Potty Training a Boy - Florida,NY

Don't feel bad mama, this is a tough time. Mine was about his age and I was getting to that desperation point too, right before preschool started.

I would stop rewards if he is still wetting his pants. just "going" in the potty isn't enough - he has to make it the whole day with dry pants. Since you know that he gets the concept it is time, I think, to hold him somewhat responsible. This is his first "job" as a human being. He needs to use the potty. I would try being firmer with him. Presents are for AWESOME days - not just going in the toilet a few times. Up the ante mom!

GOOD LUCK!! He'll get it!

Despite having different personalities and temperaments, both of my sons were finally potty trained 2 weeks before turning 4 years old. They were both motiveated by the same thing - being allowed to go to preschool. They couldn't go if they were not potty trained. What does your kid want that will motivate him?

We used thick cloth training pants in the daytime, and pullups at night, until accidents stopped. Regular underwear is just asking for cleanup work. ;-)

Have him work with dad. For my boys, being able to watch dad stand up and pee was a gamechanger. They wanted to do it too.

It's hard to go through this. I understand. We had a little friend who just wouldn't potty train either. He was in Pre-school at Head Start and they wouldn't let him in without being potty trained. Mom just put a pull up on him and taught him how to put it in the trash and get another one discreetly.

The teachers didn't have to change him and he didn't have wet clothes.

Some kids just don't get it until they're older. Some kids have other issues that are causing the problem.

If you've been working on this since he's been 2 1/2, then I think you've headed off into power struggle territory.
Our son was potty trained at 3 1/2 and he wore pullups at night till he woke up dry for 2 weeks in a row (he was 7 1/2 before he could do that).
It's common for kids to have accidents even into 1st grade.

Putting him on every half hour sounds excessive.
Many pre-schools won't take kids who aren't potty trained, so maybe pre-school should be put on the back burner.
At 4 yrs old he's old enough for you to tell him that poop and pee need to go in the toilet - ask him for ideas on how he can make that happen.
If you've been talking to the pediatrician I'm guessing you've had him checked to make sure there's no medical reason for his not being able to control this.
Ask your Mom and MIL if you or you Hubby were late in training - it sometimes runs in families.
When he has an accident, have him help clean up.
He won't be gong off to college and still not be potty trained.
You'll get through this eventually - just hang in there!

sounds like a power struggle to me. you've been 'trying and trying' since he was 2, and now you're popping him on every half hour whether he needs to go or not, and throwing praise and rewards at him willy-nilly.
pretty chaotic and confusing.
i'd dial back on all the rewards and praise (you want to be positive, but not bury him in stuff), and give a small treat for a full day of getting it right. and i'd certainly stop throwing him on the toilet every 30 minutes. i'd hate it too if i got plopped there that often.
just relax and quit pushing him so. so much pressure on the poor little fella.
khairete
S.

Throw some Cheerios in the bowl and have him aim for them! Worked many times for me! Boys love games like that.

Both of my boys were just over 4 when they trained. No biggie. They train when they are ready.

I potty trained two boys, they were both different. I would just be patient, it'll happen soon enough. My first started a preschool program where he needed to be potty trained by 3 years 3 months, he had accidents right up to the start of school but then once school started, he stopped. I think what helped was the routine at school, the teachers having all the kids take a bathroom break before snack, seeing the other kids go through the routine, etc., it all just clicked for him. My other son started preschool at 3 years 10 months and it was the same for him. At home, I used to let them pee outside in the woods when they were little, it helped them just go as soon as they had to go, as well as practice peeing standing up...I live in a really wooded area so it's okay, I wouldn't otherwise.

You're not a crappy parent - don't be silly! There's no magic to potty training, and my kid was well past 4 before he was reliably using the potty. You have to ease up on yourself - he's not feeling it yet, and I don't believe this is something you can really "train". I think it's developmental. He is doing plenty of other things "early" and there's no rule about using the potty any more than there is about first steps or first word. No one thinks someone is a crappy parent if their child doesn't walk until 12 months when someone else's does at 9 months, right?

If you put him on the toilet too often, then he's not feeling the pressure to go and to empty his bladder. He just "gets lucky" with leaking a little out, although if he's asking for the diaper, he may be getting close to having some sensation about it. I do think it can help if he can watch a man or older boy pee - I wasn't getting anywhere and I sent him in the bathroom with my very private, very modest husband and told my husband to get over his modesty and show the child at least what it looks like to pee! I heard a squeal of delight from behind the door and my child's exclamation of "WOW! A WATERFALL!" Putting in some Cheerios or a square of toilet paper can help (Sometimes I even drew a little target on it with a sharpie marker) - then we played "Sink the target!" - that does require him to force more pee out, and that gives you your wish of an emptier bladder. We also have woods behind us and I wasn't above telling him to wet down this tree or that bush.

I think you have to realize that you probably started too early at 2.5 because now it's well over a year and he's sick of the whole pressure thing. I'd switch tactics. If he's getting a toy every night, then there's no incentive anyway - he just has to sit for 10 seconds and he gets a Thomas?

