Potty-trained 3-Yr-old Won't Poop on the Potty

My son was the same way. I put a special calendar up on the fridge for him. Every time he went poop in the potty he got to put a sticker on the fridge. I bought stickers with his favorite characters an them . He loved the idea. Sometimes he would go 3&4 times a day just to put a sticker on the fridge. Finally after a couple of months he just forgot about the stickers but kept going on the potty.

This too shall pass. One thing to remember is that boys are way different than girls when trying to potty train. They just seem to take longer. My son had the same problem, but, take heart...he will be 25 soon and that is a distant memory that we can laugh at now. He wouldn't do it in the toilet until he was 4! Also, my grandson, (now just 3) is doing the same thing his uncle did. I trust by the time HE is 25 he will poop in the potty!! It is frustating but will right itself with time. Good luck and keep smiling!

Yep, been there. My son was 2 1/2 and REFUSED to go poop on the potty. He mastered peeing long before that, so we created the "magic" Pull-up. We would cut a hole in the back-end of the Pull-up (big enough for the poop to go through). Then he'd sit on the potty and think he was going in the Pull-up. It, of course went into the potty and he didn't know it. I think he was afraid to let himself "go" in there. It took MAYBE a week and he was pooping all the time, no Pull-up. I've read and heard this is pretty normal, especially for boys. He also didn't like me in the room or for me to see him while he was doing it. He liked to hide behind the shower curtain. He got over that real soon too, so maybe he just wants some privacy. I'd suggest not completely leaving the room, you know what boys are capable of, but let him "hide". Good luck! I KNOW how frustrating it is. You have the right attitude so just keep plugging along!

Have no fear...your child will do it when he's ready. As parents we have control over practically everything in their life. Urinating and having a bowel movement are 2 few things THEY get to have control of. Don't push him too hard. I made that mistake with my oldest (he's now 4 yrs old). At first, I was very patient and encouraging. I tried everything positive but then it started getting closer to him starting preschool and HAVING to be potty trained. I was losing my patiences and started to be mean and forcing the issue with him. Needless to say, even to this day, when he would have accidents he would get scared and start crying because of the way I use to react. Now, I'm working on undoing the damage I did.

You need to keep in mind that accidents will still happen even at age 4. What I've been doing is paying attention to what he really wants and have him earn it through a reward system. For example, he really wanted this Diego camping toy set. So, I told him he had to go 7 days without any accidents then he could have it. I printed out a chart that had 7 columns numbered 1-7 and the word "Diego" written on top. Each night he got to put a sticker in a column if he didn't have an accident for the day. Today was day 7 and he got his Diego camping toy set.

Don't get discourage if they have a set back. We all slip up once in awhile. Stick to positive reinforcements no matter how sick and tired you are of cleaning up the mess. Some programs are willing to work with your child if they're in the process of getting the potty training down pat. The lady at the preschool program I sent my son to was very nice and was willing to take him on and work with him eventhough he wasn't fully potty trained at the time. Now he can even wipe himself when he's done.

The only thing that worked for me and my girls at that point in the process was to punish them for making a mess. (The first or second accident I just did what you have been doing...to make sure it really was just an accident...but after the second or third accident...) I made them clean themselves in the tub, dump their panties in the toilet, and scolded them the whole time for making a mess in their pants. They cried for a bit and I explained that I was very disappointed in them for not going on the potty. I told them I loved them (like I do whenever I punish them for misbehavior) but I was not happy with them making such a mess in their big girl panties...and if they didn't stop, they would have to be babies again and wear diapers.

Neither of them ever had an accident again. Who knows what the dynamic is that makes going poopy on the potty harder for some children. But is telling you that he is not going to go on the potty and that is outright defiance. You have to treat it like you would if he told you no when you asked him to pick up his toys or if he told you he wasn't going to go to bed when you have told him it is time for bed. He's testing you for whatever reason.

I don't know a single child in that has ever been traumatized by the potty. Don't know where that notion came from but you just need to tell him that he has to go on the potty and that's that. He did it once he can do it always. He won't be traumatized and go in his pants for the next thirty years. He won't develop some bowel problems...and even if he does hold it like he is now, he will stop if he's scolded.

I just trained a 20 month old girl that I babysit. She was holding it for whatever reason and going in her diaper at night. I started feeding her real high fiber foods (and flax seed in her oatmeal) during the early morning hours and then I spent the day telling her that poopy goes in the potty not in her panties. Her mother got on board and started reminding her when they got home and if she pooped in her bed during the night her mom would gently scold her and tell her that she wasn't to poop in the bed. After three days, she started pooping on the potty no problems. She's not traumatized and she goes like normal again.

