Post Potty Training Accidents!!

Updated on June 04, 2009
R.G. asks from Hickory Hills, IL
11 answers

Hi Moms -
I am hoping for some good ideas! My son is going to 3 next week. He has been potty trained just over six months. Every so often, we go thru a period of having accidents. These are excessive for about a week and then we are back to normal. He doesn't wet his bed, just tells me that he has to go after he has already gone in his pants or at least started to go. It seems like he is too into what he is doing to take the time out. I am not sure what to do! Do I punish - encourage - put him back in diapers? I also have a 20 mo. little boy. Could this still be a major case of jealousy? I have done rewards for good days - gone naked - let him pee outside. What else can I try? Please help - he is going to start preschool in the fall and I really don't this to go on any longer.

Thanks

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G.H.

answers from Chicago on

Letting him pee all over is not the answer. Keep the training the same but stick with it. You can punish by taking away the toy he was too busy playing with to come in and go potty indoors. I have a neighbor whose son actually pooped his pants while playing at a neighbors house when he was 11 YEARS OLD!!!! I'm still shocked and not likely to forget it for the rest of my life....

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A.A.

answers from Chicago on

Accidents can happen for awhile. Don't put him back in diapers. He isn't having the accidents at night, so he is just having them because he waits too long before getting to the potty. Gently remind him to go throughout the day especially after he drinks and eats. Praise him when he keeps his pants dry throughout the day. Maybe even a sticker to show what a big boy he is. When he waits too long and has an accident have him go to the potty to finish going. Have him take off his own pants and put them in the wash. Have him wipe up any pee on the floor. The goal is to draw out the process so he has to wait awhile to get back to his playing. Tell him its alot easier to just go in the potty and quicker. Tell him you are dissapointed that he had an accident and that he needs to go to the potty before he has an accident, not just when the pee pee is already coming out. Don't yell, just let him know you would be very proud of him to keep his pants dry and he can try again next time to get to the potty sooner. I know its frustrating, but accidents will happen. Of course if you see him doing the "pee pee" dance or grabbing his privates insist he go to the bathroom and try. Also, if he is playing with a certain toy offer to put it aside for him so he can come right back and pick up where he left off when he is done pottying. Alot of times kids are too afraid to miss out on the toy that they don't want to stop and pee. Remind him that he is going to school soon where all the other big boys wear underwear and keep them dry. I wouldn't ignore the accidents, but I wouldn't punish either. Keep reminding him to go more often, praise when he makes it, and his responsibility to clean up when he has an accident so he can see the consequence. You can also let him sit in the wet pants for awhile if nothing else works. This may discourage him from wetting his pants. Just know that accidents are normal for this age and a new addition to the family can trigger more. It doesn't sound like he is doing it for attention though, just simply too involved in whatever else is going on that he forgets.

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N.W.

answers from Chicago on

We have that issue with our 7 year old!!!! She's obviously been potty trained for a few years and she will have periods where she will wet herself because she waits too long.

We've taken her to the doctor, punished etc. What we've found is when there's some kind of upsetting issue at her mom's she starts the peeing issue. Once we figured that out, we keep in close communication with her about what's going on at her mom's and head off any issues.

So yes, it could be jealousy. Ours has a 2-year old sister at mom's who gets a lot of attention, and often the issues center around being jealous of her sister.

If he starts with the peeing, I'd have a talk with him. Make sure you do a lot of listening and don't make him feel bad for being jealous. In fact, him just admitting he's jealous is often enough. Once our girl gets out what's bothering her, everything clears up immediately!

(We still do punish though, usually she has to clean up her pee and lose TV. We punish for not being responsible, not peeing. Ours is old enough to take responsibility for her body.)

Good luck!

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A.W.

answers from Chicago on

Ahhh, my daughter will be 3 in Sept and has been potty trained for quite some time also. She is doing the same thing your son is! For maybe the past couple months, she will have days where she has "acidents" all day! I mean every time, 5-6 clothing changes per day! I feel she is either getting distracted or possibly testing my reaction. I just keep reinforcing that she needs to tell me and try to keep my patience. Once I asked her if she wanted to wear diapers again and she said, "Yes", LOL! I didn't mention that again. I guess I don't really have much solid advice, just wanted to let ya know that your son isn't the only one.

