Potty Training Troubles - My Daughter Is SCARED to Poop.

I think it would help to poop in front of her. My daughter was scared to at grandma's house, until I pooped in front of her a couple of times and then she wanted to do it like mommy.

Pleading, bribes, and sticker charts do very little to help her with her own feelings. Have you tried all-out empathy? Once she's convinced you're totally on her side, that may relieve one source of tension for her. It might sound like this:

"You are worried about how pooping is going to feel, aren't you, sweetie? Yes, I know you've had some hard, uncomfortable poops, haven't you? Is there anything you want to tell me about that? (Listen and affirm her feelings by repeating them in your own words.) What do you think we could do to help you? I sure do wish I could do those poops for you, because I've already learned how to let out uncomfortable poops, so I know it can be done. You know that those poops are going to come out one way or another, so how can we make it easier for you? Would you like to hear my ideas, and you can tell me all your ideas, too. I'll write them all down."

Knowing that you take her seriously will be worth a lot. Gently reminding her, along with all the empathy, that there's really no good way to stop the poops from coming out but that you can make them MUCH easier, won't be as terrifying if she's feeling completely supported. Writing down her solutions plus your own is wonderfully empowering. Be sure to make some of your solutions humorous, so you can have a giggle along the way.

When you've completed a good list, go through it and find the best, most workable ideas. (This may include having her drink more water, prune juice, or other fruit juices, taking plenty of Miralax, and perhaps using a glycerin suppository to make the pooping easier.)

Go on to list ways you'll celebrate when she has a successful poop. Help her envision a time when she just won't have this problem any more. It may also help her to know that LOTS of kids have this problem for a little while, until they learn that going sooner hurts less than going later.

Good luck to you and your daughter. This is so hard for both of you.

understandable - consipation hurts :(

try looking for these books at the library (or online):
It Hurts When I Poop!: A Story for Children Who Are Scared to Use the Potty : http://www.amazon.com/Hurts-When-Poop-Children-Scared/dp/...
(may need to modify some since it is for 4-8 yr olds)

hope that helps

My advice would be to relax about potty training. Take away all the bribes, charts, stickers, etc. and take a deep breath. My daughter was interested in using the potty quite early, but when i got excited about it and began to encourage her too much, she began to hold her poop. We backed off and it resolved itself. Be totally non comittal about it. This is really hard, but she has to believe that you are fine with whatever she decides to do with potty training before she decides on her own that she would prefer to poop and prefer to do it in the potty. Each morning, give her the option of using the potty. "would you like to use the potty or your diaper this morning?" And then allow her to do whatever she chooses. Sometimes my daughter would choose one and then change her mind, so you have to be able to go with the flow here. She was testing us to be sure we would *really* be OK with it either way. When we showed our frustration, she backslid. Give her the option of wearing undies or training pants or diapers. "Would you like to wear undies or diapers today?" (no "big girl pants" since this implies that she is not a "big girl" unless she wears the pants you prefer) Keep calm and relaxed with whatever she decides. This is her way of controlling the situation, and you will have no luck trying to force her or bribe her to go. You will actually make it worse by pushing her. Kids who feel stressed about potty training often "take control" this way and hold their poop. There are many many kids who continue to have issues with this, and it is very common unfortunately. As far as the consitpation itself - be sure she is drinking a lot, eating lots of fruits and veggies, and try a probiotic. There are infant/toddler probiotic powders you can mix into her food, or you can have her eat some yogurt each day. The probiotics will help digestion in general. Remember that she will eventually use the potty properly, and on her own terms regardless of how you proceed. By allowing her to control it, you are promoting her problem solving, autonomy, self esteem, maintaining her digestive health, and it will likely be a faster, easier and more relaxed process for all of you.

I'll add that when my daughter did use the potty to poop, we talked about how her belly felt and about how she could breathe and relax to help the poop come out. We talked about how she may be afraid it would hurt, and then when she successfully pooped without pain, I'd remind her that her belly probably felt better and it didn't hurt. Talking about the facts adn feelings from her point of view helped tremendously as well.

We had this problem with my son. It was horrible so I feel your pain! Have you tried a sticker system with a small reward at the end? Another thing we did was sit and read a book on the potty about pooping in the potty. The most important thing is keeping her stool soft and it sounds like you're doing that already. Hopefully after much repetition she'll realize it doesn't hurt to go anymore and will relax. It took my son 8 months to get over this and it changed from being silly one day talking about how stinky it would be and could it be stinkier than daddy's. (I was trying ANYTHING!) The crazy thing is he laughed and he thought his would be stinkier...he went and never had a problem after that. I think it was because we took the pressure off and tried to just make it silly.

