New Pregnant Agin

I felt the same way with my second (I'm still pregnant with him). I hated it. I was just getting into the swing of things at work and completely ready to be mommy of 1. I was so angry. My husband made it clear that he did not want me to get an abortion, and I could give it up for adoption, if I really wanted to at the end of the pregnancy. By month 5, things changed a little. Once he started kicking, I couldn't imagine giving him to another family. Although I can't say that I'm enthused about the situation, I know that I'll love him just the same. I'm still getting used to it. Alexander is due on June 3, 2007. I try not to think about the things that I won't be able to do and try to think of the things that I want to do. Sometimes it helps. Sometimes I cry. Either way, he's here to stay for me. If you want to chat more, let me know.

M., I can relate 100%! I have 20 month old twin girls and am about 9 months pregnant. When I found out I was prego again, I cried. It took me a while to get used to the idea, and really it is only recently that I really want him to get here. I wouldnt say I was excited until about 7 months. I also, was going to go back to school, I am 1 year away from being done. I also have 3 friends who we all did our firt pregnancy together and they are all pregnant again (it must have been in the water :) ) and every one felt the same way. We all want our babies and have taken care of our bodies through out the prenancy but it doesnt mean we were ready. Take a deep breath and wait until you feel them move, and try to find the good points. You will warm up to the idea, but it might take time!

Give yourself time to grieve because it understandable that you are scared. Then pick yourself up, dust yourself off and change your perspective.

I can't have more children. Actually I have the option to try and miscarry...over and over and over. I didn't really want to have more because I'm scared and tired from the first but I still thought I'd have the option.

This child was meant to be yours so much that despite your plans, your birth control, your decision, God said...this child is so important that I will make sure he/she is born and not just born, but born to these parents for these parents have the special touch to raise this particular child.

It can be scary. Don't feel guilty for your feelings. Just keep the right perspective along side them. It's okay to feel what you feel but I have a feeling you will be blessed for having another child.

I wish you the best...M.

Congrats on your pregnancy, even if it was unexpected!! I know it may seem like everything has been turned upside down right now but think of it this way... 2 (or even 3 or 4) years is such a small frame of time when you really think about it in the scheme of "life." I made the decision to put off the rest of my schooling and my career, working a night job while my husband works days in order to avoid daycare as we can not afford it and have no family close by. My daughter (the youngest) is almost 2 now and the time has gone by SOO fast. At times I have gotten a little frustrated that I have not yet finished my schooling etc. but then I remember how short the time frame really is. So don't worry about having to hold off a little bit on your job and school - although you are anxious to reach your goals, the time will go very quickly and you will soon be able to accomplish everything that you want to. On the subject of having another baby, my husband and I had also agreed to stop after our first but then changed our mind one day and I got pregnant that night (literally). You will find so much joy in having your kids close together and your son will forever have a playmate. As soon as my son and daughter began playing together I couldn't believe I ever thought of having just one child. Don't get me wrong, they do fight sometimes but ultimately they are best friends. Plus at least you got pregnant now and not 5 years down the road when your career was in full swing. Everything happens for a reason. Try as hard as you can not to be resentful of your pregnancy, after all, if nothing else it will give you a little more time to be with your son and I guarantee that you will fall in love with your new baby once he or she is here. Best of luck to you!! :)

When I became pregnant with my daughter, I dealt with all the same feelings of sadness and depression that lasted quite awhile until I became accustomed and alright with the fact that my life had taken a turn that I was not expecting.

I was 23 years old, and on birth control when I conceived, and three months pregnant when I finally discovered that I was carrying a child. I had just made a career move, was planning on entering graduate school in the fall, and had all of these hopes and dreams of my career finally turning into what I had always dreamed. The baby ended all of those dreams because I had always promised myself that, when I had children, I wanted to stay at home and raise my own child as opposed to putting them in daycare for someone else to raise. The decision to have, and stay home with, my child was a basic, essential belief of mine, and so it was never a question whether or not I would continue with my own personal career.
While I was overjoyed about the idea of a baby, I was still sad and depressed on and off throughout my pregnancy.

