Nighttime Potty Training - She Refuses a Diaper

My grandson would wet the bed and he was 8yrs old. So his dad and mom used pull ups and called them big boys pants( for you big girl pants) and he only wears them at night and it really help them.

My son uses Goodnights (or the generic brand) too...he is 5yrs old and often says he doesn't want one and that he 'promises' he won't wet the bed! Poor kid, I try to explain it isn't his fault and that if he is really tired his body just doesn't wake up! I have gotten past this (at least more often than not!) by telling him he can wear it over his PJ's, underpants, whatever and that it's JUST in case...not because I think he needs it!
This seems to work many times...on the rare night he won't go for it, I simply insist even if he cries. He gets over it quickly and I know it's just a battle of the wills at that point!
Good luck and I hope you get some sleep soon! ;-)

What I did with my now four year old was to make up a back-up bed for him and leave him fresh/dry pjs. The mattress was covered in plastic, so there was no possibility of urine soaking into the mattress. I left the heater turned up a bit higher than usual. (So he didn't need more than a sheet and light blanket as a cover.) And he also had a small pillow (rather than the standard twin sized pillow, because they take FOREVER to dry!)

I didn't ever wake my son up to use the bathroom. I figured he needed to get as much sleep as possible so he could learn to wake up when his body started telling him his bladder was full.

When he wet the bed, my son would initially wake me up to tell me. I would tell him to change out of his wet things and get into his back-up bed. (He has a bunk bed - so both beds would be made AND we had a spot on the floor with a comforter, etc. for when he was wetting the bed more than once.) I wouldn't get up or do anything else. Pretty soon, he'd get up, strip of the wet clothes, put on the dry clothes and crawl into the other bunk bed and/or the back-up bed.

The following morning, he'd help me strip the bed (beds) and put the wet sheets into the washer. Then he'd use a Lysol wipe to clean the mattress. That night he'd help me make the bed. We definitely didn't offer him a reward for staying dry (because he didn't have any control over this - it takes time to learn how to wake up to go to the bathroom!) And we never berated him or said anything negative or positive about wetting the bed. It was just a fact of life to be dealt with.

In a relatively short time, we only had one wet bed each night. Then, the quantity of urine in the bed started decreasing. He'd wake up AS he was wetting the bed and would run to the bathroom to finish emptying his bladder.

It was quite a bit of laundry BUT we did manage to cut down on the laundry by turning up the heat and using a small pillow. The transition took a bit of time, but he's four and a half now and we haven't had a single accident since maybe a month or two after his fourth birthday.

Sounds like she is doing great and recognizes that she IS too old for diapers!! I would try double making her bed and show her how to change it if she wets at night so that she can take responsibility for it. Also, work to decrease fluids in the evening, make sure she's gone regularly throughout the day and right before bed, and perhaps wake her up once before you go to bed. I think doing everything you can to encourage her independence and growing up in this area is the RIGHT thing! Don't go backwards to diapers, and don't force her to continue a baby thing when she is ready to be a big girl. I also think a little treat for staying dry in the morning is a good idea, then maybe move to a treat if dry all week, could use a sticker chart to keep track, etc. Potty training IS a lot of laundry, but it's so worth it to allow and encourage our children to learn and grow up, and not to hold them back just because we would prefer less work.

I recently checked out from the library the book Diaper Free Before 3 - the author has a lot of great information and ideas for nighttime wetting. I am also converted to her point of view on potty training!

Good luck - sounds like you are doing a great job!!

I would add to Julie's advice that you could buy disposable underpads, the kind they use in Hospitals or for home births, they are available in the drug store they are big, may be 2'x3', you could tape them with masking tape to her bed, depending how much she moves at night, it may save your bedding.
I wish I got advice like Julie's when I was going through it, one of my son's wet the bed till he was 10, it wasn't because he wanted to. We did similar things, got him involved with the daily cleaning and although there wasn't a reward system, we happily celebrated with him when he had a dry night. He was a very heavy sleeper, with a smaller bladder.
This is s great place to get support even if you have a good idea on how to deal with parenting issues.

Hi Cindi! No easy way to say this...your being played! At 4 unless she has a medical issue, she is working your attention, and quite effectively I might add. Giving her a reward would not be a good idea, it gives the wrong signal. This is my advice; buy a plastic sheet and put it on her bed under her sheet, tell her that if she pees she will stay in it, you will not change her or her bed! Yeah, I know yuck, but here's the deal, the plastic sheet will save the mattress, and the lack of attention should take care of the rest. And, because I have been played a time or two, if she gets up and changes her own then you know that she knows what she is doing! All this is under the assumption that she has bladder control the rest of the time! Good luck and God speed! R.

Have you tried the Pampers Night Time Pull Ups? Other than that I dont know what to suggest.

