Potty Training HELP!!!! - Toms River,NJ

DO NOT push her to do it because the more you push the more they refuse. We tried the whole "3 day method" and it backfired completely on us. My daughter peed all over the floor, never told us when she had to go, nothing. She will be 3 in October and she's been trained for about a month now. She was what you would consider advanced at everything else as well but they will go on the potty when they are ready. Pooping is still tough but she rarely has an accident and we still put a pull-up on her for bedtime. Give her time, you'll see the cues and know when she is ready!!

We sound just alike!! I asked a very similar question on Sunday. My son's daycare has been pressuring me to potty train him since before he was 2. I have tried and tried. I bought all the stuff and have bribed with candy and promises of trips to the zoo. It is no use. He is simply not ready. I have given up and am letting it go until he is ready. I told the daycare not to even mention the word potty to him. It is not worth the stress to him or me. Tell everyone to mind their business, especially your MIL. Anyone who would suggest you hold your child down on the potty certainly has no business giving you advice on anything! Good luck to you!

I was in a similar situation, except both my kids were older (around 3 and 1/2) when they were out of diapers. My mom kept making remarks about how it was UNHEARD of for a child to reach their third birthday untrained, etc. I knew it was making her crazy that we didn't push our kids. But you know what? With BOTH kids, learning to use the toilet was virtually effortless on our parts, because we WAITED UNTIL THEY WERE READY. Every kid is different, sure. But basically, if the child is ready, there is not really any "training" necessary. As insane as it sounds, if you wait until she is ready (not when you are ready, or your mother in law is ready), the whole process will be quick and easy.
I told my mom that I totally understand that when she was raising her kids, they were trained earlier and with different techniques. But that current child-rearing philosphy has changed, and that the trend now is for low-pressure, patient guidance. Just like how they used to put babies to sleep on their stomachs, times have changed and so have ways to potty-train kids.
If you truly "let it go" and make a point of not pushing her, she might not do it on your timeline, but she WILL do it, and without any of the heartache and tears that would accompany the process if you push her along faster than she's ready. If she's fighting you, just back off. Don't give her anything to push back against. And please don't even entertain the thought of holding her down on the toilet--you might want to tell your mother in law that SHE isn't allowed to do that either (just in case she's babysitting and decides to "help" you train her.)

I agree that telling everyone to mind their business is the first thing you should do. She is only 2 and there is no magical age when children have to be trained. I know how it feels when it is MIL saying it and trying to be diplomatic by not telling her off.

Maybe your daughter sees the baby in diapers and doesn't understand why she has to take hers off. Poop in the potty is scary for kids. My son hated seeing it in the potty on the floor but it was okay in the big potty. Every kid is different though.

She doesn't sound ready and your anxiety about it can escalate the situation. Maybe just put the potty by the bath tub and every night before she gets in suggest her sitting on it. When she sits on it, tell her she is doing great even if she doesn't pee on it or gets up right away. Each night she may be inclined to sit on it a little longer and one day before you know it she may actually use it.

When you are ready for potty training, (this is what I did for my twins at that age -2 when I trained them but everyone is different and every kid is different so I am just sharing what we did) put the potty in the living room or whatever room you are in the most and put a lot of towels and wipes by the area. Let her go commando and she will eventually go sit on it even when she doesn't have to go and she will get up in the middle or just go on the floor but you can try to move her closer if your hands are free and make a big deal out of it. Then once she is consistent about it you can slowly every few days move the potty closer and closer to the bathroom. I always thought putting the potty in the bathroom in the beginning was "out of sight, out of mind" so I made it more convenient for them. It is a lot of time at home and there were days where my sanity could only stand doing it for 1/2 day so do what you can handle.

Some people ask kids constantly or set timers. My potty training mentor said not to do that so I didn't but to each is their own. The reason why I didn't do it is because I wanted them to know the feeling when they had to go and that seemed to work for us. Again, to each is their own.

