My Pre Teen Daughter.

I will admit that I was this way at about this age. I think I understood what was going on but emotionally I was still a child. I remember not wanting to stop playing and going about my day as usual to take a shower and dry my very long hair. I don't think that this phase lasted long though so don't worry. You might want to simplify things: have her hair cut shorter and let her pick out some toiletries. It won't be long before she'll start getting crushes on boys & then she'll go into overdrive preparing herself.

I have a 14 yr old girl, although she didnt object to keeping herself clean and looking good some of her girl friends did accdg to Moms. I think this is fairly normal and takes some coaxing for some tweens by Moms. Go to the library or bookstore and look for the American Girl series books called "The Care and Keeping of Me". There is a series for tweens and young teens that emphasizes just what you are talking about. They also have some on making and keeping friends, starting middle school etc that are all wonderful. You may want to buy them for her so she can refer to them often. They are written specifically to guide tweens on good hygiene and other things she will soon be facing since she is entering puberty. If this doesnt help you need to sit down and have a serious talk w/ her about it and insist she do these basic things, it is for her own good. Hope this helps Mom

I have three girls and one boy. Of my three girls I ended up with one who is a constant fight to be clean. I did everything the same and I am definitely not stinky so I am quite certain it wasnt me she was taking after. It was a daily, hourly, fight all the time. I finally took the advice you were given by many of the moms and let the world take care of it. I told her that her friends, enemies, and others would let her know and not be very nice about it like I am. I dont want my child to be hurt or be made fun of, but if she isnt going to listen to the one who cares the most then so be it... tough love- hurts sometimes :(

Well you have 2 choices.

Let her be stinky and unkempt. Her friends, classmates, maybe even her teachers may say something to her.

OR let her know if she is not willing to do this everyday you and your husband will start bathing her (you), brushing her hair (your husband), shaving her pits(you) and spraying her with deodorant (your husband)..Morning brushing her teeth (you), Nightitme brushing (your husband). and then do it.

Also no going over to friends houses and no special events for her till she can prove she can take care of her own personal hygiene.
I am sending you strength..

It is with in the range of normal. While she may seem to understand what is happening to her you will still have to remind and guide her on her to take care of herself. She is still pretty young. I have 5 kids 4 girls ages 3-15 so I feel you pain. However I prod girls along to care for themselves by joking, reminding and by being worthy of imitation. I have long road ahead of parenting teens so I have been reading up on teen issues lately and so far I will gladly take the stinky preteen then a girl in full blown hormones and not knowing her left from her right. So good luck on your trip through adolescences.
J.

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I have two teenage boys and this was totally normal for them! I think boys are worse than girls. What worked for the boys was peer pressure at school. My oldest just started high school and he actualy cares about his hair and showers daily..etc... I thought he would never do this.

Good luck!

I don't have any advice, my daughter is only 5, but just want to let you know that my sister-in-law is going through the exact same thing w/ my niece, who is the same age as your daughter. I don't know it it's a normal stage, but your daughter isn't the only one out there w/ this issue! :)

I agree with everyone else; very common and normal, and either she is going to change on her own, or it will take someone saying something to get her to do it. My girls are 7 & 9 and this spring we read the "American Girl, The Care and Keeping of You" (as someone else already suggested). It took the pressure off me having to tell them these things and made it all more neutral - plus most kids listen better if the info is coming from an outside source, rather than their parents "nagging" them about something. I also agree with what others have said, some things are not negotiable in our family - like you must brush teeth. I would require a certain amount of showers/bathes a week (at least every other day, including washing hair). I would talk to her about the risks of other people not liking her, not wanting to be around her, not wanting to talk to her if she stinks. It is better to hear that stuff from you now, than to wait until she is miserable and alone. With my girls, we read a few parts of "The Care and Keeping of You" and made a shopping list and to do list after each part. We went out and bought new toothbrushes, deodorant, combs, etc - they got to pick them out and got to have their very own. We made a list of what things we hadn't been doing, but should (like flossing more often). I even allowed my 9 yr old dd to pick out some bras, not that she needs them yet, but I figured it would make these things easier when they really do come up, if we have already been talking about them for years. I think making sure she knows it is not just her, this happens to everyone - girls and boys - that would help. Good luck, this is such a tender age.
S.