I'd stop fighting with him. Stop with all the running to the bathroom and all the praise - because it's not having an effect on him. The "big boy/underwear" talk is pressuring him I think. Stop the toys. Just say that you can tell he's not ready, and he can stay in the diapers (or at least a pull up) until HE is ready. Put the power back in his hands, which is really where it belongs anyway. (If he can't start preschool, so be it. It's not the end of the world. If they'll accept him anyway, you must understand that all kids have accidents and even in first grade you have to provide a change of clothes. Some kids "get it" while watching other kids go.) When he ultimately goes truly on his own, then you can praise him. And when he's reliable, his reward for his milestone can be going out to pick out some more underwear of his own.

Um...my son wasn't fully potty trained until after 5. Don't feel bad about that. I know LOTS of his friends weren't either. Boys are just late that way. And I started trying when he was 2.5 because everyone said he should be...

The short answer is, you can't make this happen. You can try, and you can drive yourself nuts. But you'll lose.
They'll do it when they're ready. End of story. Until then, deal with pull ups through school, and keep encouraging at home. Apart from that, don't stress about it.

No interest in criticizing you :) Every child is different. It will come.

The only thing I did differently than you was to not put the child on the potty before they needed to go - but I put the child on the potty AS they were just starting to go.

I waited till they were just turned 3 - and would dedicate a long weekend to it. Off came the pants - on to the deck we'd go (or my playroom with easy clean floor) and I would watch them like a hawk. The first dribble, I'd let them feel it on their legs, and plunk down on potty. Poo was easier - they'd start to crouch or concentrate. Plunked them down.

So they never really sat for long on the potty. They were just playing away and if they started to go, I had potty on the ready.

After a few "wets" (which they did not like), they seemed to get that the feeling right before the wet sensation on legs meant they had to go. Boys too.

We stayed close to home, my husband would switch out with me, and after a few days, they'd got the basic idea. Then thick padded underwear.

Not sure if that will help you :) Good luck - it will come. And if you need to, take a break. Sometimes a month off and a kid will just get it. May not be a possibility if your preschool requires him to be trained, but lots of kids aren't - don't let that stress you too much.

Oh - as for peeing right after already going, one of mine did that. If I said "everyone go have a pee" if we were getting into van (for an outing) and my little one didn't really have to go - she'd pee, only to have to go again shortly after. We were told it was because she was forcing herself to go on demand and it kind of messed her up. She outgrew it and it's no longer a problem - but sometimes making kids go when they don't need to can do that.

You are not a bad parent! Every kid is so different with potty training and a lot has to do with the kid's personality too. My son potty trained quickly at age 3 and a half. But during Kindergarten year he would get too busy at school to go and would have accidents. My daughter potty trained young but then kept having accidents off and on for years. This last year of preschool she turned 5 and still she would forget to go or would not want to quit what she was playing to go. She had many accidents over the year. But now she seems to be doing great finally at age 5 and a half and does not have these accidents any more. If it were me I would put the responsibility on him. I would tell him he is now a big boy and it is up to him to use the potty. I would remind him when he needed to go try, but I would not do it every 30 minutes. I would let him wear pull ups at night ...maybe for another year. When he has accidents I would make him clean it up, get himself changed, and wash out his undies himself. I would not say anything negative except, oh too bad, better luck next time. I never had luck with rewards...it looks to me like they are not working for you either. I would point out big kids he knows never have accidents and one day he will be a big kid too. Maybe tell him once he is not having any more accidents you will take him to xx(somewhere fun).

My son started preschool at 3 and decided to be potty trained close to 4. (yes they let him and encouraged him and worked with us). He knew when he had to go #2 but wouldnt use the potty (instead he'd hide under the table and do his business)...Yes, I too was at my wits end (almost)...Bribery worked in the end....everytime he used the potty, he got a hershey kiss and a sticker on the chart....nothing negative for accidents... and at the end of the week he'd get a prize....we did that for about 2 weeks w/ the pull ups and then a week (maybe two ) with the undies....THe first couple of days he'd be on the potty every 5 minutes and was having visuals about what halloween was going to be like (LOL!)....Night time was another issue and that one worked itself out with time

So not to worry...each child is different...Rumor has it that girls might be easier to train than boys .... And no you are not a bad mom; if you are, I'm right there with you.

Just be patient....he wont be going off to college (kindergarten, for that matter) in his pullups

Good luck

ADD: Yeah - get dad involved. They have the same plumbing. Sometimes they just need to see things in action for it to "click".

ORIGINAL: Hit the library. They may have some cool books that'll help him understand on a kid level what's going on with his body.

Pull-ups are fine for pre-school. Call them training pants. Diapers are for babies, these are for transition. Then tell him when next summer, or before if he's ready, HE can pick his underwear out. Check them out when you go shopping so he can see the character undies and motivate himself. Don't push, use "when you're ready".

If you stop and think about it, going to the bathroom is a LOT of body sensations to manage. We adults are used to it, but if you pay attention to your body when you go, it FEELS strange. Kids aren't used to it yet, and some are more sensitive to their body sensations - which can make the process longer.

Have you tried the Cheerio or Fruit-loop toilet target thing? Put some in the toilet, and he has to "aim and shoot" them. This might get him peeing all the way out since it's a way to get all the targets.