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J.G.

answers from Chicago on

R.,

My dtr is 3 1/2 and has also gone through this cycle several times. It seems to be connected to the attention that my youngest (7 months) gets. I have found that just rewarding her helps us get through these times and always making sure she has some good one on one time. From what I have read punishment will not work as it can reinforce the behaviour. Because any attention whether positive or negative is the problem.

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C.S.

answers from Chicago on

Try taking him to the potty every hour. Use handwashing as the reason, while he is washing his hands he may feel the urge at that time. Get a cheap little watch and everytime
the big hand is on the 2(for example), he takes time to wash his hands. Everytime he remembers he gets a star, certain amount of stars gets his favorite reward. Find out how often the preschool allows for the bathroom breaks, this may determine how often you have him wash his hands.

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V.L.

answers from Chicago on

This is very common and can keep happening until they're 5-6 yrs old, but less and less frequently. It's exactly because they get too engrossed in whatever they're doing. I always made my kids clean themselves up. It would take longer than if I did it but that was my point. I would explain that they are missing out on more time by having to shower and change clothe than they would have if they would have just gone to the bathroom when they needed to go. I have a 9-yr old and he still waits until the last minute to go--they all do. In the mean time, make sure he goes to the bathroom before playdates/parties and make him go every couple of hours

Good luck!

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L.B.

answers from Chicago on

R.- I think this is totally natural. There are so many things that contribute to this. I have a 4 y.o. who still has an accident every now and then. She has to go to the bathroom and waits till the last second that the accidents usually happen in the bathroom. They DO get so busy with whatever it is that toddlers get busy with and they forget. We always try to remind our 4 y.o. at bedtime, because if she doesn't go, she doesn't always get up in the middle of the night and sometimes has an accident. If it makes you feel any better, I just had a 7 y.o. have an accident at school. I was very disappointed until I found out that she had her hand up for a very long time and the teacher never called on her, so of course I felt that I could not scold her and advised that next time she has to go to either yell out that she has to go or just walk out and I would defend her to the end. So many reasons why. Pre-schools kind of expect it. Our pre-school always asks for a change of clothing to keep in a bag for each child. Ask Elmo (Potty training video), "accidents happen"! Good Luck!

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V.L.

answers from Chicago on

Whatever you do or are doing at the time, don't make a big deal about the accident (that tends to make them more insecure). Just change his clothes, sheets, as quickly as possible as cheerfully as possible. Make sure he knows that everyone has little accidents from time to time and it's part of growing up. It's okay, 'cause you're still learning.We just have to try to remember to take time to go potty or wake up when we get the feeling we have to go.

Next comes your job/responsibility. They are still so young and can't always comprehend cause and effect. But you can watch for the signs. Maybe it's a little clutch to the private area or a funny look on his face. Watch him esp if it's been a while since his last trip to the toilet or if he's had a lot to drink or about a half hour since he ate. When you see these little 'tells' ask him if he has to go. If he says no, give him a couple of minutes and ask again. Maybe you can suggest he try just in case.

Always have him try before bed, before going for a car ride, or going out to play, too.

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D.L.

answers from Chicago on

Don't punish him & don't put him back in diapers, it will confuse him. Don't worry about pre-school in the fall. They are used to accidents & that's why they have you bring a change of cloths that stays at the school. I would just keep reminding him during the day if he has to go. If you notice it's been awhile since he has gone & he's playing, tell him it's time to go pee & take him to the bathroom. He'll get the hang of it & it's totally normal for a 3 year old to do this.

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A.T.

answers from Chicago on

It's totally typical---and it is because he is too involved in what he's doing. Both of our girls did it. There is so much cool stuff going on that he ignores the feeling until it's too late. We would watch for the signs the girls needed to potty and tell them to go to the bathroom. Just keep up the praise---don't make him feel bad by punishing. He is really young to be fully trained; many kids are just fully potty trained at 3. I disagree with punishing him or making him clean up his own mess at this age---at 4 or 4 1/2 that's another story-- but personally I think 3 year olds are just cognitively or developmentally too young for that. He still needs your help to know it's ok to stop playing and he needs to stop playing and take a break. Keep up the good work Mom!

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