My daughter just turned 11. I took her to the store last year after having the talk and she picked out her own hair brush, deoderant, razor, shampoo, conditioner ect...... It made it fun for her and also gave us some mother daughter bonding. We occassionally have a little struggle about showering but when this comes up I say you can shower tonight or I will wake you up 30 minutes earlier in the morning to shower. This way she still feels like she has some controll. That solves our problems. Also with this comes a little more freedom like a little later bed time, and we have bent the rules a little bit about makeup. She is allowed to wear blush and some sparkly face powder along with lip color. It's got to be a little give and take. Good luck.

Peer Pressure will probably do the trick for you.

My daughter is on the HS cheer squad and there is 1 new member who regularly stinks. The girls complain and especially the 2 girls who had to bunk with her at camp (all 14-15 yr olds).

BEFORE school started, the coaches had "talks" with the girls about hygene and its importance. We'll see if the talks work since we are in the 1st week of school.

Other than that....if it were my daughter..... She'd have a choice....be clean on her own or I will do it for her. IF I were to have to do it for her, she would lose some MAJOR priviledges around here. We've just taught her better than that.

my daughter will be 11 next month and is just like this! I even bought her an electric razor to shave under her arms since she was afraid of getting cut. I have to remind her to use it and shower and brush her hair and teeth. I don't fight her about it tho. I think too that someone at school will say something and that will be the light that goes off and then she will "get it". So just do what you can, you are doing a good job! Good luck!

This is totally preteen behavior. I remember my mom's friend getiing an advise on the issue when her daughter was this age: "Jenny, do not worry, when little Kristy will become interested in boys - she will wash and brush and shave...until then you just have to remind and nag."
I have the same issue with my son, we had a niece visiting over the summer who is the same age (12), the two of them stunk unbeliavably! When they were in the same room - the smell of dirty feet was too much!
Good luck, the day will come, believe in it, your daughter will be clean and pretty :) but then you will be writing about the boys' issues :)

Our daughter was nine/ten when the changes started. In our home we have some non-negotiables. Hygine is one of them. We have also recently switched from products that contain very questionable chemicals like sodium larayl sulfate, flouride, aluminum, and triclosan. We now use awesome YL products for our soaps, shampoos, toothpaste, and deoderants. Many huge benefits are coming our way. The incidence of "normal" sickness has 99% vanished.

Yes, normal, as soon as some friend or boy says "you small bad" she'll be hogging the bathroom for hours at a time.

Another thing I like to pass on to moms of pre-adolescents is that a low dose of Midol really helps with the moodiness and other things going on in their bodies. I was a nanny to a family with 7 kids ranging from 18 months up to 14 years old. The mom was a Professor of Nursing at the local college so I trust her judgement. Her kids would come home from elementary school and I would wonder who they were and what had they done with the wonderful kids that had left the house that morning. She laughed at me and handed me the bottle of Midol. When I would give each child age 8 and up a pill as soon as they walked in the door and they would be back to normal happy playful kids in about half an hour. Even the boys would show much mood improvement. My FIL takes Midol for his migraines too, they reduce the inflammation in the vessels in the brain or something like that. Midol has a fluid retention medication, similar to Lasix, and then Tylenol in it.

I had a student like this. The school nurse got involved in a very positive way and helped the student develop better grooming habits.

As she matures, she will want to be in control of more and more of her choices. Choose your battles carefully, and save your energy for the things that really matter to you. Is she feeling overly controlled? Maybe if you let up in some other areas she will be more cooperative in this one. You can negotiate some trades. Treat her with respect if you want her to respect you too. What you do is what you teach. If this seems to be a deeper issue, she might need to see a counselor. Is there some reason why she wants to avoid growing up? Is she scared to become a woman?