My Kindergartner-All over the Place!

One of the first things I'd do is try to rein in the sleep schedule. My DD would easily stay up past 10 if we let her, but we make her wind down and rest/sleep earlier than that.

Does he understand that he can't just wander whenever he wants to? Does he say he has extra energy? What are his thoughts on the matter? It IS hard for little kids to stay still - so much so that some classrooms trade chairs for yoga balls. Would that be appropriate for him? Or a fidget (like a stress ball) or a foot hammock?

I would also work with him on personal space. You can ask the school counselor to discuss it with him. My DD had a problem with a child who got in her face in K, and the counselor helped them work through it and read each other's body language.

I would explore all these things before diagnosing him with ADHD.

So how much is he sleeping at night? I really think it's too early to be worrying about adhd without exploring all options? Diet, sleep, exercise, rewards, consequences. I would even consider waiting another year till kinder.

You say he is the youngest by far. When is his birthday? Is he academically ready for K? Socially ready? Did his preschool teachers think he was ready for K?

I'm not in favor of redshirting 5 year olds from kindergarten for no reason. But if he's young and immature/not ready for school, it might simply be too soon for him. Does he need another year of preschool?

I'm also not critical of anyone who thinks their child has ADHD and seeks treatment. It certainly can't hurt to talk to a doctor and see if they can help you sort out whether he's simply not ready for school yet, or if he has ADHD.

As a mom of an ADD kid, I'd suggest a few things.

First, ask your pediatrician for a referral to a child psychologist who can then conduct a thorough assessment. You don't want to just go through a checklist and then ask for meds. A good assessment means that your child's strengths and weaknesses will be discovered and you can get counseling and learn strategies for parenting an ADD/ADHD child. This was incredibly helpful for us to learn how to best serve our son.

I want to take issue with something brought up in this conversation, and that's the stigma around ADD/ADHD and other disorders which people deal with. YES, people with ADD/ADHD, anxiety, ASD-- all of them are just the way God made them. That doesn't mean we don't try to do better for our kids and loved ones, but really-- your kid is who they are. Depending on the diagnosis, medication may help or not. For some people, yes, dietary changes can help, but that's one part of the picture. It would be like telling a person who has a heart condition not to take medication, just meditate and eat well and exercise. Medication has its place in this world. God made diabetics, children who struggle with disabilities and delays, kids who have cleft palate, children who are deaf or blind. It would be foolish to suggest that because they were born that way that interventions are useless.

Just my two cents on the matter. My son isn't currently on medication, but may need to be one day. I believe firmly I will do my best for him at the time and I will be ignoring those who say ADHD/ADD don't exist because of their own narrow worldview. My best advice would be not to discuss it with people who can't be supportive because of their own bias. Only a practiced child psychologist will be able to give you the information you seek.

Yes, our son who has ADHD couldn't sit still in class. You may just have a young child in school or you may have a child who has a condition causing this behavior.

The only way to know is to see a specialist. If the teacher is contacting you that the behavior is outside the norm, it's worth having him evaluated by a child psychiatrist or neuropsychologist. Contrary to popular myth, there is no rush to diagnose ADHD. In fact, it took two years of medical appts. and treatment strategies before our son got his diagnosis. The doctor will assess what's been going on and take it from there. At the very least, you may hear, "Sounds like things are normal for his age" and can use strategies designed for neurotypical kids to get him on track.

If it is ADHD, you'll be doing him a real disservice if you don't get it addressed as early as possible. It was pretty scarring for our son to get such negative feedback in school (ultimately being kicked out in preschool) when he was young.

All four of my kids have ADHD only sounds like one but he also has autism. Don't let that scare you though, every kid is different so I am in no way saying your kid has autism or even ADHD. Have him evaluated, that is the only way you know.

My kids were actually the most well behaved kids in the class, well except my third, he was a tough nut to crack.

I just have to add of course god made him this way, I mean you don't think aliens did something to him, right? After my oldest was diagnosed, and in the process I was diagnosed, it was easy. I knew how painful the childhood I was sparing my children was. I did everything to help them down a different path.

My son does have ADHD, and he does seem similar to your son. So, it's possible. If you have concerns, talk to your doctor about them and do ask for a referral to a psychologist or psychiatrist who specializes in children and behavior disorders. Whether you tell the docotr that you think your son has ADHD or not isn't going to determine the diagnosis. But it might give the doctor a place to start.