He's ready. Now you have to convince him that it is not acceptable to poop in his pants.

Dear L. S.,
I had the same problem with our son Matthew. We kept trying everything to get him to poop on the potty. Finally 1 day I went down to my sister's for the day & he stayed home with Daddy. He decided that day to start going & has 1 accident since that day almost 2 yrs ago. I think that patience & encouragement will help. One day he will decide on his own. Good Luck.
L. W.
A mom of 4

L.,
I'm going through the same thing with my daughter who will turn 3 in June, my daughter has been going peepee on the potty since Oct but absoutely refuses to go poopoo on the potty. She knows when she has to go and asks for a diaper. Her Doctor said don't push the issue, when she is ready she will go. Its so frustrating and I'm trying to be patient with it. Hang in there, I know what your going through. If you find a solution please let me know :) Take care.

J.

DO not make him right now. It will mess up his gi system holding it in and cause problems for later. He will do it when hei s comfortable is he ever constipated? jsut keep reading books and have him watch you and yoru husband and do the party or bribe with toys watch a movie on it etc. please just give him a little more time it will come.
J.

Maybe a reward chart would help motivate him? Give him a sticker to put on it each time he poops in the potty, and have a suprise or reward like going out for ice cream or a new toy when the chart is full of stickers.
If that works, great! If he does well and then reverts back sometimes, maybe tell him you'll take away a sticker if he poops in his underwear, but that might not be necessary.
Good luck and hang in there!

Hi L.. :)

Searching on the web, I found some good info on this site:
http://pediatrics.about.com/od/weeklyquestion/a/04_potty_...

They mention having him go in his diaper but you empty in the toliet to show him where it goes and have him go in his diaper in the bathroom, in addition to other things. :)

Good luck!

You are not alone. My son decided at 3y1m that he liked not wearing a diaper. I said ok, then you have to go ont he potty. He said ok, & that was it......except for pooping. He waited for naps & his diaper (or bedtime/early morning). Eventually I thought he was ready, & put a portable potty in his room. It took a few days, but he started to go in that, then the regular potty. I never forced him.
You are right in that there are different schools of thought about it. Fact of the matter is, they won't be wearing a diaper (or asking for one) forever.

My youngest started peeing on the potty & out of diapers at 2y1m, but was very verbal & asked for a diaper every time she had to poop. My dh was aggravated about it, but I said I would rather have her do that than have constipation issues because of holding it.
Well, it took her about another 5 months, but now she goes on the potty for everything. & she was STILL completely trained a good 6-7 months before my twins (which I remind him of that too!)

I say hang in there, offer for him to try the potty. If he continues to say no, give him his diaper. He will go when he is ready. I wouldn't withhold his nap becasue of it, you may end up with lack of sleep issues then, along with the control issues of the bathroom. (since it IS something that is in HIS control, not ours)

Good luck!

I went through the same thing with my son. I really thought he would never poop on the potty and then suddenly one day he did and that was that. It took about 6 months after he was potty trained for peeing for him to do it! I think they just do it when they are ready. I would just encourage but not pressure.

L.,

first i want to say, I applaud you - man you've got your hands full - I had a few choice expletives fire off in my head when i read your 'a little about me' regarding your husband. But i see you have a sense of humor too... that will get you thru some tough times.

Anywho!

My daughter went through the same thing (although that was 8 years ago so i dont recall a whole lot). This is SOOOO very common. With her, she had some kind of connection with her poop, it was as if she felt it was part of her, and didn't want to flush it down the toilet. This conclusion was drawn by speaking with my pediatrician and reading a few books on potty training, and the signs she was exhibiting, brought us to that 'diagnosis' if you will...

She would go into a corner to poop in her diaper - she knew she had to go.... she just wouldn't do it on the toilet - no matter what 'incentive' (read: bribe) i offered.

She did move past this eventually... my ped. said the important thing was not to push her too hard... encourage, but dont make her feel bad about doing it. During this time she also wouldn't go overnight with dry pants. Her problem there was that she was an extremely deep sleeper and just would sleep through the signals.

The pooping issue stopped when her baby sister got potty trained (her sister had no issues and seemed to be potty trained in just a few days, even overnight). It took my older daughter a bit longer to go overnight with dry pants because of her sleeping so deeply.

If i had to guesstimate how long the pooping issue lasted, I would say about 6 months??

Good luck,... this too shall pass.

