Over Emotional Daughter

S.,
The thing that concerns me when I read this is that maybe something specific is happening at this day care, maybe as simple as a teacher who reprimanded her or as serious as someone abusing her in some way. Have you sat down and really talked with her about what exactly about day care is making her so upset? I would definitely look into it more. Perhaps a new school would help or maybe an in home day care situation? I would say just don't ignore her concerns. Whatever is upseting her is a very big deal, at least in her mind. Give her the benefit of the doubt and take her concerns seriously. Good luck, M.
PS - I don't know where you are in town but I do after school care on the westside and you are welcome to email me.

Change the program she is in. Maybe they just don't know how to handle her, there are so many loving day care providers, just need to find the right one, Where do you live?

K.

You should listen to your daughter. Is there any other after school tutoring or boys and girls club or something you can look into that doesnt cost. There is probley a reason for her concern and she just isnt voicing it! Check into it and other options. I know a lot of the schools around her offer more than one after school program that is funded by the district.

My son was and is very emotional. When he was in day care he would cry scream etc, etc I would have to sneak out of the room. He would scream and cry about EVERYTHING!!! I was a wreck. My husband and I could not take him anywhere. Then he had problems in Kindergarten and was very disruptful and would walk out of the classroom. Anyways we had him tested for learning disabilities. We were able to get him more one on one help and had him repeat Kindergarten. He would also spend time with the schools therapist and they would play games and do these work sheets that were actualy helping him with his emotions. He was attention starved and it did not matter how much you gave him good or bad he wanted more. With all of this assistance, one on one, and small group learnning I am pleased to report that my son is in the thrid grade now and actualy likes school and can not wait to go. It took time but with the added help that he needed we are getting through it. The added help during school could help out with the afterschool program too.

Is there a mom of one of her classmate or friends that could watch her after school. Ask aroung or talk to the teacher. Of course offer to pay them something too.

First off, HUGS! I am a divorced mom with two young kids, daughter 6 and a son 3. My ex left and moved 1,000 miles away and I have no family here. Girls I found are super intuitive and can be super emotionally driven with life changes. Some kids are more flexible, like my three year old son, but my daughter and I had a tough summer with her having all these stresses about the divorce and I wasn't even aware. Her actions were geared towards other things, like fear of weather related stuff, friend sensitivity and so forth. When we got to a family counselor then we got to the root of it being the insecurities she felt about the divorce and all her fears. We taught her to talk about her feelings and I will validate her feelings but teaching her how to not act out on them negatively. I am doing before and after school care here out of my house for the very reason my daughter really needed me to be close by and here for her with all the changes going on. DO NOT blame yourself and do not think it is your fault. You are not neglecting her, you are doing a great job working hard to provide for your kids. Some kids handle change differently. I would talk to her openly, let her feel things but tell her how important she is, carve out just you and her time and constantly remind her that you are there for her. She has had a huge change in her life and just needs to feel secure, it will take time believe me but it will come. Kids I found need honesty at a level they can handle but I spent so much time trying to protect my daughter about truths in the divorce that I ended up forcing her to draw her own conclusions which were worse. Insecurity comes from what they don't know and worry about. The family therapist helped my daughter and I communicate and allowed me to be able to talk to her in a way I am being honest but not giving her too much grown up information and things have improved TONS!

Have you checked into daycares located near her school? Usually, the school has a list of daycares that bus to and from the school (for early morning drop off at daycare and after school care). If they don't have a list, you can visit childcare centers close to the school and ask if they bus to and from the school. They are usually more expensive, but your daughter may like being at one of those centers better than kids corner. I found that on site after school programs usually mix older and younger kids, while the child care centers keep them with the same age groups. This might be why she doesn't like the onsite child care.

A divorce and daycare is a lot to handle. I agree that it should be looked into why she hates that place so much, my son was a very "unique" child and had to be placed in several day cares before we found the right one. He was in one that he was abused in (bruise on the arm in the shape of a thumb), and he was in one that was neglectful,so these things do happen. If it is just anxiety I would have her participate in finding one she likes, have her decide. Bring her on a tour have her meet the staff before she decides. This might help and make her feel more in control of the situation.

It sounds to me like she doesn't like that particular place. Have you thought about trying maybe the YMCA or Boys and Girls club. I think they might actually pick them up from school too. Something at the after school program there is bothering her, maybe another kid not being nice, I would try really talking to her and asking her what is it exactly there that she dislikes so much. I hope all works out.

S.,

I'm sorry you and your daughter are struggling. The first thought I'm having is about your job. Is there any way you can negotiate a slightly different schedule at work? Perhaps go in a little earlier, take a shorter lunch, so you could get out earlier to pick her up from school. Any employer worth their "salt" should understand that family comes first, and at least make an attempt to work with you. It sounds like your daughter has just been through so much and needs your attention right now more than ever. It may also just take her a little time to get use to the new family arrangement and all the stress surrounding it. And if nothing else, when you are together, reassure her over and again how important she is to you. And that you understand that this is hard for her. Maybe make special times for the weekend where its only about the two of you and she can have all your attention. In order to do all of that, you'll need to make sure you're taking good care of yourself also. I hope this helps.

Sincerely,
C.

she misses her dad and caregiver. there are too many changes too soon but it takes time before shell realize that this is the way its going to be. just be supportive ahd tell her everyday that you love her and leave her with something to hold when she is lonely. i mad a picture book of things like his toys, his dad, my mom and dad, his pets and me . i sewed clear plastic like the kind you put on fun=rniture, i bought a 1/4 yard at the fabric store and cut it out to fit the pictures and sewed around 3 sides and change the pictures as he chooses, then i bound it with single 3 rig binder at the top. that worked for me

Hi S.!

I'm sorry to hear of your daughter's troubles. You have a lot of good advice already. I was just going to mention maybe a local stay at home mom near you would be available for after school babysitting... I have done that for a fraction of the price that daycares require, and at a home environment, it would give her an opportunity to relax and come to grips with her changing world. Also, if you can't pay someone for this service, perhaps barter.. babysit the caregiver's child on a few weekend days or nights.. etc... Just a thought.

Good luck and give her plenty of love and time to listen with your heart as well as your ears.

L.

I would say she is not over emotional - just adjusting to HUGE changes in her little life and looking to her parent(s) for help. She probably has a lot of sadness, anxiety and stress over the separation of her parents and worries that you may not be around either - just trying to frame it from a five year old's perspective. She is not too young for counseling and the two of you could even go together. If the divorce is not final yet and you are still in the process there is a Parenting Through Transitions class that is required to get the divorce complete - these would all be excellent questions to ask there - they staff the class with an attorney and a mental health provider. You could also ask her school counselor if they have a divorce support group at the school or any recommendations on books or resources to help her with this adjustment. Good luck!

Stephine,
Get her out of their. Something is not right. She is going through alot. Dad gone. She needs reasurance that He is still part of her life. He told care of her all that time. Talk to her as much as possible. The divorce is between you and your husband. She needs the reassurance that the divorce was not her fault.
C. B.