Right now the best thing you can do for your son is to keep a notebook. (I have one for our son, and I bring it to all parent meetings.) Write down things he does that concern you or give you pause. Doesn't matter if you think they are related or not. Just make a list and add to it as things come up. Roaming in the classroom, not wanting to sleep at night, foods he likes, foods he doesn't like, habits, etc. All of these things will give the doctor more information to help identify your son and his needs.

Sleep is a big deal. A very big deal. If your son has trouble settling down at the end of the day, he's not alone. But he does need his sleep. You might want to ask your doctor about giving him Melatonin. Our son's psychologist recommended we do this. He said sleep is super important, and if our son is having trouble settling down at night, Melatonin might be a huge help to him. It's not a drug, and it's not going to help him stay asleep (or cause him to have trouble waking up like sleeping pills can). It just helps him to relax and actually get to sleep.

Remember, of course this is the way God made him! If he were short, that would be the way God made him. If he had juvenile diabetes, it would be the way God made him. Just because this is the way God made him doesn't mean that there aren't ways to take this amazing kid that God made and help him to function better, learn better, socialize better and in general have a great life!

I often hear people say that he's too young to be evaluated for ADHD. This is simply not true! He is not at all too young to be evaluated. A doctor might say he/she is not ready to diagnose him with ADHD (or whatever fits him), but an evaluation can serve as a baseline. Our psychologist didn't diagnose our son for 2 1/2 years. He suspected ADHD, but he wanted to observe our son longer and listen to what his teachers said over time. He took that diagnosis very seriously!

It cannot hurt to have your son evaluated. The doctor might give him a diagnosis. The doctor might say he does not believe there is a diagnosis and that your son is simply a young boy who needs time to mature. You might (and most likely) hear something in between - this or that is suspected and should be observed for x amount of time. Either way, wouldn't you rather know?

there's really no way to tell without professional screening if he's actually got ADD or is just a kinesthetic learner (as most kids this age are) and very wiggly. it bugs me to no end that little wigglers are expected to sit still and silent for as long as they are in schools, even in kindergarten. we set up the institution and shoehorn kids into adapting instead of creating institutions that adapt to kids.
i'd certainly be working with him on it, patiently and consistently helping him understand personal space, listening skills, and how to use words appropriately. he's barely 5 and these things take time. i'd also be supporting him behind the scenes by keeping his diet as free as possible from additives and chemicals that disrupt little systems and send haywire signals to their brains. i'd be very proactive about running him ragged as much as possible (and making sure the family schedule accommodates lots of physical activity time for your little fellow who clearly needs it) and firm- no awkwardness permitted- bedtimes.
and most important i'd look into a montessori or oak meadow sort of school where wiggly kids are accommodated better.
yes, ADHD is a real thing, and yes, kids who have it are happier and more productive when treated appropriately. but yes, it's also slapped on kids super-fast these days and there's no doubt that the rapid rise in kids being medicated to be able to participate in the traditional school setting is alarming. don't rule it out, but also explore other options. not every wiggly kid needs meds.
and whether he does or doesn't, one must presume it's the 'way god made him', right?
khairete
S.

Sometimes in spite of being academically ready for kindergarten, they are just too young to sit still and listen to rules.
I find for some boys it's better for them to wait one more year before starting.
Then they are READY to sit for longer periods of time, are better at listening to the teacher and generally have much fewer discipline problems - and because they aren't getting in as much trouble - they are happier in school and much more engaged in the learning process.

When we lived where our son started school you have to be 5 yrs old on or before Sept 31st to start kindergarten.
Our son has an end of Oct birthday - so he was 5 for 2 months before he turned 6 in kindergarten and he's always been the oldest in class (unless there were any earlier Oct birthdays).
It's worked out very well for him!

i think adhd is overdiagnosed. i am a firm believer in thats just the way God made him. you can pursue a diagnosis but try natural methods of correction first. often its the diet that can be changed and it will help the behaviors.

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i think adhd is overdiagnosed. i am a firm believer in thats just the way God made him. you can pursue a diagnosis but try natural methods of correction first. often its the diet that can be changed and it will help the behaviors.

I think we expect an unreasonable amount of sitting in kindergarten. My son was in a Montessori school for kindergarten and the children were encouraged to get up, walk around and move from work to work. The only time they really used chairs and tables was for lunch. There may be absolutely nothing wrong with your son. Although I do suspect that he should be getting more sleep. Five year olds should be getting at least 10-12 hours a day and many still need a nap. My son napped all the way through kindergarten and he was an older 5 when he started.

Pretty sure teachers are not allowed to offer a diagnosis.

Kindergarten, especially for high energy boys is an awfulLOT of sitting "Criss cross applesauce" with "sunshine hands."