But once that tiny, perfect, beautiful baby was born, all of those feelings left me, and I was overwhelmed with the sheer joy of being a mother. You are a mother already, and have experienced that feeling of pure, unconditional love that happens when your child is born, and have faith that you will feel all of that all over again when your new baby comes. Suddenly, all of the things that you worried about or regretted or were depressed about during your pregnancy will seem silly and inconsequential in the face of this tiny human life that YOU created.

So don't fret. Its normal and healthy to have feelings of fear and frustration, but know that in the end, your own body and mothering skills will overwhelm all of those negative feelings and replace them with happiness. You are an adult, and now can decide how to feel about things in your life - make yourself feel happy, and comfortable with what is happening. You are an experienced mother, and know that you will always be able to handle anything a child throws your way.

Perhaps you might feel more comfortable with this baby and pregnancy if you talked to your hubby and decided to have your tubes tied. No more worries about birth control, and a near 100% guarentee that this baby will be your last.

Good luck!

I know how you feel. I just gave birth to my second child, and if I were to become pregnant again, I would feel exactly the same way. I'm wondering why you feel this way. Did you have a bad pregnancy or a bad delivery? If so, just remember that every pregnancy, every delivery, and every child is different. Just remember that this too shall pass. Time flies when it comes to children. There is a reason this has happened. You say you have a 13 year old at home. That is a great thing. She could be a lot of help. I was 11 when my little brother was born, and I got up with him in the middle of the night and everything. Teach her stuff, if she doesn't already know it, and involve her. It will make it a lot easier on you and give you some extra help. Just look back at how wonderful it was to see your first babies face, if it was. I just had a baby four weeks ago, and getting up a few times a night has been really h*** o* me. I just keep thinking that it will only be a small fraction of my life that this will take place, and then I will have a beautiful child to have by my side for the rest of my life. Good luck with everything. Don't forget that it is perfectly normal to feel this way and I'm sure the feelings of frustration will pass.

you said you are terrified. was your pregnancy, labor or deilvery difficult last time? just remember, no pregnancy is like the last. i just had my second son and things were so different. one thing is that the time went so fast this time. because i was busy with my older boy. so take comfort in the fact that it should seem to go faster. also, you may be feeling sad due to hormones. hopefully once you are through the first trimester you will start to feel better. it would probably be a good idea to talk to your dr. about your feelings. maybe they can get you in a support group in your area. good luck and just remember how lucky you are that you are able to have kids. there are so many women that cant.

Here is a thought. Think of all the families that couldn't have kids for one reason or another. Your very luck to be able to have kids. Your thoughts will turn happy. Just go to Pottery Barn kids or the other cute boutiques that are out there and think of what you will do to decorate the bedroom of this baby and what the sex of "it" will be and relax. You can still go to school. I did pregnant and right after I had my daughter. Enjoy this time since you know it will be your last. Feel every little thing and smile. Best wishes....

I know you must be scared and happy at the same time. I have a 5 month old. I love every minute but it can be trying at times.
However, I do wish I was in your shoes. I want another child but to have my first, I had to undergo 2 cycles of IVF..my eggs aren't so good. I can't afford the cost of another round of IVF, so I will not be able to give my son a brother or sister to share his life with. I wish I could just wake up pregnant one day but that won't happen. Please be thankful for the gift that has been given. There are many women that never have a chance to even be a mother. With that said, I know your feelings are valid and true. I don't want to take that away from you. I will pray for you that it smooths out soon. I'm sure the hormones are just making it seem worse to you right now. Just keep thinking about the future with another beautiful smiling baby looking back at you.

Hi M.,
Congratulations on your pregnancy - even if it feels like too much right now. You got some great advice from everybody and it seems that most people feel like the sadness cleared up on its own eventually. I would just add that sometimes it's really worth seeking a therapist/counselor to talk to. A professional can help you sort out what you're feeling and why, so that it doesn't turn into depression. The average time people see therapists is 10 sessions, which really isn't very long, and it can make a huge difference to your state of mind. Good luck!