Congrats on the birth of your new baby (My little girl was born a month early in January so she is 3 months today!), and I'm sorry about your situation. it must be hard at times... you always have us here at mamasource!

take care,

~J.~

Hi L.,

It took my son almost 6 months from the time he started peeing on the toilet before he would poop there. Everyone says it's a bigger challenge with boys (I only have one guy so I can't say from my own experience). One thing that did seem to help was I told him it was ok to go in a pull up still, but he'd have to do it in the bathroom (i.e. stop playing or watching cartoons and get your business done) like everyone else does.

I know it's frustrating but a few months from now you won't even know why you were fretting over it. Good luck.

We went through this exact same thing with my older son who is now 5. He trained around the same age as your son, but wouldn't poop in the potty. He would hold it and go in his diaper at night and then cry since he didn't want the poop in his diaper. I finally ended up rewarding him every time he went poop on the potty. At first, I rewarded him with a few toys that he wanted every time he pooped on the potty. Than, if he went poop in the potty, he got a dum dum sucker (his favorite little treat). For the most part, that worked because he wanted that sucker. We occassionally as he got older would have issues where he would hold it and then start crying because he had to go so badly. Then I would take him to the potty and sit with him until he went. At his 4 year old checkup, his pediatrician prescribed Miralax and told me to use it every day and this would soften things so it wouldn't hurt him and psychologically he would eventually be fine with pooping. Well, I didn't give it to him everyday, but I put Benefiber in everything. Well, he is now a little over 5 and we occassionally still have issues with him holding it in. I actually think he has encopresis at times from holding it in so much. But, we just up the treat rewards and he goes. So, try that and see if it works.

Hi my 4-year old son just went through this - we tried incentives, but he wasn't interested in them. We tried removing privileges, but that didn't help. In fact, the more we talked about it, he started having accidents urinating in his clothes too.
Eventually we gave it a break for a couple of weeks, then suggested that every night at bath he practice sitting on the toilet. (We thought maybe he was scared to climb it).

Within a week, he was doing it on his own! Without a word to us, he just uses the toilet for pooping now.

He doesn't seem to want any recognition for it, but that might just be his personality.

I think you're doing the right thing to keep neutral and not show your frustration.
Hope this helps - I'm sure it will turn out fine.

My boys were both stealth poopers. Meaning that they would refuse to poop on the potty when confronted with it but then you would find the evidence of poop not flushed in the toilet. =) Your little one sounds really smart and I'm sure the pooping is just his way of being able to control the situation around him.

Although it is frustrating raising three kids on your own and then dealing with the 3-year-old being stubborn, not all kids are potty trained at 2 (it took both of mine until 3-1/2! Boys...). Normally I would say that every time he poops in his pants, he gets himself undressed, cleans up his underwear, gets into the bath, cleans himself, dries off and gets his clothes back on. I had my youngest do that and it lasted about a week before he decided it was easier to go on the potty. =) But given your situation, your 3-year-old might just be a bit stressed out with the situation and punishing him for feeling the way he does is not a good idea. I assume since you are on here you are truly looking for advice and my advice (as a Mom and future psychologist) is to gently get your little one some support and help. The pooping might just be a rouse for what is really bothering him. There are groups you can get involved with for kids dealing with divorce.

Much luck to you!

We are totally going through the exact same thing- and although I have had a good week without any accidents... hard to say what will come this week so I don't want to speak out of turn. It is good that you don't do anything to make him feel bad- our son once pooped in the bathtub just after I asked him if he needed to go and when I yelled at him he thought it meant I didn't want him to poo. Oops, lesson learned.

Your son sounds so much like my son- and he was only pooping at naptime or bedtime- usually when he was alone. Well, we continue to work with him- reinforcing good behavior, talking to him about his accidents- saying we don't want to have those again. Good luck!

You need to break him from the habit of not using the pot to poop because he is fully aware of what he's doing. I also think it's this whole age-related thing of challenging you and testing his boundaries. From past experiences with my boys, I've made them sit on the pot until they use it. He doesn't like the way the poop feels on him, so instead of you cleaning him right away when he does this, just let it stay on him awhile and explain to him the reason why your not going to clean him right away. He fully understands what he's doing by not going to the pot, so you just have to be firm and let him know he the parent is. He is getting away with not using it to poop, so you just have to put your foot down and make him sit there if he doesn't want the poop on him. Believe me, he will get tired of having the poop on him and start going to the pot like he should. Take Care and Good Luck (B.)

That is great that you haven't forced the issue with him or with your daughter. He will go at his own pace. Shame on you, Shannon A. for your advice to punish - what you did to your own children is cruel and traumatic. I hope to God they experience no lasting damage.

Hang in there, L.! I am a single mom too (husband left when daughter was 1) and I know how challenging these things can be.