I wouldn't get out the jump to conclusions mat after 3 weeks of adjusting to Kindergarten and, quite frankly, I'm amazed a kindergarten teacher is acting like this is his/her first rodeo. Did she offer any suggestions? Reward system? Techniques?

I had a friend whose son did NOT have ADHD , but could not sit still in kinder. He rolled on the floor. They moved him to transitional kinder and that worked much better for him. It gave him time to mature before real kinder.

If it were me, I'd have the teacher make up a card for him to show or give to him when he is too close to other kids so that he has a "cue" that he needs to back off.

I like what the posters say about Montessori and kindergartners needing to be able to move around. And figuring out how to get him more sleep is really important.

God makes people a lot of ways. That doesn't mean they don't need surgery, meds, counseling, etc. It wouldn't hurt to have him seen by a doc but also try some homeopathic remedies for focus as well. Good luck.

Perhaps a different method of helping him remember to sit might be helpful. One year, my son had a habit of humming little songs to himself. It became distracting in class and all the reminders in the world didn't help him stop. He wasn't doing it to be disruptive - it was instinctive and habitual, and he was otherwise a good student. Then the teacher realized that my son was a visual learner and she wrote "QUIET" on a little index card. When the humming started, she'd just walk by and silently place the card on his desk. Seeing that word helped him remember to stop humming. Within a short time, the humming in class habit had been changed to sitting quietly in class.

So you might try developing a signal with the teacher - maybe some kind of sign language signal that you could practice with your son. Call it a secret code or something cool like that.

The sleep problem can possibly be helped by certain methods. Do you feel that he's not getting enough rest? What time does he go to bed? Do you have white noise or a fan, do you eliminate all electronic screens at least an hour before bedtime, do you have a structured bedtime routine?

And how are his eating habits? Are you helping him eat real foods, without a lot of food coloring, sugars, artificial ingredients, fake sweeteners, and processed additives? A diet rich in real fruits (not "fruity" yogurts full of sugar and food coloring, or "fruit" gummy candy), real vegetables (not from salty, processed, canned soups), and real protein (not a boxed dinner mix), homemade oatmeal with low-fat milk and raw honey, etc, can sometimes be very helpful to a child who is experiencing sleep problems and who is over-active to a disruptive degree.

An energetic boy can sometimes be just that - an energetic boy! It might not be a medical problem, it just may require some learning about what's appropriate behavior in certain situations. Good sleep habits, learning how to best communicate with him, a healthy diet, structure and routine regarding bed times and meal times, can go a long way towards helping him be the best little energetic boy that he can be!

Hi A.,

You've gotten a lot of good input here. My son was similar at that age and stage. The parapro pulled me aside about half way through the year and suggested that we have him IQ tested. "He finishes his tasks in 5 minutes, it takes the other kids up to 20 and so he wanders around the class room touching things for the rest of the time, including the other kids and they don't like that." That is her direct quote and I'll never forget it.

He is not too young for an IQ test, they can test as young as 4 with accurate results. It can be pricey but it's worth every penny. Not only will it determine where he's at intellectually but the examiner can walk you through the subtests and illustrate in a very real way how he's processing his world. Is he a concrete thinker, is he abstract thinker, does he have a good short term memory, is he linear or conceptual in his processing and that sort of thing.

All of this information will seem disconnected at first but once you watch him in the world with this information you'll have a much better understanding of his world experience and can offer things that work to his strengths, while challenging his weaknesses and developing them without provoking anxiety. You can also share this information with the teacher and encourage her to employ activities that will more deeply engage him.

I know things like "giftedness" and standard deviations above or below the mean can be loaded concepts these days. Its not about the number but the subprocessing that the test can glean that is most useful.

Kindergarten these days is what first grade was to us. I think the teachers are overloaded and that the kids are overtasked. I'm not sure what you can do about that but being your child's best advocate with his teachers is something you can control now and in the future. No one knows him better than you.

One last, make sure you communicate with him as well. Ask him about his day and when you feel a red flag just calmly explore it by asking open questions. He might say something like "Suzy was mean to me today." At this point you can probe a little further. If it turns out it's because he was impinging on her personal space you can use that as a teaching moment between you both. I had conversations like this with my DS at that age. He would rightly point out that he snuggles up with me all the time and that's okay. At which point I was able to point out that not everyone in the world is his mom and others have different space preferences.

He sounds just wonderful and I am sure he will make the necessary adjustments into big boy school in his own way with your support and encouragement. Enjoy this chapter!! :-) Forgive the pun. :-) S.