I wen tthrought this same thing a few months ago. I have a 2 year old and a 5 1/2 month old son and I found out I was pregnant again (and we were done) when my son barely turned 3 months and I had just returned to work from maternity leave. I had days of tears and posted on here as well. I am ok with it now and we are getting excited although I know there are many challeges ahead with 3 kids under 3! If you believe in a higher power as I do, I know there is something special that is coming my way now and that is a gift. Just give yourself some time! Good luck.

Dear M.,

Well, you need to use these next months until the birth to do something special for yourself. Go back to school, and give your 13 year old babysitting money for when you are out of the home. I had to go to school at night and in the late afternoon, not my favorite time of the day, but it was all I could do at the time because of the children. She can baby sit when the new one is born too, and it will give her so much good experience for her own children. Tell her that I said so. Maybe she can get some extra credit for it at school for a class - like write a paper or give demos, show pictures of her sister's developmental growth in her health education class. Big Sister is an important part of the family and raise her spirit up to feel it. I am sure that she could be pretty upset by all of the babies unless you can get her to 'own' some of the family togetherness. Give her extra presents and clothes too when you can. Brag about her and show her that you need her, and you, for sure do. Do special things for her to show your appreciation.

I pray that the new baby will be a great love in all of your lives. The one year old will not be such a lonely child now, he will have a partner for life and make his life better too. We just had a surprise new baby in my grandson's family, and they really cannot afford it, but she is here now and doing well. She was just born about 2 weeks ago. I was the last to find out that she was coming, of course, (gr grandma) and so I just sat down and let them all know that this baby was welcome and an important part of our family, and I didn't want to hear about step sister or step daughter this and that. She is a full sister to our beloved 4 year old girl and 2 1/2 year old boy, who just loves being a baby and is just now starting to want to talk. He held onto babyhood for as long as he possibly could.

Good luck and remember you come first right now.
C. N.

I think you just need to except the precious gift that you have been given. I know that you are scared but for some reason you were able to get pregnant again and there must be a reason for it. Maybe you won't find out the reason for a long time but just knowing that it is meant to be . Should ease your mind in some way. I have had 3 miscarriages and would love to have another child so from my stand point you are the luckiest person in the world. Just cherish them and be patient you will be able to go back to school once things get back to normal and you could even take one class at a time until you are ready to go at it full time.
I am not at all saying that you have to be happy about it but it has happened so now you have to except it and get ready for the next baby. Once you have the baby you will look back and will probably feel bad for thinking this way. My best friend was feeling the same way when she found out she was pregnant for the 4th time.. She had just scheduled her appt to have her tubes tide. Opps! I guess that will have to wait..
Please remember that it happened for a reason..And only you and your husband can make the best of it. I wish your family the best of luck. I wish I could say it was me. I would take that baby and cherish it with all my heart.
Good Luck,
T.

Hello,

My heart goes out to you - - - I am in a similar situation - I was engaged 6 months ago - I didn't want to have any more children I already have 4 from my previous marriage and my youngest is starting school in the fall - so I was planning on finally finishing my degree and getting us ahead in life since my oldest is graduation from HS next year... My fiancee convinced me to have 1 more baby - one we could have together... shortly after I became pregnant - he threw me against a wall - now I find myself a single mother of 4 kids making way below poverty level and with another baby due in July....

My advice to you - - - this baby was created for a specific purpose in your life... Embrace the baby as the blessing and miracle that he/she really is.... Stay focused if you can not on the pain of pregnancy and childbirth - not on the difficult first year - - - try to keep your focus on the smiles, giggles - and all those hugs and kisses... Keep in mind in 13 years - the sleepless nights and pains of labor/breastfeeding will all me long forgotten..... keep the focus on the wonderful playmate your one year old is going to have - all the love that the two children will share....

For you - - keep in mind that this baby is putting your life on hold for a bit - - - and with that hold you will meet an entirely different group of people in school and at work - you will have a different job.... There is a reason for this delay - - - in time you will come to really appreciate and love those that will come to touch your life - those that would not have come if your birth control had been effective...

I know it is hard, but there is a lot to be thankful for and a lot to look at besides the sadness... If you feel sad - you are welcome to shot me a line anytime - I am struggling with the same thing - somedays are harder than others, but support really does help - - - feel free to vent anytime.

