A few weeks ago I posted not being sure that sending our toddler to a playgroup was a good idea. Most of you were in support of us doing so. She has now been in the playgroup for one month, 3 times a week, just 2 hours at a time (6 hours a week). I stay with her about 5 minutes, sometimes a bit longer, until she's settled (she usually asks me to sit down on the couch with her), and when I leave, she no longer cries. However, I'm not getting the sense she loves it and looks forward to going. Some days are better than others...with the babysitter reporting she either did well, or cried on and off and asked for me. On the mornings she goes, I'm very enthusiastic and act very excited...we talk about it a lot...but she always says "no, I don't want to go". I realize at 22 months, "no" is very much a part of her everyday vocabulary but at what point do I take it seriously...or don't I? Maybe it's just all part of the adjustment? On a related note, can you tell me what toys your 2 year old is in to? I ask only because I think she might be bored...both at home and in the playgroup.
Thanks!
Thank you all for your input. Yes, we are still in a new country but she has adjusted beautifully (we've been here 6 months now). Perhaps calling it a "playgroup" was not the right word and of course I realize that parallel play is what is happening, and not playing "with". Essentially, the sitter is a very warm, kind mom who is watching her own 2 children plus 2 others. The group actually runs from 8 until 1 but I only send her from 9 until 11, both so I can get some professional work done, as well as rest (I'm in my 3rd trimester). I do believe that the group is structured...free play, snack, outdoor time, craft...
Like all moms, I want to do what is healthiest for her development. My husband and I wavered a very long time before sending her and I think most of what propelled us was the fact that she had never been away from us for an extended period and we were worried what would happen when I go in to labor...we didn't want that to be the first time she was apart from us, so we decided to gradually get her accustomed to being in the care of another adult (especially with no family or close friends nearby).
I still don't know if it's the right decision...
As far as toys, thanks for the suggestions. We have friends visiting us in a few weeks from America and I wanted to get a list together of items to bring since toys here are quite costly.
At this age, they are doing a lot more "indepnedant play" rather than playing together. I would (if I were you) either not take her at all or plan on staying with her. I guess I always thought of a play group as something that the child went to with their mom, now if this is more of a "mother's day out" then that is different.
Take her to Target and walk her down the toy isle and see what she's attratcted to.
playgroup to me is friends with kids getting together while the kids play, I don't know that you need to leave a toddler with someone else if they aren't enjoying it, unless you have a need to be doing something else with those hours. 3 is a much better age
My son was part of a Parent's Day Out program before he was old enough for preschool that was one day/week for 2 1/2 hours. It was run by a preschool and their time was (loosely) structured around free play, circle time, snack, simple crafts, and center based activities. They felt it was better for us not to hang around. My son would cry when I left and off and on during the time he was there for the first month, but then less and less after that. He never said he wanted to go, he always wanted to stay with me. But, when I asked him if he wanted to go to their summer program, he was very excited about it and didn't cry at all when he started that. Hope this helps. Don't know if you go to garage sales, but my kids have always loved to pick out toys at them.
She's too young to benefit from this sort of arrangement. 2 yo's do not play together. The do what's called parallel play, ie. side by side. What is your goal in having her in this group? Is your goal being met?
To me a play group is one in which mom and toddler meet with other moms and toddlers/preschoolers. This would be much more appropriate for your little one.
Unless you have to have her in this group because you need babysitting then it will work its self out. But if this isn't a necessity I urge you to keep her at home.
I went back and skimmed some of your previous posts. Are you still in a new country? I suggest that your toddler is feeling insecure and needs to be at home with you. If you need breaks, hire a mother's helper. She can be a teen. She can pay attention to the baby while you do other things.
I think 22 months is very young for some kids to be in a group for 2 hours at a clip. Many kids adjust to day care for longer periods because it is every day. But 3 days a week means that you child doesn't have the same structure even 2 days in a row, and I think it may be confusing for her. If you need this time to work or do other things, that's one issue. If it's just to get her socialized, it doesn't seem she's ready for it.