C., you are working too hard. Too many safety nets. If she can't stay dry at night she is not there yet. I would have her in diapers all the time and only graduate her to pretty undies when she has kept her diaper dry for days at a time;day and night.
I have 3 kids, ages 6,4, and 21/2. My youngest just decided less than 2 weeks ago to start going in the potty! This was unexpected because the oldest was just over 4 when he decided and my second was around 3 when she decided to go in the potty. If you'll notice I keep using the words "they decided". I have learned (the hard way I might add) that until that child is ready to take on the responsibility of the task (and you can't expect them to take it on unless you have trained them) you can't really expect competence from them. We really pushed the first one and had all kinds of problems. We tryed punishments, rewards (very bad idea cause it led to a sense of entitlement) nagging,and everything else you can imagine. Finally we went back to diapers and waited. One day the light went on and he decided; from that point on he was independent. Cold turkey on the diapers, none at night either. A water proof mattress cover and them helping to change the bed in the middle of the night and helping with the laundry the next day pretty much drives home the point. My youngest little guy is two and a half and goes to bed in undies, no pull ups and has only had one(daytime) accident since. He waited too long and couldn't run fast enough. This gave us an opportunity to talk about going right away and not waiting. So far so good.
If they can't feel the sensation on their own and know what to do with it then they will have accidents, wet the bed, and have stress related accidents a lot. Until a child can do all the steps of going in the "big potty" they will be way more work (and frustration)than if they were still in diapers. Train, train, train.(while still in diapers) If you can do this from every location, in and out of the house then when the child is ready they will feel confident to do all that is required of them. This training is from going potty,to hand washing and the whole shabang. If they are unsure of what to do they often stand in one place and that is basically where you find them in a big puddle. If the child can't do the whole procedure by themselves...they are not potty trained. If you are still wiping the bum of a child whose arms are long enough to reach... they have trained you. My thoughts are to choose your battles wisely, after all, how many kids in elementary school are still in diapers?! Wow, my longest post yet, sorry about that. Happy training!

Hi C.,
Have you tried limiting how much she drinks in the evening time? My daughter has good nights if she doesn't have anything to drink after 6:00 or at the very latest 7:00 and that would only happen if we have a late dinner. Some kids are easier than others. I was h*** o* my parents too but my problem was seizures, and when I had one I'd lose control. They thought I was just trying to get attention, they tried treats and punishment making things gross or making my bottom red, when they found out I wasn't the one to blame they wished they would've taken me to the Dr sooner.

P.S. She could also hear running water at night from pipes or something like that

My daughters name is Piper too!
well, with our Piper, she definitly has a mind of her own and did things when she wanted to do them. When we did her potty training-about 5 months ago, the diaper thing was all or nothing. if she knew she could wear a diaper at any time, then she would opt for that and wouldn't try to potty train. So basically all bets were off, and we never had diapers in the house again. She would wake us up to tell us she wet the bed and we just explained to her each time how it was so much nicer to be dry all night then wet and if she felt she had to go, to wake up. We did lots of laundry and did this process for about a month, and every once in a while still she pees the bed, but for the most part, she just broke out of it herself. I was willing to change the sheets 2 times a night if it would show her how much time it took to deal with it each time and that big girls can just go when they need to. Now she wakes me up sometimes and tells me she has to go(she likes an audience). Also, i think the biggest factor honestly was the fact that we wanted to put her into Montessori school and she had to be potty trained. She loved the idea of school, so we told her she couldn't go to school until she stopped peeing her pants. That was the deal breaker for sure.
good luck!
i think they will eventually get sick of being wet and just do it on there own.

Don't be discouraged if rewards don't always work. It's possible she just doesn't wake up until after she goes in her bed. You could remind her over and over and it may not help. All you'll be is exhausted. I had bladder control trouble as a kid off and on until I was eleven! When I slept well, I usually would wet the bed. How I wish we had back then what we have now. Have you tried pull-up's or easy-up's? You'll find them in the diaper aisle but they're for older children. They are soft like underwear and go on like underwear but protect like diapers plus she can get them with Disney Princesses on them and everything. Also, if she stays dry, they don't rip off like diapers so she can wear them over and over until it gets worn out or wet. So, it saves you money AND sanity. TOTALLY WORTH IT!

C.--
I agree with Julie about trouble ahead if you stick with the reward ... because if her body just isn't ready she will start to view herself as a problem when she can't make herself stop; and she might not be able to make herself stop, or she might rob herself of deep sleep by driving herself to shallow-sleep in an attempt to be able to wake up at slight provocation (sound like any moms we know ;)? ).

In the 1980s and 90s they used to run ads in Good Housekeeping all the time, that on average 1 of every 9(?) kids up to age 8(?) wets the bed (it was an ad for a pee-alarm I think--they wanted moms to feel 'normal' so they would bring it up with the kids' pediatricians and buy the product).

