you a chance for mediation. Say what you want there and don't waiver. Also, ask for coparenting classes for both of you. You're attorney works for you so make sure you give him the facts especially the blackouts. Keep anything that sounds personal or vindictive out of the court and make EVERYTHING you say about the baby. Even that you're trying to foster a bond between the father and the child. Finally, keep your head up! Make sure you take care of YOURSELF. Surround yourself with the BEST friends or family you have at this time. If you're a religious/spiritual person pray, meditate and take time to center daily. If it gets overwhelming talk to somebody (well you're kinda already doing that) but a professional. I did and it made all the difference in the world to hear somebody tell me what I was thinking about the situation which was my son's father was a narcissist. I was able to operate with that knowledge and it gave me a kind of blueprint of what to expect. Above all, I'd like to welcome you to motherhood it's a love like no other and honey let the record show this won't be your last fight for your child. It's just the beginning and from what I can see you've already got your gloves on.... so let's go!!!

If he is a danger to the child you have to be able to prove it, otherwise it is in the best interest of the child to have a real relationship with his father. Is he paying child support? If not he may owe you support for at least the past few month when he has not had custody, if you do having 50/50 custody would greatly lower his amount and that could be part of his motive. As for the 50/50 arrangement more and more states/judges are going to that because we have finally figured out that fathers (who want to be involved) are just as important as mothers are to the child's wellbeing and growth.

As for the distance, travel is usually laid out in the agreement. More than likely you will be required to split the drive time so you may have to drop him off at the beginning of his visits and then dad would bring him back or vice versa.

Unless you can prove he is a danger you will need to get used to the idea of sharing custody, the child is as much his as yours.

If you think he is just trying to get out of child support offer to let him sign away his rights, than you will know if it is about him wanting to father his son or about him wanting to save money.

Sarah

Welcome to mamapedia.

You need to hire another lawyer.

You NEED to prove that your ex is a danger to his son and others to the court in order to stop the custody from happening.

What will happen in the future when this over an hour drive takes place and the child is in school?? No. not good.

DOCUMENT EVERYTHING. Record anything you can so you have PROOF that he is unfit and a danger.

Are you able to call someone from child services and ask them questions? Would they be willing to be on your side when you go to court? How often does this guy black out? Is he still allowed to drive despite this? I would be scared for my kid. Get a new attorney and other people on your side.

Your husband is entitled to visitation. You do not get to determine that he does not see his father. and I would try to work to address any reasonable concerns. For example, at a minimum, he could visit at your home.

I do agree he is not entitled to custody and most courts would likely feel the same. Maybe your husband can now realize his responsibility, and be a decent man and father.

You can certainly plunk down more money to get another attorney who will tell you what you want as long as you pay him. I do not see the court denying visitation or disallowing a role in your son's life and have seen courts provide visitation even for people with criminal records. I understand you would have liked things to be different but I think you need to deal with the situation you have.