My daughter is 26 months old and had a problem with constipation about a month ago. It really really hurt her to have a bowel movement when she finally had to go. She cried a lot and did everything she could not to push it out, poor baby. Afterwards she was scared to have another bowel movement. We explained to her that it would not hurt any more (we have made sure that she gets a prune every day to help) and that she needs to push it out. When she could not hold it any more she had a bowel movement and we celebrated that it did not hurt any more and that she did such a good job pushing it out. And by celebrated I mean dancing around the room cheering celebration. Since then she has had no trouble although every time she has a bowel movement she cheerfully announces that she "pushed it out" and that it did not hurt at all and we all applaud and tell her it is because she is eating all her fruits and vegetables like a big girl. We are not in the potty training stage yet, but all this cheering and support seems to have helped her get over her fear of constipation. Good luck!

Hi S.,
Sorry to hear that your dd is having problems pooping. It really is a stressful situation to be in and I had it for what seemed like forever with my first dd until, miraculously, when she started pooping on the potty, it completely went away. Now before that happened, we didn't try to have her poop on the potty, unless I caught her in the middle of it when she was totally naked (usually in a warm bath). Otherwise, I would let her do whatever she needed to do to push it out, and like Jana told you, we praised her to high heaven when she "pushed." If you can get them to work with the urge right when it starts to happen by saying "Push, push, push," encouragingly, letting her know that it makes you happy when she tries to push, then she will have positive experiences with the urge to push and be more likely to do it at the initial stage and it will actually feel good instead of hurt. It helped that my daughter was a pleaser and it made her happy to please others. She would actually say afterwards, "I pushed, Mommy!" If your dd is that way, then maybe this method will work for you. Good luck to you and your dd!

We have the exact same problem! You are not alone and you are not crazy! However, the medical community has no real good solution to this problem, which is actually some what common.

We started our son on miralax in fall of 2008. He was 3 1/2. He is now 5 and still takes daily laxatives. The poop is still really big, but it doesn't hurt any more and he has started to go on the potty to poop on his own. However, the gastroenterologist that we went to wants him to poop every day, and that isn't happening. The poop is quite large because his system is so stretched out.

We had to switch to a different laxative, as per gastroenterologist instructions. Our son now takes the pedialax stripes twice a day. This is bad because these are stimulant laxatives, but they actually work. Once we get him pooping ok, then we'll work on getting him off the stuff. Two years and we haven't gotten to that problem yet. :-(

The miralax didn't do much for us. However, it sounds like it might be working for you.

We have gone as long as 9 days between poops. I am now an expert on giving supositories. I also hate giving enemas! One time my son and I both ended up in tears after having to do an enema.

Now long have you been using the miralax? I would take your daughter to a gastroenterologist. One of the things you need to check for is that she isn't impacted. The first thing our gastro did was some blood work, and a clean out. He gave us medicine to clean out my son's system, then sent us to the hospital for an x-ray to make sure that he was actually cleaned out. Then the miralax has a better chance of working and keeping things moving. The blood work also told us that our son had celiac disease, which probably had something to do with why this mess all started.

I wish I had better news for you, but our experience is:

1. This is pretty normal. Your not alone, and your not crazy.
2. Go to a pediatric gastroenterologist.
3. This takes a long time to correct.

Sorry, I wish I had better news for you. Best of luck!

That happened to my son when he was about 1 1/2 year old. We gave him prune juice and a daily dose of mineral oil. But it really took quite a while to make him lose the fear of having a bowel movement. You and your husband just have to be very patient. Now my son tells me (he's now 22 years old!), eventually, he realized that the pain in his tummy would be relieved if used the potty. He got over it just before he turned 3 years old.

would a sticker help you get over something that you know from past experience hurts? i love that you are using only positive reinforcement, but it's time to stop everything. a body impulse that you cannot help and that hurts you is very scary thing. be gentle, patient and empathetic, and very very low key. no pushing, no nagging, no elaborate celebrations. miralax and plum juice, along with lots of fiber-rich foods, are excellent aids. stop focusing on getting her potty trained and refocus on getting her comfortable and happy.
khairete
S.

When my DD started potty training she was scared to go poop too. She never got constipated really but something that worked for us was when we could tell she needed to poop, (she acted scared and whiney and would crawl into our arms but would stiffen her body,) we sat he on the potty, told her it's okay and doodled with her on her Magna Doodle. I know a lot of adults that like to read on the throne, my LO likes to draw!

Now when she has to go she says she needs to go potty and ask for her drawing board. It keeps her mind off it a lets her body do its thing.

Good luck.