My two year old keeps saying bad words, I have tried everything and she just keeps saying it. No one in the house says these words, so she must have learned it when we were out one day. I am sure she understands that it is bad especially because she only says it out of anger. Our normal course of punishment is time-out, but it hasn't helped in the slightest. From there, we have tried everything. Time-out, spankings, soap in the mouth, hot sauce (the last two turning out to be things she liked), washing her mouth out with a rag, putting her in time out in a different room (where I can still see her, but where she is not a part of what we are doing). Nothing has worked. She still says it as frequently and with as much spite as always. We are at the point where we essentially keep her completely isolated from the other kids, but she continues to say it anytime something makes her mad. People have suggested ignoring her when she says it, but we have several other young children who have also learned it is bad, and expect her to be punished for saying it. I don't want them to think her bad behavior is acceptable and we are ignoring it because it is allowed. What else can I try?!
we use word replacement and ignore it ... Oh dammit! Oh dangit you mean? Silly, dammit is not a word. Works in my house every time!
Stop making such a huge deal about it. Clearly all these horrible punishments aren't working, so why do you keep upping the ante? Every toddler does this and when it gets a big reaction they do it more! You cannot isolate her forever.
What worked for us was to calmly inform her that those are not nice words and then ignore it. She stopped doing it. It's only fun as long as a big deal is being made about it.
Modeling appropriate behavior is also a good idea. How about making up some really silly words to use when you are angry and maybe that will be more interesting for her.
My daughter doesn't think bad behavior is acceptable because she isn't punished. I would not punish her because other children expected me to, and especially where the punishment is NOT working. What is the point? And some kids don't respond well to punishment, they eventually get to the point where they see it as a sort of currency. So swearing = time out. I want to swear and time out is the price, fine. Punishment is not a deterrent for some kids. I'd try ignoring and explain to the other kids to ignore it as well.
I never called then bad words but instead I used the term "adult words." It is not as fun when someone knows they can eventually do it.
Monkey see monkey do do you get time outs spankings mouth washed out hot sauce
Why are you punishing her? She has picked up a new word and is using it an appropriate emotional context. She does not really know what it means, just that it is an angry word. Give her something she can say or do when she is mad. A funny word or doesn't even have to be a real word. And I would stop making a big deal about it - you are giving her a reaction so she thinks it's important. You do not have to punish your child because other kids expect it.
You punish her with physical pain because the other kids expect it?
Who is running the show, you or her siblings?
You are isolating her from other kids over this one issue?
What will you do when she is in preschool or kindergarten and comes home with a behavior you don't approve of -- keep her home from school?
Please, reread Hazel's excellent post and rethink your overreaction to this.
You are inadvertently encouraging her to do this by giving her intense and huge negative attention. To a small child who wants attention, ANY attention is craved, even if it's negative (hot sauce, spanking) instead of positive. It does not make sense to adults, but that's how kids' minds work.
As for hot sauce, soap, spanking -- How does physical pain teach a child to change her behavior? It doesn't teach her to respect you; it does teach her to fear you physically. That will stick with her long, long after the novelty of the bad words is over and she's stopped using them. Behavior changes like substitute words, or yes, ignoring the attention-getting behavior altogether, are more effective to change the behavior. She really does not get the meaning of the words, she only knows the words push your buttons.
Tell the other kids that she is trying to get attention and you don't give attention for those words. Say "I don't hear you when you speak llike that" and instantly walk away from her -- leave her presence. Think how that will shock her now that she's used to your huge reaction whenever she does it -- she will be flabbergasted that you just walked away. That will have more impact on a kid who wants you there than any physical pain would have. Do the same for the other kids -- bad language, you're not hearing them.
i know i'm going to hear about this one but try vinegar in her mouth. i have a friend that does that for her kids!! amazing how their words have changed!!!!
it is getting your attention- that is what it is used for. give her alternate words or just ignore it, these things pass
Honestly all of thise "punishment" is obviously not working and most likely wont for a 2 year old. She is getting attention.....that's the short 7 long of it.