If this babysitter is just a sitter and not a trained professional who knows how to instill structure, that may be part of the problem. If the children knew that the 2 hours consisted of open play, a snack, a story, some outside time, and then mommy comes, they would be more secure in knowing what's happening. Two hours of free play might be too much. I know this isn't preschool and the kids can't follow a lot of direction, but I know a lot of kids in daycare who are your daughter's age and who have SOME structure. I see little ones screaming in the babysitting room at my gym because the sitter is just a "safety supervisor" and not engaged with the kids. They roam around aimlessly and want their parents.
On toys - a variety of toys is most important. Something soft & cuddly (doll, stuffed animals), something for gross motor skills (a soft ball that rolls, a large truck to push along, a wagon to put stuff in and haul around behind her, or a simple kiddie car manageable at 22 months), and something for fine motor skills (blocks, play food & kitchen set, etc.) provide a decent variety.
To me, playgroups/playdates younger than 3 or 4 years old means that mommy stays so she can visit with other mommies while the kids play. I don't know much about play groups since my kid isn't even 4 months but I like a lot of the other moms suggestions about the difference between a playgroup for a young toddler and needing babysitting. Good job mamas!
22 months is quite young for a playgroup, and if there isn't a set, structured routine, which children of a young age need, it may just be overwhelming for her. That's why preschool and daycare have a routine the children can rely on and find security in. If you can I would stay and watch (where she can't see you) to see what is going on, how she's interacting with the other children, they with her, and so on. Possibly there's a problem with sharing, getting tired or frustrated, etc. I realize that she may not be verbal enough to explain, but have you tried asking her why she doesn't want to go? If she's saying "no" to this, ask yourself is she saying "no" to everything or just this? She may have a real reason she's not liking it.
But remember, it has been only a month. My daughter was older, about 3 1/2, and screamed for me every day (she went 4 days a week) when I left her at preschool/daycare for the entire first semester I returned to college. Her teacher told me she would cry until I was out of sight, (she could see me through a chain link fence as they were having outside play when I dropped her off) then would settle down. It still rattled me in my first class, though, and I would often call to check on her but always found out she was fine. After the winter break when we returned about a month later she never cried for me again! Apparently she just wasn't quite ready to be away for me when we began but matured.
Dolls and stuffed animals, balls, Duplo or Mega Blox, small cars and trucks, little people, play food (Leap Frog Cook & Play Potsy is good) puzzles, something to ride on, push or pull, books, interactive toy laptops like the ones from VTech, (yes, we live in a technological world) etc., are all fun and educational in their own way. You want to offer a variety of things that allow her to explore, learn and get exercise. My almost 26 month old has his own soccer ball to kick and run after, loves his books, laptop, and ABC Text & Learn because it looks like a cell phone to him, and it helps him count and learn his ABC's, which he loves.
Hope this helps, and hang in there : )
When I took my boys to play dates, i didn't leave. It was a time for us mommy's to get together and talk with adults....
At 2, she's not really "playing" she's learning social skills....you need to know what you are wanting out of this play group, what you want for your daughter as well...
good luck!
I was so stressed about my daughter getting "socialization" when she was about your daughters age. I am a SAHM and thought she was going to be socially stunted if she wasn't sitting next to other kids for a while, so I joined a playgroup with other mom's who I was luke-warm to and didn't particularly like it myself, and my daughter was too young to care either way.
I realize now that it wasn't necessary and the 2 years of preschool when she was older was much more beneficial.
Don't think you have to do it so she gets "socialization" at this age. If it's for your own rest and getting things done, then go for it. She'll adjust and be happier with a well rested mom who isn't thinking of all the other things she has to do.
I suggest that instead of being super perky and enthusiastic before her playgroup you should tone it down and act as you normally do on a day to day basis. What may seem like encouragement for your daughter could be adding stress to this event (sounds like it's adding stress to your life if you are forcing gobs of enthusiasm on her).
Can I ask what your reason is for sending her to the playgroup? If the reason is for her to have fun, it sounds like she may have more fun in a mommy and me type of group where you stay with her. If it's because you need a break, I think you need to decide if it's worth it. I'm not judging, just pointing out that it sounds like she isn't loving it, and you need to decide if you need to have her do this or not at this time. I think she's pretty young and probably doesn't *need* to be socialized (which is why I said a mommy and me group might be better). You could also try just sending her to a one-hour playgroup once a week. Two hours is a long time to be away at this age. Good luck!