As others note, work with him at home on lots of positive reinforcement for sitting still. Role-play with him about personal space (though to be really frank, I found that role-playing things with an adult doesn't always "stick" when a kid is in a setting with other kids later and the adult's not there). Stay in very close touch with the teacher and make sure she knows you see her as an ally! Get him evaluated if you feel that could help (it might help to rule out ADD/ADHD as much as to identify it).

But do bear in mind: He is the youngest in his class "by far." There is zero shame in pulling him out and putting him into a good pre-K program for this year and starting him in K with another year of maturity under his belt. I really, really wish our friends' son had been pulled from K and allowed to ramp back and go to a well-run, age-appropriate pre-K or preschool for that year--he had all these same issues in K, and then his parents pushed for him to move on to first grade (the teacher recommended he repeat K because he lacked the maturity even by year's end), and it took until about fourth grade for him to catch up in maturity to the other kids and be able to engage fully in the academic side of things.

I do believe many kids need to move and that does not necessarily mean they have any diagnosable condition, and your son may well adjust to school soon. But it is crucial these days that kids be able to move from activity to activity pretty smoothly (without fuss or lingering); able to sit and listen when it's needed; able to keep hands off other kids and faces out of other kids' faces. Those are basics that kids just must have now, and K teachers don't have time or support for working on those things as they once might have had; the academic expectations now are much higher than when we were kids, and K is much more like first grade.

Do try working with him, work with the teacher, as he's only just started in this new environment -- but please don't hesitate to give him another year to mature if that's simply what's needed after you and the teacher and doctor all work together. Better to start K one year later than for K -- and subsequent grades -- to become a chore to the child and a strain to the family because the child just wasn't ready for that setting yet.

I think you will find that your son is too young to be evaluated for ADHD and really just because he "roams" the classroom when he's supposed to be sitting doesn't mean he's ADHD. Of course the teacher tells you that - she's looking for a child to sit still and pay attention. If a child does not do that, then teachers are all for putting them on meds to get them to do it rather than working/teaching the child.

Practice does make perfect, so I would have him practice sitting still at home. Read a book to him with him sitting on the floor, like they do at school. Also, have him sit and watch tv or watch you make dinner, or whatever - just practice sitting still. Your son just may not be ready yet for kindergarten.

This sounds a lot like my son when he was in kindergarten. He was a very young 5 year old (end of July birthday) in a very regimented direct-instruction charter school. When coming in from recess, teachers expected the kids to go right to their seats and get out their books for the next lesson. My son would eventually make his way to his seat, but not without spinning around, visiting another table, picking up something on the ground and then he'd finally get there. It seemed like he had no sense of urgency - he would not respond to a request right away. He would take his own time, and sometimes had to be reminded multiple times to get something ready or done. We had multiple meetings those first few months with both of his classroom teachers and the school director. It was miserable. We ultimately decided that environment was a bad fit for him. We pulled him out, re-enrolled him in the Montessori 4K/Kindergarten program where he was earlier, and then started him again in Kindergarten the following year at a regular neighborhood public school, so now he is one of the oldest in his class instead of one of the youngest. This was very helpful for him. Most of the behavioral/"personal space" issues disappeared.

We did eventually have him evaluated for ADHD last year at the beginning of second grade, and it turned out he does have ADHD-Primarily Inattentive. He did take medicine which helped him focus in school. He also takes melatonin at night (1/2 mg - very small dose) to help him fall asleep, as he is also a night owl. This combination seemed to work well for him. He spent most of last summer off meds and did great, so I think as your son matures some of his issues will improve as well. My son is back on a lower dose of medicine again just on school days at the start of this school year, and so far so good.

So for us, holding back helped, medication helped, and melatonin helped. My son is now a happy third grader with lots of friends, but still doesn't like math ;)

Also wanted to add - we purchased this book from Amazon that helped get personal space issues across to our son in a funny way that he liked and appreciated: Personal Space Camp by Julia Cook. Would highly recommend for you!

the teachers should have him sitting next to them until he gets used to the idea of staying in his seat, or give him a special carpet square or something that if they put it down then he has to stay on it until the teacher says he can get up
you also need to tell him that's the rule and he's not allowed to get up unless he sees others do so
as far as the close talking, again, you need to demonstrate what is proper, role play with him, explain about the bubble of space and not to pop that bubble that other people have
i think his issues are purely not understanding the rules of how kindergarten works - now that you know the issues you can tell him what's expected and he should be ok in a little bit - i do not think this is anything to make a big deal out of, just act out what is expected and explain it to him