Patience. I was the same way when I found out I was pregnant. I have 2 older stepkids and my hubby and I decided that we weren't going to have any kids of our own cause we enjoyed the time with the other ones and then we enjoyed our time without. We knew when we could just pick up and go where-ever. We were even planning looking at the calendar as to when he would get snipped.. and then oops.. I did NOTHING DIFFERENT FOR SEVEN years and all of a sudden I am pregnant. Go figure.
It took a little while for me to stop feeling like I ruined the next 2-3 yrs of our lives. We had roommates, and we were struggling $$ wise. We really could afford a child. But I look back now ( 3 yrs later) and can't imagine my life without him.
This time you get to involve the 13 yr old (kinda show her all the responsiblities there are to having a child--hopefully it will help with her decision about teenage sex). wait until you feel them kick... you will start enjoying it again.

The life inside of you is very precious. Don't concider this pregnancy a stumbling block, but more of a stepping stone. I hated my pregnancies (3), cause I was always throwing up and labor pains, stitches, yuk yuk!!

I truely believe that the fetus can feel your emotions, so chin up, talk to your family and decide right now that this child to be is a good thing.

I had some of the same feelings as you. I am now 27 weeks pregnant and due in July. I already have a son and found out that I was having ANOTHER boy!!! I remember how tough that first year was also... When it's all said and done though. Your baby is in your womb for a reason. You may not be able to figure out that reason right now. When that baby is here and looking up at you grasping your finger you will say to yourself " I am SOOO glad that you are here." Try to remember all the GOOD things about Motherhood. First smile, First giggle, First "Mommy", First "I LOVE YOU" Hang in there. I will keep ya in my thoughts :)

HAVE AN ABORTION...QUICK! Sorry if thats not the answer you were hoping for.

Hello, first of all I want to say CONGRATULATIONS on your pregnancy!

You know, I think that all of those *lovely* hormones that comes with pregnancy, are also the very same ones which make it VERY difficult for us to be in an emotional state of well being that allows us to be happy about anything. Especially a *surprise* pregnancy!

Here's my story...At that time, I had a 11 year old daughter and a 9 year old daughter. When my youngest was about 3-4 years old, hubby and I tried for a while to conceive a third time. I ended up with a variety of complications, an ectopic pregnancy, bizarre feminine bleeding disorders that no one to this day could explain nor fix....the list could go on and on. Of course this was all baffling to us, since in the past I would become pregnant if hubby looked at me too long. LOL

It was a long and hearbreaking road, but by the time my youngest daughter was in second grade, and we were still baby-less despite YEARS of unprotected sex, I decided "Fine, this is a blessing in disguise. I will go back to work! We will be financially secure! I will work on my body and make it hot stuff! I will go to school and take those writing classes I've been meaning to take for years! I will spend the rest of my free time pampering myself in ways that I hadn't been able to do in many years with two small children in the home!"

And wouldn't you know it. THE moment I became very excited about the baby-less future I was envisioning...no more diapers! No more bottles! No more late night feedings!

Well....I think you can guess what happened! Within two months, I kid you not, I was PREGNANT. And whats even funnier (ironic?) is that it had been a busy time for hubby and I, so we had only two occasions during the entire MONTH where a pregnancy could have occured, if you catch my drift!

I was in the exact frame of mind as you at first. I was in SHOCK (after only TWO tries?!?!) I wasn't interested in starting all over again, now that I had finally made my mind up to take my life in a baby free direction, and there I was as knocked up as can be. I hate to say it, but I even had a few fleeting moments VERY early in the pregnancy where I thought there was no way it could/would continue normally, that something would happen to end the pregnancy, like in the past. And...(deep confession time) I was even a little relieved by that thought. (Terrible, terrible I know)

But, you know what? After alot of soul searching, and just refusing to worry about the details....I let life take it's course. And before too long, I was happy again. I was even enjoying the pregnancy...and by the time I was 3-4 months along I was madly, disgustingly, unbelievably head over heels in love with the baby growing inside of me, and I couldn't imagine what would have happened if it had been taken from me.