Once mine were in the bathroom I made them sticker charts and they got little stickers for number 1 and big stickers for number 2. When the chart was full I gave them one dollar and took them to the dollar store and they loved it.

Good luck

Child care centers usually don't even have bathrooms in their classrooms for potty training until they get into the 3 yr. old classroom. Don't let them pressure her and you. She's not really old enough yet.

Hi there,
The worst thing you can do is push your daughter if she is not ready.... my friend's pediatrician once told her, "a young child can only have control over one thing in life... that is food (drink), going in and coming out". The more you push it, the more they try to control it! I found that to be true for my older daughter. She was also advanced/early with everything... walking, talking, recognizing numbers/letters etc. We decided to try to train her at 2 and 1/2 thinking that she was more than ready. Well, she wanted the control... we put her in underwear one day and she didn't want to use the potty, but would not pee in her underwear either. She did the pee pee dance for hours and trying to get her on the potty was a fight. Because we had just had a baby and moved, it was probably just not good timing (for her). Anyway, we dropped it and several months later we tried again... it was a bit of a control struggle at first, but we just took the diapers away and let her use the potty when SHE needed to. We refrained from asking her or telling her she needed to try. Well, it only took a couple of days, BUT she was a month shy of her third birthday. My son, though started showing interest early, was also fully trained a month before his third birthday. And, most people I know have stated that thier children are not fully trained until almost 3. At this age, the children can verbalize the need to go, wait briefly if needed, pull pants up and down, get onto the seat themselves etc. Most kids who have just turned 2 can not do all of these things yet. So, even if they do use the potty, they generally have to be on a schedule, need help with pants etc. In my opinion, when a child uses the potty early, it is the parent that is trained, not the child (ie. they know the childs schedule, when to bring them etc.). As far as you MIL goes, it is really not any of her business. Tell her directly that, although you know she just wants to help, that you know what is best for your child and you don't think pushing her is the best method. Being potty trained is not a symbol of status or how smart your kid is, and you would rather wait until she is ready so she can master the skill rather than pee all over the floor constantly and "pretend" to be trained". After toiled training 2 of my own and having lots of friends and relatives that have gone through it, I think the best thing to do is introduce the toilet around 18-24 mos. Let them sit on it, look at it etc. If they actually pee or poop on it praise them. Let them watch you or older siblings. Once my son was 2ish, we had him sit on it every night before bath as part of his routine (because his sister did). Make sure they can stay dry for extended periods of time etc. Once you think they are truly physically ready, just take the diapers away (except while sleeping) and make the potty easily accesible. It will be messy for a couple of days, but it works if you are consistant (and in my opinion, works well and quickly more often when the child is closer to 2 and 1/2 or 3). It's not worth stressing over, she is still young!

She is just not ready right now. And there is nothing that anyone can do to hurry her readiness along.

Both my girls were 4 when they finished potty training, and my son will be 4 next month and he's finally liking wearing underwear and is willing to sit on the toliet. The great thing... he made the decision last week to wear underwear and he pretty much did it... haven't had an accident yet.

You may need to step up and tell your MIL "thank you for your thoughts on the subject. I realize you potty trained your children 20-30 years ago, but this is my child and we're aren't going to rush her."

Listen to your child-all your instincts are right on, in my opinion. I am currently potty training my 2 year old who HAS expressed interest and has several friends (2 years 9 months and 2.5 years old) who are trained and it was a good model so she wanted to do it too. Something that worked for us that you may want to try, was "naked mornings" (this was also summer time so it depends on your situation -I am a SAHM) She would wake up and I would take off the diaper and we would pee on the potty until we went out for the morning-so maybe 2-3 hours of no clothing or diaper at all. She peed everywhere at first but then got the idea. We had a potty set up in the living room so she didn't have far to go. Then at the end of the day before a bath I would sit her on the big potty while I started the water, got out the toys etc. She would watch and inevitabley if we were there long enough she would pee and be very excited! So we then started to do it more and she is in underwear but still has occasional accidents (diapers for naps and bed). Its a process and when your child is ready, maybe some of these strategies will help. Good Luck!