If she is using this word that often and in the right context she must have heard it somewhere more than once I am sure....TV, other family, friends...
Beyond where she heard it though she is simply a toddler who learned a new word and is using it. Give her another word....make up a funny word that she will enjoy saying and use it in the same context as she is using the swear word. Children learn what they live......she will copy you and change how she expresses herself.
All of these horrible punishments don't teach why its wrong for her to say or what she can say instead when she has "that" feeling. You need to teach her, help her understand that it is an adult word and she can use other words to express her anger, frustration etc.
Well...let me tell you keeping them "isolated" is as good as O. trip on the school bus! lol
At 2, she can understand that "that is a bad word and we don't use bad words" Give her alternatives "Pickles!" "Ay Carumba!" etc.
If she continues after she's been warned, take her favorite toy away for the rest of the day. Let her earn stickers for her "good" days! It can't all be about negative (punishments).
Truly, she is saying this because she heard it somewhere.
Please do not put soap, rags, hot sauce OR vinegar into your 2 year old's mouth. How horrible!
For the sake of conversation, my mom used lemon juice. Just a couple drops on the tongue. It wasnt harsh, it just made us purse our lips. She called it "smart juice."
Encourage alternative ways of expressing her feelings - Audrey Wood's book "Elbert's Bad Word" conveys this message in a clever and humorous manner. http://www.amazon.com/Elberts-Bad-Word-Audrey-Wood/dp/015...
(or, if you're feeling particularly sneaky, you could adopt the tactic that a friend said his mom used with his younger brother - they lived in Sri Lanka and the kids had never seen or heard of cabbage so Mom convinced little brother that "Cabbage" was a bad word.... sure enough, a few days later, friend saw little brother having a huge tantrum, stomping his feet and shouting "cabbage! cabbage! cabbage!")
I hope this is a joke, my mind can't imagine a parent washing a mouth with soap or giving them hot sauce to a 2 year old child.......
I'm sorry can't help here....
What are you watching on TV? She could have picked these words up from there to...Monitor what you are watching and I have no problem with what Kellie B said...
There are no such things as "bad words". If you study history you will see that when the Normans (French) invaded the Saxons (English) in 1066 the victors declared the words of the ones they had defeated to be "bad words". Do you really want to punish your child over a war that happened in 1066?
Your little girl is two. You are teaching her that 'bad words' have power, mainly the power of attention. Albeit negative attention, it is attention.
She can't possibly understand what is vulgar and vile about these words, so if you absolutely can't let it go, then talk with your family and see if you can make a plan: "When Susie says naughty words, we are not going to pay her any attention." Get them on your team.
Please stop using these physically punitive measures, too. Some would accuse me of having too soft a heart, but I know through years of experience as a nanny and a mom-- punishment does not usually solve problems over the long term. Working with her level of understanding, giving her positive attention whenever possible, and giving her context for her language (esp. as she gets older and can learn that 'potty talk' belongs in the potty) is best.
As for the older kids and their expectation of punishment-- explain it this way: she's more or less still very young, and just as she isn't capable of doing the same things the older kids do, she needs time to learn about words. She doesn't understand *What* she's saying, and my guess is that her spite comes from her anger for having been spanked, excluded, hot sauced and soaped. I'm not trying to make you feel bad here. Kids to tend to hold onto that anger. When we hurt them, they don't "understand" why we hurt them, they just know that we hurt them. Not a good dynamic. This only breeds more anger, power struggles and more punishment. Snowball effect!
Added: for older kids, I sometimes play stupid. One little girl I watched said "Sh*t" when she was frustrated. "Oh, I see you're frustrated. Do you need help?" She balked, and then agreed. "See, just tell me you are frustrated, because when you say 'sh*t', I don't really know what you mean." Being instructive and relating to their feelings (angry, silly, upset) really helps, and solves the problem at hand.