My son is 3 now, and he is STILL the light of all of our lives. He just makes our family whole, complete....wonderful! I cannot imagine what life would have been like without him. He is climbing all over me right this very moment, and I still can't bring myself to get angry with him! lol He's our "Little Prince"

I guess the moral of my long drawn out story is...just relax! Give yourself a break! You don't have to do a THING but sit back and pamper youself right now. Try not to worry about the future. That will take care of itself. These early pregnancy hormones and bodily changes are MORE than enough of a challenge for any woman to come to terms with and accept.

As the days go by, you will slowly find that things just don't seem as complicated or depressing as you once thought they were. If you have someone to talk to, that's always helpful. I didn't really have any girlfriends to talk to at the time...so I found an online due date club. I now have 7 friends from all around the states and Canada, and we still keep in touch to this day (I hear the emails rolling in, in the background as I type! lol)

I wish you nothing but the best with this pregnancy! I don't know if it's allowed on here, but you feel free to contact me any ol time...I'm a stay at home mom, and never far from my computer ;o) One can never have too many friends!

Hi,
Its normal to feel disapointed when things don't go as planned. You had plans as to how your life was going to be and now all of a sudden you have to make new plans. Its ok to feel bad about postning some things. Every child is different and you will love this new one as much as the others. Why don't you make a list of the things that were really hard and see if you can do something differently with this baby, Maybe you would be happier if you got a parttime job and got out of the house a few days a week. Or maybe you need to start an excerise program, like walking, or could you take a night class at school. its only a short time when they are tiny and need you and then its gone in a flash and you will miss it. This baby is a blessing and a gift.
Take Care
J.

All the responses are great> This child was meant to be for "some" reason. You should look into taking online courses at a community college. I did that while I was pregnant. History, Critical Thinking, Math, and even a speech class. There are a lot of classes that are offered online these days. I never had to attend school except to take Math tests about once a month, which were held on a Saturday. I had my baby a week before finals and still made it in to take the final. I've been there, done that and if I can do it anyone can. Taking one class at a time or two, but dont over do it. I read my son my history book while I was pregnant. It was a very joyous time, both you and baby can learn a lot from each other.

You are pregnant for a reason. God wants you to have another child and there is a reaosn for everything. Look on the bright side, your one year old son gets to have a little brother or sister close to his age. Feel blessed! Blame the negative feelings on the hormones! :-)

Hi M.! I know exactly how you feel!!!! We have a 10 year old son, an almost 8 year old daughter, and then there is our baby. He'll be 1 years old the day before our daughter turns 8years. After 7 year,actually right after our daughter was born, we were soooooo done having kids. So we thought ;o) It was a huge shock and adjustment when we found out i was pregnant with him. I was ready to go back to school, or go back to work as both kids were in school full time now...And now I have to wait.
From personal experience, it does get a little easier. Now that he is here, I couldnt give him up for the world. And when your baby smiles at you for the first time....well just think of when your son was born...Even though this baby is unexpected, it will feel the same as when you saw your son smile for the first time ;o)
Also there was alot of support on the webmd boards, under the pregnancy part... you could talk to them there also...They helped me alot!!
I hope this helps, and if you need a shoulder to cry on, lean on or an ear to listen, please feel free to message me ;o)
Good luck!

C.

Hi,
I totally know how you feel. I just found out I'm 8 weeks pregnant with my second child and it was totally unexpected to say the least (I was on the pill) I cried for days trying to figure out what I was going to do. I thought about my 5 year old and how it would effect her, to how we would financially afford it, even how I had spent the whole winter getting ready for bikini season now to only miss it!! But in the end, I realized that the baby really is a gift and that regardless of any apprehensions I have now, things will work itself out. Congrats to you and your fam!

I had the same thing happen to me, totally unexprected pregnancy. I was very devestated, and shocked! My life is so different now---now I am a stay at home mom, I was working at the time. I now have a 5 yr old and a 17 month old. I can't imagine not having my baby. As soon as you see that ultasound I think you will feel better. But my point is emotionally I was the same when I found out and it was horrible timing and I feel bad now that I felt that way then. It's one of those
" everything happens for a reason" things I think. Plus you are dealing with the extra hormones and stuff. Try to focus on how great it was with your first one, can you imagine not having him?