I would just ignore the criticisms. There is no way to make a child potty trained. Every child learns at a different pace. Your daughter may be ahead in other areas, mentally, but this is a physical thing. Just give her time, and don't pressure her. The more you do, the more frustrating it will be for all of you. Occasionally mention it, but don't force the issue. She will do it when she is ready. My first daughter was potty trained so quickly, and she never had accidents. My second daughter took much longer, and had accidents all the time. By the time she was around 2 1/2 she had it down pretty well. It's a huge process, and so much of it is internal/non mental. Really, what difference does a few months make? You MIL is prob. just pushing because the other grandchild is ahead in something for once! Don't sweat the small stuff! :)

What a difference 2 months makes - my daycare suggested my dd was ready when she just turned two - and we decided to give it a go - I was 8 months pregnant at the time. After a weekend of bending over to clean up the floor more times than I can count, I said "enough "and we put the idea away for a while. While we had all the toddler potties available, we didn't push her to go or do timing and she was wearing diapers (to save my sanity). Occasionally she would say she had to go and she would, but it was always on her own terms. Fast forward to now - literally only 2 1/2 months later - and she is going consistently on the potty - pooping and peeing - and mommy hasn't cleaned up a mess in at least a week. I have a 6 week old and can't possibly spend any more time cleaning up bodily functions. Please wait until your daughter is ready - it may be in two weeks, it may be in 6 months, but it is SO MUCH EASIER to deal with a kid who wants to do it and "gets it" Less cajoling, bribing, begging, questioning. She just tells me she has to go. We have more false alarms (sitting on the potty with no action) than accidents these days. And I am actually comfortable taking her out to eat with her cotton underwear on (not pull ups though we use those too and sometimes she requests a diaper) Good luck and know this too shall pass. Tell MIL to back off (in a loving sweet way of course ;).

Bottom line...If your daughter isn't ready no amount of bribing...threatening will work period. Kids will train when they're ready. Your MIL needs to let it go!!!! My DD was three for day and close to 4 for nightime. My DS trained himself a month after his third birthday for both day and night...he is now 4. I never stressed about it and these experiences with my first two never got me frustrated! I guess I go against the grain and don't worry about it. NO I am not thrilled about changing toddler diapers but getting angry or impatient with my child won't make it any better or go any faster. If your daughter is showing interest fine let her sit on the potty and give her rewards for going. If she doesn't let it be. Hang in there!

i know pressure of family and friends can be hard BUT if she is not ready and you are trying to entice or force her to train she ACTUALLY will regress and take longer when she is ready. BEST THING YOU CAN DO is stop and wait it out. she will be ready before you know it. give it a month ask her if she is ready to use the big girl potty like mommy and if she doesnt seem any more interested than before then just wait SHE IS ONLY TWO NOT TWENTY TWO. tell everyone its great that they want her potty trained but its not their decision. I was in the same boat as you in a way had a tiny baby and a two year old she wasnt ready just before two but was a few months into two and she trained in a week been trained for going on a year now. i let her run nekked and we got it done BUT she was ready. you will just end up frustrated more if you keep at it when she is not ready. BUT when she is ready dont use pull ups bc they are like diapers i think the best method is letting her be naked at home so you can wathc for her signs when she has to go and you can alert her and help her see the signs(feelings) But just wait one full month adn try again. GOOD LUCK and remind everyone SHE IS YOUR CHILD!!!!

Hi M. - potty training in our house is rough at best so I cannot offer good advice on how to get her to potty train. What I wanted to comment on is others commenting/hinting/etc. that your daughter should be trained. First of all - you have a young baby in the house - maybe it's not the best time to try to train. Also, if you push her when she's not ready it may become a control issue - we had/have that problem and it makes it much more drawn out and difficult. Easier said than done (I've been there and heard the comments): forget what others think you and your child should be doing and what others kids are doing.......