In my house, we have some issues with this, and after some initial bumps with my oldest (I had been told "go whole hog, the kid will train themselves at night"), I changed my attitude to "OK, well, we just need to wear diapers"--not something to be shamed about, not negotiable, and here are the (rational and not-emotionally-laden) reasons (mommy literally can't keep up with that much laundry, if you pee your bed your stuffed animals get peed, you cannot ever ever sleep on the couch unless you have a diaper on, and the floor is pretty uncomfortable if you've peed your bed) ... and having the kid help with the work involved (aim for it to be as hard for them as it is for you) gives them a really concrete understanding of the "why diapers are important."

the kids followed my attitude (they always do eventually), of course after a period of trying to live the old attitudes harder to drive me into their "comfort" zone (when mommy changes, even if it is a good change, they don't know what to expect anymore: and they LIKE to know what to expect, even more than they initially like positive changes ;) ! )

The other thing that has helped me, is I had an injury that was aggravated by each birth to cause complete loss of bladder control for a little while after the births--so the kids saw me wearing pullups (Depends--and don't "save money" by buying the generic!), because _I_ needed to, and I wasn't all weird and distressed, it was just how things were for that time.

(We use cloth diapers, which has it's own set of challenges and benefits--but one major one is that you can buy three covers and a single-dozen, and your cost is finished. And they are WAY less laundry than bedclothes.)

I love Julie's idea about a small pillow instead of a full-sized one! Of course their little necks probably would do better then, too! So funny what one never thinks about until someone says something ...

I went from diapers to pull ups. They are a little bigger looking. Like they have dragon tails dora the explorer or you can find plain white ones. They are like underpants you pull them on. My daughter is seven and is ok with them. She has real low muscle tone so night time is hard for her. So maybe she might like those instead. Her bladder will mature with age and there will be less accidents as time goes on. But I tried the waking up thing and it was so h*** o* her and she didn't get enough uninteruppted sleep and was groughy and never corrected the problem. I feel it comes in time as long as there are no medical reasons for it. She has started being dry several nights at a time. so I know she is on her way. So it will come with time for your daughter. So you might try those and see if that helps if not there are pads you can put under her that will help keep her bed dry. So you don't have to change her bed so much in the night. Just a thought.

Just a response to the postings that recommended the goodnights...

Both of my boys wore those for a long time and when our 4 year old decided he wanted a good bye goodnights party, he stopped wearing them and his older brother (7) decided he didn't want to wear them either. I think that the goodnights were a crutch for both of them and since they gave them up, there has been steady progress in the direction of being independently dry all night long. Right now, both the boys go before bed (8ish) and then I take them to the potty between 10 and 10:30 when I am getting ready for bed. I then wake them early in the morning when the baby wakes me up (6ish) and take them again. On weekends, sometimes I do not get up as early and over the last few months, they have been more independent in getting up to go to the bathroom when they have to in the morning. We still have accidents but usually they are dry.

My 4 year old sleeps so hard that sometimes he just doesn't wake up. One night last week, I could tell that he was really trying to make it to the toilet since I heard him call out and when I got to his room, he was standing leaning against the side of his bed and he had peed on his feet and all over the floor. I really felt like that was progress since he hadn't just gone in the bed. We still had to change pj's, but at least the bed was saved and the floor is wood so that was easy to clean up!

Hang in there, I really think it just takes time. You are doing the right thing!

A.

At 4 years old she should think diapers are for babies! If she is urinating during the night try not giving her much in the way of fluids in the evening. Then make sure she goes potty before going to bed. If there isn't alot of fluid in her system the likelihood that she'll wet is lower. She IS old enough to understand that if she wets at night she has to wear a pullup. I would not want to do all that laundry either. Besides think what it does to the mattress. I used big kid underpants as the reward for staying dry. If you're still having problems there could be a medical reason or she is just pulling a power struggle with you. Be firm and consistent in whatever you do.

Hi C.,

I would strongly suggest using the pull-ups or good night variety. You can buy the ones that have princess on them.

I would not leave it up to her to decide.

You can have an agreement that when she is able to keep dry at night for 2 whole weeks then you can change to big girl panties.

Invest in a waterproof mattress protector.
You can also buy those waterproof pads like the hospitals have. Save on laundry.

Check out www.loveandlogic.com

They have a wonderful program.

K. mother of 6

Hi C.,

I would suggest putting her in pullups made by Huggies, I think. They are like disposable diapers. She can put them on like a "big girl" and they are like underwear. I would also get her going on the potty chair. I have four kids, ages 19, 17, 10 and 6 years old. My daugter is the oldes. I have a potty training book that I read to all four children. It is about being a big kid and going in the potty chair. I can't remember the name because the book is tucked away somewhere for keepsakes. Have fun with the kids they grow way too fast.

K.

I would not change her when she wets herself thru the night, eventually she'll be tired of being wet and uncomfortable. I would leave a light on so she could find the bathroom. Let her change her own clothes and help change the bedding. You may also want to talk to your Dr. to rule out any physical problem. Maybe restrict fluids before bed. I would not scold her for wetting either.